She sighed softly, relieved a bit when the waiter arrived with their drinks on the tray. She had to remind herself that draining her glass of wine in one long pull would make her look everything but collected and in control. She watched him raise a glass of water to his lips, not commenting on his choice of drink.
Even before he leaned back in his chair, she knew Xan was going to change the subject. It was obvious he didn’t like to talk about himself. Most of the men she knew excelled at talking about themselves, bragging about their lives, focused on their egos and being the center of the universe in general.
The fact that this one here was close-mouthed made her want to know more about him.
She pouted a bit, wondering if he was aware of the effect his secretiveness had on her or if this was just who he was without giving a damn what others thought about it.
Likely the latter, she thought, feeling her lips curve slightly in amusement.
“Tell me what it is about photography that you like the most?” He asked.
“First of all I don’t like photography. I love it, it’s my whole life. It’s hard to find one thing really,” she said with a smile, even though it was pretty much the very first thing people noticed about her.
And the last one as well, she admitted inwardly, because it was rare for anyone wanting to delve a bit deeper, make some kind of an effort. People much preferred to choose superficial and hollow relations instead, currently being in such high demand.
“Your whole life?” He questioned it, because as much as he understood focus and devotion, he wondered why a woman like her would prioritize a hobby to such degree instead of spending time on social events, or whatever the hell it was rich people did.
“I’ve let it dominate my entire life since the moment I moved to Santa Monica. I keep promising myself it is temporary but it’s been going on for a while now. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do but I need time for other things as well.”
“Such as?”
“I don’t know… surfing, getting to know the city, the whole L.A.?” She laughed softly which he found charming for some reason.
“I could show you around,” he offered.
Surfing wasn’t his kind of sport, but if he wanted to see her again he could introduce California to her and show her places she would have never found on her own otherwise.
After all, the underground was his world and good girls like her always found the forbidden fruit highly attractive, unable to say no to what nobody taught them about in their private schools, he smirked inwardly to himself.
“I bet you would tell me to leave my camera at home though.” She smiled sweetly and he laughed.
“Depends what you would like to see.”
“Does it mean you are from around here, since you seem to know the scene so well?”
“No. Where are you from?”
Catalina waited but he had nothing more to add to his denial, brushing her question aside. It didn’t surprise her at all that he turned the conversation back at her again, and as much as she didn’t mind talking about her job or interests, she found it aggravating he didn’t want to answer even the most basic question about himself in return.
Frustration was an unwelcome intruder and Cat caught herself drumming her fingers against the surface of the table. She stilled the movement as fast as she registered it, before it betrayed her growing vexation.
She smiled warmly at the waiter when he appeared one more time to take their orders, not letting any of her mood bleed through to the surface.
She glanced at the menu again, blindly choosing the first option that got her attention, not really interested in the food so much.
No, her whole interest was concentrated on the male sitting in front of her instead.
She waited for Xan to make up his mind and decide on his dish and when they were alone once again, she looked up at him wondering what kind of topic would make him feel the most relaxed.
Surely it couldn’t be anything of a private nature, but his avoidance felt challenging and when she found herself dared, the only option available was to pick up the gauntlet he was unaware of throwing.
“What made you choose Santa Monica?” Cat asked instead of answering him, letting him taste the feeling, but he didn’t seem to notice.
She gritted her teeth when he only shrugged in response, not even pretending to cooperate with her. She sipped her wine slowly, observing him over the rim of the glass and the next question slipped out of her lips… and control.
“Why did you invite me tonight?” She felt his gaze on her.
At first there was nothing in his eyes, as if all emotions leached out of him. Then something hot started to swirl in their depths and she wondered, was it temper or something else?
She knew how his temper felt and wasn’t particularly interested in creating the perfect background for it, but there was a slow burn inside of her as well now, simmering just under her skin.
“I wanted to see you again. Wasn’t it obvious?”
She was not sure what was worse; his answering with a question to every single one of hers, or her own disappointment caused by expecting something more from him.
More what? She didn’t know. But it wasn’t it, she thought.
She was stupid, Catalina decided, releasing a breath she was unaware of holding off. Did she really think he was going to drop his guard? That he would answer one question fully without turning tables on her?
Shadows resided in him, shadows screaming to be left alone.
No matter which angle she tried, she was coming to a stop sign informing her there was no entrance allowed, so why was she pushing him while she knew firsthand that some things were better left unsaid?
He wanted to see her? Fine, she thought. He did, but talking was not a part of it?
There was a muscle ticking in his jaw this whole evening, which surely wasn’t a good sign either, but she was tired of having the brunt of the conversation left on her.
Catalina respected everybody’s right to privacy, but she needed something–anything–to continue and he was like an impenetrable wall in front of her, reflecting and magnifying the confinements she has been living with for her whole life.
And just like that she snapped.
Catalina Bennett, The Cool One, lost it in the middle of the crowded restaurant. In the middle of what should have been a perfectly nice dinner. She found herself close to a precipice, close to making a scene, and the thought, instead of appalling her, felt entirely too tempting.
She put her wine glass aside and stood up, seeing a surprise registering on Xan’s face. She could still excuse herself and head toward the ladies’ room to catch a break and calm herself down, Cat thought.
But for the first time in her life, all appearances faded away from the forefront of her mind, pushed aside by something she was not even able to name.
“It was clearly a mistake. I don’t know what I was thinking,” she said quietly, more to herself than him.
He was already straightening to his full height as well, but she didn’t give him a chance to react.
“Enjoy your dinner Xan,” was all she said, pivoting on her heels and then she simply walked away.
CHAPTER 15
There weren’t plenty of situations in life when Xan found himself taken aback by people or circumstances. Surprising him wasn’t easy, and the fact Catalina managed to do that from their first meeting might have been one of reasons why he wanted to see her again.
Yet it paled in comparison to his current bewilderment.
He knew he was in a less-than-social mood, still pondering the fight from the previous night, still feeling some pain, and he knew that a logical thing would be to take a breather before his next fight until he was one hundred percent back to himself.
But he was used to people who didn’t really give a rat’s ass about how he felt or what he thought, trying to get his attention no matter what.
Women had always flocked to him from an earl
y age without any encouragement on his part. When they asked him questions, it wasn’t about where he was from and what his real name was. They wanted to know how many opponents he defeated and the severity of injuries he caused and suffered himself. They saw him as nothing more than a fighter.
Apparently Catalina wasn’t like most of those women.
Xan knew he deserved to be walked out on; what he didn’t anticipate was that Cat’s cool and polite exterior could slip so unexpectedly and reveal quite a temper hidden underneath.
He provoked it once already but thought it to be one-time performance. Now he started to believe there was much more to her than he gave her credit for and his interest spiked.
He tossed a few bills on the table and ran after her, not deluding himself in believing she waited for him outside of the restaurant. That would require some dose of manipulation and Xan didn’t think that was what Catalina was after.
She was pissed at him and playing the situation in her favor didn’t seem like the approach she would choose. As far as he knew, she could be already hailing a cab, he thought, and was relieved to discover she was walking down the street instead.
“Catalina!” He called out and he knew there was no way she hadn’t heard him.
Yet she didn’t turn around, didn’t stop.
If anything, her pace quickened and his lips quirked at the corners. Oh yeah, she was pissed alright.
He jogged, closing the small distance between them to grip her wrist.
“Wait,” he said.
Catalina’s cheeks were flushed and she felt heat spreading within where there was nothing but coolness residing so far. She heard him calling out her name and it only strengthened her resolve.
Of course he would use her name now of all times. Typical, she thought.
She felt at a loss with her own behavior, so at odds with what she knew about herself till this very point.
Then he stopped her when she didn’t want to be stopped at all.
She swiveled on her feet, facing him, feeling more than a little embarrassed for causing a scene.
“Why?” She asked.
Cat couldn’t remember the last time she was so angry, ashamed and frustrated at once. And probably the only reason no memory was emerging was due to the fact it had never happened before, she thought.
She didn’t know what it was about him that kept provoking her inner calm, her very sanity, and made her act so out of character.
She didn’t know and really didn’t care at this moment at all because of all emotions warring inside of her, shame had finally won over, overshadowing every other sensation.
“I have no idea why you asked me out in the first place. It is painfully obvious we have nothing in common. You couldn’t make yourself clearer about having zero interest in a small talk. So what exactly do you want from me?” She looked at him, all but daring him to ignore and dismiss her yet again.
She regretted her outburst and words as soon as they left her lips, even though they were nothing but the truth. Which probably was making it so much worse, she decided, unveiling her sense of being at an utter loss and disadvantage with him. She tried to reason out something that was devoid of any logic whatsoever.
She regretted the words, but was unable to stop them from pouring out of her mouth. And he just stood there, looking steadily at her with sparks of amusement glinting in his eyes.
Which of course didn’t fail to increase her ire and abashment both.
“What do I want?” He looked at her flushed cheeks, sparks of temper in the blue depths of her gaze and the tempting line of her lips.
He wanted to absorb her fire, turn it into passion and let it consume them both. But Xan didn’t think she was ready to hear any of it.
“This,” he said simply and bent his head to tempt her lips until they would go soft and pliant under his.
She was expecting some kind of a strong emotion from him; maybe slivers of his anger, since his temper seemed always at the ready.
But it didn’t happen.
No, his reaction when it finally came was nothing she could have anticipated, she decided.
One moment she was riding the high of her own agitation and the next his lips were fused to her own. But he didn’t touch her other than that.
She placed her hands on his chest, wanting to push him away but the idea was soon forgotten just like the sense of their surroundings. Her hands fisted in his shirt instead, the warmth of his body covered by the thin fabric made her feel weak and utterly feminine for some reason.
She gasped into his mouth, feeling his hand moving to cup her cheek. The calloused skin of his fingers connected with her face, the tip of his tongue glided lightly along her bottom lip.
Before she could decide how to respond to it, he backed away, peering down at her as if to assess her reaction.
The problem was she had no idea what kind of reaction she should give him.
He wanted this? What kind of an answer was that? She wondered.
A moment passed, measured by their mingled breaths before she finally realized they were standing in front of the restaurant.
In the open as in public.
For everyone to see them.
Her hands, still placed on his chest, trembled slightly and she couldn’t decide if she should push him already or hide her flushed cheeks in his shirt. Not that she felt he could actually shield her from people and her own embarrassment.
No, he was the type to flaunt it instead.
“I… I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. This is not me. I can’t go back there. I don’t want to.” Her voice was a bit hoarse and she needed to clear her throat in order to speak, which she found even more humiliating.
“Don’t apologize, I am not going to.” She didn’t acknowledge this part of herself but it didn’t mean it was not her, he thought.
He liked this side of her and not the cool untouchable person who would have never dared to venture into the fight club.
“We don’t need to go back. And I wanted to see you. I’m sorry my behavior suggested otherwise.”
“I thought you were not going to apologize,” she noticed and he chuckled.
“Not for kissing you, since I don’t regret it.” He waited for her to say she did, but she was silent, looking away from him, and he could have sworn he was able to see millions of thoughts running through her head.
Xan ran his hands up and down her bared shoulders, enjoying the touch she denied him before. Cat gazed up at him and he couldn’t decipher the meaning of the look, but he didn’t see any reason not to kiss her again.
She understood his intention and as good as it felt to be surrounded by his strength and the heat of his body, she shook her head and pushed at his chest, stopping him.
She was glad for the twilight creeping in, hoping it could conceal what she didn’t want him to see.
“You want me to take you home, don’t you?” He frowned down at her.
“I think that would be the best.” Cat agreed.
She didn’t feel like going back to the restaurant, not tonight anyway, and she didn’t think he was interested in having dinner any more than she was. Where did that leave them?
Back to square one, she sighed softly.
“Fine.” He was not ready to give up but forcing her to continue the evening after he made her lose her appetite didn’t sound like a way to win her over either, Xan decided.
Cat’s stomach did a funny somersault when he slid his hand down her arm before reaching for her palm. Such a simple gesture, she thought, but couldn’t recall any time she walked with a boy or a man holding hands.
Did she ever?
“Thank you,” she muttered when they walked back to his car and he opened the door for her, acting all gentleman-like when he had failed so far to do so.
But it was behavior she knew well, was used to it. Paradoxically it helped her to relax a bit, even managed to elicit a small smile on her lips.
The drive back ho
me was as silent as before, only now the quiet was of a different nature. Catalina found herself biting her lip repeatedly, not wanting to ask any more questions since he failed to answer all the previous ones.
She glanced at him from the corner of her eye but his face was as impenetrable as the darkness settling heavily around them. Her gaze slid an inch lower, lingering on his firm lips and sending her thoughts back to the kiss they exchanged. The smooth way his mouth moved over hers, the way he touched her.
Xan wasn’t the type to walk a woman to her door, unless he planned to stay for a while of course, he thought. Yet something in Catalina demanded this kind of chivalrous behavior and he was convinced every single man passing through her life had heeded this silent call.
It only pissed him off more when he found himself on the very same path that led him to her front door.
He watched her slide the key into the lock and turn around with a polite smile on her face, likely to bid him goodnight.
He would have let it go, he told himself, if it weren’t for this fucking artificial smile.
Before he knew it, he had her face in his hands and was pushing her against the door with his own body.
She sucked in a breath when he descended onto her lips as if there were no tomorrow. This time there was no hesitation in him, no compromise in the hardness of his frame. No space for asking.
In the blink of an eye, he turned into a savage ready to take.
Xan felt a tremor running through her body but he didn’t care what the source of it was. He didn’t want to think about anything except the way she felt and tasted. He swallowed her gasp and fisted his hand in her hair.
Her lips parted and maybe she meant to protest but he was not going to give her the luxury of it, his tongue delved into her mouth entwining with hers. He pulled lightly at her hair, tilting her head so he could deepen the kiss.
Catalina felt the unverbalised demand pouring out of him.
Her eyelids fluttered when his tongue swept inside–a hot brand claiming her own with baldness that set her senses ablaze.
She moaned quietly, feeling his body turning more aggressive, pressing into her with dazzling intensity until she found herself between the cool surface of the door and the unyielding hardness of his body.
CUL-DE-SAC (On The Edge Book 1) Page 12