I felt his nose run down the side of my neck. “But you smell so good, baby.”
“That’s enough.” Turning around, I gave Jeremiah Cole Ramsey a glare of death as I pushed him away. “Don’t touch me.”
“Oh, Sarina. But I’ve already touched all of you. I know exactly how those tits feel in my hands and the way you taste in my mouth.”
“Stop being disgusting. You’re at my grandparents’ house.”
He gave me an irritating smirk. “That’s funny considering what I have done with you on that very couch. But I guess you’re too good for that now.”
I put my cigarette out in the ashtray as I smiled. “I was bored, Cole. There’s a difference.”
He laughed. “Baby, ain’t nothin’ about us has ever been boring.”
His blond hair was longer, resting against the neckline of his fitted gray T-shirt. The strands had a slight curl and were a shade lighter from being in the sun, the same rays that turned his skin a deep copper as he worked outside at Raven Creek Ranch. He was still a rare combination of rugged and beautiful. Someone that infuriating shouldn’t be that attractive.
The thought made the anger flash hot inside of me. “What are you doing here? Do you have nothing better to do than crash my family dinner?”
“Oh, you’re the one who’s pissed now?” His sarcastic laugh filled the garage. “Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I mean considering you left me.”
“There you go again.” I rolled my eyes. “Being delusional.”
“Nice, Sarina. I guess we’re back to pretending you and I were never together.” An arrogant grin settled on his smug face. “Does it make you sleep better at night?”
“For the last time. I was never your girlfriend. I don’t even like you.”
“You’re so full of shit. We were together. Maybe it was based on mutual hate, but you can’t deny it, baby. I fucked you for two years. And I know you loved every minute of it.”
My gaze went to his mouth and the way his lips rubbed together as he flicked the words back at me. Soft and pink, outlined with light-brown stubble. And my mind remembered how his face felt against my skin. Rough and teasing. I swallowed hard as the heat of the garage closed in on me. My blood pumped through my veins in anger yet twisting around as my body started to betray me.
“Errr . . . I can’t stand you.” I practically growled at him. But it did no good. His grin turned wicked as his light-gray eyes taunted me back.
I’d had a few ex-boyfriends through the years. A few more ex-hookups. Cole had been my brother’s best friend since they were in elementary school. But the guy had been my nemesis from the moment we’d first met . . . or rather, collided. Everything about him had always grated on my nerves.
Sometimes, I think only a thin line existed between despise and desire. Cole and I’d teetered for years in the middle of that distorted mark. And then one day, we finally slammed over to the other side like a stick of dynamite tossed in a rattlesnake den—all fangs and a couple of intense explosions.
I hated myself afterward.
I swore to his face it would never happen again.
Turned out I was a liar.
His mere presence would drive me insane and then it would happen again and again, the verbal fighting followed by sex, like a broken washer on spin cycle in his single-wide trailer.
But it wasn’t going to happen tonight or ever again. I really meant it this time. I had better things planned for my life than ending up in some house on wheels.
Forever.
Giving him one last hateful glare, I walked away. I wasn’t visiting long enough today to spend my precious time fighting with Cole. My sandals made a hollow thud on the cement as I stomped toward the garage door.
“I loved you, Sarina.”
Shit. He went there. And I froze as my feet refused to move another step.
“Just stop,” I whispered.
“That’s the thing. I can’t. I know we push each other’s buttons, but I’ve never felt more alive than when I’m with you. We fight and then we fuck. It’s what we do. But I also loved you. I still do.” He paused as his voice grew deeper with emotion. “And I know you loved me too. Even when you refused to say it back.”
I hated when he used that tone. I hated that it always worked, twisting up the never-ending turmoil inside my chest. The fighting side of me wanted to throw those words back in his face. I wanted to tell Jeremiah Cole Ramsey that I’d never loved him.
But that was the thing about us. I might have refused to verbally express my innermost feelings to him, but I also couldn’t bring myself to say, “I don’t love you.” Not even when he goaded me. Not even to piss him off. The guy had enough of that from his own family.
We each had our own demons from the past. Cole and I’d grown up on the same dirt road that ran next to the city dump. Back in school, I knew where he lived and the home life he pulled himself out of every day just to attend class. Those druggy meth neighbors of ours were his parents.
As an adult, the guy really was successful. He worked hard at Raven Creek. Never did anything harder than beer. He wanted more in his life. Just not the same kind of more as me.
I made the mistake of looking back at Cole. I should have kept on walking after he tossed out those words, but instead, I saw the pain in his gray eyes. I hated the way he made the anger blaze in my head while making my heart ache for him. I remembered the first time Cole had said those words to me. It wasn’t a shock. I’d seen it in his eyes for a while. And I’d pretended it wasn’t true. How could this person be capable of those feelings?
“I’m sorry.” The words slipped out before I could catch them on my tongue.
“If you’re sorry, then come back to me.” The raw emotion flashed across his face. The plea hit me hard in the chest, but I couldn’t cave into him. I just wouldn’t. Not anymore.
“You know I can’t.”
“I could help you get a job. There’s a receptionist position over at the cement plant that’s opening up. The manager drinks with me sometimes at Ruby’s. Or maybe you could work there, at the bar, until you found something else.”
Cole was like that worn-out sweater I’d left in the closet at my grandparents’ house. The one I just couldn’t toss. The one with a mustard stain and the stretched-out neckline. But that sweater didn’t get packed in my suitcase for a reason. Some things were not meant to last forever—no matter how comfortable.
I closed my eyes for a moment before speaking. “Cole, stop. I can’t come back here.”
“You mean you won’t.”
“Yes.” I shrugged. “I won’t. I can’t. There’s nothing you can say that will change this. I’m sorry. I really am.”
“No, you’re not, Sarina. You’re selfish.” His anger and arrogance returned with a sharp punch. “You didn’t just leave me. You left all of them in that house too.”
“Fine. Whatever. Believe that. But you don’t know shit.” I turned around, giving him my backside, but his words scraped my skin, digging deep inside to the place that said he was right.
I tried to block out those thoughts. Those feelings. Because he wasn’t right. He didn’t know what my family needed from me or what I needed to do with my life.
“You can walk away, Sarina. But I don’t give up that easy. Better remember that.”
And neither did I. He could threaten and curse me with guilt trips until the sun refused to shine. But I wasn’t caving into his demands.
As I went through the door into the kitchen, I saw Grams in her familiar pink housedress. She took a casserole out of the oven and placed the glass dish on a brown potholder in the middle of the dining room table like she had done a hundred times before.
I gave her a lingering squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. “Missed you, Grams.”
“Oh, Sarina. I’m so happy to see you.” Her heart-shaped face was mostly wrinkles now, but the light was still bright in her eyes.
“Me too, and I’m starving.”
She looked worried. “I thought they fed you in that big house?”
“Oh, they do. But it’s not as good as your food.”
Happiness beamed in her smile. I glanced back at her casserole. As usual, it was something covered in cheese. But I wasn’t complaining. That cheese had kept my stomach full for most of my life.
I went to the cabinet to get the plates out. The majority of the faded yellow china had chips on the corners now. I made a mental note to get her a new dish set with my next paycheck. Something fancy just for Sunday dinners.
After we all took our seats, Granddaddy said the blessing. I listened with my eyes closed as his resonant voice floated over the table. He was a large man with broad, dependable shoulders and made the dining room chairs look miniature. Ty was almost a carbon copy of him from thirty years ago.
Suddenly, the guilt hit me hard in the chest. I really had left them. All of them. I raised my head in the middle of Granddaddy’s words, hoping to stop the powerful emotions brewing in my heart.
I glared at Cole. This was his fault for slinging all of those accusations earlier. I wanted to flip him off, but he couldn’t see me with his head tilted down in prayer. Besides, I’m sure that would qualify as blasphemy right now.
But across the table, Mama had her eyes on me. They were opened wide like she was trying to see something that was small or maybe not even there. She was lost in an ocean of forgotten memories. I wanted to cry for the woman who no longer existed. And I knew in that moment, some decisions were never easy. Some didn’t really have a correct answer. Some were laced with guilt. But I knew if I stayed living here, I would eventually shrivel up inside my mind and drown.
Just like Mama.
Present Day
I REMAINED ON DISPLAY IN front of the hostages. The body search paused, but Hollow Eyes kept his hands on my hips, holding me in place. The intruders yelled at each other. The captives were yelling back at them.
“Shut up!” the man in the blue mask growled.
But they didn’t listen.
Blue suddenly walked over to the hostages, getting in the bartender’s face. “I said shut the hell up, or I’ll shoot a hole through your teeth and shut you up for good.”
Oh, shit . . . no. They’ll kill him.
But the man went silent. Rage burned in his eyes. But he and the others didn’t say another word. Blue backed away laughing, taunting with pretend shots from his gun.
I couldn’t watch. Closing my eyes, I wanted to retreat to the recesses of my mind. Maybe Mama had been right all these years. Being oblivious to the world sounded mighty good right now. I didn’t want to see the bullet coming for me. And it would break my heart if I saw it go to any of the people against the wall.
“Just finish searching me,” I whispered. It would be better that way. At least everyone would live—at least for now.
“Shut up, bitch,” he yelled.
But my captor suddenly released me. My eyes flipped opened. The man in the gray mask shoved Hollow Eyes. They glared at each other, a battle of brawn and bulk between the large men.
I didn’t know if I should move back to the wall or remain standing or try for the door. A small glimmer of hope flooded my chest. I braved a glance toward the exit. I would need to move the blackjack table. Maybe I could slide it just a little, just enough to squeeze through the doors. Maybe I could get away before the man in the camo mask peppered my back with a spray of bullets.
That’s impossible. Stupid.
My mind did a quick assessment of the room. I needed to focus. To think. I had only a few seconds to change everything for us. I looked back at the people in front of me as the men continued to argue.
And then I remembered.
My phone. It wasn’t in my bedroom. I’d left it behind the bar. Not wasting a second, I moved. My feet took the first two steps. I could do it. I just needed to dial the numbers. They wouldn’t even need to hear my voice. The 911 dispatcher could trace it.
I made it about six feet before Blue grabbed my arm, yanking me backward. His fingers clamped deep into my skin. Pain shot all the way down into my wrist.
“Are you kidding me?” He glared at the men. “Y’all need to calm the fuck down. Princess is trying to bolt while you two assholes stand there with your dicks in your hands.”
I looked around frantically as he pulled me across the floor. No, no! I need to get to the phone. My legs wobbled and I tripped slightly in my heels. He pushed me back down with the others against the wall. I landed between the bartender and the cook.
Blue pulled out a zip tie. The plastic cut tight into my wrists as he bound my hands across my lap. I was now trapped with the others. The moment of hope gone.
And he knew it. The deranged man grinned, taunting me with an eery laugh. His breath smelled of wintergreen tobacco, and I fought the urge to dry heave.
“Enough with this nonsense.” The sharp voice of Delsey Hawthorn cut like glass across the ballroom as disdain and contempt coated every syllable. “I demand to know why you have barged uninvited into my home.”
Summer
AFTER LEAVING MY GRANDPARENTS’ HOUSE, a heaviness settled in my heart. Stupid Jeremiah Cole Ramsey. The guy had messed with my emotions tonight. I shook my head. It wasn’t wrong to want my own life. He couldn’t guilt me or force me to go on the path he thought best.
“I’m doing the right thing,” I whispered to myself.
I walked through the back entrance of the house. The place seemed rather quiet with the exception of the loud tick from the large grandfather clock. I found a plate of double fudge chocolate cake in the kitchen left over from dinner. Brenda was a real-life angel.
I sat down at the prep table, eating three layers of heaven topped with ganache. Virginia, the housekeeper, came into the room as I was licking the last bite off my fork. She wore her long white hair twirled into a neat bun. The hem of her housecoat went almost down to her little blue slippers. I adored the woman. She was too old to be doing her job. But I had a feeling the housekeeper would continue to work in this grand palace until she inhaled her last breath. Virginia had a deep pride for the old mansion and micromanaged the women who came during the week.
I smiled. “How are you tonight?”
“I’m good, Ms. Sarina.” She came over and gave me a little squeeze. “Just getting Elmore some milk to take his pills. He’s finishing up a game of chess with Mr. Javier.”
“Is Elmore winning?”
“Yes, although I don’t think it’s a fair fight. But don’t tell him.”
I laughed. “Our little secret.”
She walked out of the room and I took my plate to the sink, thinking about the old couple. In the vast amount of appointments Mrs. Hawthorn had me confirm in her schedule, there was one that rang a little heavy. Elmore had advanced prostate cancer, but he was currently in remission.
Brenda had filled me in on the details. For thirty-seven years, the ancient butler had been with the Hawthorns. But the couple had not always lived at the estate. They moved in after they grew older. Elmore and Virginia had a daughter in Tucson who came to visit each Easter and Christmas. Their son was a carpenter who lived locally.
But it was Mrs. Hawthorn who went to every one of Elmore’s doctor appointments. That alone would have been impressive. But she’d also arranged for each of his chemo treatments to be carried out at the estate. I’d been genuinely surprised. Somewhere beneath her cold diamonds lived a compassionate heart for Elmore.
I would never call the Delsey Hawthorn nice or sweet. She caused the exact opposite of warm fuzzies in my chest. But the woman had surrounded herself in a home filled with people who did make this a place a little less cold.
And she took care of them.
Returning to my room, I felt the weight of my day clutching onto my shoulders with a vice grip. I lay down for a moment and stared at the ceiling. I earned this. I earned every breath I took in this house. And the clean laundry that sat in neat piles on top of my dresser. There was no re
ason to feel ashamed or guilty.
If Cole couldn’t handle me being gone, that was his problem. I wasn’t going to let his irrational jealousy destroy my future or make me doubt my decisions. His words and threats wouldn’t change anything. That crazy man had no hold or claim on me or my family.
I was done stressing over it.
Reaching in my nightstand, I pulled out a copy of Jane Eyre that I’d taken from the large library next to the ballroom. I loved that room. The impressive shelves were filled from floor to ceiling with classics and some rare first editions. I’d never found the nerve to actually ask Mrs. Hawthorn if I could remove any of the beautifully bound books. I just hoped she would remain oblivious and not notice if one copy took a small vacation off the shelf.
As the hours passed, the night grew darker and the words began to blur before my eyes. I found myself thinking of Javier’s invitation—wondering if he was back at the pool again tonight. I remembered his words: “The night air has a way of erasing the stress from the day.”
The idea felt so nice right now.
I’d thought about his invitation before tonight. In fact, I’d purposely spent the last few evenings taking my secret smoke break by the parking annex rather than the back patio. I wasn’t sure what to make of this situation. Our close proximity in the house. After the other night, I knew we both obviously found each other attractive.
I wasn’t sure if I liked that fact, or if it was even a good idea. I needed to tread lightly. Too much was at stake for me to be careless. But something about Javier pulled at me. More than just his looks. I couldn’t put my finger on it. The man intrigued me. So alive and vibrant yet mysterious.
I closed the book, putting it away inside of the nightstand. Going over to my antique dresser, I pulled out a little black bikini. The fabric had just a hint of a shimmer. I’d purchased the designer suit on clearance at the end of the season last year. It still had cost a small fortune. But worth it.
I fastened the halter top around my neck. My breasts were a good size—not too small to go unnoticed but not too large that they burst out of the small triangular pieces. The bottoms rested low beneath my belly button with little ties on the hips. Silver beads accented the end of each string. I pulled the matching robe over my shoulders and fastened the belt at my waist. Perfect.
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