Yes, she was crippled indeed when it came to basic sensations, no matter how bitter the truth was. She was like a person who thought they could own things by window shopping alone.
It felt like she had spent her entire life behind a window glass, left to wonder how life felt and what it tasted like.
Was it surprising she was fascinated by a man who seemed to have done it all and then some more? She had no idea what kind of a childhood Xan had, but she could bet that he did all those forbidden things she had never been allowed to do.
She forced herself to focus on work again, which wasn’t an easy feat when her mind seemed seized on thoughts revolving around hedonism in every form and shape.
***
Kelton Donovan wiped his forearm across his perspiration-damp forehead and glanced at Xan, who grabbed a bottle of water and was slugging back half of it at once.
They were both dehydrated after the workout and he would have never admitted it to the younger man but he nearly got beaten by him today.
Shit, he was getting old, Kelton thought.
He had always assumed his life was going to end during a military operation while he was serving in Marines but he survived his service intact… physically anyway… and was pushing forty now.
Forty for fuck’s sake, and he attempted to drive himself to an early grave by something as cliché as drinking. Not a day passed by where he didn’t miss the feeling of pressing the cold rim of a whiskey glass to his parched lips. But he was successfully ignoring this siren’s song so far and was planning to continue to do so.
It was Xan who saved him in more ways than one and gave him purpose again. He was like a derailed train, Kel thought, and the boy set a new course for him when he didn’t think anything could again. He saw so much of himself in the younger man it was scary at times.
He didn’t have to know every filthy detail of Xan’s childhood to understand what the boy went through. The brutality of it didn’t break him, though, which it would have done to so many others.
No, instead it taught him determination to make something of his life no matter the cards he was dealt. Kelton had always admired strength of character, maybe even more so after the temporary lapse of his own.
He knew about the latest events in Cul-de-sac and the news worried him greatly. He not only felt sorry for Noah, but was concerned about Xan.
Not that the boy wanted to talk about it or pick up the subject of his injured hand–the condition of which he thought he hid so well–Kel thought, and nearly chuckled. So if he couldn’t get him to talk about either of it, he decided to razz him about the girl instead.
“When am I going to meet her?” He asked him now.
“Who?” Xan threw a sweaty towel aside and looked at Kelton.
“Really?” Kel only shook his head and Xan sighed.
Xan actually believed it to be the only time and place he wouldn’t think of Catalina. And he was about to congratulate himself for nearly achieving the goal, but Kel just had to open his big yap and ruin it, he thought.
Fine, he wasn’t nearly as successful in it as he wanted himself to be, but damn if he were to admit to that, Xan decided.
He constantly wanted her until it turned into a dull throb in his veins. It was hardly the first time he had desired a woman, but what bothered him was that he couldn’t recall any other name or face.
Probably because none of those women before her had made him wait, he decided.
And as much as he couldn’t wait to finally enjoy her little body, he started to relish the fleeting touches and kisses keeping his blood in an unvarying state of simmer and looking forward to a next time.
He had never considered himself a masochist, but he couldn’t come up with a more fitting description, Xan mocked himself.
“Damn, the hook in your mouth looks good on you,” Kel chuckled, and Xan raised his hand to his brow stroking it with his middle finger in answer.
“You can flip me off all you want, but I’ve never seen you like that before.”
“Like what exactly?” Xan frowned.
“You are hooked, my man; she must be pretty special.”
“She is.” There was no point in denying it, he thought.
What worried him the most was that he had no idea whether it was a good or bad thing.
“I am taking her out tonight,” Xan said before he could stop himself.
“Where to?
“One of Tristan’s games… What?” Xan asked when Kelton just whistled.
“You sure you want to bring her any deeper into the illegal side of life?”
“She led a sheltered life so far, someone should have done it a long time ago,” Xan shrugged.
“And you became such specialist on what is best for her based on your detailed knowledge about her life, right?” Kel smirked. “Did you even bother to learn the first thing about her before you fucked her?”
“Watch it!” Xan warned feeling his temper instantly ignite.
He decided not to tell Kel they hadn’t had sex yet; he wouldn’t believe him anyway, he thought. He could barely believe it himself.
“Oh I did watch you plow your way through a number of women, boy, and you still didn’t learn a dick.”
“What the fuck does it even mean?”
“The very fact you don’t know says it all.” Kelton retorted.
“How come you are all over my ass about it? You don’t even know her,” Xan snorted.
“That’s why I asked when I’m going to meet her. I have to see for myself who is crazy enough to put up with you except myself.”
“Very funny,” Xan muttered, but his anger left him as fast as it appeared. “I could probably bring her to one of the trainings.”
“You do that and let her watch when I am kicking your ass.”
“I think I might have punched you one time too many, old man,” Xan taunted.
“We are far from being done, boy. Bring it!” Kel waved him on stepping back onto the mat. “Let’s shadow box and see where you are throwing your punches. Remember, don’t focus on one area of attack. This is MMA so mix it up! Don’t give me a chance to defend myself or counter attack!” Kel yelled and groaned when Xan threw a jab to his face, right round kick to his thigh and a left hook to the liver.
He got him in a clinch, switching from stand-up fighting and bringing it to the ground.
“Still wishing she could have been here witnessing me kicking your ass?” Xan smirked and Kel chuckled regardless his current position.
Vicious punk, he thought fondly.
CHAPTER 23
Catalina was surprised when her doorbell rang, because as much as Xan was punctual, he had never made an appearance before the agreed time so far.
He didn’t make it this time either, she understood after opening the door. It was Chloé who waited on the other side of it.
“I thought you were working on location today,” she kissed Cat on the cheek. “I am glad I was wrong. I just need to tell you about the horrible day I had!”
“I’m sorry to hear that, and I am sorry but I am actually on my way out, so we will need to reschedule or cut it short.”
“Oh? What are you up to?” Chloé measured Catalina’s simple shirt and jeans. “Nothing official I see.” She decided.
“No, I am actually waiting for Xan,” she smiled.
“Are you like… seeing him?” Chloé frowned. “I thought you got it out of your system after that night in the club. You haven’t mentioned it is still going on.”
Catalina sighed and thought that probably the note of surprise and censure in her friend’s voice was a reason why she didn’t elaborate on the subject. Not that she hid it, either, but she was trying to gauge the situation herself first.
“Please come in and tell me about this day of yours,” she said.
“Oh no, it can wait, but my curiosity demands to be addressed right away darling. Spill it, Cat, we have never had secrets between us,” Chloé reminded her.
�
��I know; it’s not a secret since I just told you about it.” She made a face and Chloé laughed but was not going to be satisfied with that and they both knew it.
Catalina knew her friend’s retreat that night from Cul-de-sac was quite purposeful. As Chloé explained to her later, her disappearance was supposed to help Cat concentrate on having fun with Xan without being distracted by Chloé’s presence.
Catalina didn’t think she would have vanished without a word herself if the situation were reversed, but she could understand Chloé’s point of view. She was even happy she didn’t stay to witness later events in the fight club, since she was against Cat’s involvement in the first place.
“You can do better than that, Kitty-Cat.” Chloé pursed her lips.
“We’ve been seeing each other since then.” Although ‘seeing’ seemed like a far-fetched description in her opinion because they were both busy.
“You can’t be serious!” Chloé looked at her as if she didn’t know her at all and was not sure what to expect from her next.
“And why not?” Catalina tilted her head.
“He is good looking and has this dangerous vibe going on about him; I will give you that much, but do you really think he will get a green light from Florence? She finds the policeman profession too vulgar and brutal, remember? And Gabriel is actually on the right side of the law. What do you think her opinion of an illegal street fighter would be?” Chloé laughed at the idea alone and Cat couldn’t blame her because it was something beyond comprehensible indeed.
A man like Xan was too untamed to ever make her grandmother’s cut. He was the type to flip society the finger, quite literally.
“First of all, we are just seeing each other; it’s not like I am marrying the guy. Second of all, I thought you were on my side.” Catalina folded her arms.
“I am, but I can also imagine the kind of hell that will break loose if word about any of it gets to Florence. And you know that eventually everything is revealed sooner rather than later.” Chloé sent her a sympathetic look. “I am not defending the society and its stiffening etiquette but neither am I going to support his kind of rough-and-tumble. I just don’t want you hurt, Kitty-Cat.” Chloé touched her arm and Catalina sighed again.
She knew Chloé loved her and meant well. She also knew all the arguments her friend brought up were valid, but it was not changing anything in Cat’s eyes.
“I have never felt as alive as when I am with him.” She looked at Chloé, searching for understanding; and that was exactly what she found in her dark gaze.
There was no judgment but a silent warning. A warning Catalina was aware of anyway; but heeding it was another story, she thought.
“What are your plans for today?” Chloé asked.
“We are going shopping.”
“Shopping. Is this some kind of a code for a weird activity?”
“No!” Catalina laughed nudging her friend.
“I don’t know any man who would do that willingly unless he lost a bet or was going to get rewarded afterward… ah… is he?” Chloé looked at Cat with more attention.
“How about he just wanted to accompany me?” Catalina asked.
“Yeah, I will go with a no,” Chloé snorted out loud.
“God, you are so cynical.” Cat shook her head.
“And you are naive, darling, but I love you anyway.”
“I love you too.” She hugged Chloé and jumped slightly when a firm knock sounded.
“Don’t give him more power by letting him know how he affects you.”
“Sage advice,” Catalina muttered, heading toward the door; even if it was too late for that, she thought.
“Xan.” Was all she managed to say before he swept her off her feet.
Literally.
His mouth took control of hers while he carried her inside.
“Guess what I would rather do than shopping,” he said setting her feet on the ground again.
“Yes, Cat, don’t keep us in suspense and guess.” Chloé laughed and his head snapped up.
“Hi Chloé,” He winked at her.
“Hello Xan.”
“I would have said we are not alone if you had given me a chance,” Catalina announced with dignity, ignoring a hot blush spreading over her cheeks.
“That’s my cue. Enjoy your shopping… if that is what you will end up doing, that is.” Chloé smiled sweetly. “I will call you later, Kitty-Cat,” she added and walked off.
“Kitty-Cat?” Xan raised an eyebrow.
“Apparently my name is just too ordinary for you people,” Catalina said and he chuckled.
“There is nothing ordinary about you… Kitten. Are we set?”
“If by that you mean going out, then yes, although I thought you would cancel on me,” she admitted.
“And why would I do that?” One arrogant eyebrow went up.
“Because people keep telling me that this is not any man’s favorite pastime.”
“I think we are good… as long as you don’t turn out to be one of those women who need to try on absolutely everything on racks.” He smirked.
“I promise I will do my best and try… to avoid that. Might help if I know what are we looking for and where are we going… later?”
“Nice try. Let’s go and I will show you what we need for tonight.” He grabbed her hand, pulling her toward the door.
***
Catalina wasn’t so far off the mark, or that was what he had thought half an hour earlier himself, Xan admitted.
He was convinced shopping was one of those things he would hate more than teeth pulling… without an anesthetic. He had never been insane enough to accompany any woman during the task that carried all signs of being excruciatingly boring, much less basically volunteering to do that like he did this time.
Sex didn’t seem like enough of an incentive to endure something like that.
Yet here he was, going from one shop to another with a woman with whom he hadn’t even had sex yet, and the most surprising part was he enjoyed it all.
“I want to see you wearing these…” He said and Cat looked at the sensual pair of heels he held oh-so-casually.
The broad strap was like an elegant cuff that rounded the ankle and it was tied together with two delicate laces in the front, giving character to the open-toe of sexy Louboutin. The flirtatious stroke of red on the heel of otherwise smooth black suede would liven up every outfit, she thought, stroking her finger over it.
“I can do that,” she agreed, but he bent his head when she tried to take them from him and whispered into her ear.
“… and nothing more Kitten.”
“On second thought, I think I will pass.” But she already wanted them even before the wicked image took a root in her mind.
“Come on, I can see you want it, Cat. Where is your sense of adventure?” Xan tempted, wondering whether he was pushing her too far.
“I think our idea of ‘adventure’ is considerably different.” She looked up at him.
“I guess you will just have to catch up with me, but for now… try them and leave the rest on as well.” He sighed deeply as if she were trying his patience and he was at the end of his rope, but the wicked gleam in his eyes reassured her he was having as much fun as she did.
Catalina wasn’t sure what to expect of him, especially after Chloé’s words, but discovering the playful side of Xan was not it, she decided, although it was as much unexpected as it was welcomed.
She saw the way the sales clerk was gazing up at him, because as Chloé noticed, there was no doubt he was good looking if someone liked the rough and dangerous type.
Apparently most women did, because the shop-assistant wasn’t the only one whose looks Catalina noticed. One customer coquettishly flipped her hair and another, a teenager really, straightened up when they were passing her on their way to a fitting room.
Yet either Xan seemed completely oblivious to the havoc his presence alone was wreaking among the female’s population, or h
e was too used to it to pay attention. Probably the latter, Cat decided and for some reason it dampened her mood somewhat.
What was a man like him doing with her?
It was not that she thought herself to be unattractive; she was aware of her merits as much as she was conscious of her flaws. But the looks she was receiving from all those women who were ogling Xan were full of surprise, as if they too couldn’t help but wonder why her?
“I think I found you a dress for tonight,” he announced and Catalina blinked as if coming awake from a deep slumber.
“Oh?” She tilted her head and regarded the red cocktail dress he took off a rack.
It was short but not skimpy, with an asymmetrical shoulder strap draping into the softly cut sweetheart neckline. A large jeweled center embellishment and a delicate ruche transformed the bust into the most eye-catching part of the attire.
Ruffles of sheer fabric cascaded down the front of the dress, adding a hint of subtle romance to the skirt. She loved the color and material, but mostly she loved the way he seemed to see who she was by choosing a dress she could have picked up herself.
“It’s lovely, Xan,” she said when her throat clenched with an unnamed emotion.
She was used to people who acted as if they knew who she was and what she stood for, while in reality they couldn’t be any further from grasping it. But Xan was stripping her cool and collected mask away, leaving her bare with an ease that took her breath away.
She was afraid of what he might find underneath the seamlessly polite exterior her grandmother instilled upon her. This unease was not caused only by his reaction to whatever he could unearth, but her own as well, since there were moments in her life where she was unsure what kind of a person she was and what she was made of.
The only time she was pushed to her limits regarded her photography, and while it was something of her on a personal level, it didn’t quite reach the core of her.
“As much as I loved those black heels you have yet to try, I think these are a better fit for the dress.” He said at the exact moment she saw them herself.
CUL-DE-SAC (On The Edge Book 1) Page 18