by Lynda Stacey
A determination went through him. He had to get out, he had to get to Jess and he had to ensure Lily’s safety. He needed something to help him, something to use as a crutch, something to help him get back up what was left of the stairs and to where his mobile lay on the kitchen worktop. He turned his head in an attempt to look around the cellar. He felt all around him in the hope that there would be something he could use. Then he felt his torch, and breathed a sigh of relief when it lit up the room, giving him the chance to assess the damage and to look down at his leg. ‘Shit.’ He could see the blood, the shape of his leg where it no longer looked straight and surmised that it was not only badly cut, but more than definitely broken. ‘Great,’ he shouted. ‘That’s just fucking great.’ He took in measured breaths. Now he’d seen the damage, it hurt even more. The torch began to flicker; the batteries were dying. He used what was left of the battery to look around and noticed several piles of boxes, the word ‘Christmas’ clearly marked on the side of one, making him wonder if he’d get to see the one that was now only a few days away.
‘Oh boy, you sure left plenty behind, didn’t you?’ he said to the ghosts of the past and shook his head as his torch flickered. With the last remaining moments of battery, he pointed it one last time at what was left of the staircase, only to watch the light extinguish itself and once again leave him in the darkness.
Taking a deep breath, Jack pulled himself to one side and then to the other, while using his arms to control his weight. The last thing he wanted was for any more of the staircase to break or fall upon him. But he knew that if he had any chance of saving Lily, he had to free himself and he had to do it now. He had to move, he had to release his legs and somehow he had to climb what was left of the stairs and get back to the Hall.
His eyes focused on the outline of the cellar door. It was the same door that he’d torn the lock off earlier, and now it blocked his view, leaving only a shard of dim fading light around it’s edges. He’d hung his coat on the back of the door, while working. He’d worked up a sweat and had taken it off for a while, but now the cold was becoming unbearable as the dampness of sweat dried on his skin and his temperature dropped, making him shiver relentlessly. He could just about make out the shape of the coat. It looked like a person standing at the top of the stairs, and he imagined that someone was there watching over him, taking care of him in the darkness, willing him to go on. It was a nice thought, but what he really wished for was that he’d kept the coat on, that he’d left the cellar for another day and that right now he was at the hospital, with Jess, meeting their baby.
As the pain became more and more unbearable, Jack once again began drifting in and out of consciousness. Each time he came around, he tried to pull the air into his lungs, and he tried to look at his watch; even though the numbers shone out, they appeared blurred and he couldn’t make out the time, but he knew it was late. He knew Jess would be worried. ‘Are you looking for me, Jess?’ he whispered, with the hope that she’d begun to search. ‘I’m so sorry I’ve let you down.’ He began to curse at his own stupidity. Because of him Lily was in danger, they could have taken her by now and if they hurt her he’d never forgive himself.
‘Help, help … can anyone hear me?’ he yelled, knowing that no one could. He’d already worked out how far away the farm had been from the Hall. He’d originally thought it a good thing, but now, now he wasn’t so sure.
He kicked himself. What had it been that Emily’s letter had said? ‘There had been too many secrets.’ Well, she’d been right and now, because of him there were even more of them and on top of that Lily was in danger and he had no way of letting Jess or Bastion know.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Jess arrived back at the hotel. ‘He’s bound to be back by now, Maddie, and if he is, boy is he going to get it.’
‘For one, I hope he is back and for two, I wouldn’t want to be him if he is.’ Madeleine pushed open the large wooden door and stepped inside the warmth of the hotel. ‘Always nice to be home on a winter’s night, isn’t it?’
Jess followed her sister in and nodded as she tore off her gloves and scarf. ‘Okay, I’m going to head on up, see if he’s in our room.’ Jess began climbing the stairs. ‘If he’s in the kitchen with Nomsa, tell him to come up, I need a word.’
Jess knew that the room would be empty long before she reached it. An overwhelming sense of loss filled her heart as she realised that if Jack were capable of getting to their room, he’d have been at the hospital. He’d have kept his word and by now they’d have both met their baby for the very first time.
Placing a key in the door, she hesitated before opening it. ‘What if he really isn’t here, what will you do?’ Her stomach began to turn, her heart beating heavily and she had a sudden need to throw up. Running into the room, Jess ran straight to the en suite where she sat on the side of the bath with her head over the sink and splashed cold water on her face.
She stared back into the bedroom where the Moses basket stood, empty and waiting. Jack had said that he was going to buy some blankets and Babygros, one of each in lemon and cream, just to add a little colour. At the time she’d smiled and Jack had spoken about the scan. He’d been excited and had really wanted to find out whether their baby was a girl or a boy. Jess remembered how she’d explained that it was far too early and that at just ten weeks it was impossible to tell. He’d been disappointed, but had talked about going into town together after the appointment and buying the biggest teddy bear they could find.
Jess sighed. ‘He was so excited,’ she whispered. ‘So why wouldn’t he turn up?’ She thought of Jack, of his punctuality, and how he was always early to go everywhere. And deep in her heart she knew that he’d never abandon her, which meant that something had happened, or that someone was stopping him from coming home. ‘Where are you, Jack?’ She closed her eyes, causing a flashback from the year before: the cable ties, the pain in her wrists, the cage. She could vividly see Liam’s burnt face glaring at her while he poked her with a stick and the way he’d threatened to cut the rope from which the cage hung. She jumped back into the present, her skin hot and clammy. If Liam had cut the rope, she’d have plunged to her death. Jess gasped and splashed more cold water on her face.
‘I have to do something. He can’t have gone far and he wouldn’t have left me, so … so he must be hurt.’ She pulled her mobile from her pocket and once again tried to call him. ‘Come on, Jack. Answer.’ But the phone rang and rang, before going to voicemail. She listened to his voice, to the message he’d left and smiled. ‘Oh, Jack. I don’t know where you are, but I am going to find you.’
Jess headed down the stairs and entered the kitchen where everyone was congregated. Bandit stood talking to them all. ‘I’m going to search the woods, and the summer house. Madeleine, could you check the hospitals, and accident and emergency? Len, if you could drive the roads between here and Jack’s mum’s house, look for any sign that a car could have left the road. Ann, if you could phone the list of his friends that Madeleine gave you. Someone has to have heard from him. Bernie, I’m afraid evening service will be left to you to run.’ He turned and acknowledged that Jess had walked in. He held out his arms and pulled her towards him. ‘Nomsa, could you look after Jess? And Bastion, could you keep an eye on the schoolchildren who are starting to arrive for their rehearsal and, of course, on the girls?’ He kissed Jess on the forehead. ‘We are going to find him, I promise.’
The words made Jess crumble in a heap. Suddenly it was real. Jack really was missing and even Bandit was taking it seriously and throwing his military training into finding him. ‘The police, do you think we should call the police?’
Everyone shook their heads. ‘Jess, it’s too soon,’ Madeleine said. ‘He’s a grown man, and unless we have proof that he’s missing, the police won’t do anything. Not yet.’ She paused and looked at Bandit as though searching for the words.
‘Maddie’s right. Let’s wait, do a few searches ourselves, and if he hasn’t turne
d up after dinner, then we’ll call them.’ Bandit looked at the others. ‘Right, has everyone got a mobile phone?’ he asked and watched as everyone rummaged for phones.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
‘Griff, come on, I’m cold and what’s more I don’t like these clothes, they itch like hell and they’re too fucking big. Hanging off me they are. Look.’ She pulled at the oversized wool skirt and jacket that Griff had bought from the charity shop and pulled a face in his direction. ‘God knows who wore them before me, they’ve never heard of fabric softener, that’s for sure.’
‘Shut up, Annie. You’re doing my head in and I’m trying to sleep. And stop talking bollocks. When have you ever used bloody fabric softener?’ He lay back in his seat with his eyes closed, while the rain battered the rusty old van. It sounded like a million drummers all tapping all at once, and Annie wondered how on earth he could even think about sleep during such an onslaught.
‘I don’t think tonight is a good night, Griff. I can’t grab her in there. There’s far too many people about.’ Annie fidgeted with her skirt. Her head was bowed and each time someone ran past with umbrella in hand, she made an attempt to hide her face with her hands. They were parked right next to the hotel, where anyone who passed could see them, and she was feeling more than nervous. ‘Griff, can’t we move the van? What if Bastion comes outside? What if he sees me?’
Griff sighed. ‘Annie, if you hadn’t noticed, there’s a goddamned storm going on out there, so why the hell would he come outside?’ He moved around in his seat, kicked his boots off and put his feet up on the dashboard to show his moth-holed socks. ‘Anyhow. It’s not all about what you want, Annie, is it? It’s about what you owe me, what’s rightfully mine, and what you’ve gotta do to put that right. Have you got that?’ he growled as he pushed his feet harder against the dash making it creak. ‘And I don’t give a shit if you’re cold or not, we … we are going to sit here all fucking night if we have to, so why don’t you get your arse in that hotel and get her?’
Annie began to tremble. She wasn’t sure whether the trembling was with the cold or with nerves and once again she leaned forward to look at the front door of the hotel, where a group of young children were all running in, hand in hand with parents and siblings. She moved uncomfortably in her seat, knowing that Griff wouldn’t give her much more time to make her move, but she still wasn’t sure that their plan would work. Could she really walk in there, dressed like this, dressed in a suit, pretending to be just one of the other children’s mothers? Was this how a mother dressed? She shook her head as she took note of the other women who were entering the hall. Most looked as though they wore jeans, and big coats, with scarves, hats and gloves, and without exception, none wore two piece woollen suits.
‘Look at them, Griff, they’re not dressed like this … and if I go out there, I’m gonna stand out a fucking mile. Besides I’ll get wet, won’t I?’
Griff leaned across to her and stared into her eyes and for a moment Annie thought he’d softened, that he was about to kiss her, but then she saw the flash of his flick knife as he held it up in the air. ‘Get out of the fucking van and go get the fucking kid, and do it now!’ he screamed and Annie scrambled to throw the door open. She had to get away from the blade and she jumped out of the van and into the pouring rain.
For a moment Annie just stood, the rain coming down in torrents, and within seconds both the wool suit and her hair were soaked. Her blouse clung to her skin and her lack of underwear became very apparent, very quickly. She took a step towards the hotel and looked up at the big oak door. It was closed and she began to wish that she’d jumped out of the van earlier while the others were going in. At least then she’d have had the opportunity to enter the hall with the other children and their parents. She placed a hand on the door, but then looked to her left, to where the tall stone mullion window stood. Through it she could see the Christmas tree, which stood sparkling in the corner of the room. It was a big tree but small in comparison to the one that stood behind her in the garden. Annie looked over to it as the rain trickled down her face. The tree that stood in the garden was at least thirty feet high with what looked to be a million sparkling lights and, for just a few seconds, Annie stared at it through the rain and thought of all the Christmases she’d missed with Lily. How if she’d been a real mother to her, they’d be looking forward to this Christmas together, and how she too might have had a Christmas tree to sit by, a real fire and all the Christmas fayre, and most of all, she thought of how many of those days she’d have got to share with Bastion.
Annie turned back towards the house and stood on her tiptoes to look in through the stone windows, to where the children all stood in a group, dressed in a red and grey uniform. Right beside them, sitting on a red and gold settee, was her Lily, who was singing along with the songs, a huge smile on her face and with Bastion and the other little girl sitting beside her. The whole scene was a picture of innocence, of happiness and a perfect Christmas. She looked back at the door and shook her head. There was no way she could walk in there and take Lily. Bastion would never allow it. She tiptoed around the building looking for another way in, another way of getting to Lily without being seen. Maybe if she could find a way in she could hide, wait for an opportunity to arise to snatch Lily, and at least she would be somewhere dry and out of the rain. She found herself looking in through a kitchen window, at a dark skinned, rotund woman who was hugging another. The other woman was a grown up duplicate of Lily and Annie knew immediately that this girl was the daughter that Bastion had never spoken of, and the reason he’d come here with Lily.
‘Okay, I’ve got it. Well, at least he isn’t in the hospital, that’s good news, isn’t it?’ The sound of a man’s voice came from behind her and Annie quickly ducked behind a large rubbish bin, where she crouched down with her eyes closed and held her breath until he’d walked past and entered the Hall by a back door. She sat behind the bin, on the floor in the mud, not caring how wet or dirty she became. After all being in the gutter was what she’d become used to; being socially unacceptable was normal to her and living in fear was a fact of life. Today would be no different. She knew that Griff had already flashed the blade and he wouldn’t hesitate to use it, should he decide to. Her eyes went to a greenhouse, to the woods that stood beyond and she wondered how easily she could escape, how far she would get on a cold winter’s night in high heels and a soaked wool suit.
She shook her head knowing that she wouldn’t get far. Besides, what was the point? Somehow she had to get back to London, somehow she had to get back to her stash of drugs and somehow she had to keep Griff sweet until she did.
Chapter Thirty
Jess sat in the kitchen, waiting. She pursed her lips, tapped her fingernails on the oak table and kept looking at her watch as the minutes slowly ticked by.
‘Oh, Nomsa, I can’t just sit here, I should be out looking for him,’ she said as Nomsa once again turned to the sink, filled the kettle and placed it to boil. It was what Nomsa did. In times of great happiness or sadness, she always put the kettle on, she always made tea and like a proper mother hen, she always looked after everyone around her.
‘Now, now, my girl. You know it’s best that you’re here, you should be waiting for him when he gets back.’ Nomsa tried to smile, but the smile didn’t quite reach as far as her eyes and her normal sparkle just wasn’t there, making Jess realise how frightened for Jack she was. ‘I haven’t known your daddy that long, but what I do know is that if it was him who was missing, I’d be waiting here for him when he got back.’
Jess smiled at the sentiment. It made her happy that Nomsa and her father seemed to be getting on so well. And she was pleased for Nomsa too, she deserved a little love and it was good that she’d finally met someone to share the buckets full she had to offer in return.
‘Besides, the others are out looking and you know they won’t come home without him, don’t you?’ She paused and lifted the steaming hot kettle from the range. ‘Now, h
ow about a nice cup of tea?’ She poured the water into the teapot and gave it a stir before Jess had time to answer.
Jess held back the tears. She had to believe that Nomsa was right and had to hope that Jack would be home sooner, rather than later. Closing her eyes, she listened to the sound from the grand hall, where the local schoolchildren were once again practising their Christmas carols. It was their final practise before Christmas Eve, when half the village would descend upon the Hall and the Christmas festivities would begin.
‘Seriously, Nomsa, I’m sorry, but if I drink another cup of tea, I swear I’ll drown in it.’ She moved position and turned towards the door. ‘I should have known something was wrong. I should have realised he was missing the minute he didn’t turn up for the … appointment. Why … why didn’t I realise?’
‘Honey, you really can’t blame yourself.’ Nomsa pulled open the fridge door. ‘Why don’t you try and eat something?’
‘I can’t eat, not yet. If anything has happened to him, I’ll never forgive myself.’ It was true, she wouldn’t. She should have known that Jack wouldn’t just disappear. Not like this, not on purpose. She hadn’t questioned him when he’d left early that morning and now she wished she had. If only she’d asked what he was doing, where he was going and then, when he hadn’t turned up to go to the hospital, she’d have known where to look, rather than just cursing him and going without him.
‘Where are the girls?’ Jess asked as she fiddled with the cup of tea. ‘Do you think Bastion is well enough to keep an eye on them both? I mean, he still isn’t well, is he?’ She stood up and paced up and down the room. ‘Nomsa, I know Bandit put you in charge of keeping me sane, but I’m literally going crazy sitting here. I really need to do something.’ She turned and grabbed her coat.