When Nothing Is All You've Got

by Kirsty Dallas

  Staring at my hands, I could still see the blood, the stain of death and torture that would forever taint my soul. No matter how many times I washed them, it was still there. Killing had come frighteningly easy for me in the Underworld, but lately, I was just fucking tired of it, longing for the days these hands were coated in nothing but grease and honest hard work. I needed to see Nada, needed to know that she was alright, needed to fucking claim her body. Maybe she could help me forget the blood and screams that echoed in my nightmares.

  *

  The girl was pissed. If the ice, cold glaze of her eyes didn’t give it away, the fury as she hurled a lump of stone at me did. I ducked as the large chunk of rock hit the wall to my left and turned my equally furious gaze on her. She’d seemed surprised on opening her door to find me there, and when she tried to close the door in my face, I forced my way into her room. Now, as I stood with my back to the closed door, with a seething ball of fire in front of me, I wondered if my decision to enter her room when she was so volatile was a suicidal choice. There was a fifty-fifty chance she could take me. She was fucking magical when she fought, but I had a few skills of my own; the difference between us was I didn’t want to hurt her. Clearly, she wanted to hurt me. The way she slowly slid her knife from the holster at her thigh and caressed the black blade like a lover might do her man’s cock made me fucking hard, and nervous.

  “What the fuck?” I growled out.

  “I told you I would carve out your heart if you went elsewhere.”

  My brow furrowed at her words, the meaning behind them taking me by surprise.

  “Didn’t peg you for the jealous type, tough girl.”

  With that, she ran at me, the knife held in an expert grip and rage burning behind her dark eyes. Stepping to one side, I ducked slightly and took the brunt of her charge with my shoulder. Swinging her knife hand in an arc, she aimed for the tender length of my thick neck. I caught her wrist and bent it backwards until she had no choice but to drop the weapon. The knife fell to the stone floor with a clang, and while internally I was patting myself on the back for a swift disarm, the fucking spitfire shoved her palm into my nose; the loud crack and free flowing blood assured me it was good and broken. That just pissed me off. Roaring, I dipped low and threw her over my shoulder, moved swiftly forward, and dumped her on the bed with a thud, following her down. Thankfully, my eyes were quickly clearing of the tears that welled in them when she broke my nose, so I could see the hands that were set on gouging my eye balls out of their sockets coming at me. I held her firm enough to mark her porcelain skin while she bucked and writhed under me. The sick prick I am became quickly turned on, my cock hardening beneath my black cargos. Finally, reality sunk in, and Nada slowly calmed, realizing how futile it was to fight me, and from the shadow of fear in her eyes, she felt my dick pressed against her thigh.

  “You finished?”

  She didn’t speak, her glare doing all the talking for her. My blood dripped onto her chest, drops of crimson hitting the white fabric of her shirt and creating a morbid splattered artwork.

  “Firstly, I don’t know what shit you’ve been hearin’, but my cock ain’t felt the slick warmth of a pussy in over a month. Secondly,” leaning in closer, I ignored the blood that now dripped down the creamy flesh of her cheek, “you fight me, and I’ll fight back. You feelin’ me, tough girl?”

  Dark eyes flittered across my face as if seeking the truth. She’d find it easily enough; I wouldn’t lie to her.

  “You were seen in the Whore Pit, more than once.” Pushing myself off her, I grabbed what appeared to be a rag off the floor and was just about to press it to my bloodied nose when she stopped me.

  “Not that, it’s my favorite shirt!” After ripping the shirt out of my hands, she quickly found another on the rickety excuse of a chair and threw it at my face, before using another to wipe the blood from her own cheek.

  “You were down there two days ago,” I growled out as I tipped my head back, waiting for the bleeding to stop.

  “Kingsley ordered me down there to keep an eye on things,” she argued.

  I peered over the blood soaked shirt and raised a brow. “You think you’re the only one he orders down to that shithole to keep an eye on things?”

  “He ordered you down there?” Her voice softened.

  “I have never fucked in that STD infected whore house, and I sure as hell ain’t about to. I don’t need to—the pussy comes to my fuckin’ door—so I sure as shit don’t need to go lookin’ for it.” Her eyes flared, and her lip curled with disgust. “You’re mine, Nada, and I don’t want any other pussy. When it comes knockin’, it gets sent the fuck away.”

  For a moment I thought she might try and stab me again, but slowly, the fight drained from her body. I sat on the clothes covered chair and watched as she stood rather awkwardly in her own room, her feet shuffling, her gaze locked on the floor.

  “Watcha hidin’, tough girl?”

  She looked as guilty as a nun squatting in a cucumber field, her head shaking slowly from side to side. Pulling the shirt away, I gently felt my bruised, battered nose. Satisfied it was no longer bleeding, I dropped the bloody shirt in my lap.

  “I’m not hiding anything.” She sounded convincing, but her body language gave her away.

  “Don’t fuckin’ lie to me. Yell at me if you need to, tell me to fuck off and mind my own business, but don’t fuckin’ lie to me.” She cast me an irritated frown. “Tough girl, any time I’ve come into your room of late, you’ve stood in that same spot like a lioness protectin’ its cub. You keep lookin’ to the bed, and from the small gap in the edge of the mattress, it’s obvious you got somethin’ stashed under there. I’m not gonna take it from you, whatever you got there. If we’re gonna make this work, baby, you gotta learn how to trust me, and I gotta learn how to trust you.” She still hesitated, her gaze slipping to that fucking spot on the mattress again before nervously coming back to settle on me. “Tell me what you’re hidin’, and I’ll let you have one question. Anything, ask me fuckin’ anythin’, and I’ll give you the God’s honest truth.” At that she nodded.

  “I get to ask the question first.”

  I grinned. Of course she did; little bitch wasn’t eager to give up control.

  “Fine, ask your damned question.”

  Settling back into the chair, I waited as she carefully sifted through all the things she was obviously dying to ask me, searching for the one answer that would mean the most. All the while, her teeth chewed her bottom lip like a rabid fucking animal. I wanted to bite it, and a whole lot more. Finally, she rested back onto the edge of her bed and looked me straight in the eye.

  “Who’s the woman you left behind up above?”

  17

  NADA

  An unbreakable mask seemed to descend over Shadow’s face giving nothing away. Trying hard to read a fathomless expression was about as useful as sunscreen in the Underworld. My fingers twitched with the need to reach out and touch him. I imagined he’d be as hard as a rock, his body coiled tight with tension after being asked something he would probably prefer to leave in the world above, along with whatever life he’d had up there. He sat there like that for the longest time, staring at me but not really seeing me. If he was hoping I’d get bored and kick him out, he was wrong. One thing you had in abundance in the Underworld was time. There was always time to absorb the hopelessness and misery. There were always grimy stone walls to stare at, darkness to sit within, and stories of other lives to be heard.

  Just when I thought he’d get up and leave, he spoke. “Alanis.”

  The word was gruff off his tongue, as if his voice had not tested the sound of that name in a very long time. His face was still an undistinguishable mask, but that name was spoken in a voice filled with pain.

  “Was she your wife?” I pressed on.

  Shadow grinned, but it wasn’t one of humor; it was downright evil.

  “That’s two questions.”

  There was no poin
t in subterfuge, I was harboring more than one secret, but the one beneath my legs was the easiest to explain. Reaching beneath the mattress, I pulled out the book. Again, my fingers traced the elegant sweep of the rose petals that graced the cover. So pretty.

  “You’re hidin’ a book? About flowers?” Shadow seemed taken aback by the revelation.

  Ignoring him, I carefully thumbed through the pages until I came to ‘the one’. With gentle hands, I carefully laid the book open on my lap, then ever so carefully, I picked up the pressed flower. I didn’t realize I had been holding my breath until my lungs began to burn for air, and I blew out a long sigh as I gingerly caressed the delicate rose. The bed dipped to my side, and I cast Shadow a quick nervous glance. Would he take it from me? Would he destroy it? Would he mock me for holding something so insignificant so close to my heart?

  “Show me,” he whispered.

  It took every ounce of willpower I had not to clench the dried out rose into my palm for safe keeping. Instead, with a shaky hand, I held it out for him to inspect. Bewilderment filled me as I watched this big, hard man handle the fragile flower with a gentleness I never expected.

  “It’s a rose,” I found myself explaining. Shadow nodded, his attention held solely on the flower. “A red one. I found it in the pages of this book . . . it’s mine.”

  Possessiveness forced the words off my lips in an impatient growl. A small smile appeared at the corner of Shadow’s mouth.

  “Just like you’re mine.”

  My body physically jolted at his words. “I’m not a possession.”

  “No,” Shadow whispered as he slipped the rose back between the pages of my book. “You’re somethin’ much more, somethin’ I left behind a long time ago, somethin’ that doesn’t belong here. You belong in the fresh air, with sunshine on your face, and flowers as far as the eye can see. You feelin’ me, tough girl?”

  The book and flower in my lap was abandoned as my riveted attention remained on Shadow’s rough, bearded face.

  “There are flowers as far as the eye can see?” I murmured in awe.

  Shadow nodded, his hard eyes softening some. “In some places. The war has destroyed buildings, roads, homes, and in its place, nature has taken over. Out of the city, in the hills, during spring time there are fields of wild daisies as far as you can see.”

  “Really?” Shadow nodded slowly as he watched my enthralled expression. “What else?”

  He seemed to relax somewhat, and his eyes took on a faraway look. “Out of the city, in the forest, it smells fresh, clean. The air is so crisp it feeds your soul. And trees, some grow so high you think they might reach the sun.” My eyes watered with an emotion so strong it could possibly break me if I let it. Hope, it trickled into my heart and sent it racing. “My family had a huntin’ cabin in the mountains. We went there a few times when I was just a boy.”

  “What was it like?”

  He smiled again, this one reaching all the way to his eyes. “Like freedom.”

  Needing to touch the beauty that was his smile, I stroked a finger over his bottom lip, trying to absorb the happiness right into my body. Rather than being shocked at my touch, Shadow seemed to lean into it.

  “You like to touch, tough girl?” his gravelly voice purred.

  “I need to know you are real,” I whispered.

  As my fingers coasted over his cheekbone, Shadow turned ever so slightly and pressed a kiss to my palm. I stilled.

  “I’m real, baby.” He rubbed his cheek against my hand, much like I’d seen the stray cat Regan took in for a short time rub at her hand. “I know it feels too good to be true, but this is fuckin’ real, and I’m gonna make you feel it.”

  Gently pushing my hand aside, Shadow leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss wasn’t gentle, though; it was rough, demanding, and real. So fucking real it hurt, but I didn’t back away. I was no coward. I kissed him back; our lips and tongues were a frantic meeting of two people who just needed to feel. Shadow’s hard body pressed against mine, and as I started to move back towards the bed, my book of roses slipped from my lap and the loud thump against the floor made me pull away, panting hard. Shadow’s dark gaze met mine as he stooped down to pick up the book. He made sure the rose was still pressed safely between the pages before closing it and sliding it back beneath my mattress. His care for something that meant so much to me had my cold heart warm just a little. Then he was on me again, pushing me down as he licked and sucked at my lips, tasting me with such a wild need it bordered on aggressive as his body covered mine. This was a vulnerable position I hadn’t put myself in since that night. Just the thought made my body become taut, and the unyielding presence of Shadow above me had me ripping my mouth away from his and gasping for air.

  “No you don’t,” he growled, grabbing my face and pulling me back so I had no choice but to look into his challenging gaze. “I won’t let you go back there. Feel me.” Grinding his hips against mine, I could feel the rigid length of his cock pressing through his jeans, but he didn’t rip our clothing away and force himself on me. His fingers linked with mine, pushing them against the mattress at either side of my head. “See me.” His cheeks were flushed, his pupils were dilated with passion as he held my gaze, but there was no anger there, no hate, just a man who needed to feel something more than cold emptiness, if only for a short time. “Taste me,” he whispered before pressing his lips to mine again. This time, as our lips danced together, it was less frantic, more an exploration, slow and heated.

  I felt Shadow’s fingers whisper across the skin of my stomach, searching beneath the fabric of my shirt as he slowly brought it up until my breasts were on display. Dipping down, he took a nipple between his lips and sucked, drawing the bud deep into his mouth, his teeth gently nipping at the tender flesh as his other hand squeezed my neglected breast. Desperate to feel more of him, I pulled at his shirt, and he put a little space between us, allowing me to drag the fabric over his head. Ripples of solid muscle were covered in a maze of black ink, flowing flawlessly across his chest and stomach. My hands followed the ink up his arms, to his wide shoulders and back. Shadow was an impressive man, tall, wide, solid, hard, and yet . . . as he explored my body, he was gentle, and I realized I wasn’t afraid of him. I didn’t fear what was about to happen.

  He took his time removing my boots, slipping each silver buckle loose until he dropped them with a heavy thud to the stone floor. With nimble fingers he pulled down the zipper on my leather pants and dragged them down my hips and legs, his tongue and lips following the fabric, until it left my feet and was tossed aside. Shadow’s hungry gaze emboldened me. I pulled my shirt over my head, then sat up and reached for the zipper of his jeans as he knelt in front of me. Pulling the denim aside, I reached in and wrapped my fingers around his cock, drawing a groan from Shadow’s lips. He was large, possibly larger than any other man I had been with, willing or not. My fingers whispered across the soft, velvety skin that was wrapped around hot, hard steel.

  My hand was knocked aside as Shadow stood, toeing off his boots and stepping out of his jeans.

  “You can play another time, tough girl. I need to be in you.” He knelt back on the mattress and covered my body. “Now.”

  As his lips took mine in yet another punishing kiss, his fingers slipped between my legs and cupped my pussy. A finger delved between my feminine lips as he explored me before dipping inside, thrusting in and out with long strokes. Soon, my hips were meeting his driving fingers, and my body shook with the need for release.

  “I need you. I need to be in you. I need to feel you.” Shadow looked into my eyes, his body stilling. “Tell me you need me, too.”

  Any reservations I might have had were gone, replaced with a burning need. My body was starved of this kind of touch, and I hungered for more.

  “I need to feel you,” I confessed. I wasn’t sure if I needed him, but I was desperate to feel something other than misery and pain.

  It was all Shadow needed to hear as he re
ached down and grabbed his rigid length, pressing it to my core and running the head back and forward through the wetness there. Then, with my gaze captured in his, Shadow pushed into my body—one long, hard stroke and he was buried deep. He didn’t stay still long as he moved to his knees, encouraged my legs to wrap around his waist, then began plunging back and forth into my core. His thrusts were hard, jolting my body with each forceful stroke. The sound of skin slapping skin filled my quiet room, our panting breaths quickly becoming out of control.

  “You feelin’ me, baby,” Shadow groaned as he slammed into me.

  His hands squeezed my breasts; it bordered on painful but sent a jolt of lust to that throbbing place between my thighs. “You like that, tough girl?” Sweat trickled down his forehead and chest as he continued his relentless pace. “You like a little pain with your pleasure?” Leaning forward he sucked a nipple into his mouth, his dark eyes on mine the entire time. Then he bit me, not hard enough to break skin, but hard enough for me to feel it deep within my soul. He was branding me, marking me, making me his. I couldn’t deny I was thrilled with the thought of belonging to someone, if only for a short time. I wished I could belong to him forever, but that wouldn’t happen. Nothing lasted forever in the Underworld, and I would be leaving soon. Instead, I lost myself to the here and now and allowed myself to just feel. My eyes slipped shut as my pussy clamped around his cock, my body preparing itself to fall over that enigmatic cliff that made you fall and fly simultaneously. Shadow’s forehead pressed against mine.

  “Come around my cock, baby.”

  His hand slipped between us, and his fingers pressed against my clit, rubbing with commanding strokes that pushed me over. I screamed, the rare feeling of an orgasm causing my back to arch and my body to bow. I had never come so hard; I felt everything and nothing at the same time as my pussy milked his cock, my thighs wrapped around his waist like steel bands.