‘I bet they’ve enjoyed every second,’ Ewan countered. ‘If your mum is anything like mine, she probably adores being a hands-on granny.’
‘She does but even so...’ Becky shrugged, not wanting to explain that it was more for her own peace of mind that she needed to get away. She had enjoyed working with Ewan, enjoyed it far too much. His skill as a doctor had never been in doubt and today he had demonstrated so many other qualities as well.
She sighed as she went to find her mother. Ewan had been kindness itself as he had dealt with the casualties. He had listened to what they’d had to say and shown no hint of impatience as each had repeated how shocked they’d been when the accident had happened. She knew that it would have helped them enormously to tell him about their experiences and couldn’t help wishing that she’d been able to do the same after her own accident. If only she’d had Ewan there offering reassurance, maybe she would have dealt with the aftermath far better than she had done.
The thought troubled her as she collected Millie. Maybe it would have helped to talk about the accident but it wouldn’t have changed the outcome. No amount of reassurances could make up for the fact that she would never be able to have another child. She cuddled Millie close as she carried her outside, knowing how selfish it was to feel this way. So many women were unable to have a child of their own and she was one of the lucky ones, but she couldn’t help it. She had always hoped to have more children, although, now that she thought about it, she doubted if Steve would have agreed. Steve had found it taxing enough to cope with just one child. How on earth had she ever thought he was ideal husband material?
Her gaze rested on Ewan, who was lying spreadeagled on the grass, as a wave of regret washed over her. Her life could have turned out very differently if she’d chosen Ewan.
* * *
Ewan closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun playing over his body. This latest incident coming on top of an already busy week had left him feeling drained. He was looking forward to going home and putting his feet up but first he needed to check how Becky and Millie were getting home.
A shadow fell over him and he opened his eyes, squinting against the sun’s glare. Becky was standing beside him and his heart gave its customary little hiccup. Even though there was no chance of them getting back together, he couldn’t help responding to her. It was as though he was genetically programmed to react; Becky was around so it was all systems go.
He rolled to his feet, suddenly impatient with himself. He was acting like an idiot and it had to stop. ‘I take it your mum and Lizzie survived?’ he said drolly, reaching out to tickle Millie under her chin.
‘Just.’ Becky treated him to a smile and off it went again, his pesky heart and its hiccups. Ewan just managed to suppress the curse that tried to escape, calling himself every kind of a fool instead. He and Becky were friends—period.
‘Looking after a bunch of under-fives takes some doing, although your mother must be well versed in the art seeing as you and your brother are twins. I have to take my hat off to her. Coping with two little ones must be a major feat.’
‘I’m sure you’re right.’
Becky gave him another smile but some of the shine seemed to have gone out of it and he frowned. He had a feeling that his comment had touched a nerve although he had no idea why. However, before he could attempt to find out, Tom and Hannah appeared.
‘There you are. We were hoping you hadn’t left yet.’ Tom said, grinning at them.
‘I was just thinking about making tracks, actually,’ Ewan admitted, relieved that he hadn’t had the chance to say anything. He needed to remain detached if he was to stick to their plan of being friends. Something warned him that it wouldn’t work if he got too involved in Becky’s affairs.
‘Oh, can’t you hang on a bit longer?’ Hannah implored him. She glanced at Tom and Ewan felt his heart ache when he saw the love in her eyes.
‘It sounds as though you two are up to something,’ he said jovially, avoiding looking at Becky. It wouldn’t help to recall the way Becky had used to look at him all those years ago.
‘We just thought that it would be nice to celebrate our engagement properly.’ Hannah laughed. ‘Tom had it all planned, apparently—champagne, toasts, the ring—but everything got hijacked when we were called out.’
‘So what were you thinking of doing?’ Becky asked and Ewan knew—he just knew!—that she’d been thinking the same thing.
His heart began to pound so that he missed what Hannah said. It was only when he realised that she and Tom were looking expectantly at him that he rallied. So what if Becky had been remembering how they’d felt about one another? It wouldn’t change what had happened, certainly wouldn’t alter the fact that she had chosen another man and not him.
‘Sorry, I missed that. It must be my age. I can’t stand the pace any more and tend to drift off at the least opportunity.’
‘Less your age than the fact that you’re worn out after having your day off ruined,’ Tom said ruefully. ‘I don’t blame you if you think twice about accepting another of our invitations, although I do hope you’ll come tonight. It will be all very casual—just dinner and drinks at The Ship—nothing fancy. And I promise on my honour that no matter what disaster befalls the town tonight, you are excused!’
Ewan laughed. ‘Can I have that in triplicate, please?’
‘If it means you’ll come then yes.’ Hannah grinned. ‘Everyone’s coming: Ros and Simon, Emily and Ben, Lizzie and her husband. It would be such a shame if you and Becky weren’t there.’
‘I’m afraid it’s out of the question,’ Becky put in quickly. She shrugged when they all looked at her, Ewan included. Although he had his suspicions about why she didn’t want to go, he needed them confirmed. It might help him deal with this situation a bit better if he kept on reminding himself that Becky wasn’t keen to spend any time with him.
‘If Mum and Dad are going, there’ll be no one to look after Millie,’ she explained.
‘Can’t you take her along?’ Ewan heard himself say, and blinked in surprise. Where had that come from? Surely he should be backing her up rather than making suggestions if he intended to keep his distance. He opened his mouth to backpedal but Hannah beat him to it.
‘Of course you must bring her. We’re taking Charlie and I know for a fact that Emily and Ben are intending to bring Theo along. Millie won’t be on her own. She’ll have a couple of cohorts there to help her create chaos!’
Tom and Hannah went off to speak to Mitch and Marie, who were about to leave. They seemed to have taken it for granted that everything was sorted out and short of making a fuss, Ewan realised, there was nothing they could do about it. He glanced at Becky and grimaced. ‘Sorry. I wasn’t much help, was I? It sort of...well, crept out.’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ Becky said shortly. She settled a sleepy-looking Millie onto her hip and glanced round. ‘I’d better go and find my parents. Millie will need a nap if I’m taking her out tonight.’
‘I can run you home if they’re not ready to leave yet,’ Ewan offered, but she shook her head.
‘No. It’s fine. Thank you.’
She gave him a tight little smile and his heart ached when he saw how strained it was. It was obvious that Becky didn’t relish the idea of them spending any more time together and he couldn’t blame her. She’d made her feelings clear and he didn’t need it spelt out. She wasn’t interested in him in any way apart from as a friend and even that wasn’t guaranteed.
It should have been a relief to know that but as he said his goodbyes, Ewan’s heart was heavy. Becky had been an important part of his life and it was hard to accept that he had been such a minor part of hers.
* * *
Becky settled Millie in her cot for a nap then went to lie down, hoping that a rest would help her relax. She would have preferred not to go to the engagement party but she simply couldn’t think of an excuse not to attend. Even if Ewan hadn’t suggested she should take Millie along
, Hannah would have done, so there was no point blaming him. In fact, Ewan wasn’t to blame for any of the things that had been plaguing her recently.
She sighed. Choosing to stay with Steve rather than allow her relationship with Ewan to develop had been her decision. She had opted for security, sure in her own mind that it had been the right decision, but look how it had turned out. Her marriage had been a disaster and she couldn’t help wondering how different her life would have been if she had followed her heart rather than her head. She had been on the point of falling in love with Ewan, had known that he had felt the same about her, and she’d panicked.
Ewan hadn’t been good husband material. He’d wanted to travel, see the world and explore what it had to offer. It had been so different from what she had always wanted—marriage, a home and a family—and she had been scared. It had seemed safer to stick to her plans even though it had hurt unbearably to let Ewan go. She could only imagine how hurt and angry he must have felt too, yet he hadn’t tried to take it out on her when she had told him her decision. He had treated her with kindness and understanding—all those wonderful qualities that made him the man he was. Ewan stood head and shoulders above other men. He always had done.
It was painful to face up to the fact that she had made a terrible mistake. Becky was relieved when her mother tapped on the door.
‘Are you asleep, darling?’ Ros called quietly.
‘No. Come in, Mum.’ Becky sat up, smiling when she saw that Ros was carrying a tray of tea. ‘Tea! How lovely. I’m gasping.’
‘I thought you would be.’ Ros put the tray on the window seat and poured two mugs of tea. ‘There’s some homemade biscuits as well. I thought you might be hungry seeing as you missed lunch.’
‘I am.’ Becky took a couple of ginger biscuits off the plate. ‘I don’t know how you find the time to bake along with everything else you do.’
‘Years of practice,’ Ros assured her as she sat down on the bed. ‘Millie’s flat out. I just popped in to check on her and she’s fast asleep.’
‘Probably worn out after all the excitement of last night and today.’ Becky dunked her biscuit in her tea, grinning when her mother tutted. ‘Sorry, but they taste even better when you dunk them.’
‘So your father keeps telling me,’ Ros said dryly. She sipped her tea then looked at Becky. ‘You and Ewan seem to be getting on extremely well. Several people remarked on how happy you looked together.’
Becky bit back a groan. So this was to be an interrogation, was it? Although she knew her mother meant well, it would be wrong to let her think there was something going on between her and Ewan. ‘We’re just friends, Mum, and that’s all we’ll ever be, too. So if you’re holding out any hopes of a romance, forget it. Ewan isn’t interested in me that way and I don’t blame him.’
‘What do you mean?’
Becky sighed, realising that she had boxed herself into a corner. Although her mother knew that she and Ewan had come close to dating in the past, Becky had never told her the full story. ‘To put it in a nutshell, he asked me out but I chose to stay with Steve.’
‘Really!’ Ros exclaimed. ‘I knew you’d been close when you were working at the same hospital but I hadn’t realised you’d had a relationship.’
‘We didn’t...well, not really.’ Becky flushed. ‘I called a halt before things got too heavy.’
‘I see.’ Ros shrugged. ‘It was a long time ago though, darling, wasn’t it? And Ewan doesn’t strike me as the sort to hold a grudge.’
‘No, he isn’t. But he’s bound to be wary.’ Becky felt a lump come to her throat, which was silly really. However, admitting how stupidly she had behaved seemed to make it all so much worse.
Ros patted her hand. ‘I’m sure you only did what you thought was best.’
‘I did. Ewan was a real flirt. He made no secret of the fact that he wasn’t interested in settling down. He was keen to travel as well and I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to do. It seemed better to not start anything with him then end up making us both miserable.’
‘Then I’d say it was the right decision for both of you,’ Ros said firmly. ‘And I’m sure that Ewan thinks that too.’
‘Maybe. But that doesn’t mean we’re going to get together now.’
‘It’s early days yet, darling, and I understand that you’re still grieving, but the time will come when you feel ready to move on. All I’m saying is don’t let Ewan slip through your fingers a second time, will you?’
Becky shook her head. ‘It isn’t going to happen, Mum. Even if Ewan wanted me back—which he doesn’t—it wouldn’t be fair.’
‘Fair?’ Ros put her cup down and looked at Becky in surprise. ‘What do you mean by that?’
‘Oh, nothing. Forget it.’ Becky could have bitten off her tongue for making such a slip. She knew her mother wouldn’t rest until she found out what was behind the comment.
‘How can I forget it? What did you mean, Becky? Why wouldn’t it be fair if you and Ewan got together?’ Ros demanded.
Becky hesitated but all of a sudden the desire to tell her mother the truth was too strong to resist. ‘Because Ewan will probably want a family of his own some day.’
‘So why is that a problem? Are you saying that you don’t want any more children?’ Ros sounded perplexed, as well she might. Becky knew that she had to explain it all properly.
‘No. I’d love to have more children but it isn’t possible. You know that I sustained some really serious internal injuries in the crash?’ She carried on when Ros nodded. ‘Well, unfortunately, I had to have a hysterectomy. The fact is that I can’t have any more children, Mum. I could never give Ewan a child, so it wouldn’t be fair if we got together, would it?’
‘Oh, darling, I am so sorry!’ Ros got up and hugged her. ‘Why didn’t you tell your father and me what had happened? It must have been awful for you, having to go through something like that on your own.’
‘I couldn’t tell you, Mum. I don’t know why but it was just too much to deal with on top of everything else.’ Becky gulped. ‘I suppose in a way I thought if I didn’t talk about it, it might not be true, but it is. I’ll never have another child, but I have Millie, so I’m very fortunate, aren’t I?’
‘You are indeed.’ Ros kissed her on the forehead. ‘Millie is a real sweetheart. Your father and I adore her, as you know. Anyone would, which is why I’m begging you not to rule out the idea of falling in love again.’
‘I can’t imagine it happening,’ Becky said, wondering why the claim didn’t ring true. She hurried on, not wanting to dwell on it right then. ‘Although I haven’t completely ruled it out.’
‘Good.’ Ros smiled at her. ‘Ewan is wonderful with Millie, isn’t he? And she seems to have really taken to him, too.’
Becky sighed. ‘Stop it, Mum. I’ve already explained that Ewan and I aren’t going to get back together so let’s leave it at that, shall we?’
‘If that’s what you want, darling.’ Ros stood up and gathered up the tea things. ‘I’d better go and see if your father’s awake. He’s in the study, supposedly writing a report about the accident, but actually having a snooze. He’ll need to get showered and changed before we set off for this evening’s celebrations. We may as well walk down to The Ship if that’s all right with you.’
‘Fine,’ Becky agreed.
She got up as soon as her mother left and went into the en suite bathroom, turning the shower to full blast so that the water bounced down onto the tiles. She stepped under the jets, hoping that the hot water would wash away all the thoughts that kept invading her mind, thoughts of her and Ewan and what they could and couldn’t be to one another. She knew how it had to be, knew that they could never be together and why, but it didn’t stop her wishing that things could have been different.
* * *
Ewan cast a quick glance into the mirror then picked up his car keys, wishing with all his heart that he had refused Tom and Hannah’s invitation. He had never felt less like cel
ebrating in his life, if he was honest. Maybe it was a knock-on effect from being so tired but his spirits were at an all-time low. He didn’t want to spend the evening with Becky, knowing that she would have preferred to be with anyone but him. It would only rub salt into an already raw wound.
The fact that he still felt anything about what had happened all those years ago was unsettling. Ewan did his best to put it out of his mind as he drove to Bride’s Bay. They were eating early because of the children and it was still light when he turned into pub’s car park. Ewan felt his breath catch when he saw Becky heading into the pub. She was wearing a slim-fitting dress in a very deep blue—possibly sapphire or maybe azure—he wasn’t that well versed in colours and couldn’t be sure. However, what he could say was that it did all the things it should have done, highlighting the golden gleam of her hair and the trimness of her figure.
She was wearing high-heeled sandals with it and he groaned as he caught a glimpse of her shapely calves before she disappeared inside. Tonight promised to be even more of an ordeal than he’d feared. He knew that Becky really didn’t want him there. That was hard enough to contend with. However, the fact that he was doomed to spend the evening lusting after her would make it so much worse!
CHAPTER TEN
‘YOURS IS THE chicken, isn’t it, Becky?’
‘Yes, that’s right. Thank you.’
Becky took the plate that Marie offered her, relieved that they hadn’t had to wait very long for their meal. With a bit of luck she should be able to make her escape as soon as dinner was over. They had already toasted Tom and Hannah, so nobody would think it rude if she left. After all, she did have the perfect excuse of needing to put Millie to bed, so give it another hour and she should be on her way home, thankfully.
‘Salt?’
Ewan touched her arm and she jumped. Summoning a smile, she turned to him. It had been taken for granted that she and Ewan would want to sit together and the strain was starting to tell. Every time she moved, her arm brushed his arm or her thigh came into contact with his. Quite frankly, her nerves were in shreds and it was all she could do not to let him know how on edge she was feeling.
The Rebel Who Loved Her Page 9