“Thanks.” I grabbed the glass. “I’ll be back for more later.”
“I look forward to it.” I could see him grin as I turned and walked away.
I didn’t take more than two steps before a hand grabbed my forearm. It was Brett.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I spat as I tried to tear my arm from his. He tightened his grip on me.
“What are you drinking” he asked. His tone wasn’t angry though. He sounded more concerned. That made me angry. He had no right to have any feelings for me anymore. Especially concern. Or pity.
“Why do you care?” I snapped back.
“I still care about you,” Brett said softly.
“Well, don’t.” My voice was harsh but I didn’t care.
Brett gulped. “Please don’t be like this.”
I glared into his now wet eyes. “Like what, Brett?”
He didn’t respond verbally. He just looked at the ground.
“How would you like me to be? Do you want me to be prim and proper and not show any emotion like Sweater Vest? Is that what you want? Too bad. I’m going to say whatever the hell I want and I’m going to do whatever the hell I want and you don’t have the right to say a word about it. Got it? You made your decision. You chose Sweater Vest. Go worry about what she’s saying and doing.”
Brett finally let go of my arm but he still didn’t walk away like I wanted him to. It would take a verbal slap in the face to get him to leave and I fully intended to give him one.
“You told me you weren’t that guy. You were right, Brett. You aren’t that guy. You’re a million times worse. You made me believe that what was going on between us was something special. What a joke. You just wanted to fuck me like every other guy in this room, it just took you a little longer to get to the finish line. But the outcome was the same, wasn’t it? You got a piece. You got to tap that. Now you’re one of the cool guys. You get to high five all the jocks because you’ve fucked Anna. Well, good for you. I didn’t think you were going to fuck me and dump me just like everyone else but that
’s exactly what you did.” When he looked up, I saw one lone tear drop slide down his face. Mission accomplished. Always one to hit a man when he’s down, especially one I wanted to hurt as badly as he hurt me, I finished it off with, “You are that guy, Brett. Face it.”
I had never seen someone look so hurt in my entire life. The pain in his eyes made what little was left of my broken heart completely shatter. I hadn’t just verbally slapped him; I had beat him to a bloody pulp.
Brett looked as if he might say something but then Sweater Vest came running over to stake her claim on her man. She grabbed his elbow in a gesture that was clearly meant for me to know that Brett was hers again.
“What’s going on?” she said cheerfully, clearly clueless of the tension that still filled the air between us.
Brett quickly swiped the tear from his cheek.
Sweater Vest looked up a Brett and batted her puppy dog eyes. “Did I interrupt something?” she said so coyly I wanted to spit on her.
“You didn’t interrupt a thing,” I taunted . “I was just going to get shit-faced and pick up a random guy to fuck all night. See ya.”
When I turned away, I was now the one with a stray tear falling down my cheek. It wasn’t like me to cry in situations like this. Not that I had ever been in a situation like this before. I had never loved anyone as much as I loved Brett. I had never actually loved anyone but Brett. And he didn’t love me back.
I remembered I had a drink in my hand. I took a big swig. It was actually difficult to swallow. I almost had to spit it out. I realized I didn’t want the drink, I was just doing it to hurt Brett. I knew drinking would be as bad, if not worse, than picking up some guy. When I turned around, I could see that Brett was still staring at me. Even though Sweater Vest was doing her best to get his attention, his eyes were on me. I made a show of guzzling down the rest of the drink I didn’t want. I couldn’t make out his facial expression but I could see him shaking his head. Then he grabbed Sweater Vest by the elbow and practically dragged her over to a table far from the activity that was growing around the bar and appetizers table.
The reception hall was packed. I scanned the crowd for the best looking guy I could find. I certainly had a lot to choose from at this wedding. Some of the hottest guys I had gone to school with were in attendance. I finally set my sights on Jay Donner. He was a 6’2” and perfectly proportioned. He liked the outdoors and always seemed to have a slight tan. He had sun-kissed blond hair and killer ocean blue eyes. When we were in college, he was unavailable. He was still dating his high school sweetheart. Everyone thought they were going to get married but then she dumped him for a tattoo artist. I heard he was playing to field and having quite a lot of rebound action. He seemed like the perfect candidate. We could rebound with each other.
The only unfortunate thing was that he was standing really close to the table that Brett had chosen to sit at with Sweater Vest. Jay was talking to Vic and Casey. As much as I wanted Brett to see me picking up another guy, I wasn’t sure how much I wanted him to hear when I was in pick-up mode. Not that he hadn’t heard some of the same lines when I picked him up at Hannah and Brandon’s wedding. With everything that had happened since then, it seemed like an eternity ago.
I made my way over to Jay. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Vic and Casey leave and head in the direction of the bar. I arrived just before Jay headed in another direction.
“Jay,” I said as I touched his upper arm. “How are you, good looking?”
A smile formed in the corner of his mouth. “Much better with you here.”
“Bring a date?” I asked casually.
He shook his head. “Nah, I’m flying solo tonight.”
“That’s sad.” I carefully placed my hand on chest. He sucked in some air as I touched him. Even through a shirt and suit vest, I could feel his muscles were rock hard.
When Jay looked down at me, I could feel myself get caught up in the waves of his ocean blue eyes. Oh, my. Because he had been off-limits for so long, I had never really taken a good look at him. He was stunning. A total package. It made me wonder what in the world that tattoo artist could have possibly had that Jay didn’t.
“I heard you were dating some geeky guy.” His tone wasn’t malicious or condescending like nearly every other guy, who questioned my relationship with Brett. It sounded more like an attempt to gauge if I was available.
I gave a small, and what I hoped would appear to be a dismissive, shrug. “That didn’t work out.” I was trying to maintain a neutral tone.
Jay’s gaze now had some heat to it. “His loss.”
I nodded.
We looked at each other for a few moments. When God created Jay, he was certainly as close to perfection as he could get. He was a flawless specimen of the human male.
“Can I buy you a drink?” He was still staring into my eyes.
I grinned. “It’s an open bar.”
“Good line, though, right? I made you smile. I heard a few rumors that making you smile isn’t easy to do.”
My first thought was about Brett and how much he managed to make me smile. I glanced over at his table and his eyes were fixed on me and Jay. Sweater Vest had her arms crossed over her chest and she looked like she was fuming.
I turned my attention back to Jay. “We can get drinks over there.” I pointed to the bar with the flirty bartender.
I was surprised when Jay grabbed my hand and entwined his fingers with mine. It was an act that felt almost too intimate for just having spoken a few words to each other. No guy I had ever hooked up with held my hand that way. Brett was the only guy, who ever held my hand that way. Holding hands that way was something that guys did with their girlfriends, not with one-night stands.
The huge room suddenly felt like it was closing in on me. My heart began to race. Was I panicking? Why? I had been with more guys than I could ever count. Why was I suddenly nervous about being
with Jay? He was gorgeous and seemed more than willing, what was the problem?
I could hear a tiny voice in the corner of my mind say: the problem is that he’s not Brett.
That tiny voice had to go. Quickly. Brett wasn’t coming back and I had to get over him and get on with my life. The best way to get rid of the tiny voice was to drown it in alcohol. Tonight, liquid courage was going to become my best friend again.
As we approached the bar, the flirty bar tendered looked at me, gave Jay the once-over then looked back at me with a sly grin.
“So, more of the same?” I knew he was referring to the drink. If only he knew how much more there was to that line. Jay was going to be more of the same, probably the first of another endless string of drunken one-night stands.
I nodded. “Better make it a double.”
“Two are always better than one.” This time the double-meaning was not subtle at all. He was looking at me like he wanted to take me right on the bar with Jay watching.
When I glanced up at Jay, he gave me a huge smile. He didn’t seem to be picking up on anything between the bartender and me. It made me wonder if he was a little on the dull side.
The bartender handed me the drink and winked at me. When I looked at Jay, he was still oblivious. It made me wonder if it was possible for a guy to be the stereo-typical “dumb blond.”
“And what are you having?” the bartender asked Jay. You mean besides me, I thought.
“A beer,” Jay replied.
“Bud?” the bartender suggested.
Jay shrugged. “Sure, why not.”
The bar tender poured Jay a glass of beer from the tap. “Thanks, Man,” Jay said as he placed a few dollars in the tip jar.
“Have fun,” the bartender said eyeing me.
“I always do,” I said and the bartender gave me a sly grin in return.
***
Jay had only taken a few sips of his beer by the time I downed my drink. It didn’t even taste good. I just wanted to feel something different than what I was feeling and I knew alcohol well enough to know exactly how good she could make me feel. We were quickly getting reacquainted with each other and I was managing to drown out that little voice that kept nagging me with: what about Brett? I wanted to scream: Brett’s living happily ever after with Sweater Vest, so shut the fuck up, Little Voice!
Jay picked a table with a terrific view of Brett and Sweater Vest. Great! I noticed that Brett was still gawking at me and Jay. Sweater Vest was now talking to a girl, who had sat down next to her. I vaguely recognized her from school. She was another one of the brainy bunch that they hung out with.
I noticed right away that Jay wasn’t a master of conversation. I decided to break the ice. “So, where are you working?”
“I started a business with a couple of guys from school. We do pest control.”
“You don’t drive around in those little cars with the bug antennas, do you?”
He shook his head. “No, that’s another company. And we don’t actually do the pest control. We hire guys to do that. We run the business.”
I nodded. Where do you go with a conversation about killing bugs?
There were a few moments of awkward silence. I found it odd that he didn’t ask me where I was working. It didn’t seem to occur to him. I wouldn’t call Jay intellectually curious.
I tried with another topic. “So, what kind of music do you listen to?”
“Country.”
My least favorite. I’d rather listen to cats wailing. “No rock music?”
He shook his head. “Nah.”
Okay, then. This was going to be a long night. When I glanced in Brett’s direction, I noticed he was still staring at us. That made me angry. He didn’t want to be with me but he clearly didn’t want me to be with anyone else. Fuck that.
I placed a hand on Jay’s thigh and I could see him gulp. Then a small grin formed in the corner of his mouth. I thought I heard him whisper, “Higher.”
I moved my hand up his thigh a bit.
“Higher,” he whispered again. Seriously? Did he think I was going to give him a hand job under the table at a wedding?
He got close to my ear. “Come on, Babe,” he whispered. “It would be so hot.” Then he kissed me. I didn’t feel a thing. It was like kissing the wall. When he gave me a little tongue, I felt like I might gag.
I never let lack of feeling bother me before, why now? Because he wasn’t Brett. When I kissed Brett, I felt electricity through my entire body. Brett made me feel all kinds of wonderful things. When I kissed Jay, I felt nothing. I heaved a sigh. If I ever hoped to spend the night with Jay, I’d need to spend a little more time with my friend, Southern Comfort.
“I need to go to the ladies room,” I said to Jay. “Would you mind getting me another drink while I’m gone?”
“Sure, Babe, no problem.”
As I hurried toward the bathroom, I snuck a peek at Brett and I saw that he was rising from his seat. Shit, was he following me?
I tried to quicken my pace but it was nearly impossible in my fuck-me pumps. Brett caught up to me right outside the ladies room door. He grabbed my elbow and turned me to face him.
“You don’t have to do this,” he said.
“Do what?” I snapped.
“Hook up with some guy just to hurt me.”
I let out a single laugh. “Don’t flatter yourself. Jay is the best looking guy in the place. Why wouldn’t I hook up with him?”
Brett’s gaze bored into me. “Because you don’t have feelings for him.”
“What makes you think that?”
Brett grabbed my other elbow. He was now gripping both of my arms, as if for emphasis. “I saw the way you looked after he kissed you. You didn’t feel a thing.”
I let out another laugh.
He continued. “I know what you look like when you’re turned on. Jay didn’t make you look like that. Not even close.”
“And just how do I look when I’m turned on?” I taunted.
Before I could stop him, Brett kissed me like I had never been kissed before. There was so much fire and passion in his kiss, it completely took my breath away.
“That’s what you look like when you’re turned on,” he said.
I stepped back from him, still in a haze from the kiss. Brett and I stared at each other for a long minute. Then I said, “What about Becca? How do you feel when you kiss her?”
Before he could respond, I heard her voice behind me.
“Brett,” she said as she took her place next to him and grabbed his elbow. “What’s going on?” She gave me an icy glare.
“What is going on, Brett?” I said coldly.
He gulped. He looked from me to Sweater Vest then back to me. I gave him another few seconds to respond and when he didn’t say anything and didn’t make any move to remove himself from Sweater Vest’s grasp, I figured his choice was made – again. I was still the loser.
“Well, there’s a gorgeous guy waiting for me and he’s horny as hell and ready to rock and roll, so if you’ll excuse me…” I turned and left Brett and Sweater Vest standing there. I didn’t turn back to check but I was pretty sure they were both gaping at me.
“The bartender remembered your drink,” Jay said as I sat back down at the table with him.
“I bet he did,” I muttered under my breath.
“He asked me if I thought you’d like a double.”
“And what did you say?”
“Yeah, sure, why not?”
“Did he tell you what time his shift ended?” I added because I was in a foul mood and couldn’t help myself.
Jay looked at me with a puzzled expression. “Why would he tell me that?”
I wanted so badly to tell him that the double was more than just a drink but I held my tongue. Jay couldn’t help it that he was so clueless. “Never mind,” I said instead. “Let’s dance.”
The DJ started playing and a few people were floating towards the dance floor. I grabbed the drink that
Jay had gotten me and downed it one big gulp. Then I grabbed Jay and pulled him on the dance floor.
The DJ played some hard-hitting rock. The alcohol was starting to hit me and as I moved to the music, I felt myself getting lost in the beat. I could feel Jay behind me. He grabbed my waist and started pushing himself against me. We were both moving like we were having sex on the dance floor. I might have been embarrassed if I hadn’t downed the equivalent of five drinks on an empty stomach.
I closed my eyes and tried to lose myself in the beat of the music and the feeling of Jay touching me and moving his body with mine. His desire for me was more than evident. The more our bodies moved together on the dance floor, the more evident his desire became. Yet all I could think about was Brett. I wanted it to be Brett’s hands touching me. I wanted it to be Brett’s body pressed against me. I wanted Brett to want me but he wanted Becca.
When the song ended, and the DJ said he was taking a five minute break, Jay and I stopped moving. I suddenly felt awkward with his hands on my hips and his body so close to mine. I took a few steps away from his and he released his hold on me.
When I glanced over toward Brett and Sweater Vest, I could see he was headed in my direction and she was following close on his heels. I was definitely not in the mood for another confrontation.
Brett grabbed my elbow. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked as he tried to pull me from the dance floor.
“Dude, what’s up?’ Jay said. He was trying to be casual but I could hear some strain in his voice.
Brett didn’t respond to Jay verbally. He just glared at him. That made me angry because Jay wasn’t doing anything wrong.
I ripped my elbow from Brett’s grasp. “I have nothing to say to you,” I spat.
Now it was Sweater Vest, who grabbed Brett’s elbow. “I’m getting tired. I want to go back to the hotel.”
Brett looked at me. Then he looked at Jay. Then he looked back at me. “You don’t have to do this,” he reminded me. He looked miserable and I could feel what was left of my little heart breaking. Misery of Brett’s own making, I reminded myself but it didn’t make me feel any better.
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