A knock on the doorframe interrupted her troubled thoughts.
“Can I help you?” she asked the familiar-looking man hovering in the door. His charcoal-gray overcoat and polished leather boots proclaimed him a businessman, not one of the mill workers.
“Hello, Noel,” he said. “I’m George. We met at the holiday dinner. I wanted to talk to Dan about his insurance policy. The company won’t let him put the payment off.”
“Oh, no! He used his spare cash to buy my car tires,” Noel exclaimed. “Is there anything he can do?”
A cold sweat coated her skin. Insurance was vital to keep things together in an emergency. After her husband was killed, her whole life had fallen apart. She couldn’t afford the mortgage on her small house and had to move to a one-bedroom flat. Her tips barely covered the rent.
With shaky fingers she scrambled through the bills and pulled out the one labeled insurance. Her eyes blurred with painful memories. Her health insurance had disappeared with his job. There were free health clinics, but she’d needed to take time from work and bring Holly to the crowded waiting rooms.
Blinking rapidly, she cleared her vision and her thoughts. She’d learned the hard way. Dan shouldn’t take the chance he’d have to suffer for being a good man. She winced as George enumerated the quarterly payment amount.
Her hands steadied before she refolded the bill and tucked it inside the envelope.
“How much to keep it active?” Noel’s hand hovered over the rolled coins.
“I talked to them. They’ll accept one month to keep him covered. Money’s always tight over the holidays,” George said.
She nodded once when he named a figure. After counting, she gathered up more than half the pile of filled quarter wrappers.
After she paid Dan’s premium, she’d barely have enough to reach home, but it wasn’t important. Her stomach rolled at the risk Dan had been taking. He was short of cash and still paid for her tires. She had to do this for him. She knew what happened without insurance.
She pressed the coins into his hands.
“I’ll pay it.” She gave George a sharp nod. “But you can’t tell him.”
Chapter Five
By mid-December the snow drifts were higher than Noel’s head. She’d worried about the long drive ahead, but today clear weather was predicted for the next week. Her fingers were unsteady when she locked the café’s front door.
This was her last night with Dan.
Noel fought back tears as she braced herself. Dan slowly polished the last of the washed glasses. Cleanup was finished and the tables ready for the morning rush. Ernie would fill in until Dan found another waitress.
Regret froze her bones while she watched Dan. It hurt that he avoided her gaze.
“The children are sound asleep and I’m ready to leave. The car’s packed,” she said after she sat at the counter. Her knees refused to hold her.
“Are you sure?” Dan’s gruff voice sounded hollow.
“Oh, Dan, I can’t let Holly down.” Noel swallowed welling tears.
When Dan laid his hand over hers she twined her fingers with his and sighed. He brushed away her tears with a low curse.
After he turned off the overhead lights, they sat in the back booth. The radio played soft country music. Dan kept his arm around her and Noel savored his closeness.
“What are you going to do after we leave?” Noel whispered.
A laugh rumbled deep in his chest before he settled onto the wide seat. “That’s easy. Finish the house. My parents’ farm is in good hands and I don’t need to spend any time there. I want the restaurant business to grow, be successful. Everything takes time and work, but I can picture it five years from now.”
Noel’s attention wandered to how he felt under her touch as he detailed the changes he’d make, but he drew her back with a question. “How about you?”
“I want to fix up my farm, make it a good home for Holly and Nicholas. There’s work in the area, so we’ll be fine.”
His brown eyes reflected the light like polished mahogany as he lifted her hand to his lips. Noel’s breath stopped. Although he’d never said how he felt, she loved him. She prized every moment they spent together. She wanted to have one more memory.
“We’re not teenagers,” she whispered. “I want you so much.”
His dark gaze held hers until she reached up to smooth his rumpled hair. He hauled her over the seat and into his embrace.
A groan rumbled in his chest. He’d hungered to taste her again. His mouth devoured her lips, roaming over her cheeks and throat until her head fell back. His heart thumped and slowed. “I want you too, but it’s not the time.”
“I know you’re right. The trip takes at least three days,” she whispered sadly. “And I promised.”
He fumbled in his pocket and withdrew something. “I have this for you.” He held out a small flat box. When she clasped her hands behind her, he pushed it at her. “Take it. It’s for the kids. I don’t want to worry.”
“Oh, Dan,” she said. “You’ve done so much already.” She opened the box to reveal a disposable cell phone. A sob rattled in her throat.
“Don’t get all mushy on me. It’s one of those cheap ones, where you pay for the minutes. Use it in an emergency.”
Noel threw her arms around him. Her heart was torn: a safe home for her children, or this man.
Dan’s chest heaved before he gathered her into his embrace, and she melted against him.
His warm breath brushed her ear and he pressed a kiss to her hair. “Oh, Noel, I want to hold you like this forever,” Dan whispered. “Change your mind. Stay.”
“I can’t,” Noel murmured, blinking back her tears. Her arms resisted when she loosened her hug. Dan’s dark gaze searched her face and he gave a brief nod.
“Then I’ll be waiting for you,” Dan promised.
Her hands were unsteady after she stood.
“Joe rechecked the car before he dropped it off,” Dan said. His fingers rubbed over her shoulder and down her arm, settling at her waist. She leaned against him.
“I know. I filled the tank with gas and everything is packed. I left out enough clothes for overnight.” She pressed her face against him, inhaling his scent like a diver drawing in oxygen to stay alive. She needed to remember every detail.
“Are you sure you have enough money?” he squeezed her tighter.
“Don’t offer me any,” Noel ordered, lifting her head to meet his frowning gaze. “I counted my tips a dozen times. We have enough for gas, a motel, and meals.”
“Holly wants to take Harriet,” Dan said. His smile twitched his curved lips and she traced a finger over them.
“I managed to convince her you need her company.” Noel rubbed her forehead before smothering a yawn.
“Thanks,” he said, and laughed drily. He tucked her hair behind her ear, his touch so light it barely grazed her skin but stabbed her heart. “You need to get some sleep. Go to bed.”
Noel tore her gaze from his. There was nothing left to say. He would stay and she would go.
****
Noel was so exhausted she sat on the edge of the bed for a moment before getting undressed. The next she knew, Harriet’s shrill barking snapped her from a deep sleep. Harsh coughs seared her throat. Hazy smoke clouded the room.
“Fire,” she gasped. “Fire!” Instead of a scream, she barely whispered. Panic choked her. Her heart slammed against her chest as she stumbled to her feet.
The children! Holly! Nicholas!
Tears streamed down her cheeks, blinding her. Harriet’s shrill bark drilled into her head. The stink of burning wire tasted bitter on her tongue.
My babies, my babies! Where was the other bed? The crib?
Her throat burned. There was no air left, only this blinding smoke. Frightened out of all reason, she pressed her shaking hand to her mattress and circled the foot of her bed. Squinting didn’t help her see. When she swept her arm out and found the other bed, she gasped and coug
hed. Her frantic search found Holly cocooned under her blankets and she bundled her into her arms.
“Mommy!” Holly whimpered before she coughed. “Mommy, I’m scared.”
“I’ve got you, baby,” she mumbled. “Hold on tight.” Her thoughts jumped like a grasshopper.
Nick! She had to get Nick!
Her legs pressed against the side of the bed. The air was growing hot, too hot. Loud crackling and snapping came from under her feet. Her lungs refused to fill. His crib was only two steps away.
Which way? Which way?
“Nicholas!” she screamed.
Close by, he coughed roughly. Noel stretched her arm out in front of her and lunged for the sound. Her fingers banged the slated crib side and she cried out.
His muffled efforts to breath ripped at her heart. The dense smoke was hurting him, so she flipped his blanket over his head. With a grunt she managed to juggle him along with Holly.
Out! Out! They had to get out!
“Hold on, Holly!” she screamed.
Quickly! The smoke was thicker, heavier. The air grew hotter every second. She couldn’t see the windows or the door.
Which way? She sobbed. Time was her enemy.
The damn dog hadn’t stopped barking and she prayed it was near the door. With her next step, her feet tangled in the dragging blanket and she fell forward. Unable to catch herself, she banged into the wall, smacking her head so hard she saw stars.
Harriet nipped her ankle. The pain snapped her into focus and she struggled to her knees. The air was a little clearer close to the floor. She managed a couple of deep breaths. The burnt stink made her stomach heave.
Get out! Find the door! Unable to let go of the children, she hugged the wall and slid along the surface. Sweat ran down her face and stung her eyes.
Her shoulder found the door frame and she sobbed with relief.
“I’ll get you out of here. Don’t you worry. Mommy’s got you,” she repeated as she struggled to hold Holly and Nick. The doorknob felt cool to the touch and she sent up another prayer of thanks. The fire hadn’t reached the other side. She eased it open. Plumes of gray smoke billowed up the stairs, but no flames.
Seconds stretched like hours until she reached the first floor. Beeping from the smoke detector in the café barely reached her ears. The crackling flames were so loud she couldn’t think.
“Dan! Dan! Dan!” She screamed and kicked his closed door. She had to wake him, but she had to get her children out, too. Harriet yapped again. The smoke detector in the kitchen shrilled.
“Noel! Get out!” Dan shouted when he burst from his room. He pushed them through the rear door.
Tears washed down her scorched cheeks. Her arms shook while she clutched her children. The clean air hit her like a hammer. Noel choked and bent over, coughing violently.
“Thank God,” she gasped. Her throat felt like a file had scraped it. Nick’s cough gradually quieted and she peeled the protective blanket from his face. Holly snorted and released her neck with a grunt.
“What happened, Mommy?” she complained before she looked around. Dan wrapped them in his embrace as if he’d never let them go.
“We’re safe, but there’s a fire,” Noel soothed. Her knees knocked like an impatient intruder. Only Dan’s encircling arms kept her from slumping to the ground. Frosty air snapped at Noel’s nose and froze her hands.
“Let me down, Mommy. You’re squeezing me too hard,” Holly complained and wiggled to be freed.
“Okay, but stay right next to me.” Noel reluctantly let her down, but kept a tight clasp on her hand. Luckily her pajamas had footsies to keep her from the frozen ground.
A falling timber sent sparks high into the sky. Heat blasted across the walkway from the open door.
“We need to move back,” Dan urged. “The place is going up fast.”
Harriet yapped loudly while Dan hustled them across the parking lot. He still wore what he’d had on last night. He must have fallen asleep before undressing, too. Noel’s chest hurt from the rough coughing.
When sirens shattered the night quiet, she sagged with relief. The fire department would put out the fire and save Dan’s café.
“Someone must have called the dispatcher,” Dan said. His voice shook as he dragged his hand over his face. “I didn’t even think about it.”
He stared at the building while red flames burst behind the café windows. Noel felt her heart crack with pain when shadows filled his eyes. His dream was going up in smoke.
Several pickup trucks thundered into the lot. Blue lights flashed from their roofs as a dozen or more men struggled into their firefighting gear. One ran over to Dan. His helmet was marked “Chief.”
“Is everyone safe?” he shouted over the sirens.
“We’re all here,” Dan said, and waved at Noel and the children. Harriet panted and sat in the snow at their feet. Noel couldn’t hear what he said as he bent closer to the fireman.
Dan’s stony expression didn’t conceal his dread from her while they talked.
The fire chief directed the men to hook up hoses and spray the building. The freezing air turned the water to ice, quickly coating the scorched exterior.
Noel couldn’t stop watching until the entire building was engulfed. The ice-encased shell had a surreal beauty, reflecting the darting flames and blue lights. People crowded around, patting her arm and then going over to Dan.
“Don’t worry about this mite. I’ll take care of her,” the vet said before he picked up Harriet.
Noel gave him an absent nod and kept her gaze on Dan.
He’d joined the volunteers in their efforts. His shoulders strained while he helped lay hose. She prayed everything would be all right.
Her emotions finally caught up to Noel. She kept Nicholas close to her chest and held on to Holly’s hand like an anchor as she stumbled to the car.
Her jacket and purse had been in her room. Thank goodness she had a spare key tucked under the wheel well and a light coat in the backseat. She shifted the children inside and collapsed in the driver’s seat. Her wallet lay where she’d forgotten it after filling the tank with gas.
“Do you need anything?” Dan leaned in the open door. He touched her cheek with sooty fingers.
“No. Don’t worry about me,” Noel murmured.
Blue light painted his face a haggard gray and his voice was rough. Someone had loaned him a heavy coat that fit too tightly over his wide shoulders and revealed his tired slump. Dirt streaked his cheeks.
She eased from the car. Her legs were still wobbly, and she joined Dan where he slumped against the fender. His stare fixed on the dying fire. His clothes stank of burned wood.
Noel ached to soothe away the heart-sickening pain cutting lines on his face. She wound her arms around his waist.
“It’s a total loss,” he said. “Everything I worked for is destroyed. I’ll have to start all over again.”
“Oh, Dan. I’m so sorry. What can I do?” She clutched him tighter, her throat raw and her eyes burning. A deep sigh lifted his chest under her cheek before she burrowed against him. Her eyes burned, but she’d run out of tears.
He eased his hand free and stroked it over her hair. “There’s nothing here for you. Please. Be safe. Go home.”
“No,” she protested. Everything in her begged to help him. “I’ll stay.”
His dark eyes filled with shadows when he held her away from him, his hands firmly gripping her shoulders. His jaw set like granite.
“It’s a total loss, Noel. I don’t even know where I’m going to sleep. There’s no place at the farm, unless I use a stall in the barn. At least you’ll have a house,” he said. His voice was so hoarse she had to strain to understand.
“But...” She gulped. If she started to cry, she wouldn’t be able to stop. Dan didn’t need to worry about her, and she cared too much to demand it. She shivered before she swallowed her tears.
Her lips parted to tell him she loved him, but she kept the words inside.
Dan didn’t need another burden. He was right. Her heart cracked before she nodded. She longed to straighten his tangled hair, but her arms dropped to her sides.
“Keep your promise to Holly. Go home for Christmas.” He pressed a tired kiss to her chapped lips. “You turn that phone on. I’ll let you know what happens.”
“I can stay,” she whispered. She fumbled to remove the cell phone from her pocket, her fingers unsteady when she complied.
“Please. Go. I can’t deal with all this until I know you’re safely on your way.”
****
Dan’s world lay in charred and broken pieces. The old frame structure had fallen in on itself and the remains lay beneath his boots. Fatigue settled on his shoulders and dragged him down. The rising sun cast long shadows across the wreckage of his business. He bent to move a scorched two-by-four aside. Blackened bits crumbled under his fingers and he stared at the flakes.
This was his life. All he had left after years of hard work. His neighbors and friends had done their best, but it wasn’t enough.
There was nothing left of his plans to provide a life with Noel except ashes.
He rubbed his hands over his bristled cheeks and groaned aloud. Noel was gone. Loneliness cut his gut like glass shards. It was for the best. The kids needed stability, not the train wreck his life had become.
She’d offered to stay, but for what?
“We found the cause.” The fire chief caught him by the arm and helped him to his feet. “Looks like an electrical fire in the exhaust fan. Tom says you were already planning to replace it, so the insurance company won’t be a problem.”
Dan had thought he’d reached bottom but he felt the earth crumble under his boots.
“I didn’t pay the premium,” he admitted, his tongue numb. He thought of the tires he’d bought for Noel’s car. At least she was safe. He swayed as his bones turned to gelatin.
“Naw, George said he’ll make sure you get a check as quick as possible.” The chief turned and shouted for the insurance man to join them.
Dan blinked to clear his eyes. George’s fancy suit and boots had been replaced by the same fire gear as the rest of the volunteers. He ignored the soot on his manicured fingers while he shook Dan’s hand.
Journey of the Magi Page 5