by Hawke, Jessa
"Is that tray for the Fole girl?" a nurse said.
"Who?"
"The preacher's daughter."
Will smiled, thinking to himself: Roll credits.
THE END
G
Going Deep
Jen had decided at the last second to go on the cruise with her parents. She knew it was a decision that she might soon regret, but she didn't have anything better to do in the meantime. The law firm she worked at was in the middle of a two week work stop after the passing of the founding partner, something that Jen understood but still found a little bit annoying—wouldn't he have wanted everyone to get over it and get back to making money? But no one else seemed to think that way, and she knew that this wasn't the kind of thing that was worth rocking the boat over. And if her work life was at a stand still, her personal life was the aftermath of a tsunami.
Her long time husband had left her and taken the kids. He hadn't even so much as a left a note behind letting her know what was up. Instead he'd went behind her back, while she'd been busy working seventy hour weeks. Not so much as a note had been left behind to explain what had been doing through his mind when he'd gathered up their three children, their things, and left. Jen wasn't even sure where they'd gone to, not even what part of the country. Now her home stood like something that had been abandoned, because it had. All of the hopes and dreams Jen and her husband had once had were gone, up in smoke.
There were parts of her that still didn't want to believe it, that didn't want to think of what it took inside a person to do something like that. She'd thought she'd known her husband, now ex as far as she was concerned, better than that. But there had obviously been a lot more going on then Jen had had time to take into account.
“Hello,” Jen said, answering her phone.
Jen and her parents were slowly making their way up a long ramp that lead to the top deck of the cruise liner.
“Jen?” it was the voice of her former husband. “I'm so glad you answered. I really need your help!”
It was so like him to do this, to uproot an entire family and then come crawling back to ask for help.
“Well,” Jen said. “Maybe you should call someone who loves you and ask them for help. As for the kids, send them to your parents and I'll collect them and raise them on my own.”
He sputtered. It sounded like it was raining in the background.
“What, what do you mean call someone that loves you,” he said. “I'm talking to you right now, aren't I?”
“I only love people who love me back,” Jen said.
It felt good to hang up on him while he was still trying to sputter something out on the phone.
“Who was that, dear?” her mother asked.
“Oh, no one important, mother,” Jen said. “Don't you worry.”
As her father and mother fussed over her, knowing very well who it had been, Jen was glad that she had someone on the cruise who she sort of knew and could hang with. As much fun as it sounded to spend a great deal of time with her parents, they didn't seem to want to let up on certain things. Like why Jen and her husband just split up. It wasn't like Jen hadn't answered them, either. Because she had, time and again she had. They didn't want to understand that sometimes things fall apart and there just isn't anything anyone can do about it. Jen was sure her husband had his own reasons for leaving her and taking the kids, but did she really give a shit deep down? Maybe it was because being a lawyer had turned her cold, but no, she didn't really care. If her former husband was going to be the kind of dickless fuck that ran out on her without even so much as an explanation then that was that, and he was a dickless fuck that didn't deserve any more of her time than it took to gather up the things he'd left behind and burn them in the driveway while the neighbors watched.
Just as Jen and her parents boarded the ship she told herself that she wouldn't be thinking anymore of her former husband. The brisk ocean air smelled so good she didn't want to be anywhere but in the present moment. There was something about getting on a boat, something so big she had a hard time comprehending it, that really put a skip in Jen's step. Because this cruise liner was massive, “the real deal,” as her father had called it. From the little bit she'd read about it the cruise they were about to go on was something of a novelty, but also a little bit of history. It was the biggest cruise ship to date, and although it didn't bear the name of another notorious cruise ship that sunk after hitting an iceberg that was years later made into a movie, it might as well have.
The person who she knew on the ship was an artist who played autistic guitar. His name was Ben and Jen hadn't met him in person yet. As her parents and her made their way to the room they would share Jen thought about Ben, because he was so good looking and because it would be awkward to tell him that she was staying in her parents' room. It wasn't like the room they'd be staying in was like a small hotel or anything, there were actually two bedrooms, one bigger one for her parents and the smaller one for herself. But her parents would still be there, and she wouldn't be able to take anyone back there, not even just to hang out, and certainly not to fool around. She could only imagine what would happen if she did bring someone back to fool around and her cried of passion roused her sleeping father or mother. Jen would die of embarrassment!
After Jen and her parents made their way to the room, Jen hurriedly slipped into a swimsuit and absconded with a towel and sunblock to the sunbathing deck. The sunbathing deck was the topmost deck of the ship where passengers could go to get some sun—thus the name. The kink in the mix that Jen hadn't mentioned to her parents was that there were parts of the sunbathing deck that were clothing optional. And although she knew that her parents wouldn't tell her not to go lay out with no top on, she didn't want them to even think about it. Jen knew that her parents would spend most of the time the cruise ship was between little islands below deck gambling. This wasn't their first cruise and they didn't care about the hot bodies or booze. They wanted to gamble and occasionally go on tours of tiny islands and see what corral reefs look like through the glass bottom of a boat. Jen didn't want to make the cruise about her by opening her mouth and saying something she knew she shouldn't to them, like, “I'm going to go nude sun bathing!”
So she didn't feel guilty as she padded barefoot down the corridors and gangplanks of the ship, looking for the stairs that would take her to the top deck. Eventually, after getting lost in a huge gift shop and getting turned around in a gym, she found the stairs and headed up toward the sky. When she got to the top deck the scene that greeted her eyes made her forget entirely of all the things going wrong in her life. There were so many people bathing nude it was incredible, and the sun hung in the baby blue sky far above, shining down fiercely on all of them. Jen made her way over to a section of the top deck that wasn't so filled out with people yet and thought about her body before she took off her swimsuit.
Jen knew she was still attractive even though she was in her mid thirties now. She had full, perky breasts with soft pink aureoles that were about the size of silver dollars. Her black hair was curly and fell down to her mid back. Even though she had a dark complexion she had blue eyes that matched the ocean and sky. She kept her bush trimmed to a little forest trail, and looking around she saw that all of the women on the top deck were completely naked, not just nude. She was almost glad for this, to be able to shed all of her clothes and just lay out. Already she could see the eyes of some of the young men around her lingering, waiting for her to drop her clothes. At first Jen was scared, and a little ashamed, to be the object of lust for so many. But then she got turned on by it. So many good looking men were looking at her like they wanted nothing more to take her right there in front of everyone, and Jen knew that if she'd asked all of them would have. But she didn't want just anyone, she reminded herself, as she slipped out of her swimsuit and lay down on her towel to soak in the sun.
Ben would show up sometime, but she didn't know when. They'd communicated through social media and gotten
to know each other fairly well before Jen had decided to go on the cruise. It wasn't that she needed someone to hang with who weren't her parents, she also needed some dick. She couldn't help but chuckle to herself as she lay naked in front of hundreds of people and thought about it. But of course she needed some dick. What kind of woman wouldn't need that kind of attention after what she'd just been through? And when she got off the cruise ship she'd be able to tell her ex about how she fucked the pain away and hadn't thought of him for even a second, save for the few moments when she'd had to deal with his phone call before she boarded. She, of course, hadn't really thought that he needed help. It was just what he did whenever he did something completely stupid. He'd start to feel out how people around him still felt about him by calling them and asking for “help,” when really he was just asking to be validated by other peoples' attention.
Ben wasn't that kind of guy, even though he was in the business of other peoples' attention. Ben was in his mid forties but didn't look it. He played guitar and traveled, doing the whole artist schtick to the point that it almost turned Jen off, but then she looked at how amazingly attractive he was and all of that melted from her mind. Ben had broad shoulders and blonde hair, with the features of a Swiss model. Jen had also noticed the bulge in his pants in several photos, but she liked to think that that didn't have as much to do with things as it actually did. Jen was the kind of woman, like most women, that liked a hung guy. She didn't want some guy that was hung only decently well. She wasn't on the cruise liner to have a fling with someone who was all right in bed but had an amazing personality. No, she wanted to meet up with the good looking singer song writer and fuck his brains out, or vice versa.
As Jen felt the sun kiss her skin brown she wondered how much seducing she'd have to do to get what she wanted from Ben. Or maybe it wouldn't be like that at all, maybe she wouldn't have to feel weird or bad or anything after they did it because they would both want it. Once thing she wasn't entertaining that might very well happen, although she would rather they didn't, were feelings. No matter how much she wanted to pretend that someone like Ben couldn't sweep her off her feet she knew that deep down she was like any other woman, vulnerable to the wiles of attractive romantic men. And Ben was attractive, and hopefully romantic as well. It would just be better if he wanted to lay with her and canoodle, maybe sneak up to the top deck late at night and fool around under the stars or something like that. Jen wasn't sure what she wanted to do exactly, because she also liked the idea of ducking into a a an emergency life raft—there were many stationed around the ship—and fooling around there. The rafts were much more like small boats than inflatable life rafts, so it was possible to step inside of one as it hung off the boat, just parallel with the deck she'd first boarded.
Jen knew she was dreaming right away. It wasn't the kind of dream that sneaks up on you by any means. Suddenly the sky was dark and the top deck was devoid everyone else but her. She looked around but all she could see in the moonlight were the clothes and towels left behind. Jen got up and walked to the edge of the deck to look into the ocean. Below her a whale turned on the surface of the deep, pausing for a moment so that one of its great eyes could stare up at her. Jen wanted to call out to the great beast, but there was something that held her back. She felt like she needed to be quiet in case the large mammal decided to tell her something. But instead of any of the whines and clicks that people associated with whale sonar all she got was a puff of steam from the blow hole and down the whale sank.
For several minutes Jen stood there perplexed. Where was the message she thought she was supposed to receive? She felt cheated, like she'd been promised something only to have it taken away. For a moment she started to wonder what the dream was about while still inside of it, then she realized that the whale was probably representative of her husband and how he took off on her without even trying to fix things, or without telling her what was wrong. Like the whale he descended into the deep, because Jen knew he was gone forever. Even though he was trying to come back to her now, the trust had been broken. Permanence was something that he'd never really understood. He'd always just thought that Jen would consistently turn the other cheek. Well not this time. Even if her husband came back around to be the greatest guy in the world she didn't want to waste anymore time on him. She felt like she'd already wasted an eternity on him already. All she wanted to do now was have fun and enjoy herself.
The sound of a guitar being strummed softly came to her as she looked out at the place on the horizon where the sea met the ocean. She turned around to peer back at the center of the top deck to find a dark figure in the middle, seated on a stool, the figure slightly curled around the guitar resting on its leg. Jen felt drawn to the figure even though she couldn't see his features. Something deep inside of her told her it was Ben, and that he'd come up here to the top deck in her dream to meet her for the first time. Jen started to walk toward the figure but didn't seem to be getting anywhere. At first it was because the deck was slippery and she couldn't get any traction, but then it was because the deck was sticky and she couldn't lift her feet enough to walk. Just when she fell face first on the hard deck she woke.
Jen started from her dream. Waking up she didn't know where she was for a few seconds, then it all came back to her. She was naked on the sunbathing deck of the cruise ship. She looked down at her pert breasts and flat stomach. God she looked good and she absolutely knew it. Jen got up and started to walk a slow lap around the top deck, for no reason in particular. She just wanted to feel her nipples turn hard as pebbles in the wind and feel her breasts sway against her body. There was something about being seen by so many hungry eyes at the same time that was super appealing to her. She knew she didn't want to pick up any of the guys eye fucking her right then, but that didn't mean she didn't want them to make tents of their swim trunks while she was around. There was just something so empowering about making men be able to get sexually aroused whenever she felt like it.
As she walked around the deck she neared the front of the ship. The top deck didn't extend to cover the whole ship, but it almost did. It came to a point that Jen couldn't help but lean her naked body over, her hands on the rails, her breasts hanging in the wind. So many people were looking at her completely naked from the top deck, and now some of the decks below that could see her, that she didn't know what to call the feeling she was feeling. It made her wonder if maybe her true calling in life hadn't been some kind of high end stripper or escort. She knew she could have made a killing off of sleeping with senators and other people with too much money to lose not to pay her five hundred dollars an hour to insure that she kept everything that happened to herself. But would that have made her happy? Was she happy now, anyway? Had she even been happy before her husband left with the kids? The questions tumbled over and over in her mind as she looked at some of the spume sent up by the boat as it splashed onto very front of the ship.
Hands slipped around her waist, but not in a way that made her feel like someone was trying to cop a feel or be sleazy. Instead the hands felt well worn and friendly, like the hands of someone just trying to help her. She released her grip from the rails and clasped the hands around her waist in her own. Without looking back to see who it was she nuzzled her head into the person behind her. She hoped it wasn't some teenage boy that somehow had the hands of a grown man, because it it was she was going to scream at him and ask him where in the hell his mother was. But it couldn't be someone like that because you had to be twenty-one to use the top deck, although no one had checked her ID when she'd walked up.
“Ben?” Jen asked.
“That's right,” Ben said into her ear quietly. “You are certainly a sight to behold leaning out so dangerously over the deck like this. And with no clothes on at all, your hair fluttering in the wind.
“Do I look good,” Jen asked.
Ben lifted her up and turned to set her down so that he was between her and the rail. It was the first time that Jen got to see Ben in
real life, and the first time that she got to see him naked. Ben had the body of a Greek God, as if chiseled from granite. His eyes were a sea foam green, and his long blonde hair flowed in the wind like it was alive. She could feel his eyes taking in her breasts and hips, all of her curves, so without even hiding it she looked down to see what he was packing between his legs. Without being able to stop herself she gasped and threw both of her hands up to cover her mouth with the very tips of her extended fingers. Ben threw his head back and laughed.
“Well I'm glad you're impressed, I guess,” he said.
But he wasn't smug about it, and as he offered her his arm and started to walk around the rest of the top deck she knew that he wasn't gong to bring it up again or make a big deal out of it. That was something that she really liked in a guy, the ability to take into account that something like what had just happened had happened without making it into something that had to embarrass the person they were with. But was he really with her at this point? Jen didn't want to get ahead of herself, but realized as she glanced back down at his big cock that if they were walking around naked in public together, with her on his arm, then they might as well be considered “together,” at least for the present.
“So,” Ben said. “You know a little bit about me and I know a little bit about you, but in all reality we both know next to nothing. So I'll go first. My name is Ben and I'm in my early forties. I've never been married and don't have any kids, although I do have such a large family that consider some of their children to be like my own. I'm a traveling musician that does the whole guitar singing thing. I don't mean to demean it but there does seem to be a lot of pretentiousness floating around about being a starving artist and I just don't want to add to it. You know what I mean? I very well chose this life for myself, and I do say that it's worked out so far, so I don't want people to think that it's some kind of burden that I get to do my thing.”