‘I don’t know how I feel, if you want the truth.’ He stepped back, his hand trembling as he raked back his hair. ‘I didn’t plan on kissing you. It was the last thing I intended, in fact.’
‘And now you’re having second thoughts,’ she said as calmly as she could. It hurt to know that he regretted what they’d done, hurt far more than it had any right to do. She drummed up a laugh, loath to let him see how vulnerable she felt. ‘I understand, Ewan, really I do.’
‘Then I wish you’d explain it to me.’ He sighed. ‘I want us to be friends, Becky. I want us to meet up for coffee, maybe go out for dinner occasionally, do all the things that friends do. We had our chance and I’m under no illusion that we can be more than friends these days. Yet when I kissed you just now, it wasn’t friendship I was feeling, believe me.’
‘Maybe it was because of how we once felt,’ she suggested, wondering if it explained why she had felt so aroused. It was years since she had wanted anyone the way she had wanted Ewan just now, so was it familiarity that had rekindled her desire?
‘It was a blast from the past—is that what you’re saying?’
His tone was sceptical but Becky didn’t want anything to ruin her theory. Maybe the kiss had been wonderful but she’d be crazy to imagine it could lead anywhere. Ewan had his own life to lead, a future that would probably entail a wife and a family at some point, and she wouldn’t do anything that might hold him back.
‘Yes.’ She shrugged, refusing to dwell on the thought of what the future held in store for him. She had no right to feel jealous of the woman he would eventually choose to be his wife and the mother of his children. ‘Let’s face it, Ewan, we were very attracted to one another, weren’t we?’ She gave a light laugh. ‘I had a real crush on you, if I’m honest!’
‘And like most crushes, it didn’t last.’ He laughed sardonically. ‘Hmm, I think we should leave it there. I don’t think my ego can take a battering this early in the day!’
Becky laughed as well, although her heart was heavy as she excused herself and went to get dressed. It was doubtful if Ewan’s ego took a pounding very often. From what she had seen in the past, he was far too successful with women to suffer many setbacks. He could have his pick, in fact, so it was little wonder that he didn’t want to get involved with her. After all, why should Ewan be interested in a single mother like her?
It was a sobering thought. Becky found it difficult to shake it off as she woke Millie and changed her. She carried her into the kitchen and sat her down on a chair. Ewan glanced round, holding up the pot of coffee.
‘Want some?’
‘Please.’ Becky opened a packet of cereal then found a bowl and poured some into it. She added milk from the jug then went to get up to fetch a spoon.
‘Here you go.’ Ewan handed her a teaspoon, grinning when Millie began to bounce up and down in excitement. ‘Someone’s eager for her breakfast.’
‘She loves cereal and this just happens to be her favourite,’ Becky explained, helping the little girl spoon some into her mouth. She shook her head when Millie tried to take the spoon off her. ‘No, let me help you, darling, otherwise it will end up all over the place.’
‘Don’t worry about making a mess.’ Ewan handed Millie a spoon, laughing when she plunged it into the bowl, showering milk all over the table. ‘It’s not as though she can spoil the décor.’
Becky smiled as he shot a wry look around the room. ‘You mean to say, this particular shade of red isn’t to your taste?’
‘I can’t imagine it being to many people’s taste,’ he retorted. ‘It’s like living in a nightmare—there’s pulsating red walls everywhere you look.’
Becky chuckled. ‘I take it that you’re planning to redecorate.’
‘As soon as I find the time.’ He took the croissants out of the oven and brought them over to the table. ‘We’re short-staffed at the moment so I’ve been working extra shifts. Hopefully, things will ease off soon, though.’
So he hadn’t been out on the town; he’d been working. Becky hurriedly squashed the feeling of relief that thought aroused. She concentrated on helping Millie, smiling when the little girl finished her cereal in record time. ‘You must have been hungry, sweetheart. Would you like a banana?’
‘’Nana,’ Millie repeated.
‘I’ll get it.’ Ewan reached over and took a banana out of the fruit bowl. Becky looked away when the hem of his polo shirt lifted an inch or two, affording her a tantalising glimpse of taut, tanned midriff.
‘Thanks,’ she murmured, willing her racing pulse to slow down. It was just a glimpse of bare skin, she told herself sternly. Nothing to get worked up about. However, it was surprising how difficult she found it to follow the advice. Whichever way she looked at it, Ewan still possessed the power to disturb her.
They ate their breakfast, chatting easily about this and that. Becky leant back in her chair when she finished. ‘That was delicious! I’m afraid I made a bit of a pig of myself. Sorry.’
‘There’s no need to apologise.’ Ewan grinned at her. ‘I’m just in awe of the fact that you managed to eat three croissants. It takes a dedicated eater to manage that little lot.’
‘Make me feel better, why don’t you?’ Becky retorted, and he laughed.
‘I’m just teasing. Anyway, you could do with putting on a few extra pounds.’
It was the sort of throwaway comment that anyone might make; however, the fact that it was Ewan making it put a whole different spin on it. Becky couldn’t help wondering if he found her new, slimline figure less attractive than her previous curves before she realised what she was doing. Whether or not Ewan found her attractive wasn’t important, was it?
‘If I keep on eating like this, it won’t be long before I’ll need to think about dieting,’ she said lightly. She peeled a wet wipe out of the packet and wiped Millie’s hands. ‘Right, I’m going to get this little lady washed and dressed in one of those lovely new sleep suits you bought her.’
‘You do that.’ Ewan stood up and started clearing the table. ‘Give me a shout when you’re ready to leave.’
Was that a hint that she had outstayed her welcome? Becky wondered as she lifted Millie down from the table. Not that she blamed him if it was. After all, he had done everything possible to make her feel welcome. Maybe that kiss hadn’t been part of his plan, but she could hardly object when she had been as eager for it as him.
She sighed as she carried Millie into the bathroom. It wouldn’t happen again. Ewan had made it perfectly clear that he only wanted them to be friends and she should be pleased he felt that way. There was less risk of getting hurt if they stuck to friendship.
It was the right decision, the sensible one, yet Becky couldn’t help feeling downhearted. Deep down, she knew that if the situation had been different she would have wanted more than friendship from him.
* * *
Ewan took his time as he drove Becky back to Bride’s Bay. The roads were a lot busier than they’d been the previous week. This part of the coast was a tourist magnet and soon all the roads would be thronged with cars and caravans and trailers.
‘Looks like the early summer rush is starting,’ he observed, slowing down when the driver in front stopped to check a signpost.
‘Give it a few more weeks and the roads will be packed,’ Becky agreed. She grimaced when the car ahead indicated right and then turned left. ‘People’s driving doesn’t get any better, does it?’
‘They’re wearing their holiday heads,’ Ewan said lightly. ‘The rules of the road take second place to the need to reach their destination.’
‘They’ll be lucky if they make it in one piece if that’s the way they drive,’ she said tartly, and he laughed.
‘Good job we locals know to give the tourists a wide berth.’
‘A very wide one in some cases,’ she said sharply.
Ewan glanced at her. ‘Are you nervous about being driven after the accident?’
‘A bit.’ She sighed. �
�I kept getting flashbacks in the beginning, although they’ve stopped now, thankfully. It’s just at odd times that I feel a bit...well, anxious, I suppose.’
‘I expect I’d feel the same.’ He picked up speed, although he was careful not to go too fast in view of what she had said. ‘Mum told me that you were quite badly injured in the crash.’
‘That’s right.’
She glanced out of the window but not quickly enough to hide the sadness on her face. Ewan couldn’t help wondering what was behind it but short of asking her there was no way of knowing, and he wasn’t sure if he should go down that route. They had already crossed boundaries he hadn’t planned on crossing with that kiss and it would be too risky to cross any more that day.
They reached Bride’s Bay and drove straight to the surgery. Ewan parked the car then lifted Millie out of the back. She chuckled when he buzzed her cheek with a kiss.
‘Who’s been a good girl, then?’ he said, tossing her into the air.
Millie squealed in delight. ‘’Gain, ’gain!’
Ewan laughed as he tossed her up again. ‘So you’re a little daredevil, are you?’ He settled her in his arms then looked round when Becky joined them. ‘She obviously enjoys a bit of rough and tumble.’
‘Oh, she does. She adores it when Dad plays with her. He picks her up and swings her round, and she screams with laughter.’
‘Men play differently with a child,’ he observed wryly. ‘We tend to be a lot more physical.’
‘Which is what Millie loves.’ She sighed. ‘She’s missed out on such a lot in the past year. It’s a real shame.’
‘She doesn’t seem to have taken any harm from it,’ he said firmly, not wanting her to feel guilty when there was no need. ‘Anyway, now she has your father to play with her, she’ll soon make up for lost time.’
‘Yes, although I’m not sure how long we’ll be living with my parents.’
She led the way up the path and Ewan followed her, his heart sinking. It had never occurred to him that she might not stay in Bride’s Bay and he found the idea strangely unpalatable.
‘So you’re thinking of moving?’ he said as she let them into the kitchen.
‘As soon as I can save enough money for a deposit, yes.’ She took Millie from him and set her down on the floor. ‘I’ll have to rent, of course—I certainly can’t afford to buy with property prices being so high. But my plan is to get a place of my own as soon as I can.’
‘Here, in Bride’s Bay, or further afield?’ he asked, determined not to let her know how much he hated the idea of her moving away.
‘Oh, here, or somewhere close by at any rate.’ She filled the kettle and set it to boil. ‘I love working at the surgery and I don’t want to have to give it up, plus it will be so much easier if Mum helps me with Millie. Millie will be starting nursery soon but she’ll only be doing half-days to begin with so I’ll need someone to look after her for the rest of the time. Mum has very kindly offered to do it.’
Thank heavens for that! Ewan thought in relief, although he took care not to show it. ‘It sounds like a good plan to me.’
‘It’s the best I can think of in the circumstances,’ Becky said flatly.
Ewan bit back a sigh. It was obvious that Becky had never expected her life to turn out this way but it wasn’t her fault she had ended up as a single parent. He was on the point of telling her that when Ros Harper appeared. She smiled broadly when she saw them.
‘Ah, so you’re back, are you? Good.’ She bent down and picked up her granddaughter. ‘And how are you this morning, poppet? You certainly gave your poor old granny and grandpa a fright.’
‘She’s as right as rain,’ Ewan assured her. ‘I know it must have been worrying for you, but, as I explained to Becky, Millie will grow out of the convulsions in time.’
‘I’m sure she will.’ Ros kissed her granddaughter’s cheek. ‘I’m just glad you were around, Ewan. Simon and I felt a lot happier once we knew you were there, looking after them both.’
Ewan wasn’t deaf to the nuances in Ros’s voice; neither was Becky, he suspected. It was obvious that it would suit Ros if he and Becky got together but it wasn’t going to happen. He smiled politely, feeling that he should set matters straight.
‘It was lucky that I was on duty last night and able to help. After all, Becky and I have been friends for some time.’
‘Of course you have.’ Ros seemed undeterred as she turned and smiled at her daughter. ‘Do you want me to get Millie ready while you get changed? Tom and Hannah are expecting us around noon.’
‘Oh, I’d forgotten about the christening party!’ Becky exclaimed. She glanced at Ewan. ‘Are you coming? I know Tom invited you and seeing as you’re already here...’
She tailed off, leaving him to make the final decision. Should he go? he wondered. Or would it only make the situation more complicated? If he turned up with Becky, it wouldn’t be only Ros expecting great things of them.
He shook his head. ‘I think I’d better shoot off home. I’ve got loads to do after working all those extra shifts last week.’
‘Oh, surely you can spare an hour?’ Ros put in before Becky could say anything. ‘Tom and Hannah will be so disappointed if you miss the party. They both said how much they’d enjoyed meeting you.’
‘I enjoyed meeting them too but I really do have an awful lot to do,’ Ewan countered.
‘An hour isn’t going to make much difference, though, is it?’ Ros glanced at her watch. ‘It’s gone eleven already, so why not pop along and have some lunch and then go home? I mean, you’ll have to eat whatever you’re doing, won’t you?’
Ewan knew when he was beaten and gave in as gracefully as he could. ‘All right. I’ll drop in to say hello and then shoot off.’ He hurried on when Ros went to interrupt. ‘Becky and I had a massive breakfast, as it happens. I’m not sure if I can manage lunch as well.’
‘Oh, well, never mind. I’m sure Tom and Hannah will be thrilled to see you.’ Ros smiled contentedly as she picked up her granddaughter and left.
Ewan sighed. ‘Ever had the feeling that you’ve been outmanoeuvred?’
‘Frequently. Mum’s a master at it.’ Becky’s tone was wry. ‘She does it so nicely, too, that it’s hard to take offence.’
Ewan laughed. ‘Don’t I know it!’ He sobered abruptly. ‘You do realise that she thinks we’re going to get together?’
‘Yes. Don’t worry, Ewan—I’ll set her straight. There’s no point her getting her hopes up about something that’s never going to happen.’ She glanced at the kitchen clock and grimaced. ‘I’d better get changed. Make yourself a cup of coffee, won’t you?’
She left the kitchen and a moment later Ewan heard her running up the stairs. He found himself a mug and spooned some instant coffee into it. The sugar was in a jar by the kettle so he added a spoonful to the mug, sighing as he realised that he needed to make it clear to everyone that he and Becky weren’t romantically involved. Maybe people were hoping it would happen but it wasn’t what either of them wanted....
Was it?
His heart seemed to leap into his throat. Did he want to be more than a friend to Becky? He knew that his answer should be a resounding no and the fact that it wasn’t worried him. He didn’t want to fall in love with her, certainly didn’t intend to run the risk of getting hurt. Maybe her marriage hadn’t been all it should have been but she must have loved Steve, otherwise she wouldn’t have married him. She probably still had feelings for him, so it would be crazy to get involved with her. However, despite all that, he couldn’t in all conscience put his hand on his heart and swear it wouldn’t happen.
CHAPTER EIGHT
‘BECKY, HI! HOW lovely to see you. And this must be your little girl—Millie, isn’t it?’
Becky smiled as Emily came over to them. Emily had been the practice nurse at the surgery before she’d got married and moved to Paris. ‘Hello, Emily. Lovely to see you too. Yes, this is Millie. Say hello to Auntie Emily, darling.’
/> Emily laughed when Millie promptly hid her face in Becky’s neck. ‘She’s going through the shy stage, is she? Theo was exactly the same at her age.’
‘I’m hoping that she’ll grow out of it when she goes to nursery,’ Becky explained ruefully. She looked up when a tall, dark-haired man came to join them. He had a little boy with him and the resemblance between them was unmistakable. ‘No need to ask who you two are,’ she said, smiling at them.
Emily laughed. ‘As you so rightly guessed, this is my husband, Ben, and our son, Theo. They’re like two peas in the proverbial pod, aren’t they?’
Emily shot an adoring look at her husband and Becky bit back a sigh. She couldn’t help feeling wistful when everywhere she looked there seemed to be couples madly in love with each other. Her gaze slid over Tom and Hannah, who were holding hands, and moved on to her parents, who even after thirty years of marriage had that special glow about them. Would she ever feel like that? Did she want to?
Her gaze alighted on Ewan, who was chatting to Lizzie, the receptionist at the surgery, and her heart jerked. Suddenly, all she could think about was that kiss and how wonderful it had been....
‘Becky?’
Becky jumped when Emily jogged her arm. Colour rushed to her face as she realised that she’d missed what the other woman had said. ‘Sorry. I was miles away. What did you say?’
‘I was just asking if you were enjoying working at the surgery,’ Emily explained, then grinned as she glanced over at Ewan. ‘I take it that’s Ewan. Ros told me he was here with you.’
‘I...erm...yes, that’s right. Mum persuaded him to pop in and say hello,’ Becky said quickly. She took a deep breath and hurried on. Maybe that kiss had been wonderful, but there wasn’t going to be a repeat. ‘Millie had a febrile convulsion last night. I took her to the hospital—Hannah drove us there—and Ewan happened to be on duty and treated her. He very kindly drove us home again this morning.’
‘They kept her in overnight?’ Ben queried, frowning.
The Rebel Who Loved Her Page 7