by Sarah Morgan
‘Yes. I know it’s a lot to ask. You’ve often looked after her before, but not on a regular basis. Is the answer going to be no?’ He strolled towards her, powerfully built and handsome. The man she’d loved for the whole of her life.
She looked away for a moment, struggling to compose herself. Then she cleared her throat carefully. ‘Logan.’ Her voice cracked. ‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Of course. Anything.’
What do I have to do to make you notice me? ‘Why ask me? Why me?’
‘Because you’re completely reliable, a wonderful cook, incredibly uncomplicated and Kirsty adores you. That’s just a start but I could go on for ever.’ He gave a shrug and a lopsided smile. ‘If I didn’t need you in the practice so badly, I’d fire you and employ you to look after Kirsty full time.’
So he was happy for her to care for his daughter.
That was a compliment, of course. But it was so much less than she wanted.
Evanna stood for a moment, thinking of the heat and the passion she saw in Ethan’s eyes when he looked at Kyla. Then she looked at Logan. And saw humour and a faint question in his gorgeous blue eyes.
For him, their relationship was all about friendship. Nothing else.
‘Evanna?’
She realised that he was waiting for an answer. And how could she refuse? She loved him. She’d loved him all her life. She’d loved him when he’d been a boy at school and she’d loved him when he’d grown into a man and married another woman.
And she loved Kirsty.
How could she refuse to help him? What sort of a friend would that make her? It wasn’t Logan’s fault that her feelings towards him were entirely more complicated than his were for her.
He deserved all the help she could give him, even if it proved to be torture for her.
With a smile that cost her greatly in terms of effort, she forced the words past her dry lips. ‘Of course I’ll look after Kirsty on Wednesdays. It would be my pleasure.’
His eyes were on her face. ‘I don’t expect you to do it for nothing. I’ll pay you.’
Employee. Friend. He offered her just about every role except the one she wanted. ‘I don’t want to be paid, Logan,’ she said quietly. ‘I love Kirsty.’
‘Well, it’s just until I find someone else, then. I don’t want to take advantage of you.’ He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ears in a distinctly brotherly gesture. ‘Better put your hair back up or she’ll tug it out by the handful.’
‘Yes. That’s probably a good idea. I’ll put it up.’ A ponytail was practical. Sensible. And that was the sort of person she was. Practical. She wasn’t designed for grand passion or wild affairs. She was reliable, sensible Evanna. That was how other people saw her and it was how she should start seeing herself. No more dreams. No more fantasies.
He frowned down at her feet. At her deliciously sexy, wickedly high-heeled shoes. ‘And you should probably wear something flat and comfortable. She can move like lightning now and you’ll never be able to catch her in those. You’ll twist your ankle.’
Something flat and comfortable. Something that reliable, sensible Evanna would wear. ‘Right. I’ll remember that, too.’
He reached out and squeezed her shoulder. ‘You’re a good friend, Evanna,’ he said softly. ‘The best.’
And then he turned and walked away from her, leaving her staring after him with all the hope lying shrivelled inside her.
She felt numb. Her limbs wouldn’t move and for a moment she stood, staring through the curtain of green leaves, wondering what she was supposed to do now. She felt foolish in her dress and shoes and suddenly wished she’d just worn jeans.
That was it then.
Over.
It had been a foolish idea and it had failed.
And now she had to rejoin the group. Wearing her silly dress and her uncomfortable shoes, she had to talk and mingle and do all the things she usually did because if she didn’t, everyone would notice. Everyone would know that something was the matter with her and she didn’t want anyone to notice. She didn’t want people to know.
Evanna blinked rapidly to clear the tears that had gathered and walked carefully on her new heels, brushing aside the fronds of the weeping willow, intending to help herself to some food. And then her eyes rested on Logan’s broad, muscular shoulders and she found that she couldn’t look away. Why did it have to be him? she wondered helplessly. Why him? Couldn’t she have fallen in love with someone who noticed her? She stood there, drinking in his strength and masculinity, memorising every single part of him as if it were the last time she’d be allowed to look.
And then she felt Kyla’s hand on her arm. ‘Well? I saw him drag you into the weeping willow. The dress obviously worked.’
Evanna willed herself to move—willed herself to act normally. ‘He wants me to look after Kirsty on Wednesdays. That’s what he wanted to talk to me about.’ Her voice sounded unnaturally formal, even to her own ears, and suddenly she knew she was going to cry. ‘So I think we can safely say that the dress didn’t impress him and that plan B has just crashed and burned alongside plan A. Will you excuse me? I’m suddenly incredibly tired. I think I’ll go home and have an early night.’
‘Evanna, you can’t just—’
‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Kyla.’ She needed to get away. Fast. Before she made a fool of herself.
Without looking back, she turned and walked quickly across the garden towards the gate. Let them say what they liked, she thought as she fumbled with the gate and walked to her car. She didn’t care any more. She just needed to be on her own.
‘Evanna, wait!’
Kyla’s voice came from behind her but she ignored her and drove off without glancing back.
She drove the short distance to her cottage, parked the car and nearly twisted her ankle on the path that led to her front door. It was the final straw. With a sob of frustration she stooped and slid them from her feet, throwing them angrily on the grass. She struggled with her key, somehow managed to open the door of her cottage, even though her eyes were swimming with tears and she couldn’t see clearly.
‘Evanna.’ Kyla was right behind her and she turned, all the emotions of the evening suddenly released.
‘You didn’t need to follow me. I didn’t want you to. You’re my best friend, Kyla, but there are some things that even best friends can’t fix.’ Her voice was choked. Clogged with tears. ‘Leave me alone, please. I just need to be on my own for a bit.’
‘But I can—’
‘But you can what? You can what, Kyla? If you’re even thinking about coming up with another plan to make your brother notice me, you can forget it because I already feel completely and utterly humiliated. He is never going to notice me, and the sooner I come to terms with that, the better for all of us.’ She turned and sprinted up the rest of the stairs and into her bedroom.
‘Evanna, wait, please …‘
Evanna was holding back sobs, the breath tearing in her throat as she tried hard not to cry. ‘Please, leave me alone. I need to be on my own.’
‘No, you don’t. You’re upset and—’
‘Can’t you see?’ Tears flooded down her face and Evanna gave up the struggle for control. ‘Can’t you see that this is never going to work? Aren’t you satisfied? We changed the way I dressed and he simply thought I looked ridiculous! He told me to put my hair back up so that Kirsty wouldn’t pull it and to wear something more flat and comfortable on my feet, and do you know what that is?’ She ripped the dress from her body so violently that she tore the fabric. ‘Because I’m not a flamenco dancer or anyone glamorous. I’m just me and it isn’t enough.’
‘Don’t, Evanna.’ Kyla reached out a hand to try and stop her but Evanna brushed her away, stepped out of the dress and reached for her comfortable dressing-gown.
‘Enough!’ The tears thickened her words as she quickly covered herself. ‘You have to let it drop, Kyla, and so do I. When I was on the mainland I promised
myself that this wasn’t going to happen again. I wasn’t going to keep hoping. No more jumping through hoops. No more waving flags that say, Here I am! No more humiliation. And now here I am yet again, crying over a man who doesn’t want me. It has to stop. It’s got to stop.’
Kyla’s eyes were swimming with tears. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered, and Evanna felt herself pulled into a warm hug. ‘I’m so, so sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry,’ she said gruffly, wiping the tears from her cheeks with the flat of her hand. ‘It’s me who should be sorry for yelling at you. You’re a good friend and you were only trying to help. It wasn’t your fault. None of this is your fault. It’s nobody’s fault.’
‘Yes, it is. It was me who forced you to dress up for him. I just know you’d be so amazing together.’ Kyla’s expression was stricken as she wiped the tears from her own face. ‘I shouldn’t have interfered, but I love both of you so much.’
Evanna reached for a tissue. ‘And you can carry on doing that, but you have to love us separately. Logan and I are not a couple and we never will be. We can’t be together.’
Kyla sank down on the edge of the bed. ‘So what will you do now?’
‘I’m going to do my job, help look after Kirsty and be a good friend to your brother.’ Evanna blew her nose hard and kept her tone matter of fact. ‘It’s what he needs from me. It’s what he wants.’
‘But what about what you want?’
‘What I want isn’t important at the moment. What’s important is Kirsty and Logan. He’s been through hell and he needs support. And that’s what friends are for.’ Evanna looked up with a watery smile. ‘You can have those shoes, if you like. I left them in the garden. You’re the same size as me and I don’t think I’ll be wearing them again. Anyway, they pinched my toes.’
‘Oh, Evanna …’
Evanna shook her head. ‘I’m not a high heel sort of girl. I’m just me and—and he doesn’t want me. And that’s fine,’ she said, blowing her nose for a final time. ‘Deep down I always knew that I wasn’t the right girl for him. I’ve just been deluding myself in the same way that all the other women on this island do. But he has no idea how I feel, so that’s good. If he knew, that would make the whole situation incredibly embarrassing. As it is, we can carry on as if nothing has happened.’
She almost laughed as she listened to herself. Nothing had happened. Except in her dreams. And in her dreams was the only place that Logan was ever going to be.
CHAPTER FIVE
AFTER a sleepless night, Evanna woke with a pounding headache and gritty eyes to find Craig on the doorstep, ready to finalise the details for her bathroom.
‘It’s not even eight o’clock, Craig.’ Her voice was croaky with lack of sleep and she dragged a hand through her tangled hair. ‘And it’s Sunday. Don’t you have a home to go to?’
‘I finished up at the Murray place last night so I thought I might as well come down here and get started as soon as possible. Can’t get any peace at home, anyway, with our Molly waking everyone up at the crack of dawn.’ He was wearing filthy overalls and Evanna led him through to the kitchen and put the kettle on.
‘I can’t string a sentence together until I’ve had a cup of coffee,’ she muttered, spooning fresh coffee into a pot and adding the water. A delicious aroma filled the kitchen. ‘What time does Molly wake up?’
‘Five.’
Evanna winced. ‘That’s a wicked time to start the day.’
‘She doesn’t think so.’ Craig rubbed his eyes with his fingers. ‘We take it in turns to get up with her.’
‘She’s two. She ought to sleep later than that. Have you tried just leaving her?’
‘Annie doesn’t like to do that.’ Craig gave a crooked smile. ‘Can’t bear her to cry. The moment she hears a murmur, she’s in there.’
Evanna lifted two mugs out of the cupboard. ‘It might be worth leaving her for a few minutes. She might just go back to sleep. Logan tried that with Kirsty a few months ago and it worked. She didn’t even cry much, just whimpered a few times and then drifted off again.’
‘Really? So you think that might work for Moll?’
‘It’s possible, but obviously you have to do what feels right for you. Here. Have some caffeine.’ She handed him a brimming mug. ‘I’m sure that we both need it.’
‘Did I wake you? I assumed you’d be up.’
‘I was up.’ She hadn’t really slept all night. She’d just stared at the ceiling, thinking about Logan, and now her eyes pricked angrily and her head ached. It was going to be a long day. ‘Do you want to have another look at the bathroom?’
‘That’s what I was hoping.’
They walked upstairs and Craig wandered into her bathroom. ‘I reckon it will take me and the lads about ten days,’ he said, peering around the bathroom and scribbling something on a piece of paper. ‘Providing there are no hitches.’
‘My life is full of hitches,’ Evanna said wearily, ‘but we’ll aim for the ten days. Will I be able to wash?’
‘Yeah. Well, most of the time.’ Craig frowned up at the ceiling. ‘You want that painted the same blue as the rest?’
‘Yes.’
‘Nice. Looks like a seaside bathroom.’ He nodded approval and then pulled out a tape measure. ‘I’m going to cut some wood to fit there. Has all the stuff we ordered arrived?’
‘It’s blocking my garage as we speak.’
Craig stretched out the tape measure and recorded the length. ‘That’s a standard size. OK. We’ll start tomorrow. I’ll try and make sure the bath is only out of action for a few days. You can shower at Kyla’s.’ He tucked the pencil behind his ear and slid a finger over a pipe. ‘We’ll box this in for you. It will look better.’
‘Whatever you say, Craig.’ Evanna wished she could summon up more enthusiasm. ‘As long as it looks like the picture I showed you, I don’t care how you do it.’
‘It’s a shame we couldn’t have fitted it in while you were on the mainland. Would have meant less disruption for you, but never mind.’ He took a closer look at a hairline crack that was running across the ceiling. ‘I bet Dr MacNeil is pleased to see you home. He told me Kirsty was missing you.’
Evanna tensed. ‘She’s growing fast.’
‘No doubt about that.’ He dropped to his haunches and studied the floor. ‘This will have to come up. Those flashy Italian tiles you chose are going to look the business.’
‘Thanks, Craig. I’ll let you have a key so that you can just come and go while I’m at work.’
He stood up. ‘There’s going to be some dust and mess while we remove the old stuff, but I’ll cover your carpet for you.’
Evanna waved him off and decided that, although it would be fun to have a new, luxurious bathroom, the process was obviously going to be unpleasant.
It wasn’t even nine o’clock and suddenly the day stretched ahead of her. Before her trip to the mainland, she probably would have gone to Logan’s and spent the day playing with Kirsty but now she was wondering whether that was the wrong thing for everyone.
While it was true that she was able to help with the little girl, it was also true that her constant presence was a disincentive to Logan to find someone else. And he needed to find someone else.
Remembering the look of sadness on his face the day she’d made lunch for them, Evanna resolved to try and think about someone who might suit him. Catherine had been wild and adventurous, so clearly that was the sort of woman who interested Logan and, offhand, she couldn’t think of anyone who fitted that description.
Thinking about suitable partners for Logan did nothing for her piece of mind so she drank two cups of herbal tea, ate some fruit and wandered into her garden.
Although it was still early, the sun was already hot and it was obviously going to be another scorching day.
Deciding that the best cure for misery was a good exercise session before the weather became too hot to run, Evanna pulled on an old pair of shorts, slid her feet into her trainers
and let herself out of the back door of the cottage.
The air was still, without a breath of wind, and the sea lay calm and quiet below the cliffs.
Forcing herself into a run, Evanna jogged steadily along the path, gradually increasing her pace.
She ran for almost half an hour, feeling the prickle of heat between her shoulder blades and the heat of the sun on her face. To her left the cliffs fell away steeply towards the sea and to her right were fields. Sheep grazed, placidly chewing on parched grass. Further inland was the rugged interior of the island, the province of walkers and climbers.
There had been no rain for weeks and the air smelt of sun and summer. The ground was hard under her trainers but still she ran, determined to chase away her gloom. It wasn’t like her to be unhappy. She was, by nature, a happy, steady person. She wasn’t given to fits of depression. So why did she feel so down?
Her pulse was thundering, her breath tearing in her lungs, and she pulled up for a brief rest, breathing heavily as she stared at the view. A few lone yachts bobbed on the water, barely moving in the still air. Apart from the occasional shriek of a seagull, it was completely peaceful. A lazy, quiet Sunday. Later the tourists would crowd onto the beaches with their buckets and spades, but for now it was still too early for all but the most energetic of visitors to be up and about.
And then she glanced along the coast path and saw him.
Logan. And he had Kirsty on his shoulders.
Evanna let out a groan of frustration. Wasn’t that just typical? Why did he have to be the one other person up and about? And how had she not realised that she’d run so far?
Kirsty waved her arms with excitement and Logan turned before she had time to vanish discreetly.
Wondering what terrible sins she’d committed to be forced to confront him in such a miserable, sweaty state, Evanna stood still, wishing she could wave a wand and transform herself. If she hadn’t been feeling so dejected she would have laughed. Talk about going from one extreme to the other. Last night she’d worn a short dress and high heels and she’d been groomed to within an inch of her life. Today she was wearing her oldest shorts and a T-shirt with a half-faded slogan and her hair was a mess.