I bit my lip and averted my eyes, trying to hold back my laugh. “That’s good to know.”
An awkward silence filled the space as we continued to eat, and I wondered if he was directing that comment at me.
I grabbed my soda to take a sip when I noticed him staring at me.
“What?” I questioned, raising an eyebrow.
He laid his sandwich on his plate and folded his hands on the table, looking as if he was going into serious mode.
“Can I ask you something personal without you taking offense to it?” he asked in a sincere tone.
I squinted at him trying to gauge why he wanted to ask me something personal. I wasn’t sure I wanted to get into anything personal, but since he’d asked me not to take offense to his question I was very curious as to what he was going to say.
I placed my drink down and rested my hands on my legs under the table. “Okay,” I answered slowly.
He bit at his lip and let out a sigh, something I knew I would do if I were about to say something that either made me uncomfortable or was hard to say. I immediately went on guard and held my breath as I waited for him to speak.
He looked at me and then shook his head.
“Never mind, forget I said anything.”
“Oh, no you don’t. You have me on pins and needles over here now, so just come out—”
“Is there something going on with you and Professor Cline?” he blurted, cutting me off.
My mouth hung open and my eyes widened in shock. I didn’t know what to say. Where the hell would he get that idea?
My stomach formed knots as I tried to think of what to say. I knew the longer I stayed quiet the more guilty I looked, but honestly, where did he even get off asking me that question?
“I’m sorry, but what?” I responded, deciding to play stupid.
He smiled, not a genuine smile but a nervous one. I didn’t know him very well, but I could tell the difference.
“I know it’s none of my business, but I just wanted to tell you that if it were true, then you need to be more careful,” he explained quietly.
I shook my head in disbelief. “Why would you even think to ask me something like that?”
He leaned forward on the table and stared into my eyes. “I heard you,” he whispered as he averted his eyes to my chest. “I left class and remembered I needed to talk to him about something. I came back up to head to his office when I passed the room.” He looked at me, my face flushing with embarrassment. “I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, but I had an idea.” He looked down and fiddled with his hands. I just stared down at the table, not knowing what to say. “I hid around the corner and waited. I’m not sure why. I should have left, but my curiosity won out. Then a couple minutes later, I saw you leave.”
I looked up to meet his gaze, so flushed I could feel the heat coming off my body. I knew there was a possibility someone would hear, but I’d never thought someone would actually approach me about it. I was completely mortified.
“I’m not sure what to say,” I whispered as I fiddled with my hands in my lap.
“I didn’t bring this up to embarrass you, Emma. I just wanted to say that if there is something going on, you both need to be more careful, like I said. If you’re serious about being an attorney, then I’d highly suggest not sleeping with your professor.”
I looked up to meet his gaze and frowned, anger starting to build in my chest. It seemed like he was starting to judge me and I didn’t like it. Who was he to say anything about what I did?
“We met before school ever started. I didn’t know who he was until the first day of class. And you’re right; it is none of your business.”
Scooting my chair out, I grabbed my bag from the floor and turned to leave when I felt a hand wrap around my arm.
“Please don’t go, Emma. I’m just trying to be a friend, I swear. I’m not going to say anything else about it. Just please sit down,” he begged.
I jerked my arm from his hold. I could appreciate someone trying to be a friend, but he didn’t know me.
“Thank you for your concern, but I have to leave now. I’ll see you in class tomorrow, okay?” I said as I started to turn from him. “Let’s pretend this never happened.”
He nodded with a remorseful expression and I left. Tears pricked my eyes as I made my way to the subway. Brian was right; I knew he was right. My whole career was on the line. My scholarship was on the line. What was I doing? Why couldn’t I stay away? I was so drawn to him and I couldn’t understand it.
I’d have to tell him Brian knew. I didn’t want to, but he deserved to know. He had to have known there was a chance we’d get caught in his classroom. Maybe that was why he did it. I didn’t know, but I was completely on edge about the whole thing. I needed to talk to someone about it.
Pulling out my phone, I sent a text to Victoria.
Me: Hey, can you talk?
V: Yes, you want to come to my place?
Me: I’ll be there in twenty. Getting on the subway now.
V: K.
~*~
I arrived at Victoria’s and knocked on her door as I tried to figure out how I was going to tell her about everything that had happened. I was bouncing back and forth between having just told her nothing had happened to admitting Mason and I had been together twice. It was a whirlwind of activity.
She opened the door with a smile and turned to walk back down the hall, expecting me to follow.
I closed it and made my way in behind her as she walked into the living room.
“So, what’s going on?” she asked, patting the seat next to her. “You never come over here without something on your mind to talk about, so spill it.”
I laughed. “That’s not true,” I stated. “I come over here just to hang out, too.”
“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes. “Just spill it,” she repeated, motioning with her hand.
“So, Mason and I had sex,” I blurted, just getting it out there.
She stared at me with a stunned expression and I laughed. I couldn’t help it. I knew she would have that reaction.
“Oh, shit. No, you didn’t. When?
“Friday night,” I said, biting my lip.
“You slut. No way. Are you serious?”
She was being overly dramatic.
I laughed. “Yes, but that’s not all I wanted to tell you.”
“Well, what the fuck! Tell me.”
I laughed again. “I’d rather keep you in suspense,” I teased and she gave me the death stare. “Fine, this is what I needed to talk to you about, okay?” She nodded. “I’ll tell you everything that’s happened, but I need your best advice on what to do because I’m so damn confused. I know deep down what I should do, but don’t really want to do it. I’m having an inner battle, and it’s fucking with my emotions.”
She nodded again.
I told her about what had happened Friday night. How I saw him at the club and decided to go home with him. I didn’t go into detail about the sex, but I told her he’d basically escorted me out the door immediately after. She frowned at that part, but then I told her about the classroom.
“Oh, my God, Em. That is so fucking hot. I’m getting turned on just hearing about it.” She laughed.
“Yeah, but that’s not the worst part.”
“What happened?”
I told her about Brian.
“Just tell Mason, Em. As of right now, the worst that could happen is he’d break things off. Maybe Brian was just trying to be a nice guy. You know, there are still guys out there who are good. And yes, I say all of this when I have no boyfriend, but I still have hope.” She smiled. “If you feel like this isn’t something you can handle, then don’t. Break it off now. Mason seems like a dominant and controlling guy, so you need to be careful. I know I told you to go for it in the beginning, but I don’t want this to turn bad for you, okay?”
I gave her a small smile and nodded. “You know, you always make me feel better.”
&nbs
p; She laughed. “That’s what I’m here for, babe.”
~*~
The next morning, I couldn’t get Brian’s conversation out of my head, and it made me anxious about getting to class. I was extremely nervous about talking to Mason. The problem was I didn’t want Brian to see me alone with him since he knew what happened. It made me uncomfortable and it felt like I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to be, which in that case I technically was. I just didn’t want to look bad, so I had no idea when I’d be able to talk to him. I’d have to wait and see if he called me after class, or I could call his office line at the school and leave him a message, but I didn’t think that was appropriate.
I just had to wait and see what happened.
I opened the door to the classroom and my eyes focused on the man sitting behind the desk. It didn’t matter how many times I’d seen him, my body still flushed every time.
He was typing on his laptop when I walked up to the desk to sign my name. I tried not to be obvious as I glanced up at him as I wrote, but I couldn’t help it. He looked different. It could have been the pissed-off expression he wore as his fingers flew over the keyboard.
I stood there for a moment as I watched him. It was as if he didn’t even notice my presence, not that he should, but I felt a slight hint of disappointment. Women wanted to be noticed, especially by the guy they were sleeping with.
“Can I help you, Ms. Blake?” he asked in a stern tone.
My eyes focused on Mason’s expression. He looked at me with a furrowed brow, almost the same expression he’d had when he noticed me on Monday. I was dumbfounded. What happened between then and now for him to act the way he is? How can I find him attractive if he treats me like that? I understood that in a classroom setting, we had to act as if we didn’t know each other intimately, but that didn’t mean he had to be an asshole.
I shook my head and turned away from his desk, then looked up to see Brian already in his seat staring down at me. I averted my eyes and made my way up the stairs, all the while trying to stop myself from looking back at Mason.
“Good morning,” Brian greeted as I set my things down and took a seat.
“Good morning.” I gave him a small smile.
I sat down and took my things from my bag when he started to speak.
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry about yesterday, okay?” I opened my laptop and turned to look at him. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I know you told me to pretend the conversation didn’t happen, but I wanted to at least apologize. I usually don’t blurt out things like that and this might actually be a little forward for me to say, but I think you’re beautiful and I’d hate to see you get hurt.”
I bit my lips together to try to hide my smile, but it didn’t work. “Thanks. And I’m sorry for being rude. You just kind of caught me off-guard, ya know?”
He nodded and looked down front, drawing my attention. Mason was looking up at us with an insidious expression.
“I’m thinking he’s not in a good mood again today,” Brian said as he leaned toward me.
“It would appear that way.” I shrugged and started reading over my case notes, or at least pretended to do so.
It was going to be another day of being unfocused, unless I let myself get lost in the case again. I wasn’t sure how I was ever going to get through the class with Mason teaching it.
“Let’s get started,” Mason stated. I looked up from my notes to see him perched against the front of his desk. “I want to hear your thoughts on the assignment I gave you.” He glanced around the room as he spoke, but then his eyes landed on me and stayed there. “Ms. Blake, you and Mr. Weller seemed to have partnered up. What have both of you come up with?”
A pang of anxiety washed over me as he called my name. Out of everyone in the room, he had to call on me first? I looked over at Brian then back down at Mason. It was as if my vocal cords had been taken from me, and the words I wanted to say weren’t coming out. My mind went completely blank as he stared at me, waiting for me to speak. Anger built in the pit of my stomach and I could feel my face flaming from embarrassment.
“We came up with multiple different conclusions, but-,” Brian started before Mason cut him off.
“I didn’t call upon you, Mr. Weller. Get ahold of your tongue or you can leave my classroom.”
My eyes widened in shock as I stared down at Mason. I’d said I wasn’t sure how I’d get through the class and it seemed Mason was going to make it as difficult as possible. Maybe I should see about switching out. I wanted to learn from the best, but the best was turning out to be a complete asshole.
Chapter 22
Mason – Twelve years old
Pain.
It was all I ever felt. The ache in my chest never went away. I didn’t know how to go on without my mom. The images of that night played over and over in my mind. Nightmares plagued my sleep and there was nothing I could do about it.
My guidance counselor at school asked me if I needed sessions, but I’d declined. There was nothing she could do to help me. I just kept to myself. The only person I ever let in was Luke because we’d been friends for so long, and he was the only one I trusted.
I knew I shouldn’t still be haunted by that night. I should have been able to move on, but I couldn’t. I just wanted it to all disappear, but I didn’t know how to make that happen. Luke suggested I just focus on school. It was really the only thing I had to keep my mind occupied, anyway. I didn’t play sports and I wasn’t in any clubs, so studying was the only thing I had. And he was right; it did help take my mind off things, but it only worked for a certain amount of time. There was only so much I could study and there were hours in the day where I did nothing at all.
Those were the times I became a shell of myself. I was lonely and felt like I had no one, which was true. My cheerleader in life was gone.
John ceased to exist in my life, which was how I’d rather have it. The words he spoke that night still haunted me.
‘Mason took care of it for me.’ ‘She wasn’t your mother anyway.’
I didn’t know how to process all of it. At the time, they were just words, but as the days went by I knew what he was saying. I’d started to wonder how long I would have had with her before he would have killed her or even me.
He was the bad guy in our situation, not me.
As for the comments he’d said about her not being my mother? I had no idea what he meant by that. She was my mom in every way possible. She was the one who took care of me, who tucked me in at night. She was the one who made sure my homework was done and I ate all of my dinner. As far as I was concerned, if I had to claim one of them wasn’t my true parent, it was John. He was never there for me. I never saw him.
I hated him.
I hated that I was his son. I hated life itself.
How could someone so sweet and good be taken from the Earth, leaving the cold-hearted bastards to run the world?
I sat up in bed and stared out the window. It was a sunny day, but I could feel the chill in the air as the temperature began to drop outside. Snow would fall soon. Just another season Mom wouldn’t be there to enjoy.
The dream I’d just woken from was still playing in my mind and I stared at the notebook on my side table, debating on whether or not I’d write it down. I’d learned that writing it out sometimes helped the memories to fade away, but that wasn’t always a guarantee.
The dream had built sadness and rage in my chest to the point where I just wanted to cry. I hated feeling that way. I hated waking up every day feeling nothing and everything all at the same time. I wished she were there so I wouldn’t have to continue hurting. There were times I wished I’d fallen down the stairs with her.
Death was better than the life I had. Better than being the son of John Cline.
Reaching for my side table drawer, I opened it and peered inside. Sitting all alone in the drawer was my switchblade. I’d debated so many times on using it, but never had the guts.
I clasped it
into my hand, the metal and woodwork cold to the touch. I stared at it and pondered the significance it would bring to kill myself with a weapon John had given me. Maybe that was meant to be. Maybe he’d given it to me to tempt me. I didn’t necessarily think that was the reason, but it wouldn’t surprise me either way. Not with John.
Flipping the blade up, I brought it down to my wrist. I didn’t hesitate. There was no room for second-guessing myself. I either had to finish it or continue to live in my Hell. Those were my only choices
Pushing down on the blade, I ran it across my wrist. I hissed and bit my lip, holding back a cry of pain. I didn’t cut as deep as I’d intended, but as soon as I pulled the blade away, the pain diminished. I couldn’t explain it, but it felt freeing to make the choice all on my own.
I watched as the blood rivulets ran down my hand and between my fingers. The blood that gave me life.
John’s blood.
I just sat there staring, watching as the blood dripped from my hand onto the floor, and I could feel a tear run down my cheek. I knew she wouldn’t want that for me. I knew she’d want me to be strong, but it was just so hard.
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and looked down at my wrist. I knew the cut wasn’t deep enough to do any real damage, but the way it made me feel was something I wouldn’t be able to forget.
It was almost like an escape from my own mind. It felt good, and I immediately knew I’d do it again.
With all the pain, guilt, and loneliness inside, it was the one thing that made me feel alive, as though I finally had some kind of control over my life.
Nothing compared to that.
I’d just have to keep it hidden, which wouldn’t be hard since I had no one else in my life.
Chapter 23
Mason
I shouldn’t have been so hard on Emma in class, but I just didn’t know how to handle my feelings for her. I’d never been in an intimate relationship. I distanced myself from ever getting that close, but she made me want to change that. She made me think about a different future, one that wasn’t filled with guilt, despair, and darkness. She made me see a glint of hope. How do I change who I’ve become? How can I ever forget the past and move forward? If she ever found out what kind of man I was, she would run. It was better if I pushed her away, but then I was pissed at myself for doing it.
Professor Cline Revealed (The Professor #1) Page 16