At odds, and so much more welcomed because of it, he thought.
Catalina sighed softly when he wrapped his arms around her, pressing his lips to hers. The familiar feeling of excitement went through her like an electric current. There was no space for doubts, questions or disappointment.
Not in the moments like this.
She could only feel when his tongue swept inside her mouth and the kiss deepened. She raised her hands to cup his face and pull him even closer; a shiver ran up and down her spine as her traitorous body wanted to melt into his. His low groan spurred her to graze his bottom lip with her teeth, surprising them both.
“Cat,” Xan muttered. “I can practically feel my testosterone level dropping drastically while I say this, but we need to stop.” He couldn’t and wouldn’t take her like that.
Not in this room of all places. Especially not for her first time, not after the morning they just had and all the ghosts of the past still hovering above them.
“I wanted to invite you in last night but…” She hesitated.
“But I’ve acted like a dick,” he finished for her and saw the corners of her lips tilting upward in a slight curve.
“I wouldn’t exactly put it like that myself but I think that drove the point home quite adequately,” she said, making him chuckle, but his expression became somber once again.
“I’m sorry about your parents. I had no idea.”
“Thank you and how could you know? It is not something I like to talk about.” She swallowed audibly.
It was shocking to discover a common ground like that, he thought. He understood her perfectly because he fucking despised talking about his past too, even if for completely different reasons.
“You’ve never mentioned your parents either,” Cat noticed and felt him tensing all over again.
“That’s because unfortunately they are alive.” The words flew out of his mouth before he could stop himself. “I’m sorry.” It was a callous thing to say considering what he learned about hers, he thought.
“It’s a horrible thing to say,” Cat said carefully.
“Well, they are horrible people.” He shrugged, but the gesture was too nonchalant for her to believe it was as simple and unimportant as he was trying to play it down.
“If you ever want to tell me about it…” She started but his muscles tensed even more and she could feel him pulling away from her, turning into a living and breathing denial.
“… just know that I am a good listener,” she finished regardless, trying to make it light and simple. “I have to go. I have a meeting I can’t postpone.” She sighed when he was silent.
“Yeah, I have something too but I want to see you later. Talking is not my favorite pastime but I think we need to have a conversation before we decide where things go from here.”
Maybe she came here today to break things off between them, but he was not going to let her do that. He wouldn’t allow it before and he sure as hell wasn’t budging now. He knew he had to give her something, but the thought alone about divulging his past was giving him heebie-jeebies.
“Xan…” She sighed, silently torn in a way only he was making her feel.
“You haven’t used my nickname even once when… your friend was here.” He noticed it before but forgot about it with everything that was going on.
“I wasn’t sure it was a good idea in case… you know.”
“I know.” Who would have thought about it? He wondered and just shook his head, unsure how to behave when someone wanted to protect him since he had zero experience with something like that.
“Coffee got cold,” she said.
“It’s almost as if you knew cold is exactly how I prefer my coffee or something.” He stated all serious-like and she laughed, even though the morning hardly gave them any reason to be amused.
However, they both needed it.
“Or something,” Cat agreed.
CHAPTER 28
Xan hadn’t lied to Catalina when he told her he had something to take care of, even if it was not the kind of meeting she might have meant herself, he thought.
He couldn’t stop thinking about this ‘anonymous tip’ the cop had mentioned, and his stomach churned with all it implied. He was very interested in who jumped Dorian Carrey aka Gray as well.
Dragon seemed like the most interested party, but Xan doubted Noah felt good enough to face his former opponent outside of the ring even if surprise would work in his favor.
No matter how much it didn’t make sense to him, the possibility still needed to be ruled out completely before he could make another stop, he thought.
The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on him though, because now he was like the Lieutenant himself, standing in front of Dragon’s apartment building, about to accuse another person of what he had been accused of merely a few hours before.
“Xan.” Noah was surprised to see him and speculation shone brightly in his otherwise dark eyes.
He didn’t look nervous though. No, Dragon had nothing to do with it either, Xan decided.
“I won’t take you long,” he started but Noah was already stepping out of the way and inviting him in.
He was moving stiffly and Xan would bet his last dollar those cracked ribs of his were still throbbing like a bitch. He wouldn’t last in the ring more than five minutes, he thought, but was not going to get into it right now.
They had already had a similar conversation over the last weeks but Noah seemed hell-bent on returning to the bloody sport even if his next injury was going to end his fighting career for good.
It wasn’t his place to preach about it, Xan reminded himself again. He had his own demons to exorcise after all.
“Want a beer?” Noah asked him, heading toward the kitchen.
The small and crappy apartment smelled like he had one too many on the previous night or maybe this morning already. A half-empty box of Chinese food left on the table sent the loud and clear message Dragon was more interested in drinking than eating and that his diet was a far cry from what one might consider suitable for an athlete.
Xan’s stomach roiled angrily when it all resembled his childhood home too closely.
Bullshit, he thought.
That was exactly why it was his place to say something, because Noah was on his merry way to fuck up his life completely. Xan could sense in the other man too much of too-well-known desperation and helplessness that on some days still clung to his own skin, no matter what he did to distance himself from it.
“There are faster and probably less painful ways to off yourself, if that is your plan,” he said, unable to conceal anger in his voice.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Noah slammed the door of his fridge with much more force than necessary. “It’s just a beer. I won’t drive today, Mommy,” he sneered.
“You know this is not what I’m talking about,” Xan decided that no matter what, he wouldn’t allow Dragon to provoke him.
“If that’s what you came here today for…”
“Hardly. I came because the police paid me a nice visit in the morning asking if I had anything to do with your last opponent’s accident,” Xan snapped.
“What?” Noah took a slug of beer, nearly choking after Xan’s revelations. “Why would you… wait, did you come to ask me about it? Do you think I did it?” He bristled.
“It’s enough to look at you to know the answer to that. A stronger gust of wind would defeat you right now,” Xan smirked.
“I can still kick your ass!” Noah took a swing at him but Xan didn’t even have to duck.
The recently injured and still not healed ribs caused Noah to hiss out a breath and break out in a cold sweat.
“Yeah, I’m fucking shaking in my boots! Heal, sober up and then come to find me, Dragon. I might have a proposal for your sorry ass. A moment earlier and I put you in a hospital bed myself–permanently this time,” Xan said and turned around to leave.
Noah muttered an oath but Xan was done wit
h him for the moment. He had no idea if the other man was going to get a grip on his life or not. He gave him a choice and it was on Dragon now.
He got what he came here for, he thought when the sound of breaking glass reached his ears.
Maybe Noah was going to pull through after all.
Now the bad feeling in the pit of his stomach could finally bloom fully and sprout bitter flowers of viciousness. Xan knew who was responsible for putting Dorian Carrey out of commission and making the anonymous call probably as well, trying to frame Xan for something he had nothing to do with.
It was time to stop tiptoeing around Tony and talk this shit through. Xan was ready to reap what Tony had sown.
***
Finding Tony was child’s play since Cul-de-sac was for all intentions and purposes his home. He made business there, he screwed there, and at times even slept in the small room adjoined to his office.
And screwing was exactly what occupied him this afternoon when Xan entered his domain without so much as perfunctory knock on the door.
“Don’t mind me.” He smirked and folded his arms across his chest instead of backing away like any other decent person would do.
Since he had never particularly cared about decency, he wasn’t going to bother with the notion now, he decided.
“Tony!” The woman screamed, trying to shield her nudity, but neither man paid her any heed; they were too busy eyeing each other instead.
Tony didn’t take his eyes off Xan, even when he was pulling his zipper up and ordering the woman out. She yanked her skirt in place, not bothering to look for her panties, and flew out of the office, painting the air blue with epithets meant for both men.
“You always knew how to make an entrance.” Tony commented.
“You would have started using the lock if you hadn’t been into exhibitionism.”
“I would have never pegged you for a voyeur Xan,” Tony chuckled.
“Then we are even because I would have never pegged you for a common thug. A ruthless and backstabbing criminal was a less of surprise.”
“Criminal? That’s rich coming from you, especially today,” Tony smirked.
“You are not even going to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about?”
“It’s my club, I know about every fucking detail happening under my nose.”
“Especially since you orchestrate events yourself, but I have a news flash for you: I will no longer be your puppet. Find someone else,” Xan said.
“I own you, boy, since the day you were fifteen years old; did you forget that?”
“How could I, since not a day passed by without you reminding me about it! I am here, earning a shitload of money for you. What the fuck more do you want from me?!” Xan asked forcing a choke hold on his temper.
“You need to remember I gave you all that you are today and I am the one who can take it back away. One phone call to the police is all it would take, Xan. I don’t think there is a statue of limitations on a murder,” Tony played his trump.
“Your threats are getting old; you have as much to lose as I do.”
“Are you ready to check your theory in practice?” Tony pierced him with his eyes. “What would this classy girl of yours say, Xan? Would she allow you to put your dirty hands on her again? I don’t think so.”
Xan clenched his fists and gritted his teeth, but he would be damned if he allowed Tony’s words to make him lose his shit the way it had happened before, he promised himself.
His hand throbbed as in a sensory memory of the previous time, which grounded him even more.
“You are not as invincible as you like yourself to think. Don’t push me to prove it to you and stay away from my business.”
“Speaking of business… a new fighter will be joining us shortly. His name is Clay, although you might know him as The Wall. I would have preferred Dorian Carrey, but he served another purpose,” Tony said casually, as if they were not talking about a human being.
“One day you will understand people are not the pawns you take them for. You pull one more shit like today’s and you are on your own. Contrary to some people, I don’t talk just to hear the sound of my own voice. Remember that,” Xan said quietly and walked out of Tony’s office instead of storming out and ripping the door off its hinges as he desperately wanted to.
He knew his cool words and even cooler demeanor would drive his point home clearer than his fit of temper ever could.
Keeping a tight lid on his testiness was not an easy feat for someone like him, who grew up with a father who believed in and exercised brutal force.
It was his answer to everything.
And when Xan had finally escaped his childhood home and landed on the streets, it was only to realize he had fallen out of the frying pan into the fire because streets were as uncompromising as Rob Thorpe’s belt buckle was.
But as lethal as they were, they offered something his father would have never given him–a chance to utilize his determination and wit and make something out of himself.
It wasn’t pretty, it sure as hell wasn’t easy, either, but he had made it, Xan thought, and he was not going down now just because Tony Boden turned out to be as vicious and dangerous a son of a bitch as Rob Thorpe was.
He didn’t want to go to Catalina in the state he was currently in. They were supposed to talk and he didn’t think he could do that without spewing his fury at her; he had done it enough times already.
He should push himself toward exhaustion in order to purge the pent up anger and frustration knotted up within him before seeing her, but he wanted to be out of this place.
Out of this world.
There was no other person who could soothe the raw edges of his temper the way she did. He craved her more than he had thought possible.
He was well aware of the fact he was bad news for her, but he just didn’t want to let her go and couldn’t care less what kind of a selfish bastard that made him.
Xan knew who and what he was but with her he felt like he could be… more. Not because she was pushing him for it but because he wanted it himself, and that made all the difference.
He didn’t want to tell her about his past, didn’t want the filthy reality of it to touch her, but was his present any better? He was pulling her into it deeper and deeper and she deserved to know more about him even if he could hardly be proud of his deeds.
He was going to give her one more chance to back down and after that there was no turning back, Xan decided.
With his mind set he left the club heading toward what he started to perceive as his sanctuary.
CHAPTER 29
Catalina’s day turned out uneventful, especially compared to the incident from the morning. She half expected Gabriel would attempt to contact her and try to talk her out of getting involved with someone of Xan’s ilk.
Just because he hadn’t so far didn’t mean she would delude herself in believing he was going to let her off the hook that easily, but she was still glad for a reprieve–no matter how temporary it was.
The thing was, her mind was pretty set on being with Xan, despite the constant problems and misunderstandings they’d encountered on the way.
On the way that was more and more reminiscent of a rough patch.
She couldn’t stop her mind from replaying Xan’s words about his parents. They were insensitive and brutal but she had no doubt that was exactly how he felt.
While this kind of rankling and bitter hatred should have given her pause and caused her interest to wane, quite the opposite happened. She wanted to know more than ever because she knew that the key to any person truly lay in their past.
Wasn’t she the best example of that herself?
Catalina decided that no matter what the evening brought, a nice dinner together sounded like a good idea. She could only speculate that a home cooked meal wasn’t something Xan was used to.
In any case, it’d been a while since she had an opportunity to cook for someone except herself, so s
he could also put her rusty skills to test again.
She dipped fish in butter and then coated it with seasoned potato flakes to prepare potato-crusted salmon when the sound of the doorbell made her frown.
Overfilled with misgivings, she considered ignoring it, but the inbred famous Bennett pride made her straighten her spine and open the door.
“Xan. Is everything okay? I didn’t expect you so early.” The simmering edge of his temper was visible in his eyes, his face was set in harsh lines.
“I’m sorry, I should have called first but damn, I would have missed this lil apron of yours and that would be a pity,” he chuckled, but this display of amusement didn’t chase away the shadows filling his gaze.
“Oh.” She looked down, embarrassed she had run to the door forgetting about appearances.
If it were Florence on the other side of the door, her reaction wouldn’t be anywhere close to his, Cat thought.
“I was just… please come in,” she sighed, stepping away.
“I can come back later.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I thought I would prepare dinner for us.” She shrugged because all of a sudden it didn’t feel like such a good idea.
“You can cook?” Surprise in his voice sent her straight to defense.
“My upbringing was privileged, you might say. I grew up in luxury, went to private schools, had chauffeurs at some point or another, and my family always belonged to country clubs. We even had a cook named Oliver but I wanted to be self-reliant so I had learned how to take care of myself without all those glittery trimmings,” Cat said.
“Whoa, I didn’t mean it like that.” Not this time, Xan thought. “I am just used to living in the world where people survive on take-out.”
“I’m sorry.” She massaged the bridge of her nose.
“Rough day, Kitten?” His big hands landed on her shoulders and started to knead the tensed muscles there.
“Don’t stop,” she groaned.
“Works better without any clothes… maybe this apron of yours could stay, though,” he added after the slightest pause.
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