by Lynda Stacey
Now that I’m gone, I’d like to bequeath to you my diaries. The ones that you know of and the ones that you don’t. There are still diaries hidden, just look where the dust motes hover. They are yours and all that is within them is yours too. I’m hoping that you might start to write again. I’d be delighted to think that you might finally tell the world the story of my life, tell of how my father ruled us, how he and my mother lived very separate lives and, most of all, I want you to bring this house back to life. For far too many years it’s been the house of secrets. One too many secrets if you ask me and I want them to end, they bring no joy to anyone. There are some secrets that I’ve held onto for most of my life and there are one or two I wish I hadn’t kept, but I did so to protect others, to stop them from being hurt, when, in actual fact, I should never have had to do so.
The only thing that kept me going throughout all the years was the love I had for both my Eddie and for my son Arthur.’ Maddie paused, and wiped her eyes. ‘There is a final secret still to be told, again one that I’ve held for far too long. All will become apparent, my dear girl. All is told within the diaries and all will make sense once you find and read them.
Yours, Emily x’
Excitement flooded Madeleine’s face as she looked up from the letter. ‘Oh, Jess. Where do you think they’ll be? I mean, you must know where she hid them?’ She put the letter down and watched as Jess picked it up and shrugged.
‘Don’t ask me, I have no idea. But isn’t it typical of Emily to leave us with a little intrigue?’ She passed the letter back to Madeleine. ‘So, are you going to do it? Are you going to look for the diaries and write the book?’
Madeleine stared at the letter. ‘I don’t know. I mean, where would I start?’
‘First you have to find the diaries. She can’t have hidden them anywhere obvious or we’d have already found them during the refurb and she must be pretty sure they hadn’t been damaged in the fire. What does she say? “Look where the dust motes hover.” So I guess somewhere we don’t go very often, somewhere within this house or in the cottage. Somewhere that no one goes on a daily or weekly basis.’
‘Do you think they’ve always been there?’ Madeleine looked puzzled.
‘I don’t know, but I don’t think she’s hidden them anywhere too difficult to find. She must have been confident you’d work it out.’
Jess stood up and kissed Madeleine on the cheek. ‘I’ll help you look later, but right now, do you mind if I take a break, Maddie? I think you have a lot to think about and me, I need to catch up with Bastion. I’m going to pop to the kitchen, see if he’s there, and make a drink. Do you want something bringing back with me? Tea, coffee, carrot cake?’
Madeleine was still staring at the letter and shook her head, leaving Jess to take one look back into the grand hall before leaving reception. She walked through the back connecting passage that led to the kitchen, where both Nomsa and Bastion were perched at either side of the kitchen table. Their heads were close together, their eyes were locked, and Jess was sure their hands had been momentarily linked, making her literally stop in her tracks in order to watch them more closely. There was an exchange of whispers, smiles and giggles, which made Jess unsure what to do. Should she carry on regardless and enter the kitchen or was she about to disturb something she shouldn’t? She was wondering whether the moment that Nomsa and Bastion were sharing was as obvious as it had looked, but then Bastion leaned in closer and, taking his hand to cup Nomsa’s chin, he gently grazed her lips with his. Jess held her breath and glanced back towards reception. Should she reverse, disappear back where she’d come from and give both Nomsa and her father time to finish whatever it was they’d started? But one step on a creaking floorboard meant that the spell was broken. Nomsa looked up and, although she’d hesitated, Jess continued to walk forward.
‘Ahhhh, there you both are,’ Jess said as Nomsa jumped up like a naughty child, picked up a tea towel, turned her back on where Bastion sat and began drying the mugs that stood on the draining board. Jess continued to look between them both, and even though Nomsa had turned away, she could tell that both were smiling from ear to ear, and both seemed to be blushing. ‘Okay, what’s going on?’ she blurted out, before sitting herself at the table. She picked a banana from the bowl, peeled the skin back and began to eat.
‘You want coffee, or tea?’ Nomsa asked. It was obvious she was ignoring Jess’s question as she picked up the kettle, gave it a shake and then filled it with water from the tap, before placing it on the Aga to boil. ‘And a banana, my girl, is not a substantial breakfast. Not unless you eat it with some nice yoghurt or something.’
Bastion chuckled. ‘I’m glad it’s not just me that she nags.’ He picked his mug up and took a sip.
‘Away with you,’ Nomsa said as she flicked the tea towel at him. ‘You know it’s for your own good. I want you fighting fit and back on your feet by the time Christmas gets here. Now finish drinking your tea and I’ll make you a fresh mug along with a nice bacon sandwich for your breakfast.’ Nomsa gave Bastion a smile and Jess noted that it wasn’t the same sort of smile that she’d give to everyone else, but a smile that lit up her whole face, making her eyes sparkle with happiness. ‘And then,’ she continued, ‘if you put a warm coat on, you could go and sit out on the patio. Get you some fresh air.’ Nomsa gently patted Bastion on the shoulder. It was a loving gesture and Jess smiled in the knowledge that there was the same look in both their eyes. ‘I might even join you out there for a moment or two now I’ve finished with the guests’ breakfasts.’
Jess waved what was left of the banana in the air. She wanted to speak to Bastion about the DNA test, but her mind was now full of wondering what was happening between Nomsa and her father. ‘Hey … what were …’ She hadn’t got an answer to her earlier question and was going to ask them if they’d like to fill her in, but she stopped mid-sentence. They were both adults and if they were happy, then who were they hurting? ‘Okay, Nomsa, in answer to your question, I’d like some tea, please.’ She sighed. What she really wanted was coffee, strong coffee, but early in the morning the smell made her want to heave and she couldn’t risk that happening, not in front of Nomsa or her father. Instead, she sat watching how the dynamics in the kitchen had changed. Nomsa, who normally ruled the roost and force fed everyone who came near, had suddenly turned into a coy figure of a woman and she was hanging on every word that Bastion said.
Jess really wanted to ask more questions, but didn’t feel she knew Bastion well enough to dig any further and decided to wait until Nomsa was alone. ‘It’s quiet in here, where are the girls?’ she asked as she stretched up to look out of the window.
‘Oh, they were both up bright and early, and seeing as it’s a nice day, they’ve taken themselves outside in the garden. They’ve been playing hide and seek for the past hour. It’s Poppy’s favourite game at the moment, she can’t play it enough. She even makes Buddy join in, but him being a dog means that he barks and gives her away more often than helping her hide. Look, they’re over by the trees.’ Nomsa pointed into the grounds to the edge of the treeline. Poppy knew not to enter the woods, not to go out of sight, which made Jess smile as she wondered how on earth the four-year-old managed to play hide and seek without actually hiding.
Nomsa picked up the teapot and poured the tea. ‘Now then, I was just going to make Bastion a nice hot, fried bacon sandwich to eat before he goes out in the garden. Would you like one too?’
Jess began to think about the bacon, about the grease, the sauce and the stodgy bread. ‘Excuse me, I … I have to go,’ she said as she stood up from the table, held a napkin to her mouth and practically ran from the room, while carefully clutching her mug of tea as though her life depended on her not spilling it.
Chapter Eighteen
Bastion zipped his freshly washed coat up and pushed his hands into the gloves that Nomsa had borrowed for him from Bandit. He rubbed his hands together, appreciative that they were warm and stepped out onto the ve
randa that led to the garden. He walked along the path towards the lawn, where he’d spotted some wooden bench seating from his bedroom window. The thought of sitting outside had seemed like a good idea, but now he felt the cold begin to penetrate, making his lungs tighten, and he wondered if he ought to take himself back inside to the warmth of the kitchen, where he could sit at the table, drink tea and watch Nomsa dance around the room while making something amazing for lunch.
He shuffled around on the wooden bench in search of a comfortable position. The bench was to one side of the lawn, at the back of the Hall and was overlooked by the vast conservatory, which was now full of guests, some taking morning coffee, others sitting with newspapers outstretched, and one man pacing up and down looking out at the view. But all seemed sensible enough on such a cold winter’s morning to stay inside, where it was warm.
He took in a deep breath. It was a relief not to cough every time he breathed in and he smiled in the knowledge that the antibiotics must have finally begun to work. He hoped that soon he’d be well enough to sort out his life, once and for all. He needed to take control, search for work and earn enough money to give Lily a proper home. She needed a place to live where she’d be safe, somewhere warm and cosy, with a real bed, a duvet and a bathroom of their own, just like they had here at the Hall. But he wasn’t crazy, he knew that it would all take time. The council might offer them a place to begin with, but to get something of their own choice would mean earning money; even if he got a job right away and saved for a year, the best he’d manage would be a small deposit to rent an even smaller flat. But it didn’t matter, he needed to get some self-respect. If he at least had that, he’d be in a better position to think about moving forward. And maybe then, he’d be able to ask Nomsa to go out with him for a drink, a meal, or even on a real date.
He took a moment to stare up at the Hall. To take in its beauty. He still couldn’t believe that he’d got here, that he’d found Jess, his first-born child. That she’d not only accepted him, but had welcomed him with open arms, and that right now he was breathing in the clean country air, rather than the diesel fumes and smog of the city. It seemed like a different life and he nodded gratefully. It was a different life.
He listened carefully. Somewhere in the distance he could hear the giggles and squeals of both Lily and Poppy, interspersed by the odd bark from Buddy, who was no doubt bouncing around them both in true Springer Spaniel style. It was a pure and innocent sound that rippled through the bare trees like wind chimes. There were so many sounds, so pure that he’d barely ever heard them with the same clarity before. The city traffic normally overpowered any birdsong in London, except for the pigeons that just clucked and swooped at food. A smile crossed his face and he made a wish: he wished that the birdsong would be a sound he’d be able to listen to just a little more often.
Bastion looked through the dining room window and caught sight of Nomsa, who had stopped clearing a table, glanced up, smiled and waved. ‘You’re a fine woman,’ he whispered to himself as he wondered what his chances were of staying in the north, and staying close to her. Not at Wrea Head Hall, of course, but here, in Scarborough. He liked it here; he wanted to stay in this place where he would be near all of these gentle, loving people, who for the first time in his life had made him feel part of a family, part of something worthy; where he’d always have the fresh air, the sea views; and, most importantly, where he could be near to both of his daughters.
He still couldn’t believe he’d actually found Jess. But he was grateful for whatever madness had brought him here that day. Grateful that he had his little Lily, grateful that she was safe, that she’d got to meet her sister and, for however long they were allowed to stay, that she got to live in a house like this one.
His eyes drifted up to the roof, to the gargoyles that looked down upon him, and the multiple chimneys that pointed upwards.
‘Bastion, do you have a minute?’ Jack asked as he walked out of the conservatory with purpose, closed the door behind him and stepped onto the pebbled path with two mugs in his hands.
Bastion looked him up and down. ‘Are you here to interrogate me further, Jack?’ he replied, and pulled his coat tightly around himself like a protective cloak. ‘Because if you are—’
‘Hey, I come bearing gifts, it’s a peace offering. Nomsa sent this.’ Jack held a mug out towards him. ‘It’s beefy Bovril. I think she’s worried you’ll freeze out here. She keeps walking into the dining room, just to spy on you and make sure you’re still alive.’
‘Thank you.’ Bastion took the mug and held it between his hands, allowing the warmth to seep through his gloves. ‘I’m sure I won’t freeze. Nomsa gave me a spare pair of Bandit’s gloves to borrow, a scarf and an extra chunky jumper to wear. I think she’d have given me thermal knickers too, if only I’d have said I needed them.’ He glanced back at the dining room window, to where Nomsa still hovered, duster in hand now. He smiled at her and raised the mug in thanks.
‘See,’ Jack said. ‘She doesn’t even trust me to pass on the Bovril to you without checking that I did it right.’ They both laughed, as Jack sat down beside him. ‘Nomsa sure likes to look after you, doesn’t she?’ Jack held onto his own mug and for a few minutes they both sat silently and stared at the view.
Bastion eventually nodded his head. ‘If only I were worthy, Jack. She’s a good woman, makes me wonder why she isn’t married. She’d sure make someone a great wife.’
Jack sipped his drink. ‘Are you digging for information?’ He glanced across and smiled. ‘Nomsa has never been married. We often tell her to go out more, to join an online dating site or something like that, but she’s always here, looking after us, even on her days off. So I’d kind of say that the chances of her meeting someone would be a tad remote.’ Jack once again sipped his drink. ‘Only place she’d be likely to meet anyone would be here, at the Hall.’ He raised an eyebrow as he spoke. ‘But you normally find that most folk who come here are already part of a couple.’
Bastion took in the information. It was true, he did want to find out more about Nomsa, but he hadn’t expected Jack to tell him so easily, or so freely. He sighed, and for a moment wished that Jack really had sat down to pass the time of day, to talk about Nomsa and give him the answers that gave him hope for the future, but he wasn’t stupid enough to think that this was just a casual conversation. No, this was all about Jess, and about him turning up here.
‘I know it’s not my place to say this, but I’m guessing that Jess might be pregnant … right?’ Bastion suddenly blurted out and watched as Jack went pale and almost jumped up from the bench.
‘Yes, sir, she is.’ Jack paused and nodded. ‘Did she tell you?’
Bastion shook his head. ‘No, Jack. She didn’t say a word. But I’d be a fool not to work it out. She looks green first thing in the morning, has done each morning I’ve seen her. She’s emotional, she can’t stand the smell of coffee, and the mention of a bacon sandwich sent her running from the kitchen with a napkin held up to her mouth. Just one too many signs, I’d say and, to be honest, since I’ve been here, I’ve got to know Jess the least of everyone; if I’ve worked it out, I don’t think the others will be too far behind me.’
‘Ahhh …’ Jack looked down at the floor. ‘I see …’
‘Do you?’ The words were simple, but Jack looked as though he had the weight of the world pressing down on his shoulders. It was a weight that Bastion had known all too well, just over twenty years before, when Jess’s mum, Margaret, had announced to him that she was pregnant.
‘I guess I’m still in shock. Jess only told me a couple of nights ago.’ He held the mug to his lips and sipped. ‘So much has happened around here lately … it’s all been a bit of a surprise, and … if I’m being totally honest, I really didn’t want to be a father, not yet.’
Bastion stood up and stretched. ‘It is a shock, I agree. Being told that I was going to be a father was something I never thought I’d hear, no, no, not in a million years,
and, seeing as we’re being honest with each other, I can tell you now that when Margaret, Jess’s mum, told me she was pregnant, I didn’t take it too well either.’
‘So you knew about Jess, about the pregnancy?’
‘Of course I knew. Margaret and I had been seeing each other for a few months. She’d been unhappy at home. Morris had changed towards her after Madeleine was born and Margaret felt as though the only reason he was still around was for the child. So she and I got close. Too close. And when she found out that she was pregnant, she was in quite a panic and told me right away. But she was married, you see, and even though things had been strained, she’d slept with the both of us and she had no idea which one of us the father would be.’ He paused for a while and looked thoughtful. ‘She was a good woman, Jack. She put her family first and, for Madeleine’s sake, she decided to try and save her marriage.’
‘I see.’ Jack sighed. ‘At least I don’t have that problem, do I? You know, no other fathers in the running.’ He kicked at the pebbles that covered the path. ‘So what did you do?’
Bastion thought for a moment. ‘Well, I wasn’t really ready for responsibility, that’s for sure, and when Margaret said that her marriage had to come first I acted like any twenty-year-old acts when the love of your life tells you that she’d rather be with someone else. I buried my head in the sand. I turned into a party animal. I went out on the town and decided that if I ignored the fact that I was about to become a father, it wouldn’t be true.’ He paused and sighed. ‘It was self-preservation, Jack. I tried to distance myself, just in case the baby wasn’t mine. Even though deep inside, I kind of knew that she would be.’ Bastion’s tear-filled eyes looked into Jack’s, to see a young, confused man, who looked as though he was having a personal battle with the outside world.