If there was one thing Lexi knew well, it was that rejection tore a person apart. She wanted to wrap her arms around her mom, comfort her. But at the same time she wanted to shake her shoulders, shout ‘be glad he’s gone, look at how he treats you, look at how he treats me’.
No matter what she did, nothing would change. Her mom would always be the doormat her stepfather trampled. Lexi let the curtain drop as her mom opened the door.
“Hi, honey. How’s school today?” Instead of waiting for an answer, she pulled the door shut, heading for the kitchen as though nothing had happened. The only evidence of the truth were the tear-stained red blotches on her cheeks.
Lexi stood stock-still as her mother very calmly opened the dishwasher. When she started rinsing off the morning dishes, Lexi squeezed her hands into fists. Just as quickly, she released the tension and did her best to relax her voice. “Mom? You’re going to act like that didn’t happen?”
When she didn’t respond, Lexi snapped. “He treats you like dirt! He walks all over you, and you let him. Do you like that, Mom? Do you like being treated like that by some useless, manipulating loser?”
Her mom started scrubbing the plates from last night’s dinner.
“Do you like the way he treats me? Always in my face? Telling me I’m a loser?”
One at a time, her mom put the plates into the dishwasher. Then she started on the cereal bowls.
Lexi watched, her eyes starting to tear as she waited.
Say something.
Anything.
How could her mom just take Dale’s crap? Didn’t she see she didn’t deserve it? Where was her pride? What about the two of them?
“Mom, I know you don’t want to accept it, but he’s using you. Next time he comes home, don’t let him in. Please. Tell him to get lost and not come back. Okay?”
Her mom put the last of the plates in, added some detergent then closed the door. After she poked the buttons, the machine started to hum and her mom finally looked at her. “Is that really what you want?”
Lexi let out a breath and nodded.
Her mom pulled out one of the padded kitchen chairs and pointed to the matching one across from it. “Sit down, honey.”
Lexi sat, taking in the lines of her mom’s face. Finally, the conversation she’d been waiting for.
“I know it isn’t always perfect, but Dale and I have been together a long time. He took us in, took care of us. Remember how it was after your dad died? We were all alone, struggling to get by.” She ran her fingertip under her eye, wiping away the mascara smudges, something she did way too often. “Sure, Dale and I have our problems, but we’ve put a lot into our relationship.”
“Mom,” Lexi forced herself to speak gently, “you’ve put everything into the relationship, even your self-respect. He hasn’t put in anything. He just takes.”
“Honey, you can’t understand.” She looked around the room then turned weary eyes back to Lexi. “You’re too young. Idealistic.” Tipping her head and again looking around the room, she added, “I understand. I used to be that way too.”
Lexi grabbed her mother’s elbows, forced their gazes to connect. “I know it was hard when it was just the two of us, but I remember how great things were too. We watched movies, went shopping—even though we couldn’t buy anything—it was just the two of us. We were so close, shared everything we were thinking and doing. Then Dale came along and ruined it.”
“He did not ruin us. He made us a family.”
Praying that Mrs. Howell was right, that her mom did want to hear what she had to say, Lexi pulled all her thoughts together, searching for the perfect words. There were many things she could say, ways to make it sound less awful. None of those sounded right. There was only the truth. “We were already a family—you and me. But with him here, always coming between us, asking questions, making up stuff, he pits you against me. And he harasses me when you’re not around. If he went away and stayed away, it could be the same as before. We could—”
“You want me to kick him out of his own home? Divorce him? Your stepfather may not be perfect but I’m not—”
The wall phone rang, cutting the words off. Her mom’s gaze flew to it, a desperately hopeful light shining in her eyes. Within a heartbeat, she was on her feet but Lexi was faster. Snatching the receiver, she turned her back on her mom to answer it, and in that split second, Lexi rebuilt her protective wall.
Even as she answered it, she already knew who was on the other end.
“Is your mom there?”
Lexi looked at her mom, opened her hand and let the phone smack onto the linoleum. Her mother’s submissive voice followed her to the stairs. Then some mumbled words that sounded to Lexi like an apology.
The apology wasn’t to her. A single tear escaped, but she quickly wiped it away.
Her own phone vibrated in her pocket.
Monica. Finally. Her text—
Starbucks by school. Now.
Lexi headed back down the steps as she texted back.
Okay.
Her mom was sitting at the kitchen table, the phone cupped to her ear. No sense in telling her where she was going or even saying goodbye. She grabbed her bag and left.
Chapter Twelve
Why Not to Play with Bad Kids
From her spot in the Starbucks parking lot, Lexi could see Monica, already inside, sipping her drink and tapping on her phone. Her long curly hair was wild and hanging over her face, and she was wearing a boring, oversized black sweater. The look was definitely not up to her usual standards.
The coffee shop was crowded, but there weren’t any kids from school around. Thank God. Because she did not need to be seen talking to Monica. Lexi climbed out and headed for the door. From her table by the window, Monica spotted her coming. Her chin dipped down in a slow nod.
Inside, Lexi exchanged looks with the girl, crossed to the counter and took a spot behind a woman who looked to be some kind of banker or something. Then again, it was Cherry Grove, so her gray tailored suit could just be what she put on to run some errands. Corny jazz, maybe Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra, drifted down from the overhead speakers, mixing with the chatter of the people in line. If Lexi’s world hadn’t been in chaos, it would seem kind of cool. But as it was, she felt like a character in a movie, playing the role of a normal girl ordering a chai tea.
“Thanks for coming,” Monica said. She’d come up behind Lexi and was standing so close Lexi could smell the spicy vanilla lotion she always wore. The scent triggered a flash of memories. The good ones, the things they’d done in the beginning. Driving around, listening to music. Lying in the overgrown outfield grass of the hidden Westerville baseball diamond, telling each other all their dreams, who they’d had crushes on and what clothes they would buy if they could get whatever they wanted.
Lexi turned, her anger fading a little as she looked in the other girl’s eyes. She was stuck in this disaster too. “Heard anything more from him?”
“That’s what I want to talk about.”
The guy behind the counter set Lexi’s tea out, so she picked it up and followed Monica back to the table in the corner.
Lexi waited until they were both seated, then asked, “Did you get another text?”
“No. I didn’t and I’m not going to. But I know why.” Monica pushed her drink aside and leaned close. “Listen. Listen to everything I have to say before you say anything.” She leaned in still closer, urging Lexi to do the same. Once Lexi’s elbows were nearly touching hers, she continued. “Something’s not right with Ash. And—”
“I don’t want to talk about Ash.”
“Listen,” she said with such force it was almost a hiss. “Think about it. He’s messed-up. I—”
“You’re one to talk about somebody being messed-up. And I only know part of it.” A dry laugh rumbled up Lexi’s throat as the fragile connection to the good part of their past evaporated. “Zeke was going to tell me something about you. What was it?”
“
Zeke? You’ve got to be kidding.” A flicker of Monica’s usual nasty attitude flashed in her eyes, but there was no edge in her words when she replied. “How the hell should I know what he was going to say? And who cares?”
“Obviously you care or you wouldn’t be here. So you definitely know. You know because you’re right in the middle of everything going on.”
Monica leaned back, squinting. “Oh, hell no.”
“Why does Zeke hate you?” Lexi asked, lifting her eyebrows.
For several long seconds, Monica didn’t move. She didn’t even blink. The cheerful jazzy music and the cozy whirr of coffee beans in the grinder sounded more out of place than ever as the girl sat there, her face a mask of nothing. Finally she moved, sliding forward ever so slowly. “We need to talk about Ash.”
It was Lexi’s turn to lean back. “The auction is canceled. What does Ash have to do with any of this?”
Monica pushed her hair out of her face and looked directly into Lexi’s eyes. “He’s right in the middle of this. Think about it. Who is connected to all of these people—Peter, Zeke, Jon, even Coach Filpot?”
Lexi considered the list. They were all connected to baseball, but so what? “For one thing, Ash doesn’t really know Zeke all that well.”
“That’s not true. He knows Zeke from a couple baseball camps, and he doesn’t like him. Even though he’s acting like he does.” Monica picked up her cup and drummed the fingers of her other hand across the top. “Actually, he hates Zeke.”
“That’s bull. He got him invited to Zoë’s, and they were working out together.”
Monica took a sip of her drink, set the cup back down, then tapped her fingers across the top again. “Did you stop to consider why he brought him to Zoë’s?”
“So he could meet the kids from school, because he’s new here, because he got in trouble at his old school and because Ash is actually nice and cares about people.” But even as she said it, she was already beginning to think Monica was right. What had Ash said when they’d been talking about Zeke in the school weight room? And if the two of them were such great friends, why hadn’t Ash been with Zeke? When Zoë ‘introduced’ Lexi to him, Ash had been nowhere in sight.
Lexi sat back and looked out of the window. It was all the usual stuff out there, minivans, people coming and going, all carrying their steaming paper cups. How could everything look so normal?
“And what about Z makes him likeable? Seriously, we were just goofing around with him. Did you really like him? Think he was a good person?”
“No, I guess not,” she replied softly.
Monica laughed, a low noise that sounded more like a snort.
“He’s not really anything like Ash.”
“I don’t know about that.”
Monica didn’t know Ash like she did. Her opinion on him didn’t mean a thing. But Zeke? Yeah, they both knew him. Turning back to the table, Lexi looked at Monica and added with an ironic laugh, “I get what you’re saying. Zeke’s pretty much a total jerk. Why were we hanging around him anyway?”
“Fun at the time. He sold to us. Did whatever we wanted. Those were all the reasons we needed.”
Lexi nodded, took a sip of her chai, remembering the drinking and craziness of the summer. The more she thought about those times, the more her stomach tightened. “We weren’t such great people at the time, either.”
“Yeah. That’s true.” Monica’s usual haughty hostility was gone. “It’s all over now. Over and done with. We’re all moving on, headed in different directions.”
That was pretty Zen sounding, especially for Monica, who’d always been a here-and-now type person. Was it possible she actually regretted that stuff too? Really did want to leave it behind? “What’s Zeke got against you?”
Monica shifted in her chair and looked around the shop. Staring blankly at the line by the counter, she pulled in a deep breath and let it out, then started drumming her fingers across the top of her drink again.
The shop was buzzing with people and music so there was probably no worry about being overheard. “Tell me,” Lexi said. “Then I’ll listen to what you wanted to say about Ash.”
Monica’s gaze came back to Lexi. Her eyes were clear now, sharp. “Okay. But not in here.”
“Seriously?” Lexi waved her hand at all the people not paying any attention to them.
Monica’s only response was to grab her bag and stand.
At least she was finally going to get some answers. Lexi got to her feet. They tossed their cups in the trash can by the door.
Outside the wind had picked up and dry brown leaves were swirling in the breeze. The sun was still bright, reflecting off the cars in the parking lot. Out in the street a yellow VW Beetle slowed then the horn sounded. Monica grabbed her hair, holding it off of her face as she looked over at the driver. The girl’s arms shot out of the window, slicing through the air as she yelled, “Hey, Monica!”
Monica waved back, grumbling under her breath, “Don’t act like we’re together.”
Lexi agreed, totally, so she hung back then started walking in the other direction. Once the Beetle turned the corner and squealed off, they started walking toward the school.
Once they were about a half block from Starbuck’s, Monica moved closer to Lexi so they could walk side by side. “I’m the one who got Z kicked out of his old school. It wasn’t really the school that kicked him out. It was the school board, you know, all the parents that are supposed to run everything. One of the parents, the board president, especially wanted him gone.” Monica’s face was tight, her gaze straight ahead.
Lexi stayed quiet to see what else she’d say. They walked along with the rumble of traffic humming around them until Monica continued, “That’s why the school board here is so against him coming to school. That guy must’ve told our school board what happened and then the thing with Peter, and, well, his life is a disaster.”
“What did you do exactly?”
They reached the end of the block and crossed the street. The school parking lot stretched out in front of them, dotted with a few leaf-covered cars along the edges.
Monica replied with an eerie casualness, “One night he left his Facebook page open when he went out to smoke, and I posted one of the videos on his page.”
Lexi tripped on the curb, righting herself just in time to step over another jagged edge in the sidewalk. When she spoke, her voice was a raw whisper. “Which one of the videos?”
“One of the back room ones. You know the ones.”
Of course she did. She’d been in that very back room, in front of that very video camera, lifting her shirt and wiggling just so he’d sell to them.
“Turns out, Z, dumbass that he is, has parents on his Friends list. One of them was the girl’s dad and he’s the president of the school board.” Monica shrugged, like it was no big thing. “Guess the dad didn’t want the whole world seeing his precious daughter flashing her boobs for some camera.”
Lexi stopped walking, the tea in her stomach turning sour and thick. “Everyone in her school must’ve seen it.”
Monica leaned on a small tree beside the sidewalk. Her feet disappeared into bright, fiery leaves. “Nah. It was only up for a couple hours. But what’s the big deal? It’s just her boobs. And you couldn’t see her face. They only knew it was her because of the necklace she had on. A cross from her daddy, how sweet.”
All worry about them being seen together or being overheard vanished and Lexi’s words came out loud, shrill enough to be carried on the wind across the parking lot. “What’s wrong with you? Why did you do that?”
Monica grabbed at one of the few leaves still on the tree’s branches, yanked it off, then tossed it into the wind. “I was mad.”
“That’s not enough reason.”
“Whatever.” Monica kicked an empty Styrofoam cup on the ground, and it rolled into the street. A car zipped by, smashing it. Another car went by and the crushed cup flew into the air, mixing with some leaves stirred up by the
traffic. The flattened cup broke into pieces. Some of the bits floated into the road, one hunk landed back in almost the same spot by Monica’s feet.
Once the traffic cleared and it was quiet again, Lexi moved closer to Monica. “What about the girl? You don’t even know her.”
Monica picked up the flattened hunk and crushed it, twisting it in her hands until tiny white bits scattered the ground.
“You don’t have anything to say? That was a seriously shitty thing to do.”
She watched the white bits float around for a while then looked up. “I guess I know that now but I can’t undo it. The dad wanted it kept quiet, stuff got worked out, and Z is fine. Nobody cares, and he’s still in baseball, which is all that matters to him.” She waved her hand and took a few steps away from the mess she’d made.
“What about the girl?”
“I’m sure she’s fine too. Probably better than fine. Nothing like a good scandal to get people’s attention. And she has pretty nice tits, and now all the guys know it. Her phone has probably been blowing up ever since.” She laughed. “Maybe she should thank me.”
“You’re disgusting.” Like she had too many times already, Lexi wondered why had she ever gotten involved with Monica. What had pulled her into the girl’s disgusting web? “Didn’t it occur to you that we could’ve gotten in huge trouble? Now, because of this mess, it could all come back and we could still get in trouble.” She couldn’t stand being near the other girl for a second longer so she bolted, marching away toward the school.
Within seconds, Monica was right behind her. “We? I didn’t hook up the nasty cam.”
Truth. The one hideous truth that was never, ever going to go away.
Somehow it’d been Lexi doing all the work while Monica cheered her on. That was obvious now. How had she missed it at the time?
“Are you going to listen to me now?” Monica asked over her shoulder.
Lexi was still reeling from the reality of her situation, but there was no stopping now. She had to see this conversation through to the very bitter end. “Fine. Go ahead.”
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