by E A Price
“I’m fine.” She gave him a puffy smile.
“You sure you don’t want to go to the hospital?”
“Nope, it’s just hayfever – if there’s a drugstore around here maybe you could get me some anti-histamines or something.”
“You got it, babe.”
He kissed her forehead, which was the least snotty or swollen part of her face.
Penny blew her nose. “I’m sorry, I’m not very sexy right now.”
Diaz snorted as his beast grinned. “Pingu, you’re always sexy.”
“Sure,” she huffed.
“You are,” he insisted. “If you didn’t look like you needed a nap, I’d rip off your clothes and put you on your hands and knees and…”
Penny held up a hand and giggled. “Okay, horn bag, I get the picture.”
Diaz pointed a thumb at himself. “Always horny.” He pointed a finger at Penny. “Always sexy. We were made for each other.”
“We should get t-shirts made to say that,” she teased.
“Shit, we should!” he said completely seriously.
Penny shook her head. “Stop making me laugh, my nose is too bunged up, and I can’t breathe.”
“Just rest, babe, and I’ll be back soon. You need anything else? Condoms? Lube?” he suggested helpfully.
“Oh, definitely,” she replied sarcastically, “but also some candy bars – I need something with nuts and caramel - and maybe some rub for my chest.”
He considered how much he would enjoy applying the rub, and it was a lot. “Now, we’re talking. Bye Pingu.”
He shut the door behind him and found his boss on the floor, muttering curses and picking up shards of glass and flowers.
His jaguar chuffed in amusement. “Having fun?”
The snaked shifter hissed. “Yes, this whole trip is fun. Some fool left flowers outside of our room. I tripped over them. You have some too.”
Diaz peered down and growled as he grabbed the vase. Yeah, that’s just what Penny’s allergies needed.
“Who left them here? I didn’t order flowers for Penny. All my gifts are underwear or edible or sometimes both.”
Gerry stopped to scowl at him.
Diaz chuckled. “Lighten up, boss. I’m not thrilled to see you here, I mean, who wants their boss listening to them having sex?”
Gerry’s eyes flashed. “I was not listening!”
“But don’t let us ruin your trip.”
Gerry sighed. “Fine, yes, you’re right. I apologize.”
“Whoop! Mark the calendar - I got an apology from the boss!”
Gerry returned to scowling. “Are you going somewhere?” he asked in the disdainful tone Diaz knew all too well.
“Yeah, drugstore. Penny needs medicine.”
“That’s also where I’m headed. Jessie’s feeling nauseous. She’s napping right now.”
Diaz grinned. “Cool, let’s grab a quick beer in town. You better drive.”
Gerry rolled his eyes and clambered to his feet. “Fine, let’s get rid of this in the trash.”
*
Penny knocked on Jessie’s door. Jessie opened pretty quickly and immediately recoiled.
“Gah! Sorry, Penny, you startled me.”
Her inner penguin flapped her wings pathetically. “Tell me about it. I almost punched the mirror when I saw myself. Diaz is getting me some medication.”
This place definitely didn’t agree with her. There was something in the air that attacked her senses. Not to mention the killer bees and hotel staff determined to leave things outside their room for Penny to fall over. Plus the staff had lousy taste in chocolate – she found the box they provided and they were all dark chocolate and filled with liquor. Gross. What was wrong with nuts and caramel?
“Ah, Gerry is also at the drug store for me.”
Penny smirked or tried to. “They probably went together, so they’re probably getting a beer right about now.”
The squirrel shifter looked doubtful. “I’m not sure Gerry would…”
“If Diaz is with him, that’s what they’ll be doing. I was feeling a bit lonely. You want to watch a movie while we wait for them?”
Jessie smiled. “Yeah, why not. I’m bored out of my mind without wi-fi. Plus, I have chocolates…”
“What kind of chocolates?” she asked suspiciously.
“It’s just a selection of chocolate covered nuts, creams and nougats – my favorite.”
Her penguin squawked in glee. Thank heavens for that – she’d already eaten the large supply she brought with her. She had foolishly been generous and allowed Diaz to have a couple of her candy bars – and now she was all out.
“Oh forget the movie, let’s just eat the chocolates!”
*
Diaz was looking at the flavored condoms, and asking questions to the cashier over which had the best flavor, while Gerry pretended he didn’t know him. Uncouth jaguar sneered his inner snake.
“Would you like to fill out one of our cards?” offered the cashier, who apparently had tried all the condoms and was just as unembarrassed as Diaz. “You could win a year’s supply of condoms.”
“A year?” chuckled Diaz. “With my mate, I’ll bet I could get through those in a month.”
He winked at the cashier who laughed in return.
“Let me get you a card,” she said. “Would your friend like one too?”
Gerry rolled his eyes and put the magazine down. “No, thank you.”
She shrugged and went to find the card.
“Penny doesn’t mind you speaking to young women that way?” asked Gerry. He would never be so… so forward with a young woman who worked in a drug store.
Diaz shrugged. “The girl’s mated, I can see her bonding mark, and Penny thinks I’m adorable.”
“That’s certainly a word for it,” deadpanned Gerry.
“She only kind of minds when I say stuff like that to her dad.”
“I can’t imagine how her father must have felt to have his daughter bring you home,” said Gerry dryly.
Diaz snickered. “Maybe one day your daughter will bring a guy like me home. Who knows, if Penny and I have kids…”
Gerry’s eyes widened. The idea of allowing Diaz junior near any precious daughter of his was too much to bear.
“You’re not worried about having a kid are you?” asked Diaz nonchalantly.
Gerry’s eyes twitched as Diaz not so much stepped as stomped on a nerve. “What makes you think that?”
The jaguar was trying on sunglasses, and pretending he wasn’t particularly interested in what Gerry had to say.
“I don’t know; you just seem more uptight than usual.”
Gerry fiddled with a display of flavored mints. He was making his way into his late forties; before he met Jessie, he’d thought he wouldn’t have children. “I admit I thought I was a little too old to have kids.”
“Ah, you’ll be fine,” said Diaz dismissively.
“Why, thank you, problem solved,” he hissed.
“What problem?” he demanded with a frown.
Gerry took a deep breath. Diaz, the therapist, was a bit hard to get used to. “I’ll be an older father – I won’t be able to do things that younger fathers do.”
His snake slithered uneasily.
Diaz scratched his chin. “Like what?”
“Like, I don’t know,” he couldn’t really think of much, “coaching their little league games or something.”
Diaz nodded sagely. “Yeah, that is a problem – not because of your age, but because I’ve seen you play baseball and you suck.”
Gerry fumed. “Be serious.”
“I am. My Uncle Julio didn’t become a father ‘til he was fifty-six – hasn’t slowed him down. He coaches his kids’ teams, though he doesn’t suck at sports like you.”
Gerry shook his head.
“Seriously, man. Don’t sweat the things you can’t change. Just get on and make the most of it. Like me - I was pissed at seeing you at the hotel, b
ut then I figured, hey, free hotel, hot mate – and I made the most of it.”
Gerry stared at him. “I can’t believe I am saying this, but you are right.”
Diaz preened. “Hey, it happens from time to time. Not according to Penny but…”
The cashier returned with the card, and Diaz started making a meal out of filling it in. Gerry stepped aside while the cashier served another customer. He noted it was the single male from the hotel. He was studiously avoiding looking at either Gerry or Diaz.
His snake rumbled. There was something a little off about him.
With a flourish, Diaz presented the card to the cashier. She took it and smiled, scanning the details.
“Thank you, Mr. Diaz.”
The strange man started choking and looked at Diaz in alarm. Then he looked at Gerry. Then back at Diaz. Then at Gerry again.
“Everything okay, sir?” asked the cashier.
“I have to go,” he mumbled.
He started walking towards the exit.
“Sir!” called the cashier. “Your bag.” She held it up. “You already paid!”
The guy hurried even more, doing a strange half-run that made his ass wiggle.
“Odd,” commented Gerry.
He raised an eyebrow at Diaz, and the jaguar shifter stretched his shoulders. “Yeah, I’m on it.”
*
The strange guy yelped as a jaguar pinned him to the side of his car.
“No, please don’t hurt me! Please don’t! I have so much to live for!” whined the guy.
Jeez. Diaz was being gentle – he wasn’t even using his claws.
The jaguar let him go, and the guy crumpled to the ground. “It wasn’t my fault,” he whined. “I was just told the room numbers and the names…”
Gerry strolled toward them carrying Diaz’s clothes. The jaguar huffed, considering that the guy wasn’t even worth biting and shimmied through his shift.
He dressed while the guy whimpered pitifully.
“Who are you?” asked Gerry coldly. “What are you doing here?”
The guy licked his lips and gave them a nervous, forced smile. “Umm, no one. Just here on vacation.”
Diaz and Gerry exchanged glances. Probably a little too late to try that.
“Answer him,” growled Diaz.
The man swallowed. “Okay, I’m a love hit man…”
*
Penny checked her phone. “What is taking them so long?” she grumbled.
She knew Diaz would want to get a beer – he had been very vocal about what he thought of the pissy imported stuff in the hotel. But, she knew he would want to get back to her as quickly as possible – he never liked to be away from her for long. He was a very attentive mate.
For her part, she was actually starting to feel better and frankly, she was horny. When Diaz told her where they were going, he promised he’d be pants-less for most of it. Now that she felt up to it, she was hoping for a little naked fun.
Jessie perused the list of chocolates and settled on a lemon cream. “I’ll text Gerry and see what time they’re coming back. Let’s show them what they’re missing.”
She took a quick selfie of the two of them holding up the chocolates and smiling and sent it.
*
“You’re a love hit man?” repeated Diaz for the third time.
“Yes,” mumbled the man, completely red in embarrassment.
Diaz gave in and guffawed with laughter. He slapped the guy on the back. “Dude, hands down, stupidest thing I ever heard, and I once spent an afternoon listening to the Children of Lupus explain to me how their beloved leader was building a spaceship to take us all away to a distant planet.”
“Were you arresting one of them?” asked Gerry with interest.
The Children of Lupus were a generally benign cult living in Los Lobos – they were actually very law abiding. It was against their religion to commit any kind of crimes – which included using curse words and not saying thank you at the end of a meal. They believed their leader was a direct descendant of a wolf-headed god who lives on a distant planet and that one day they will join him and have riches bestowed on them.
“Nah, I was into one of the girls there – she didn’t really love me, just wanted me to join the cult. Said we couldn’t consummate our relationship until we got to the other planet.”
“Really? Does Penny know?”
“Yeah, and she said that was the stupidest thing she ever heard.” Diaz turned a razor-sharp glare at the man. “Now, what the hell are you talking about?”
*
“Don’t eat the chocolates!” snarled both Diaz and Gerry as they burst into the hotel room.
Penny screamed and threw the box of chocolates into the air. A variety of cream filled and nougats went everywhere. Jessie pressed the heel of her hand into her chest while gaping at the two of them.
“What the hell?” snapped Penny.
Diaz leaped across the room and scooped her into his arms. “How many have you eaten? How many?” he demanded before snarling. “Doesn’t matter – we need to make you throw up.”
“What?!”
He charged towards the bathroom and Penny grabbed one of the bed posts, clinging to it for dear life as Diaz tried to tug her free.
“Stop it, you lunatic!”
Gerry was still standing in the entrance to the room, looking down at the fallen chocolates.
Jessie slipped off the bed and padded over to him, taking his hand. “Sweetie, what’s happening?”
Diaz and Penny, locked in a tug of war battle, grunted behind them.
He gestured at the chocolates. “Are these the chocolates your father gave you?”
Jessie nodded. “Yes, I packed them in my suitcase in case I got hungry. They melted a little, but they still taste good. Or at least they did…”
She pushed one along the floor with her foot.
Diaz paused in the effort of prying Penny’s fingers away from the bedpost. “What? Those aren’t the poisoned chocolates?”
“Poisoned?” squawked Penny.
She went limp and dropped into Diaz’s arms.
“They were a gift from my dad,” said Jessie with increasing confusion. “He always gives me some for Valentine’s – he has since I was a kid. He gives them to all his kids. He’s a big old softie,” she said fondly.
“You didn’t eat the chocolates we found outside our door did you?” asked Diaz worriedly.
He ran his hands all over her body as she spoke. Wouldn’t actually help if she had eaten them, but it helped him and his raging jaguar.
“Euw no,” replied Penny uselessly slapping at his hands. “You know I hate dark chocolate.”
Gerry looked at Jessie, and she shook her head and patted her stomach. “I didn’t either – they have liquor in.”
The two men looked at each other and chuckled in relief.
“What’s going on, honey?” asked Jessie, taking Gerry’s hands.
“We just met a love hit man,” he said seriously.
Jessie stared at him. “Okay…”
Gerry smiled as his heart slowly returned to its normal steady beat, and then he explained. Someone had taken out love hits against Cutter and Gunner. Meaning, someone had a grudge against them, and rather than kill them, she hired their creepy guy – who was a witch – to separate the two males from their mates. She thought it would be a greater punishment.
To really try and rub it in, she made arrangements for them to have a free Valentine’s getaway – pretending they had won a contest. The witch then turned up to give a potion to their mates, and make them fall out of love with the males.
Except, both Cutter and Gunner gave the free vacation away. The witch didn’t realize and had proceeded to try and give the potion to Jessie and Penny. That was why he was so startled when he heard the cashier at the drug store call Diaz by his name. He was expecting him to be called Mr. Cutter.
“Luckily, Penny managed to destroy all the food he put the potion into,” chuc
kled Gerry.
“I did?”
Diaz gave her a proud look. “Yeah, Pingu, you sneezed all over the soup, walked all over the sandwiches and tripped over the strawberries.”
Penny giggled. “I’m such a hero,” she quipped.
“You are,” insisted Diaz, cuddling her close.
Jessie frowned. “That seems like a lot of effort for revenge. Do you know who hired the witch?”
Gerry rolled his eyes. “Apparently it was a tiger shifter – Cutter and Gunner arrested her mate on multiple murder charges. He’s currently rotting in prison for the next ninety years. According to our witch, she wanted the two males to know what it was like to be without their mates.”
“Freaking tigers,” grumbled Diaz.
Jessie picked up the box of unopened chocolates. “I take it there’s more potion in there.”
Gerry grabbed it as if the chocolates were about to unwrap themselves and jump into her mouth.
“Yes,” he hissed, glaring at the chocolates. “We were worried you were eating them when I saw your text, and then you weren’t answering your phone.”
Jessie gave him an apologetic smile. “Yeah, reception is a little spotty.”
Diaz squeezed Penny a little tighter, “You scared the ever-loving hell out of me.”
“I’m fine, but maybe you need a little reassurance?” Her face was still a little puffy, but it was very clear that she was aiming for a coquettish look, and Diaz never needed very much prompting.
“Hell yes, Pingu!”
He upended his mate onto his shoulder and marched next door. The sounds of unrestrained giggling and growling quickly made their way through the wall.
Jessie shook her head. “So, where is the witch now?”
“In holding at the local cop station. I’ve called Gunner and Cutter to inform them what happened. They will send someone to collect him, and I’m sure they will take great pleasure in arresting the tigress.”
Jessie blew out a breath and then chuckled. “Thank goodness for Penny and her allergies. Though, I’m sure we would have found a way to reverse the effects of the potion if we had taken any. This witch hardly seems the most competent guy in the world.”
Gerry pulled his mate into a hug and inhaled as his snake sighed in relief. “I forgot the medication you needed in my hurry to get back here.”