“A car wreck? Oh my God. Was it bad?”
“Yes. It was. But I was in such a bind, taking up your slack, that I was running around like a crazy person.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That was a shitty thing to do.”
She looked me in the eye. “I know.”
We stared at each other for several moments, silence descending around us. I could feel my anger lesson. Slightly.
“I’m so so sorry,” she whispered, and her lip quivered. “Ro, I love you. You mean everything to me. You are the only family I have. And…I don’t know why I did that to you. But you’re just so strong. And I’m…not.”
Strong? Me? Was she crazy? But just as an ugly laugh threatened to erupt, I swallowed it down.
“How are you feeling now?” I asked instead, still aggravated, but not as committed to holding onto the bad feelings.
“I’m okay, I guess.” Her shoulders rounded, and her head hung low. “But I know what I need to do. I can’t take care of him.”
I resisted the urge to reach out to her when she started sobbing.
“He has cystic fibrosis.”
“What?” My mouth fell open.
“Jacob. They diagnosed him with something called cystic fibrosis.”
That sounded really bad. Official, somehow. “What is that?”
She hiccupped a sob. “It’s something to do with congestion in his lungs. It’s very dangerous.” Her head rolled back and forth. “I can’t take care of him on a good day. And now, with these new problems…”
I was across the room within a beat. It took twenty minutes for her to stop sobbing and I held her the entire time. I knew I couldn’t fully understand what she had gone through these past months, and what she would now have to face if she gave him up for adoption.
When she finally sat up, her breath was ragged.
“I’ll get you some water,” I offered.
She nodded.
When I returned with the glass, she took a sip. Then another. Soon, a glimmer of color came back to her face.
“There might be a bright spot in all of this.” But the look on her face mirrored the feelings in my heart. How could there be a bright spot in a future without Jacob? “I think I know who I’d like to give him to. If I can.”
“You have someone in mind?” I braced myself. What if they were far away? She had an aunt in Ohio that she talked about sometimes.
She nodded, her eyes wide and searching, lip caught between her teeth.
“Who?” My brows pursed as I held my breath. “Your aunt?”
She shook her head. The way she looked at me told me she thought I would guess who she was thinking of. Then, like the flip of a switch, I did. I smiled at the same time Jess offered a weak smile to me. There might be a happy ending laid out before us and it was so perfect, the idea was almost glittering in gold as it hung in the air between us.
I WAS lying on my back gazing up at the star-filled sky. It was July and the air was filled with humid warmth. It was a cloudless night, and I could see Orion and the Big Dipper as clearly as if I’d painted them there myself. I pointed with my finger, obscuring patches of the sky.
“What are you doing?” Mike’s head was next to mine, our bodies touching down our sides, not an inch between us anywhere.
“Looking at the constellations.”
“Which is your favorite?”
“I always liked Orion. He’s a warrior.”
We lay in silence for several minutes before Mike said quietly, “That he is. But I know someone stronger than him.”
“Who?” I was preoccupied with creating shapes out of the stars and didn’t note the seriousness that had entered his tone.
He turned onto his side and placed his head in his hand. “You.”
“Me?” I released a chuckle of scorn. “Surely you jest.”
“Never.”
I glanced at him, the emphatic delivery of that single word making me pause. The smirk melted off my face. “Why would you say that?”
He glanced down at my left arm that ran the line between us. He ran a finger up and down the tattoos. “You just are. You amaze me. You always have. I think you’re an incredible person. Everything you’ve been through…it’s crazy. Yet, here you are. In college. On your own. You…I don’t know. You’re just my hero.”
For some reason I didn’t fully understand, tears filled my eyes, but I blinked them away before they could fully form. I wasn’t quite sure why he was saying these things to me but they touched me in a deep, deep place in my heart.
“You’re beautiful,” he said.
He held my gaze while his fingers trailed a path up and down my arm, sending shivers over my body.
“You’re beautiful, too.”
A smile broke out over his face.
He ran a hand over his chin and then laid back down beside me. With the faintest of touches, he pressed his hand against mine. And I smiled.
“We’d better go,” I said, my lips still pulled wide.
“You’re right.” He pushed upright. “We’d better not show up tomorrow without those rolls or Angel will be pissed.”
“Yes, she will.”
We laughed as we gathered the blanket and water bottles we’d brought. Then we hiked the short distance from our usual place at Beauty Mountain to Mike’s car. He was home from college for summer break and he had a full two months here. I was still living in the same apartment with Jess, and Mike stayed at his parents’ when he was home. We saw each other now like normal couples did—when we scheduled time to be together, which was as often as possible.
He kissed my cheek and held the door to the passenger side open. I slid in and let a shiver of contentment roll over me. Then, as I watched him walk around the front of the car, a shiver of another kind erupted, and I bit my lip. He was still the most handsome guy I’d ever seen. He probably always would be.
“Ready?” He started the car.
“I’m ready.” I rolled down the window to let the sweet scent of a summer breeze wash over me.
“IT’S ABOUT time.” Janie opened her front door and stepped back to let us in. “Angel was about to have a fit. You brought the rolls, right?” She peered at us from behind her bifocals.
My face fell and behind me Mike uttered, “Uh, yeah. I’ll be right back with those.”
Before Janie could scold him, he darted toward the car and peeled out of the driveway. I started laughing as Janie gave me her best stern look that was in no way stern at all. “We have the rolls. We just left them at the store.”
“Right,” she said. “Tell that to Angel.”
As I walked down the short hallway toward the kitchen, my mouth started to water. “God that smells good. I’m so glad Angel is cooking and not you.”
“Hey!” Janie gave my shoulder a playful punch.
It was the fourth of July and Janie and Angel invited a group of us over for a barbeque. I could hear voices in the distance as I passed into the kitchen.
“Drinks are in here,” Janie said. “And I think everyone is outside.”
“Okay. Thanks.” I grabbed a bottle of water and started toward the door that led to the backyard. But I stopped short at the window as a powerful surge of emotion shot through me. I put my hand on the sill to steady myself.
“It’s quite a sight, isn’t it?” Janie leaned over my shoulder, her gaze following mine.
I put a hand over my mouth, joy pulsing through me.
Outside, Angel was cooking chicken and steak on a charcoal grill. She was laughing so hard she had to run a hand over her cheek to stop the tears. Gran was standing beside her, gesturing wildly with hands full of grill tools and an oven mitt. She was laughing just as hard and I wished I knew what was so funny.
I scanned the rest of the yard, looking for those who would complete this picture. Tanya and Ranger were there, playing a game of corn-hole against Mr. and Mrs. Anderson. Tanya’s small body was set in position, ready to toss the bean bag when the sun c
aught a small, shiny diamond ring on her finger.
Sitting at the picnic table, watching, was Jess. Toddling in front of her was Jacob, dirty from what looked like watermelon juice. He was a late walker and still unsteady on his thin legs, but there was somewhere he wanted to go. He started across the grass, pink watery drool spilling over his chin. He fell onto his butt, but managed to get himself upright again and started off toward his destination.
Jess didn’t try to pull him back. He knew where he was going; knew where he belonged. With his mother. And when he finally made it to her side, he lurched himself forward to grab her leg.
Her smile widened even more than it had been when she was laughing. With a squeal of delight, Angel reached down and scooped him onto her hip, kissing his cheek. Gran ran a hand over his silky hair and reached in to grasp his hand.
I could hear Jacob’s squeals of delight all the way in the house.
“That is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen,” Janie whispered at my back. She sniffed, and I could tell she was crying.
Unable to stand back any longer, Janie went outside and straight to Angel’s side. She put her arms around her wife and their son. Laughter filled the yard, filled the kitchen, filled my heart. Soon, another person was standing behind me.
“That’s pretty cool, isn’t it?” Mike kissed my neck.
“It won’t be so cool if you forgot those rolls again.” I turned my head to accept another kiss, this one with a promise that made my insides do summersaults.
“They’re on the counter,” he managed after a minute.
“Good. You were about to be in big trouble.”
He laughed and wrapped his arms around me. We stayed in that spot, taking in the sight of the people we loved gathered for a holiday barbeque. I don’t know how I came to be the luckiest girl in the world. It was never a role I thought I would have. But I was. And I was so grateful that my heart nearly burst on a daily basis.
I had managed to find my happy-ever-after. The realization brought a sob to my throat, and I couldn’t stop it before it released into the air.
“Hey. You okay?” Mike asked softly.
I nodded. “I’m more than okay.”
Life was a funny thing. In order to be happy, you just had to let go.
Whenever I thought of doing this, I thought about my mom. I had sent her Charley-Bear. I was months into productive—though difficult—therapy, trying to deal with and heal from my past. I had no plans to see her, at least not in the near future. That ship had sailed. And I was at peace.
Then there was Trina. With help from Tanya, Dr. Schweitzer, and the authorities, we managed to get her away from that religious group, though she was still struggling. She dropped out of high school and was supposedly studying for her GED. She had become a recluse in our childhood home. But she and I saw each other often. Usually I had to go there and visit because she rarely left the house. Sometimes, though, I could get her to come out for lunch. One small step at a time.
Needless to say, it was a huge surprise when she agreed to come today. But when I scanned the yard, I didn’t see her. At first I thought she changed her mind at the last minute. Then she walked around the corner of the house, Levi trotting beside her on his leash. My dog seemed to be the one thing that could make her smile, so I often left him with her for the day while I went to work and school. Levi loved the attention, and I could see a long-lasting friendship developing.
After another minute, Mike and I went outside. The sun shone brightly that day and a warm summer breeze wrapped us in its soothing embrace. Jacob reached for me when I walked up to Angel, and she released him. As I pulled him to me, he wrapped his little arms around my neck. I held him tight against my chest as I looked across the yard at Jess.
She smiled.
And so did I. Me, little Rowan Slone. Smiling. With my family. And it touched every single cell in my body, filling me with a joy I never thought I would experience, never thought I deserved.
But I was worthy of this joy.
This love.
This life.
Tracy Hewitt Meyer is an award-winning author of teen and adult fiction. She lives in the mid-east with her family, a goldendoodle, and a bearded dragon. For more information on Tracy, her writing life, and her novels, please visit www.TracyHewittMeyer.com.
Visit the author at:
www.tracyhewittmeyer.com
www.bhcauthors.com
www.facebook.com/TracyHewittMeyer
www.twitter.com/TracyHMeyer
www.tracywriteinstyle.wordpress.com
Cover design, interior book design, eBook design,
and editing by Blue Harvest Creative
www.blueharvestcreative.com
All poems contained within were written by
Tracy Hewitt Meyer
The Butterfly Project on Facebook
Table of Contents
About the Book
Title Page
Copyright Information
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Table of Contents
Introduction by the Author
A Life, Redefined
Poem
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Epilogue
A Life, Forward
Light - Rowan Slone
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Epilogue
A Life, Freed
A Poem By Rowan Slone
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-one
Chapter Twenty-two
Chapter Twenty-three
Epilogue
About The Author
Visit The Author
Meet The Creative Team
The Butterfly Project
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My Name Is Rowan: The Complete Rowan Slone Trilogy Page 54