All I really wanted to do at that point was find something to eat, soak in a bath, and then crawl in to bed. As usual, by the time I got one toe in the bath, my doorbell rang. Wrapped in a towel, I gingerly tiptoed to the door and looked out of my peephole, only to see a close-up eyeball. “Leigh! Leigh! Open up. I know your looking out of that little hole right now!” Kelly, of course. I reluctantly opened the door.
“Kelly! And what a surprise, it’s also Lindsey!” So much for a quiet bath.
“Where the hell have you been?” Kelly was more pissed than concerned.
“You left us with super stalkers!” Lindsey was visibly shaken.
“Sorry! Really, I was on my way over there when I was summoned to appear before the officers of the Witches Union.”
“Huh? What? Are you on drugs or something?” Kelly went from angry to puzzled.
Did she know something? How? Hunter? No way. She’s just being a smartass. “No! Of course not! You know I have absolutely no interest in even trying drugs. And for the record, I do want to say that I am in line with the latest poll numbers, marijuana should not be classified as a drug.”
“Wait, why did she just answer your rhetorical smartass statement, Kelly? You don’t think she is really—you know—using?”
Kelly crossed her arms and looked smugly at Lindsey. “Oh! You’re right, Lindsey! Why would she say that? Normally she just ignores my snide remarks. It’s so obvious. Because Leigh has just let on that she has a little secret to share! Isn’t that right, Leigh?” Kelly had turned to me and was tapping her foot. A knowing smirk covered her face. She might as well have just shouted out “Gotcha.” My phone started to ring, but it was in my bedroom, so I just let it go. I figured it was my weekly call from my parents, and I really didn’t want to add any more craziness to the day. “Shouldn’t you get that call, Leigh?”
“No, it’s probably just my parents.”
“Probably your dealer!” Kelly was kidding with me, but I knew she had already gotten some genuinely worried looks from Lindsey, and she had every intention of playing this up for her own amusement.
“No! For God sakes, Kelly! And there really is a Witches Union. And they ordered me to appear before them. And I flew home on my broom.” I reached into my purse that was sitting on an end table by the door. I pulled out the little miniature witches broom and held it up. “See? This is what I can instantly travel with!”
“Oh my God!” Lindsey squeaked out. “Is that one of those crack thingies? Oh, Leigh! You poor girl.” Tears started to run down her face. “If we would only have known you had become a—a junkie, or cracker, or whatever they call them.” She ran up and hugged me.
Kelly looked at Lindsey in complete disbelief. “Lindsey. Seriously. A crack thingy? And did you just call her a cracker?”
“How the hell would I know about all this druggie stuff? I grew up in East Krok, Wisconsin, population twelve.”
At this point, Kelly was laughing so hard she was making her little snorting noise.
I pushed Lindsey off of me. “No! Just listen, and I’ll tell you exactly what happened.” I recalled the entire ordeal from start to finish.
“Okay, Leigh, you know the agreement. Hand over Hunter’s number to us. He is going to be fair game.”
“What are you talking about, Kelly? What agreement?” I was caught completely off guard.
“I’d say that there is a 99.9% chance Hunter has already deleted you from his phone contacts and has you pegged as a first class nut job. If you recall the agreement, if any one of us has dibs on a guy and it doesn’t work out, he then becomes fair game for us. Provided, of course, that the first interested party, namely you, has not had sex with said hunky male. In that case, all best friends will shun any contact with him. And since you haven’t hooked up with Hunter before screwing it up, we deserve to get a shot at him.”
Lindsey was now excited and wide eyed. “Oh! That’s right, Kelly! Hand over the keys, Leigh. Time to let someone else take the wheel.”
“First of all, Hunter seemed genuinely concerned with my well-being, and he is a great listener. Unlike you two. Secondly, aren’t you both currently dealing with super stalkers?” I had to admit to myself I had been very worried about how it was going to go with Hunter. We hadn’t set up any more dates and I was quite concerned, to say the very least.
Just then there was a purple and pink puff of smoke in my living room. It was accompanied by a loud noise, like the cracking of a whip. The smoke cleared and there stood Gertie dressed in her apparent trademark look. A brightly colored floral print sleeveless dress and a large floppy sun hat.
Gertie was in the middle of belting out an eighties classic, and she sang at the top of her lungs. “Pour some sugar on me!”
“Jesus in a jukebox!” Kelly yelled.
“What the fu–” Lindsey managed to squeak out before she fainted.
I immediately assessed the situation that had so suddenly made a three ring circus appear in my tiny living room.
Ladies and Gentlemen! Under the big top for today only! The Sunshine Girl will appear out of thin air and entertain you in song! The Amazing Frazzled Woman will be wearing nothing but a faded Hello Kitty towel as she performs a complete mental breakdown before your very eyes! Spectators so shocked they will be fainting and speaking in tongues! All I could manage to say out loud was, “God, help me.”
We all ran to her and she quickly recovered. I held Lindsey’s head up. “Gertie, meet my best friends, Kelly and Lindsey. Sorry. Up to this point the only magic they’ve seen is the aftermath from using my magic desk. And—it seems like you’ve discovered eighties music.”
“Oh yes! I love the eighties! Such catchy tunes! Nice to meet you girls!” Gertie bubbled with glee. Then she sang once more. “Like a virgin—”
“Are you one of those witches from the union?” Asked Kelly.
I jumped in and answered her question. “No, I’m sorry, I should have explained. Gertie was appointed by the Witches Union to give me some training. You know, so I hopefully won’t repeat something like the grocery store explosion, or my sister’s visit to the ER. She is going to be my mentor.” Both Kelly and Lindsey had their faces contorted in expressions that pretty much just came out and said: Her? You have got to be kidding me!
“What?” I demanded an answer. “I can tell by your faces that either you don’t think she is qualified or that I couldn’t learn from her. Just go ahead and say what’s on your minds.”
“Oh no, it’s not that at all, Leigh. It’s just that she doesn’t look like a real witch at all. I mean, I get it that you have sort of stumbled into the profession and you don’t have the look. You know, the look. Long pointy nose with a pointy hat to match, green skin, black dress, broom, and all that jazz.”
Kelly agreed. “Yeah. Shouldn’t she be out in front of a grocery store, selling cookies? She sure doesn’t look like a witch.”
“Hey! You guys are stereotyping! Gertie is—”
Gertie interrupted me with a laugh, an uneasy little one. “It’s fine, Leigh, really. Heck, I don’t even think I look like a witch. Then again, I really haven’t met a witch yet that does!” Then she looked a little less bubbly. I was pretty sure my friends had hurt her feelings and now she felt a little rejected.
Before I could demand an apology, both Kelly and Lindsey had noticed the saddened look on Gertie’s face. Suddenly, they began falling over themselves to apologize and welcome her. Before long we were good. One circle of best friends that just got a little bigger by one.
“Well, why don’t we all have a seat, and you guys can explain what is going on with you. The pair of hot and obsessed roofers, I assume? Maybe Gertie can help.”
“Well, I only dropped by to see if you were doing well, Leigh. When you disappeared from the union lobby, I had no idea where in the world you ended up. But tell me more about these roofers. Hot and obsessed roofers, now that sounds—deliciously intriguing.” Gertie blushed after she said that.
; “Yep. Roofers, these guys were repairing Lindsey’s leaky roof and I sort of cast a spell on two of them. More to the point, I made them absolutely devoted to Lindsey and Kelly. They can’t think of anything or anyone else.”
“Wow! Good one, Leigh! You know from what I’ve learned so far, very few witches are able to control someone so completely. The fact you were successful must have made the old witches on the union board go crazy with envy. Anyway, it’s been going on too long now, so there isn’t any chance of reversing the spell. It has to still be pretty fresh for that. I did run across a spell that can make someone ignore you.”
“Kind of like an anti-stalker spell?” Kelly asked.
“I suppose you could say that. I’m not too sure we should use it. It’s completely untried. And I have to be getting back to my pussies, now that I know you made it home in one piece.”
“Your pussies?” I am pretty sure we all asked simultaneously.
“Yes. I have a lot of pussycats.”
There was a collective sigh of relief and laughter was building up. “How many—pussycats would you say is a lot, Gertie?” I was really curious. Gertie didn’t look like the crazy cat type to me.
“Four hundred and thirty two. After I was unfrozen the last time, I knew I wanted to do something really useful. I just love animals, especially cats. Well, I started my own shelter. A little bit of magic and I got my hands on an old farm in Louisiana. I call it the Pussy Plantation. I even designed my own signs so folks could find it. ”
With that, we roared with laughter. I laughed so hard that I lost my towel.
“What? Why does everyone laugh at that?”
Kelly leaned over and whispered into Gertie’s ear.
“Oh my God! I suppose it meant that same thing back in the old days, but it wasn’t used very often. Not enough that people would have thought about that body part, just cats. That explains all of the truckers, bikers, and sailors that show up at all hours. I suppose I’ll have to change the fliers that I hand out in New Orleans. I’ve been asking for donations to satisfy all of the pussies at the Pussy Plantation. Thank God I have a pack of really mean sounding dogs to chase them away before they set a foot on the farm!”
Now even Gertie was laughing with us. “I better be heading back home. Nothing worse than ignoring the pussies! It has been so nice to meet you ladies. I just know we are going to get along great!” She took out her little broom and with a few words and another puff of colorful mist, Gertie was headed back to her Louisiana pussy farm.
“Oh my God. She is a riot! I love her to pieces already.” Lindsey said.
“Same here! Now, Leigh, fix our super stalker problem.” Kelly looked at me with a hint of desperation in her eyes. “Please!”
Chapter Six
Taking matters into my own hands
I sure wished Gertie would have been able to stick around to help me out. I really had no idea how bad things could have been for Lindsey and Kelly. Really, how bad could it be to have a couple of hot guys worshipping you? Compared to my little jaunt through the rabbit hole via Denver, I figured they had it pretty damn good. I decided I would have to suck it up and see for myself, after I had a little time to get my head together.
I reassured Kelly and Lindsey, now that I was back home, I would think of something. It would just have to wait until after I stopped by and witnessed their behavior for myself. Peace and order were restored to my apartment, and I went back to getting into my bathtub for a long, well deserved soak. Normally, this was a time for me to do some reading about Vlad’s latest heroic exploits, not to mention his sexual prowess. Sadly, he was no more and to be honest, I don’t think I really miss him all that much anymore. My bath was warm and overflowing with bubbles. I decided what I needed was to clear my head and think of nothing, but every time I closed my eyes, I was confronted by so many thorny images.
My summer break seemed to be slipping away already. There was the witches union that I was very unsure of. My friends were still stuck with a problem I created through magic, and I wasn’t very happy that I had blown up my credit card on a needless stay in Denver. I thought about Gertie and she made me smile. I liked her. I tried not to think about Hunter, but it was impossible. I didn’t want to start worrying about facing him and having to awkwardly discuss anything that had been said during our long phone call.
Still, the mere thought of his name brought about images of his smiling face and bright eyes. Those eyes, I loved them. Then of course, his muscular arms and that rock hard body were images that made me tingle. I remembered our trip to the mini-golf and how he held me from behind. I could still feel the warmth of his breath on my neck, just before I nearly cracked his skull and crushed his testicles. I immediately shook that thought out of my head and started thinking about how he again held me at the shooting gallery. We flirted and laughed. That touch of his! I was really getting warmed up thinking about him until I had the memory play out in my mind of the metal awning crashing down on his handsome head. I couldn’t shake the embarrassment that made me want to disappear, and it only got worse when I thought about some of the things I said to him over the phone.
I sank myself down under the bubbles, as if I was hiding from myself. Hunter. His name was spoken slowly and sadly in my mind. I might as well just agree with Kelly and throw him to the girls. Just get it over with and watch as they fight over him like two dogs fighting over a bone. I popped up from the watery grave of my bath only to yell out loud, “Ugh! Hunter! Fuck, fuck, double fuck!”
Luna strolled into the bathroom, carrying something. “What is that? That better not be a goddamn mouse!” She dropped it.
“Meow. Meow.”
“My phone?” She scooted my phone across the tile floor. Then I heard it. Just barely.
“Hello? Hello, Leigh? Are you there? Are you all right?”
“Hunter? Hunter! Oh my God!” I jumped out of the tub and nearly busted several bones trying to scramble to get my phone. For a few seconds I pondered how Luna could have answered an incoming call on my smartphone. Perhaps her paws are compatible with the touchscreen. I quickly wiped my hands on a towel and grabbed the phone.
“Hi, Hunter! I’m here, I’m fine.”
“Whew! That was weird. I hadn’t heard from you since you called from Denver. I called earlier, but didn’t get an answer, and then when I called just now—it seemed like your cat answered. All I heard was her little cat noises. Then I heard you yelling my name and—well, you were yelling fuck over and over.” Hunter chuckled and I grimaced.
“Oh, I was just relaxing in the bath and I slipped or something. Anyway, I’m sorry I missed your call earlier. Lindsey and Kelly stopped by, and when those two are around, it can be more than a little difficult to even answer a ringing phone.”
“Oh, no big deal. Listen, I’m just glad to know you made it home, safe and sound.”
When I heard him say those words, my heart skipped a few beats, and I was hoping he didn’t hear me silently mouthing the words, “Oh, thank God!” Well, maybe it was completely silent. I was truly elated, because I knew then that Hunter hadn’t written me off as a total lunatic. Not yet at least.
“Thank you! It really means a lot to me that you called.”
“I actually have two more reasons to call you, Leigh. First of all, I would like nothing more than to take you out on a date again. This time we can skip that damn dangerous mini golf place, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course! I would love that. Just let me know when and I’ll be ready. What was the second thing?”
“It’s about your friends, Kelly and Lindsey. And the two guys on the roofing crew. I don’t know what got into those boys’ heads, but I’m getting a little worried. I can barely get ahold of them for work. When they do manage to show up, they spend most of their time texting or trying to call your friends. Those girls sure have made an impression on Luke and Derek. I honestly have never seen anything like it. It’s almost as if they’re under a spell or something!”
“Could you talk to Kelly and Lindsey? See if those guys are getting out of hand? I really wouldn’t want them to get themselves in any kind of trouble. You know, restraining order kind of trouble.”
“Oh, I’m sure that wouldn’t happen, but I’ll definitely talk to them about it. I’m sure they can straighten this all out.” I bit my lip and wanted to just tell him to forget about it and get back to talking about our date. “So, any idea when you would like to get together? I’m pretty free.” I tiptoed back to the bath and slid into the bubble filled tub.
“There’s so much to do in the city. So many places that I haven’t been to in years, but I would really like to check out.”
The sound of Hunter’s voice talking about taking me out was really a turn on. As he talked, I started just answering him with very short answers. “Uh hmm” and “Mmm,” and of course, “Oh, yeah, uh hum.” Not because I wasn’t interested, but my mind was churning out some pretty naughty thoughts. I was debating on asking him what he would like to do to me if he were standing next to the bath. I sure as hell had a head full of smutty suggestions.
Sometime between him talking about going to the Field Museum and the Shedd Aquarium, one of my answers probably sounded a little more like, “Oh, yes!” If you know what I mean. Now that I was comfortable we were still good and moving forward, I was completely at ease. I really didn’t care what we did, as long as we could hold hands and walk together or ride by his side in his truck and talk. I honestly just enjoyed being with him. I also loved the way he made me laugh and feel all warm inside. And of course, I was looking forward to my first make-out session with Hunter. Perhaps more, perhaps not more, at least for now. I was still taking matters in my own hands when I realized Hunter was being a bit of a flirt.
Serious Leigh (Literal Leigh Romance Diaries Book 2) Page 4