I could hear Gertie begin to stir in the bathroom. I half expected her to come stumbling into the bedroom, but she had become oddly silent. Passed out cold, I thought to myself. I started to feel guilty when I considered that Gertie could have hurt herself when she fell, but that kind of guilt was difficult to muster up when one is in the middle of repeated orgasms. I again forgot all about Gertie after I thought, maybe it’s time to hurry things along.
I rearranged myself on the bed next to Hunter and in a magical moment he took me in his arms. He was kissing my neck and holding me close when he began to penetrate me. It was wonderful, beautiful, and the most intimate moment of my life. Not just the fact that he was inside of me, but the way he held me and kissed me while he did it. Yes, there was nothing I could compare it to. Ever. I had no idea how long we went on. All I know is that when Hunter slowed down, I felt completely spent. My body had been shuddering over and over, and I felt things I had never felt.
“I know one thing, I’ve never made love before. This was amazing.” Hunter whispered.
“I know exactly what you mean, I was about to say the same thing.” I meant it. I know we both had experiences. Obviously, he had more experience than I did, but I believed him when he told me that because I could feel it, too. I stared into his eyes and thought about something very seriously. I had never been in love, and consequently, I had never had my heart broken either. Could that ever happen with Hunter? Would he be my first love and my first heartbreak? No! Not if I can help it. I’ll use magic on his ass, if it ever came to that. Well, maybe not. I don’t know. I need to just savor this right now feeling. Still, I’d use magic on his ass anyway.
“Leigh?”
“Yeah?”
“I just want to tell you something. I’m kind of falling for you. If you haven’t noticed. Hard.”
“Me too. It’s a little scary, isn’t it?”
“Not if we feel the same way.”
And that made me feel fucking awesome. There was no other way to describe it.
Chapter Twelve
In Through the Out Door
I threw on my bathrobe and excused myself. I went to work quietly waking up Gertie. “Gertie! Gertie! Come on, get up.”
She was seriously slurring her words. “Ohhhh yes, get up. I can do that.” Gertie stood up, but her posture was as if she was walking on ice with an eighty pound backpack on. “Ooh. Gotta find my legs.”
“Shhh, be really quiet and come with me.” I held her up and walked her to the front door, which I very quietly opened. I walked her outside and she immediately sat down on the step.
“I—I—what?”
“Shhh just stay there.” I rang my own door bell and jumped back inside. I then acted like I was surprised to get a late visitor.
“Gertie? What are you doing here?” I spoke very loudly so that Hunter would hear me now. “Oh and you’re drunk? I can’t believe this! Oy! Your friends just dropped you off like this?”
“Huh? No. Hey! Wasn’t I juss inside? Why didja put me on the porshhhh?”
“Ach, you poor girl. Here sit down. You can stay here tonight.”
Hunter walked into the living room with only a towel around his waist. “Is everything okay?”
“Yep. One of my friends was apparently celebrating the Fourth of July a little too hard and ended up on my porch. Hunter, meet Gertie O’Leary and Gertie, meet Hunter Kovacs.” I picked up Hunter’s clothes and hoped that Gertie hadn’t noticed when I handed them to Hunter.
“Why er ya naked? Hunterrr? Rrrr..rrr—I like the sounda yer name. Hunt err. You should come an see my Pussy Farm.”
“Huh?”
“Never mind her, she’s pretty drunk.”
“No sheerishly, you oughta see it. I got all sorts a pussy. More kindsa pussy than you kin magine. Now, Leigh she’s got her a nice pussy, I juss love that sweet lill pussy. Have you seen her sweet lill pussy?”
“Gertie means cats. She runs a shelter for cats. And she’s talking about Luna.” I laughed awkwardly.
“Oh! Sure, that makes sense now. Nice to meet you Gertie. Excuse me.” Hunter went back down the hall to get his clothes on.
“Wow! Heeza nice one! Can you fine me one a them, like that?”
I waited for Hunter to make it back to the bedroom before I said anything more, once again talking in a hushed voice. “Gertie! What the hell happened to you tonight? Where are Kelly and Lindsey?”
“I dunno, but I sure hope they are makin more of that deshishus jello.”
“Jello shots! Damn those girls.”
“You know Kelly’s mum? She makes the best punsh.”
“Punsh? Oh, punch. That’s her sangria. Her Dad didn’t make you drink that stuff he calls mojo, did he?”
“Uh huh. I’m not feelin too good, Leigh.”
Mojo was a concoction that Kelly’s Dad, Benny, made by pouring any hard liquor he could get his hands on into a large cooler and added hunks of fruit and juice. I grabbed my phone and made a call to Lindsey. “What did you two do? Gertie crash landed in my bathtub tonight, and she’s completely schickered!”
On the other end of the phone was an equally inebriated Lindsey and Kelly, and from the drunken laughter, I could tell they had me on speakerphone. They were still at Kelly’s parents’ house.
“Just promise me that you two will stay there tonight? Gertie will be fine here.” I said.
Just then Hunter made his way back to the living room. Gertie propped her head on my shoulder and shouted into the phone. “Hey, guess what? Leigh has a man here, they are both naked! And guess what they were doing?”
Kelly and Lindsey then started cheering and it was obvious that everyone else in their proximity was listening to them. “Woo hoo! Leigh finally got laid! How was the Hunkster?” I hung up.
“Hunter, would you please help me get Gertie into the bathroom before she throws up on the carpet?”
“You have to share that spell you casted, Leigh. I really need a Hunter. You have no idea how bad I need one. Lemme tell you—hiccup—it’s been over a shenshur—over a shenna—over a hunner years since I had some a that. Well, I’ve actually never had any of that.” She slapped an open palm against Hunter’s chest and then smacked his ass. “Well, maybe I’ll get some a Kelly’s big brother, Randy. I’ll settle for some Randy Johnson.”
“I bet you would, Gertie. I bet you would.” After I said that, I just shook my head. There was more that Gertie would need to learn about Randy.
“Wow, she is drunk! She isn’t making any sense.” Hunter commented.
“Drunk you say? Jaysis, I’m ossified!”
“Gertie. What the hell do you mean, ossified—”
“Izz ish, izz irsh, izz what Irish says, means I’m too drunk to danz.” Gertie started snoring.
“I’m sorry. I hope this hasn’t ruined our night. It was so—”
“Incredibly awesome? That’s how I would describe it. Like I said before, it’s always an adventure with you. How about I let you take care of your friend. I’ll call you in the morning. You can count on it.”
“No, call me when you get home, so I know you made it back safely.”
We kissed and at the same time we fumbled over our words. I finally said, “Thank you for such a wonderful day and evening. Could have done without the crazed gorillas, but it worked out okay.”
With that, Hunter left for the night and I was left to take care of Gertie. Luna had reappeared, which I thought was rather odd that she had made herself scarce with two of her favorite people around. Luna followed us into the bathroom. I had Gertie splash some cold water on her face. I don’t know of any cure for how she was feeling. The feeling that comes when you are too drunk to notice or care how sick to the stomach you truly are. “Poor Girl. I’m sorry that my friends got you in this condition.”
I took Gertie’s Barbie Doll sized broom out of her purse. After I stashed it in the medicine cabinet, I walked her over to the couch. I gave her a pillow and covered her with a blanket. She
would be feeling this one in the morning, and that was a certainty. As for me, I curled up in my bed just in time to answer Hunter’s call. At least we were able to say goodnight properly for at least an hour. And a little phone sex was definitely part of that conversation.
Chapter Thirteen
The Morning After
Saturday morning came in like a soft breeze, at least for me. As for Gertie, it had to have been like a freight train that had just derailed. Or so, I thought that’s how she would have felt. Surprisingly, Gertie bounced back pretty quickly. I came in to the kitchen quietly and there she was brewing tea, making toast with peanut butter, and singing along to some upbeat top forty music that played on the radio. Quite loudly.
“Hi, Leigh! Sorry about last night. Your friends sure know how to make a girl feel welcome! And Kelly’s parents sure know how to throw a party.”
“Oh, that’s for sure. I’ve been to a few of those.” I had to be a bit of a downer. “Listen, Gertie. I have to tell you something. If you are going to drink, don’t fly. Or whatever you call it. What if you wouldn’t have landed in my tub? You could have ended up on the middle of the Tri-State Tollway! God forbid! There’d be nothing left of you! And besides, I don’t think alcohol and any kind of magic is a safe mix. Do you?”
“No. No. You’re right. I didn’t even know I was getting drunk from the Jello. After a while, I had lost any common sense. Things got a little out of hand, I’m afraid. I just can’t handle my liquor I suppose. Not as bad as Kelly’s dad, though. To use her Mom’s words, he was both ‘Purim wasted’ and “Columbus Day Hammered,’ whatever that means.”
“It means Benny was pretty damn drunk.”
“Well, anyway, I had lost all self-control.” Gertie said reluctantly.
“Oh no! No! Please don’t tell me you used a magic spell over at the party?”
“Um—okay, I won’t tell you. But it was my first time ever being drunk. I had no idea.”
“Ugh, Gertie, now what? How bad is it?”
“Actually, I’m not sure yet. I don’t even know if it worked. You see, we all went down to the horse track they have over there in—something Heights to watch some really incredible fireworks.”
“Yeah, Arlington Park. It’s a pretty major horse racing track right there in Arlington Heights. What the hell happened?”
“All I can say for sure is that Lindsey and Kelly dared me to do some things for those wonderful horses. Have I told you how much I just love animals? How boring it must be for them to just run around a circle, though. Anyway, I told the girls about my other business venture back home. It’s kind of in the startup phase right now. I call it, Gertie’s Paranormal Pet Shop. You see, I sometimes take in other stray animals, besides cats, at the Pussy Plantation, I mean Stray Cat Plantation, that’s the new name by the way—”
“Wait. Paranormal Pet Shop? What do you mean?”
“The other stray animals. For example, I get a donkey. Who wants an old worn out donkey? Nobody! You can’t give it away. But a unicorn, that’s different. Who wouldn’t want a unicorn? Or a Pegasus? Or say I take in a poor abused chimpanzee who was mysteriously rescued from a medical testing lab.” Gertie looked down at her shoes and smiled. I knew damn well she had stolen some chimpanzee from a testing lab. “Well, who is going to take in a stolen chimp? Nobody. But a Sasquatch? They’ll be knocking down the doors for one of those, I reckon. So far, I’ve been perfecting my spells, I haven’t opened to the public just yet, but—”
“Oh, shit. What did you do to those racehorses?”
“Like I said, I was talking to the girls about it, and being drunk and all, we thought it would be fun to see a race with some special horses. Now, I don’t know if it worked, but we’ll probably know come the races today.”
“Ugh! You mean to say there is going to be a damn unicorn running the track at Arlington Park today? Oy! What else? Pegasus flying overhead? A dragon scorching the people in their seats?”
“Of course not! Dragons are way too unpredictable. Peanut butter on toast?” Gertie held out a slice of toasted bread she had covered in a perfectly smooth layer of peanut butter. I reached out and then she stopped. “Wait, one more thing.” She took the butter knife and traced a cute cat face on the toast and then handed it to me.
How could I resist her? I started to laugh at the situation. “Thanks.” I slumped into a chair at my little dining table and Gertie brought me a cup of tea. “Unbelievable. Just unbelievable how this summer is going. Everything. From meeting Hunter and all that is happening with us, then this magic.” I shook my head. “I’m mostly worried about screwing things up for me and Hunter, like it has for Luke and Derek with Kelly and Lindsey.”
“Let me ask you this, Leigh. Did things always go perfectly well with guys before you knew you had the power of witchcraft? Was it always disaster free?”
“No, I suppose you’re right. Guys, dating, that whole scene has been pretty much a series of train wrecks for all of us.”
“Exactly my point. At least now the train wrecks are hopefully a little more entertaining. I think the only advice I have is to keep from upsetting those old witches in the union.”
“Do you mind me asking what happened that you were frozen for the second time? If you don’t want to talk about it, just say so. I won’t bring it up again.”
“No, it’s okay. You deserve to know. I had just gotten thawed out from my misadventure with turning Chicago into a smoldering heap. I had befriended these wonderful harbor seals that live in the Arctic. Something terrible was happening to them. Polar bears. Those bears were just monsters. I won’t even tell you how they behaved to the seals. I decided to use my magic and separate them from the seals. I waited until they were on a very large iceberg and I sent that thing away as fast as I could. I had no idea polar bears were such good swimmers, they simply jumped in the water and swam to another hunk of ice. I saw the big iceberg that I sent away float over the horizon. I never gave it another thought. Who knew that I had sent it on a collision course with the Titanic? Complete accident. Of course, I got the blame for that one. Even though those sailors should have paid better attention.”
“Wow! The Chicago Fire and then the Titanic Disaster? Talk about a run of bad luck.”
“Yes. Indeed. But I think of it as the best thing that ever happened to me. I mean being frozen for so long and not the fact that I had a hand in so many tragic deaths and all. Now I’m living in modern times and I would never want to go back to what life was like in 1873 or 1912. It was really awful compared to now, especially for women.”
Our conversation was interrupted by the ringing of the phone. I eagerly grabbed the call, hoping it was Hunter.
Chapter Fourteen
Another Union Scroll
I didn’t even look at my caller ID when I answered, I practically spit sunshine all over my phone. “Hello?”
Oh, it was Lindsey. I knew right then that I should change my ringtone to identify Hunter’s calls. Well, at least I had every reason to expect calls from him. Lindsey picked up on the change of my tone.
“What’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing. I was hoping you were Hunter.”
“Oh, yes, we’ll all have to get the details on your date! It’s so exciting.”
“It was and it is! We can talk about that later, though. So what are you up to today?”
“It’s a beautiful Saturday and holiday weekend. I’m cooking out at my place! Don’t worry, I’m not planning on a repeat of the wild party like Kelly’s folks threw last night. So be here around one-ish with Gertie. Oh, and if Hunter is free, it would be awesome if he could make it.”
“Fine, but if he does, promise me that you guys won’t ask him anything embarrassing?”
“Teacher’s honor. One more thing. You must have done something to break the spell on Derek and Luke, we haven’t heard or seen a thing from them.”
“Oh, yeah! I did. Apparently it worked. There was some slight backlash from that, though. Did you see
the news yesterday?”
“Something about animal rights terrorists at Lincoln Park Zoo? They let the gorillas loose in Grant Park or something crazy.”
“That was the backlash I was talking about. They weren’t terrorists, Lindsey. It was Derek and Luke. They were charmed into capturing a few wolves. That was just some incidental thing I had written into the story to get them off your backs. Next thing I know, they are breaking into the zoo, stealing a truck full of psycho gorillas, and going on a high speed chase down Lakeshore Drive. They crashed and had to run from the police and the gorillas. Hunter and I were right there in Grant Park when it all went down. Your boys got away. I don’t know if the authorities identified them, though.”
“Holy shit! That was them? That was all your witchcraft?”
“Please, don’t say it like that. You know I didn’t mean for any of that to happen.”
“Sorry. I know, Leigh. I miss them already. So does Kelly. Do you think you could please, please get them back for us. Just not with all the crazy obsession stuff? Can Gertie help you?”
“I’ll see what I can do, Lindsey. I just hope those poor boys don’t end up committed to a psych ward by the end of this summer.”
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