by Lynda Stacey
Jess held onto the wooden gate, staring at the Hall. It rose up in the distance like a fortress. Everyone she loved lived here on this estate. Everyone she loved seemed to have someone, even Nomsa who now had her father. Everyone else seemed to know what tomorrow would bring, or what they should be doing today. Yet she had no idea what to do in the next ten minutes. Did she take Lily to their father? Did she insist on the truth or, like Maddie, did she appear to let it go in the hope that the truth would come out on another day? Was that what a mother would do? She shrugged.
Some days her life felt like a fairground ride with everything whizzing around. It was as though she was caught up in a bubble, standing on the inside looking out. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She tried to concentrate, tried to make sense of all that was happening and suddenly realised that the whole world was spinning around her, spiralling on its very own axis, and she was floating above it, watching it turn.
Chapter Twenty
‘So, where’s the fucking brat?’ Griff growled as Annie snatched open the door and scrambled into the van. She looked over her shoulder and immediately shrunk into the cluttered seat beside him as he grabbed at her shirt.
‘Get off of me, Griff, and drive, for God’s sake, just drive, before they see us,’ she shouted as she kicked out at him with her foot, then rummaged for the seat belt.
Griff looked into the back of the van as though the child would miraculously appear. ‘But she was there, right there, running through the trees. I saw her. So what the hell went wrong? Don’t tell me you let the little brat get away?’ The van started, the engine revved and Griff drove off at speed.
‘Sod off, Griff. What the hell do you think I’ve done with her, stuffed her up my bloody skirt? Of course she got away, stupid.’ Annie pressed herself into the side of the vehicle, wishing there was more space between her and Griff. She didn’t like him being so close, and she inched her way over the seat until she found herself sitting on the edge, just far enough away that he couldn’t reach her without swerving the van. ‘And yes, you’re right, the kids were both there, they were playing in the woods.’ Annie pushed the sleeve of her denim jacket up, scratched at the blisters on her arm and studied the track marks.
‘So what happened?’ he yelled.
‘I hid behind a bloody tree. I was hoping that Lily would run off on her own, but she was with the little ’un, a kid younger than herself. Then Lily saw me. She’s never liked me. It’s all Bastion’s fault, he turned her against me, must have told her all sorts of crap. As soon as she saw me, she ran off.’ Annie grabbed hold of the door handle as Griff raced round a bend. ‘Took the little one with her and they ran through the woods and into the old house we were parked behind.’ Again she looked over her shoulder as they left the grounds of the Hall, trying to make sure they were not being followed.
‘So why didn’t you just go into the house and bloody well grab her?’ he barked out as the van swerved out of the junction and onto the main road at speed.
‘I tried, but I couldn’t run in these, could I?’ She lifted her foot to show the scuffed, dirty, bright red stiletto.
Griff raised his lip at her and growled like a dog.
Once again Annie tried to move as far away from Griff as she could, but her arm was already pressed against the door. She used her other hand to keep scratching; her whole body itched and she felt nervous and fidgety, and the shakes had begun. She watched his hands carefully, wondering if he’d strike out without warning, like he normally did.
‘You should have grabbed her.’
‘Griff, don’t be stupid, I couldn’t. She had the kid with her and I couldn’t grab her while she had the little ’un with her, could I?’
Griff suddenly lashed out with a fist to the side of her head. Annie screamed and clutched her jaw as she shrank even further away from him towards the door. ‘That’s the second time you’ve called me stupid. Don’t try a third.’ He glared at her and Annie nodded. ‘You should have grabbed that little shit too.’ He wiped his nose on the back of his sleeve, wound the window down, cleared his throat and spat at the road. ‘We could have held onto her for a while. Groomed her for a bit, you know, till she bloomed, till she was ready to use.’
‘I’m not kidnapping someone else’s kid, Griff. We agreed on Lily, no one else and I wanted to get Lily on her own. I followed them into the house, but they’d run on ahead and the little buggers must have hidden somewhere real good, ’cause I couldn’t find them, and then there were voices coming from the woods, people shouting their names. I had no choice but to leg it before they saw me.’
Annie looked at Griff. He wasn’t happy, in fact he was downright furious and she didn’t like the way he’d suddenly begun pushing the air out of his flared nostrils. She needed to stay out of range of his fists.
‘Why the hell did it matter if people were shouting? You’re her mother, for fuck’s sake. You should have told them that you were visiting, that you’d come to take her with you. Most kids go to their mother’s for Christmas, don’t they?’ He slammed his hands against the steering wheel, making Annie scream as the van swerved to the right, narrowly missing an oncoming bus. ‘We’ll go back to the hotel and this time you’ll go in and tell them who the hell you are. Tell them that you’re taking her. You have rights.’
Annie began to shake. ‘That’s where you’re wrong, Griff. I’ve got no fucking rights. I left her, didn’t I? Took all that they had, every bit of furniture and now he won’t let me see her and what’s more, she hates me.’
Griff slammed his foot on the brake, stopping the car, and turned towards her. ‘If you support her, like you reckon you do, why the hell would he stop you from seeing her? Why would he turn her against you, eh? Unless you’re lying your fucking arse off.’ He leaned across, his face almost touching hers. His breath smelt of alcohol and she could see the bloodshot whites of his eyes, and she began to fear what he’d do.
She had to think quickly. ‘You have to understand, Griff, I haven’t been able to pay him this week, have I?’ She looked out of the window. ‘Been saving up to pay you off, haven’t I?’
Once again Griff moved closer. ‘So how the hell did you know where the kid was?’
‘’Cause I went to the flat, where Bastion used to live with the kid. He … Bastion … he told the neighbour he was coming here, coming to find some damned daughter I’ve never heard of.’ She lifted her hand and pushed at Griff’s shoulder. ‘Do you mind getting out of my face?’
Griff moved even closer to her, until he was almost sitting on her knee. ‘We came for the girl, Annie, and we’re not going home until we’ve got the girl. I’ve done a deal up here and they are dangerous people to piss off. And until we get the girl, there’ll be no drugs, you got that?’
‘But, Griff. Look, come on … I’m sorry. Can’t we forget about her? Take me back to London, eh? It’s still early in the day, we have time to get back, and once Christmas is over, you know, business will pick up again, the punters they’ll start coming back and then I’ll pay you, you’ll get the rest of your money, you know that.’
She thought of the money she’d stolen from Bella and smiled. There had been just over five grand and her eyes had lit up as she’d pulled the floorboard back to expose the find, but it had been the stash of heroin that had really excited her and she’d taken the lot. She’d gone down to the cellar and hidden the majority of the drugs before going back to her room, where she’d counted the money, before falling into a heroin-fuelled stupor for the rest of the night.
She’d woken the next morning to the sound of screams, to Bella pleading and crying and Griff shouting. But her mind was still in a haze and she hadn’t cared what Griff was doing, not to Bella, not to anyone. She had the money and she lay on the bed, staring at it, trying to decide what to do. Should she take the money and the drugs and run? Should she leave town, the country and go somewhere Griff would never find her? She’d rubbed her nose on the back of her hand and had just begun fold
ing the cash when Griff had burst in. He’d immediately pounced on the money, even though Annie had tried to hide it by lying on top of it in the hope he hadn’t seen it. But he’d been fast; he’d grabbed the cash and she’d watched him nervously as he’d counted it.
‘It’s not enough, is it?’ he’d screamed at her. His fist had lashed out and had caught her under the jaw, sending her flying across the bed. ‘You ought to be glad you have more to offer than Bella did,’ he’d shouted as he’d pointed to the door, pulled the flick knife from his pocket and wiped it clean of blood on the edge of Annie’s dark blue bed sheet. ‘She’ll not be working for a while and neither will you if you don’t hand that kid over.’
It had been then that Annie had realised that Griff had liked the idea of having Lily so much more than he’d wanted the money, and he didn’t care who he hurt to get her.
And now, in the van, he seemed even more determined that he’d get his own way. But she couldn’t go back to the hotel, not today. Bastion seemed to have made himself at home there. They’d hidden in the car park and watched the comings and goings and she’d spotted him, sitting on a bench talking to a handsome young man. Annie knew that Bastion would walk over burning coals before he’d allow her to just waltz in and take Lily with her. It had been pure chance that a while later she’d been taking a look around and seen Bastion stand up and almost collapse. Watching him Annie hoped that he would. At least if Bastion died, she’d be the only parent left and no one else would be in a position to challenge her. She’d held her breath for a while in the hope that an ambulance would arrive and that Bastion would leave.
But a woman had run out of the hotel and shouted to the others, which had given them the chance to grab Lily. Griff had driven them out of the car park and they had followed the road in the direction the girls were taking through the woods. Griff had parked behind an old farmhouse and Annie had jumped out of the van and gone to get her daughter. But Lily had run off and grabbing her as Griff had suggested had been more difficult than she’d initially thought. She had to find a better way. She needed a plan. But she couldn’t think, her mind was spinning, and after the high of the night before, she was now hitting a massive low. She felt sick, her hands were shaking and she could feel herself bouncing up and down in the seat, like an agitated child. She wished she’d had time to retrieve some of the drugs and bring them with her.
‘Stop fidgeting. We’re getting some food and then you’re going back to the Hall to get the kid.’ He started the van and hit the accelerator and Annie felt herself grab hold of the seat.
‘Griff, I’m going nowhere. I need a fix. Now … take me home.’ All she could think about were the drugs that she had hidden in the cellar.
‘Do you know how far away from home we are, bitch? Do you?’ He looked from her to the road, then back again. ‘Two hundred and fifty miles, that’s how far. Or should I put it another way? Four and a half frigging hours, if the motorway isn’t standing still.’ He swung the van around a corner.
‘We didn’t need to come, did we? You could have left it, could have waited for the rest of your money, but no, no, no, you insisted that you wanted the kid.’ Annie wound her long, greasy auburn hair around her finger and tugged at it with frustration.
He crunched the gears, making the van lurch forwards. ‘You’re still at least five grand down, Annie, and I’ve promised her now.’
She kicked at the dashboard. ‘I said I’d pay you the rest.’
‘And just where did the damned money come from, eh?’ Griff looked at her, his lip curled up on one side and Annie sensed his mood and once again inched as far away as she could. ‘Seems a bit of a coincidence to me that Bella’s money got nicked last night and suddenly you’ve got some.’
Annie turned and tried to look shocked. ‘Well, it wasn’t me, I didn’t take it,’ she lied.
He nodded. ‘You must think I fell off a bus, Annie. You know exactly what happened to Bella’s money,’ he sneered. ‘Well, it’s a shame poor Bella had to pay the price for your damned thieving.’
‘Look, Griff, please, stop having a go at me. I need to score, you got anything?’ She sat forward and began rummaging around in the glovebox, then scoured the floor. She kicked at the rubbish, picked up the empty beer cans, shook them and then tossed them back down, before moving onto the fast food cartons, paper bags and remnants of tin foil. She thought of the stash back at the brothel, and wished she’d thought to bring just a few packs with her, but it’d been too much of a risk. If Griff had seen it he’d have known for sure that she’d stolen it all from Bella.
‘Annie, you don’t give a shit about Bella, do you?’ he snarled. ‘Even though you saw the fucking blade, you don’t care, do you?’
‘She knows the game, she can look after herself.’ Annie knew that Griff could be cruel, he always took things to extremes, and for a split second her thoughts did go to Bella, the blade, the blood and the fact that the screaming had stopped abruptly. ‘Did you kill her?’
‘You’re some nasty piece of work, Annie.’ Once again he spat out of the window. ‘No, I didn’t kill her, but she won’t be working for a while, will she? Not good for business when your face has been slashed, is it?’
‘So you cut her?’ She resumed rummaging through the litter.
‘Annie, stop doing that, you’re really pissing me off.’ His hand shot out and caught her on the arm.
‘Ouch … you bastard … I can’t help it, can I? I need some gear.’
Annie could see the way his lips were pursed, that he was angry with her and she knew that her chances of him buying her drugs were as remote as him taking her out for a fancy dinner. ‘Griff, come on, baby, please. I said I was sorry …’
Griff suddenly stopped the van, reached across her to open the door and with one swift movement the seat belt had been unclipped and Annie felt herself being pushed out the door.
‘Do you know what? I’m sick of fucking hearing you. If you want a fix, go earn a frigging fix, Annie. Go get some business. I’ll be back here for you at midnight, gives you a good twelve hours to earn some damn coin and it’ll give me some time to decide what we do next.’
Annie winced as she stumbled, her ankle twisted, her stiletto left her foot and she landed heavily on the pavement. Everything suddenly hurt; her backside, her arm and her hip had all hit the cold concrete, all at once, which was where she now sat, in a heap on the ground.
‘You can’t leave me here,’ she shouted. ‘Oy, are you listening to me?’
The van door slammed shut, but the window came down.
Griff laughed. ‘Why, Annie? Why the hell can’t I leave you here? Truth is, bitch, I can do what the hell I like. You owe me.’
She sighed, and watched as the van drove away. She was on the edge of a town that she didn’t know, with no safe house to go back to, no money, no condoms and no regulars. She knew the dangers of being on the street, especially working a patch that wasn’t her own. But the need for the drugs took over and she stood up, dusted her skirt down and pushed the stiletto back on her foot.
‘You don’t think I can do this, do you? I’ll show you. I’ll score and don’t think I’m sharing the profits, no way, this is not your patch,’ she shouted at the back of the van and Griff who could no longer hear her.
Chapter Twenty-One
It was beginning to get dark as Jack sneaked back into the hotel. He crept through the corridors and towards the room he shared with Jess, all while carrying a Moses basket in one hand and its frame in the other. The basket was a wicker one. He was sure it was almost identical to the one Poppy had had as a baby and after hearing Jess speak of how happy and proud she’d felt as she’d watched Poppy sleep, he’d known she’d want one for their baby too. He hoped she’d love the fact that he’d spent the last couple of hours in Scarborough choosing it for her.
Jack wanted it to be a surprise and hoped that no one had seen him entering the hotel by the side door. The last thing he needed was to have been seen and for s
omeone to tell Jess where he was and what he was carrying. He headed along the corridor that led to their room, which was at the back of the house. The corridor was narrow and not particularly easy to negotiate, not with his arms full, but he didn’t care and couldn’t wait to see the look on Jess’s face when she walked in.
Jack stood outside the door, and for a moment he just pressed his hand to it, wondering if Jess might be inside. He looked at his watch. She’d been off duty the whole morning and a few weeks ago he’d have known exactly where to find her. She’d have been with Emily, in her room or sitting with her in the garden. But today Jess could be anywhere, and if she wasn’t in their room, then he’d guess that she was sitting in the warmth of the kitchen, maybe chatting with Nomsa or perhaps helping Madeleine with all the Christmas preparations.
He turned the key in the lock. He’d always loved their room. It didn’t particularly have the best view, but it was a room he liked, a room he’d always felt loved in and a room where he and Jess had shared their most intimate moments.
He hoped that Jess would be inside. They really needed to talk; he wanted to tell her how he felt, how much he loved her. He had wanted to tell her all of this for the past couple of days, but the only chance he’d had to speak to her was when she’d been clearing Emily’s room. It seemed that every time they got a moment to themselves, someone had walked in, interrupted them or needed one of them to do something else. And why wouldn’t they? It was a hotel, it was Christmas, the rooms were public and the guests were there to enjoy their stay, not to overhear a conversation that really should have been kept for a private moment. But with all that had been happening, private moments had been rare. Their shifts had been opposites, which had meant that he’d worked through the nights, and Jess through the days, so even at bedtime they’d simply not been together.