Lucy put her hands on her hips. “How is any of this my fault?”
“I need to be inside you, Lucy.” He dropped his pants and stepped out of them.
“And it couldn’t wait? I was celebrating that we’re alive. That might not be true in a few hours.” She stepped out of her shoes and kicked them aside.
“Don’t I know it. Things are happening fast, things I can’t share with you. I need to be on my toes, not obsessing about the small of your back or the curve of your neck.”
She stripped her T-shirt off, revealing her silk bra. “Again, I don’t see how this is my problem.” Except now she was hot and bothered. He looked amazing, all hungry and ready to pounce. Her knees were getting weak and her hands were trembling. She untied the sleeves of her uniform and reached for her zipper.
Troy slipped her bra straps down her shoulders. Lucy stepped back, slapping at his hands. He followed her, his arousal clearly outlined in his briefs. “Don’t make me beg. I need this. I need you.” He unsnapped her bra, throwing it to the floor.
“Since when do you need me?” She pushed him back and then hurried to put the bed between them.
“I suspect since the first moment I laid eyes on you.” Troy stepped over the bed and jumped in front of her, pushing her against the wall, his palms resting on the drywall over her shoulders. As he bent his elbows to bring his lips closer to hers, Lucy forgot to breathe. She gasped and tried to form a coherent thought.
“Bold move,” she said. “Reminding a girl of the worst moment of her life while trying to get in her panties.”
Troy rubbed his lips against hers. “The worst moment of my life was when Raven was dying but they told me it was you.”
Lucy hated when he confused her like this. “Pretending you care about me is cruel, and I don’t want it.” Troy kissed her with a tenderness that filled her with longing for what he offered, for what she found so impossible to believe. When he came up for air, her heart was racing.
They didn’t trust each other, and with their history it was impossible to believe they could. You had to trust someone to love them. At least, that’s what she’d always thought. Whatever these feelings she had for Troy were, she didn’t want it to be love. She wanted it to be something else.
Need, desire, sanctuary. Not love.
“I will always have to keep secrets,” he said. “It’s part of the job. But I won’t lie to you.” He rested his forehead on hers and then kissed the tip of her nose. “I’m not pretending.”
“Tell me what you want.” She was desperate to get on a more familiar footing. She needed Troy to order an op, to question a decision, to piss her off, but this tenderness and these promises meant Troy was changing the rules.
“I want you.”
* * *
Troy saw Lucy was afraid and confused. She was a warrior, trained to fight when challenged. Well, he was challenging her now. He was telling her he wanted more than sex. He wanted her to accept that he cared for her, despite their past and despite the secrets he’d always have to keep from her.
She wasn’t taking it well.
He kissed her, drowning himself in her sweet, moist mouth. He teased her with his lips and tongue until they were breathing the same air, or not breathing at all. When he felt her hands trembling on his waist, fluttering up to his chest, he stepped closer and drew his hands to her neck. He wanted to run his lips over it but didn’t want to break the spell of the kiss.
He pulled at her uniform, nudging it lower on her hips. Lucy pushed away from him, shrugged it to the floor. He couldn’t take his eyes off the rosy tips of her breasts. He pulled her back into his embrace. He nuzzled behind her ear, loving how her sighs spiked his desire. His hands were shaking as he caressed her belly, kneeling, nuzzling her panties, cupping her bottom. He felt her fingers thread through his hair as he tasted her.
Lucy’s legs gave out and she collapsed on him. Crouched as he was, he lost his balance, fell and grabbed her, taking the brunt of the fall on his shoulder. Lucy started laughing, and his heart soared. He smiled. Lucy wiggled out of his arms, pulling herself onto the bed’s edge, facing him. She spread her legs wide and leaned back on her palms.
“If you want me—” she looked at her panties and then back up at him “—you’re going to have to pay a price.” He could tell her bare breasts thrust forward was meant to challenge him. He couldn’t imagine a price he wouldn’t pay.
“Name it.” He knelt before her, cupping her ass. “Name it before I lose what control I have left.”
Lucy sat up, guiding his mouth to her breast. She leaned her head down, her mouth rubbing against the top of his head. “Tell me why you’re really here.”
He ran his tongue around the tip of her breast, flicking the tip. He heard her catch her breath. She was his if he wanted her, yet she continued to act otherwise. He lifted his chin, drinking in her expression of ecstasy. “You wouldn’t believe me,” he said, his words barely above a whisper.
“Tell me or leave.” She was gripping his shoulders, her actions contradicting her words.
“You almost died again,” he said. “Knowing Barrett can cancel you on a whim is driving me insane. Knowing there’ve been two attempts on your life in the last week is two too many. When I make love with you, I can block that out. I need to make you safe, Lucy.” He saw that he’d shocked her. “And I can’t do that when all I can think about is making love to you.”
She shook her head, as if denying his words somehow saved her from having to believe them. “You took my life.”
“I’m sorry,” he said.
Her eyes welled with tears. He wanted to make the pain go away, but knew this moment wasn’t about what he wanted. He stood, stripped off his briefs and watched her wanting him. He was offering her everything, his body, his soul, his weaknesses and strengths. If she rejected him, it would not matter. He would still love her. She just wasn’t ready to hear it from him.
Lucy leaned toward him, tears falling down her cheeks. “You’re a cruel man,” she said. She ran her hands up his chest, standing, caressing his cheeks. “You’d cancel me without another thought.”
Troy pressed his lips to her palm. “I’ve kept you alive for five years, and as long as there is breath in my body, I’ll continue to keep you alive.”
She shook her head. “You terrify me.” Her hands fell to his shoulders, to his waist. Her gaze fell to his arousal.
“Take your panties off,” he said.
She met his gaze, blinked and then took a quick inhale, wiping her tears. “I still hate you.” She stripped them off.
“That’s okay.” Troy lifted her, cradled her in his arms and laid her on the bed, climbing between her thighs. He reached between her legs and felt that she was ready for him. Without hesitation, he plunged inside her and waited, kissing her tears. “Hate me,” he said. He retreated and then thrust his hips forward, burying himself deep within her. “But never leave me again.”
With great patience and tenderness, he brought Lucy to climax and then found his own, feeling as if the act itself was tearing him to pieces. He lay on top of her, trying to get his bearings. Lucy acted shattered, as if he’d pulled the rug out from under her and she didn’t know where to turn. He’d have to show her with words and deeds that she could trust him.
Now he would hold nothing back from her, the way he had five years ago. He hadn’t understood then. Then he’d thought he could control what he felt for her. He’d been wrong, and it was time for them both to face the truth. He’d sacrifice his life for her if need be.
* * *
Hours later, after Lucy suffered through restless sleep she woke to the sound of a knock on her door. She sat up, pulling her gun from her side table drawer. Troy placed a hand on her arm and said, “Shh,” before he slipped out of bed and put on his pants.
Quickly, he gathered up his clothes and hurried into the bathroom, out of sight. Lucy thought it strange, since everyone knew one another’s business at the Agency, but then sh
e remembered he’d brought his scrambler. He hadn’t wanted people to know he was here. The device was only useful for fifteen-minute stretches and sat inactive on her side table, so she knew the guards hadn’t come to confront her about being off audio surveillance. It begged the question, why had they come?
Lucy hid the device under her pillow and slipped on her silk robe. Then she got a look at herself in the mirror. She might as well have been naked.
“Just a minute,” she shouted. She opened a bureau drawer and pulled out sweats. A late-night visit usually meant an unexpected op, so she didn’t bother with the niceties of makeup or combing her hair. She slipped her gun in the pocket of her sweats and opened the door.
Two guards in full uniform greeted her. She’d seen them around but never gotten to know their names. “Barrett wants to see you in her office.”
“Let me get my sneakers.” Lucy hurried to her closet and slipped them on. She was in the hall, heading for the elevator before she realized she was smiling. The thought of Troy hiding in her bathroom to escape detection reeked of prom night behavior.
When she entered Barrett’s office, she saw the woman looked uncharacteristically frazzled. Her usually immaculate chignon was in disarray, and Janice was nowhere in sight. The offices were dark, lit by a sole table lamp on Barrett’s desk.
“Sit,” she said, indicating a leather chair. Then she surprised Lucy by waving the guards away. “Go do what you do.” When they were gone, she sat on the chair next to Lucy, rather than behind her desk. This odd behavior startled her, making her stress levels skyrocket.
“I don’t have much time,” Barrett said, “so bear with me if I throw too much information at you this late at night. It’s about the escalating agent deaths over the last week.”
Lucy nodded and shifted in her chair. “What can I do?”
“Exactly. That’s exactly what I want to hear from you.” Barrett nodded, smiling. “It won’t be easy, but I need it done fast.”
“Of course.” Lucy calculated how quickly she could get her crew together, whom she wanted to drive transport. “Do you have the op outlined already, or will I be creating the portfolios?”
“The portfolios are in my safe and will stay that way until you’re en route,” Barrett said. “First you need to know something, otherwise you might have misgivings.” She studied Lucy as if calculating how much she needed to reveal. That tipped Lucy right off—Barrett was trying to play her. The only questions were how Barrett was going to use her and did it mean she was being sent on a duck shoot in a duck costume.
“It’s Troy,” Barrett said.
“Troy.” Now Lucy was confused. She couldn’t see how Barrett would need her help with the Agency’s second-in-command.
“Yes. He created the op that put you in that hotel room.” Hearing that never failed to hurt, but it was old news. “He put you there for a reason that had nothing to do with recruiting you. Your recruitment was a necessary evil.” Second hint, second person hinting. Was Barrett going to tell her the truth, or was she going to create a fairy tale in hopes of sending Lucy on a killing spree? She tried not to get too excited, because either way Barrett was trying to manipulate her. That was a given. “Troy needed leverage over your mother and used you to get it.”
Her mum. Lucy drew on memories of the recent op and the failed attempt on her life. She didn’t see a connection.
“Your mother was tasked to be lovers with particular Colombian cartel players over the last five years in exchange for keeping you alive while at the Agency. Troy arranged it. When Troy killed that money launderer yesterday, your mother no longer had a role to play within the cartel. She no longer had access to information to buy your safety. I didn’t order that op. Troy did. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Lucy felt light-headed, but her meaning was crystal clear. “When Troy killed the target, he killed my insurance policy at the Agency.”
“Exactly.” Barrett looked pleased with herself.
Never knowing she’d had a get-out-of-cancellation card made it hard to feel as though she’d lost something. If anything, Lucy was happy her mum was free from the responsibility, grateful that Troy had finally let her mum off the Agency’s leash, but Barrett was a cold, hard bitch and wouldn’t understand that.
She didn’t, however, believe that Troy had ordered the op. He said Barrett had ordered it. Lucy believed him and suspected Barrett was trying to trigger her, to inflame her to a rage, so she put on a show. “Tell me what you want me to do.”
“Kill Troy, but make it look like he’s another agent who died on an op. We’ve had so many this week, no one will question another. Do that and we’ll talk about promoting you to number-two.” Barrett smiled. “There will be a vacancy, after all, and you are the best agent here. Troy never tires of saying that.”
“I’m honored you think so.” If Lucy needed more proof that Barrett was a sociopath, she had it in spades now.
Barrett studied her. “I’m sure you have questions.”
“You said this op was to resolve the agent killings.”
“I’ve linked Troy to them. Took me by surprise, actually. I was positive you were behind them, or at least involved. Sorry about that. The interrogation, I mean. Nasty business, but it’s my job to nose out insurrections among the agents.”
Lucy struggled not to react. “There is evidence against Troy?”
“Classified.” Barrett shrugged.
“You said my feed didn’t show the shooter that killed Raven, so you thought I killed her. What changed your mind?”
“I never thought you killed Raven. That goes against profile, Lucy. You have a soft spot when it comes to your crew. I calculated that flaw into my analysis and decided you were covering for someone. I was proven wrong.”
“How?”
“There was a glitch in the feed. It wasn’t your feed, but rather a similar op in the same area. Once Charlie discovered the discrepancy, he showed me the correct one. Your fight with the shooter is plain to see. My apologies for the inconvenience.” Barrett studied her. “Why are you having sex with the man that ruined your life? I never could understand this self-destructive vein in your personality.”
Lucy knew Barrett wouldn’t understand the truth, so she told her something she would. “Keep your enemies closer.”
“You see? I’m happy to hear that, Lucy. It’s why I chose you to be the next number-two. You’re the only one I believe that can kill Troy. You have hidden depth. Take care with his minions. Their allegiance is suspect, and they’re everywhere. Don’t underestimate him or them. Even I don’t know all of them. But you—” She nodded her head.
“Everyone knows I hate him.” Lucy knew Barrett had no intention of making her number-two. She’d be a loose end, snipped as soon as her usefulness was gone. She was boxed in, set up to be the author of her own destruction. It would surprise no one to discover Lucy had killed Troy, even if they knew they’d been going at it under the sheets. People would assume she had played the long game, waiting for her chance for revenge.
“Hate is a strong emotion, Lucy. Are you sure it’s not hiding a weaker one?”
“You mean love? With all due respect, ma’am, I gave up on emotions the day I discovered there was no getting out of here. I’ll do what you want. Just because I’ll enjoy it doesn’t mean it’s personal. It’s my job and what I’m good at.” Barrett looked impressed and chuckled. It was the most frightening noise Lucy had ever heard. A chill ran through her and it was getting harder to stay in character. She needed to get out of there.
Barrett patted the safe behind her. “I prepared the portfolios myself. Only you and I will know the true purpose behind this op.” Barrett stood, stepped behind her desk and waved Lucy off. “Go get some rest. You’ll need it. Tomorrow is your promotion day.”
Lucy nodded and then hurried out of the office, sick to her stomach. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a man slide out of the shadows and enter the office after her.
Ch
apter Fourteen
It was a power play, Lucy thought, hurrying back to her quarters. Everything. Everything that had happened over the last week. Even without all the evidence, motives or knowing every player, this week reeked of a power play, and Barrett’s latest move had just put Lucy’s head on the chopping block.
Today everyone had thought she and Troy were killed on the op. She wondered how many agents had been tasked to make that a reality, only to be frustrated when she and Troy escaped the scene and hid in the motel. Troy’s quick thinking had saved their lives.
She opened her door and saw the bedroom was still dark, though light from the hall flickered on Troy, showing his fully clothed body lying on the bed. The scrambler was active on the side table. He’d anticipated her arrival, and the need for privacy, yet his eyes were closed. She knew better than to assume he was sleeping. He was waiting for her next move, probably having anticipated Barrett’s. He must have figured Lucy knew the truth now, that she was a bargaining chip, held over her mum’s head to make her gather intel for the Agency.
Classified, huh? She’d show him classified.
Lucy grabbed her gun out of her pocket and checked that a bullet was chambered. Troy’s eyes opened. She stepped forward and pressed the muzzle to his head. “Barrett ordered me to kill you.”
Troy didn’t move, though his eyes narrowed a bit. “You’ll ruin your sheets.”
Lucy pressed the muzzle harder against his forehead, willing herself to enjoy this power she held over him. She deserved to enjoy it. She deserved to kill him where he lay. Barrett was a sociopath, sure, but she was right. Troy had ruined her life, and now she knew he’d also ruined her mum’s.
She tried to dredge up a comfortable rage. His uncharacteristic tenderness, his releasing her mum from the Agency’s grasp had to be a strategic manipulation, an anticipation of Barrett ordering Lucy to kill him.
“I’m dead whether or not I kill you,” she said. Hearing it said aloud made her weak in the knees. This was all Troy’s fault, but that didn’t seem to matter. She hadn’t come back to her quarters to kill him—she’d come back because she wanted him to comfort her. That really pissed her off. “I’m thinking you’re the reason I’m in this mess, so you should bear the consequences, too.”
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