When Nothing Is All You've Got

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When Nothing Is All You've Got Page 5

by Kirsty Dallas


  “You fucked up tonight,” he finally murmured.

  “I won tonight.”

  “I have no one lined up for your next fight. Nobody wants to take you on. Hell, the females would rather slit their own damn wrists then fight you. You might as well have killed Viper in the ring. There is no other woman in this entire facility stupid enough to face you in the cage.” The girl still didn’t move as Kingsley’s temper began to boil. With a deep breath, he dialed it back and laced his fingers together in front of him. “Thankfully, I have a solution.” I knew the solution firsthand, since I had been the one to suggest it. “You have a fight in one week.” Kingsley paused as if for effect. “You’ll be fighting Zeb.” If he expected a reaction, he didn’t get one; the girl remained still, her gaze fixed on the painting behind her father’s head. If I could tell from this angle that she was avoiding his gaze, I’m sure Kingsley could tell from his front row seat, and it would piss him off to no end.

  Zeb was a cold, ruthless bastard who fought in the cage regularly. He was tough as nails, big, and fast. He wasn’t by any means the biggest or the fastest, but he was a brutal choice for her first fight. It would bring in plenty of trade, and it might finally topple the girl from the arrogant cloud she was currently floating on. Guilt wasn’t an emotion I was prone to, but the uncomfortable feeling inside me now made me want to shift with apprehension. I’d set the girl on this course, but the consequences of not fighting was death . . . or worse, she’d end up in the Whore Pit working on her back, spreading her thighs for anyone who wanted to use and abuse her. Neither of those options was permissible for me. While I fought my want for her, the girl’s vulnerability called to that place inside me that I thought I’d left behind. I had no doubt there were few who could see the pliable woman under the layers of grime and hard-assed bitch she wore like a protective coat. Some assumed they could beat it out of her, even manhandle her and force her to her knees, but that wasn’t how you treated a caged lioness. You needed to soothe her, gain her trust, maybe even show her a gentle hand before bending her over and forcing her into submission.

  I could see the slight tick in Kingsley’s jaw, and I knew the girl’s silence was pissing him off.

  “Your winnings from tonight’s fight are forfeited.” He stood, blocking the spot on the wall Nada had found so intriguing. “You will also scrub out the cages in the Wild Zone; they haven’t been tended to for weeks.” He stepped around his desk to stand directly before her. “You might think that your winnings ensure your continued life.” Kingsley’s hand rose, and he wrapped a meaty fist around her neck. Nada tensed ever so slightly as he squeezed her delicate throat. “Your life is worth nothing, you are insignificant here, and if no one wants to fight you, I have no reason to keep you. I’ll carve that stubborn bitch heart from your chest myself.”

  “If I was so insignificant in your world, you would have killed me long before now,” she forced out through the narrowed airway.

  Kingsley let her go and smiled, right before slamming his fist into her stomach. Nada’s breath left her body on an audible groan as she bent over and clutched at her waist. My fists clenched, and it took everything I had inside me to keep my feet firmly rooted in place. Kingsley stood in front of her, grinning with pure malice. Eventually, the girl stood and allowed her hands to drop back to her sides, her eyes once again on the painting of the sun.

  Kingsley’s smile faltered for only a moment before he pulled a hanky from his pocket and wiped his hand as if her touch had tainted his skin with something distasteful.

  “You’re not irreplaceable; there are others in the sector who could easily take your place. Just yesterday I watched Brin. She’s a pretty little thing, and bold. I could take her and create another you.”

  Brin was an eight-year-old girl born to the innocents. Her head of spiraled curls and big blue eyes could melt the coldest of hearts, but not Kinsley’s. He would take her and start training her, just as he said. He’d be lucky if someone like Brin had Nada’s natural skill and fearless attitude, though; the girl was one of a fucking kind . . . he knew it, I knew it, the other soldiers in the room knew it, and by the way Nada’s eyes shone with amusement, she fucking knew it, too. Kingsley was simply trying to push her buttons by threatening the innocents. She wasn’t as nonchalant to the people of the Underworld as she would have you believe. Still, she didn’t rise to the bait and remained frustratingly calm, her quiet façade beginning to piss even me off.

  “I need to teach you a lesson,” Kingsley murmured, retrieving an old style revolver that I remembered seeing as a kid in an old cowboy movie. He slipped a single bullet in the chamber and handed it to her. She knew the drill; we all knew it. She had played this game at least a hundred times before. My fingers twitched with the need to reach for the gun, my palms were clammy, and my heart beat so hard and fast I thought it would beat right out of my chest. This psychological torture always pushed me to the edge, and tonight, more so than usual. “You can thank your mother for this,” Kingsley whispered as he leaned against his desk to watch her. The two sentries carrying their own guns had drawn them and were now pointed in the direction of Nada, almost daring her to try and take out their boss. “If her cunt hadn’t been so sweet, you wouldn’t be here today. It’s because of her you are here, and because of her weakness that I now own you. I decide if you live or die.”

  Nada’s hand slowly lifted the gun until the barrel pressed against her temple.

  “Russian Roulette is a game of chance, Kingsley,” she calmly said. “It’s fate that owns my life in this moment.” Without hesitation, she pulled the trigger, and the metallic click of an empty chamber filled the room. My legs shook with the need to sit down for a moment. Nada, on the other hand, appeared completely unaffected.

  Kingsley pulled the gun from her hand and whipped her across the face with it. Nada stumbled, and I actually took a small step towards her which quickly garnered Kingsley’s attention. I stilled myself, and Kingsley soon turned back to the girl.

  “Get out of my sight. Your presence offends me.”

  She didn’t take the time for another verbal jab; she knew she didn’t need to. Her few words and icy composure had rattled Kingsley’s cage, just like she intended to. She might have left bleeding, but she’d definitely won this round.

  As soon as she was clear of the room, Kingsley’s gaze settled back on me. He didn’t say anything, just stared, searching my eyes for something deep and meaningful. He wouldn’t find anything. Like Nada, I’d become an expert at closing myself off to the world. “Watch her. She’s up to something.”

  “You think she knows who the mole is?” I wondered out loud. It had never crossed my mind that Nada might know who the rebel spy was. She was an innocent, born here with no outside interaction, but it wouldn’t be impossible for the rebels to reach her if they wanted to.

  “Probably. She’s too arrogant, too confident. She has to know something.”

  Turning his back, Kingsley stepped through the doorway to his bedroom and slammed the door closed.

  The idea of watching Nada, digging out her secrets, and peeling back those layers ignited the curious part of me that wanted to explore the enigma she had become. Kingsley had set me with a mission that for once didn’t turn my blood cold. With a satisfied nod to no one in particular, I slipped out of the office.

  Following Nada through the dark, twisted corridors was easy. She didn’t try and hide, nor did she try and escape the prickling sensation she would be feeling on the back of her neck right now. Watching her this closely, I couldn’t help but notice the small tremor in her hands and the way she clenched her fists to conceal it. Her body was tense . . . too tense. The meeting with Kingsley had rattled her, and it pissed me off to know it. I preferred to think of her as the cold, unaffected bitch everyone assumed she was.

  I followed her through the open common area that was practically empty at this time of the morning. Somewhere above the concrete, steel, and earth that kept us buried below th
e ground, the moon would have already reached its highest point and was beginning to chase the horizon towards dawn. Slipping from one shadow to the next, I followed at a distance, and Nada kept a casual gait, her hips swaying an enticing rhythm under the tight leather she wore. I was almost jealous of the way that leather cupped her body and squeezed her curves. It would be a bitch to remove if I wanted to fuck her hard and fast, but the thought of my hands on her body had me growing hard as I watched her finally reach her room. At this point, she stopped and turned, looking right at me as I hung back in a dark corner. I wasn’t sure if she could see me, but for some reason, I wanted her to. The man in me that once existed wanted to know if she feared me; the man I’d become would relish that fear. Stepping into the dim light, she didn’t appear frightened at all, and I smiled at the shimmering presence of hate in her narrowed gaze. Turning her back on me, she unlocked the feeble padlock that protected her belongings and stepped through her doorway, slamming the heavy steel door closed behind her.

  Moving forward, I didn’t stop until I was standing in front of her room, my hand caressing the cool metal of her door. It couldn’t be locked from the inside, I could enter if I wanted to. This girl and my feelings for her were an enigma. It had been so long since emotions of possessiveness had filled my heart, and I almost didn’t recognize them. I wanted to touch her, but in doing so, I would spoil her. My touch would crush the defiance right out of her, and that defiance is what attracted me to her in the first place. The undercurrent of need and the almost long forgotten want to protect something created an angry, unsettled feeling inside me, something similar to an itch that couldn’t be scratched. My existence had been so much easier without this perplexing puzzle. For as long as I had suffered the Underworld, the girl had been here, but with each passing year, month, day, and now hour, my want for her grew. My once cool indifference towards her was so much easier than this slow burning need I was now consumed with.

  Stepping away from the door, I shook my head, and much like Kingsley had, I wiped the fingers that had caressed her door on the back of my tattered jeans. Turning, I moved away from her room, and the further away from her room I got, the easier it became to ignore my want for her, the more balanced I felt. Too bad I was going to be her proverbial shadow for a while.

  5

  NADA

  The freezing cold shower had shocked my body to life better than any Taser ever could. Having been on the receiving end of one such electrifying jolt, I could attest to that.

  My body was still stiff and sore from the fight yesterday, not to mention Kingsley’s love tap following it. One side of my face had become a canvas of deep set purple complimented by a painful red and soft blue bruise. The thing was, everyone would think it came from the fight, even if Viper had gotten nothing more than a weak slap in. No one other than the men who had stood in Kingsley’s room would know he gave it to me. Some of the inmates in the Underworld got it; they listened to the rumors and felt a pity for the hate my father dished out to me daily. They could swallow their pity, though. I didn’t need it. Those who didn’t believe the rumors hated me, perceiving me as the spoiled princess of some misbegotten fairy-tale, with her own warm room and a silver spoon feeding her straight from her father’s ever-generous hand. Deep down, that hatred and jealousy pissed me off, but I utterly loathed the pity.

  Sitting on the wooden bench in the communal bathroom, I finished tying the frayed laces on my shoes and ran my fingers through my short hair. I’d never been a girl to fuss over her appearance, but the Mohawk I had inadvertently achieved for last night’s fight had caught my attention in what I was worried might be a purely feminine way. I used my hands to brush the messy mop upwards, but it fell with limp protest back down to my scalp.

  “Here,” murmured Regan’s familiar voice from behind me. I’d watched her enter a shower stall only a few short minutes before me. She would come to the red sector and take her showers at the same time I did, in the stall right beside mine. It was safer for her that way. The look of defeat she currently wore on her face created an odd pang of emotion from somewhere deep within me. In her palm she held a small container full of thick, clear liquid.

  “What is it?”

  “It’s gel; you use it in your hair.” She shoved it towards me again. “Take it. I have more.”

  With a hesitant hand, I took the gooey substance from her and sniffed it. Regan tried hard to suppress a smile. She was constantly surprising me with gadgets and products from the above world. I had no idea where she got them, or how she knew about them. She knew about things I couldn’t even imagine. Vehicles that ran on liquid called gas, roads that stretched as far as the eye could see, buildings that reached high into the sky, stars that twinkled at night like diamonds hung against a black backdrop, and apparently, this gel. I swiped my fingers through the cool, thick liquid. It felt wet and sticky as I dipped my fingers into the bottle. There was a highly tactile part of me that found an unusual and compulsive fascination with touching things. Shiny things, smooth things, rough things, soft things, my fingers were constantly twitching with the need to reach out and touch. I rubbed the gel between my fingers before reaching back in to gather more gel.

  “Wait! Too much.” Regan carefully wiped some of the gel back into the container until only a small dollop remained on my fingers. “Now, rub your hands together and then run it through your hair in the way you want to style it.”

  I snorted as I followed her directions and swept my hair back up into its Mohawk. “Style,” I murmured.

  “I know,” Regan said with a smile. “Who would have thought?”

  Miraculously, my hair stayed in place this time, and I nodded with satisfaction, carefully replacing the lid on the gel and tossing it in the backpack that I carried my personal bathroom items in. I took one more look at my reflection before turning away. My eyes were heavily shaded with customary charcoal, creating the menacing look that helped keep inmates away. That, along with my Mohawk, I imagined nobody would dare try to talk to me.

  “George will be moving his gear into your room today. He said he’d string up a curtain so you can have some privacy,” I murmured.

  “Really?” Regan asked with a surprised tone to her voice.

  “He also said if you know where Jake’s hidden stash of NIM was, he’d make sure it finds its way back to the king without repercussion.” Regan shifted nervously beside me. “What?” I asked, seeing the hesitation on her face.

  She then leaned forward, and I flinched as her arms wrapped around me. It was a quick hug, and her arms remained lose and wary, but it made my heart lurch nevertheless. I wasn’t a hugger. I hadn’t grown up with such affection. As a child, I had received awkward pats on the back from Dejohn who was unsure how to handle a little girl whose father hated her simply for existing. I stood frozen, grudgingly accepting her affection but not willing to participate.

  “Thank you,” she murmured as she pulled away and collected her belongings.

  “I hate to interrupt this touchin’ moment, but, tough girl, I believe you got cages to clean.”

  Shadow’s deep voice echoed off the walls and both a spark of excitement and a twinge of anger fired beneath my skin. I slipped my arms into my jacket, hiding the pale skin exposed by the simple, black tank top I wore. My leathers were carefully stowed away in my room, for shoveling feces and vomit from the cages in the Wild Zone was a chore worthy of only the oldest clothes. My gaze caught on the showers and I almost scoffed at myself. I was about to go shovel shit, why I had felt the need to shower before such a task I had no idea. Knowing I’d be back here scrubbing my skin raw soon enough, I threw my backpack over my shoulder and stepped past Shadow who was still leaning against the narrow doorway.

  Shadow, of course, followed close behind. I didn’t like having him at my back, I didn’t like having anyone at my back, but because Shadow had never hurt me, because he had once protected me, I was able to tolerate and ignore his presence better than anyone else’s.

/>   I took a moment to pass by my room and leave my bathroom belongings there before grabbing some cleaning supplies and heading for the Wild Zone. All the while, Shadow followed me like a silent, steady fucking shadow. He never said a word, and for that I was somewhat grateful. I wasn’t a woman of many words; conversations always felt awkward and stunted. Eventually though, the silence got the better of me, and I cast Shadow an irritated glance over my shoulder.

  “I find it hard to believe that Kingsley is nervous enough to have the man who watches his overindulgent ass all day long follow mine.”

  “And a much better view it is,” he murmured.

  “Is he worried I might try and abscond from the Wild Zone with one of those nice rusty metal buckets the newbies piss and shit in?’

  Shadow didn’t answer as we slowly crept upwards, the corridor always climbing at a slight incline before reaching a final steep, narrow set of stairs. It appeared Shadow was to be mine for a while, which meant Kingsley was nervous. It was inconvenient to have someone watching me this closely, but I’d be able to lose Shadow if I wanted to. For now, I’d let him tag along.

  “Just thought you might like the company,” Shadow said with a grin. I ignored his too cheerful smile and stepped into the Wild Zone.

  It was a wide room, easily forty feet across, with stone walls, floor, and ceiling. The cages were in a row of five, positioned directly in the center of the room, and stretching from one side to the other. They offered no privacy and absolutely no comfort. Each cell consisted of a stone floor, a rusty metal shit bucket, and walls of caged steel. They were currently empty, but the smell that emanated from the furthest cage almost made me gag. Taking a bandana from my back pocket, I wrapped it around the lower half of my face, smiling behind the barrier at Shadow’s appalled frown as he tried to pull the neck of his shirt up over his nose. The Wild Zone was checked every day, and since the last intake was three days ago now, I assumed Kingsley had purposefully saved this one for me. The shit and vomit had been festering all that time. Ignoring the putrid smell that seeped through the fabric and into my nose, I stepped towards the cage.

 

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