Beautiful Broken Mess

by Lauren, Kimberly

  “That beautiful, tall, brunette back there stole my heart a long time ago. We screwed it up and wasted a lot of years. But you know what?” he asks the crowd and then speaks directly to me, “I’d do it all over again, knowing that you were going to be there at the end. I’d walk through the sadness and the loneliness all over again for you. I truly was lonely, because you were always the one I wished I were with. I can’t regret it though. The journey was hard, yes, but falling in love with you was easy. I could never regret falling in love with you.”

  With everything we’ve been through, everything we’ve put ourselves through, all the pain we’ve endured, this act alone erases it all with one single swipe. The secrecy and sneaking around is instantaneously forgotten with Jace’s very public display. He finally hops down, sets the microphone on the stage, and squeezes through his audience, his eyes never leaving mine.

  When he reaches me, he once again drops to one knee and I cover the sob that rips through my chest. He reaches back into his pocket and pulls out the red leather box again. Then he looks up at me with a question in his eyes before he opens it. I nod my head up and down emphatically, letting him know it’s okay.

  “Audrey, you’ve been in my head since the moment I met you and you never left. Baby, I sure as hell don’t deserve you but I can’t imagine anyone else being the mother of my children or being the hand I hold at the end of every day. You’re my lucky penny, remember?” he asks. I dig my penny necklace out from under my shirt and squeeze it tight. His eyes look moist when he sees that I’m still wearing it.

  He hops off of his knee and I frown up at him. He must have read my mind because he leans in quickly to kiss me and says, “It’s coming, babe. I just remembered I wanted to give you something else first.” He hands the red leather box back for Jax to hold and my eyes follow it longingly. “Babe, I love you, it’s coming. First...” he digs around in his pockets, “I made something for you while you were out of town.” On top of the pool table, he dumps out a handful of lip balms. I grab one up and he laughs.

  “Yeah, I bought a ton of these for you. I never want you to run out. I also got all that coconut stuff you like. I cleared out my whole bathroom so you can have room for your things,” he rambles on. I’m blown away by what he’s saying and the amount of thought he’s put into all of this.

  He starts searching the other pocket and dumps out a ton of coins. They clank against each other on the table. I notice that they are all flattened pennies, each one a little different from the next.

  “It took me a long time to get it just right so I ended up making about sixteen of them, but this one turned out the best.” He fumbles with the coins and I realize that I love this side of Jace. He’s usually the confident intellect, but every once in a while when he’s around me, he turns into this clumsy fool. It makes me smile to think that I can make him as flustered as he seems to make me.

  He reaches behind my neck and unclasps the necklace I’m wearing. “This one has the year we met, the year I picked up my lucky penny for the first time.” Although the penny is smashed, I can clearly make out the year on it. “This one...” He slides a second flattened penny onto my chain and it clinks next to the first. “Says exactly how I feel.” I pull the penny up close and read the words out loud that he’s stamped into the metal.

  Lucky to have found you.

  Blessed to have you.

  “Okay, that’s seriously sweet,” Em whispers from behind me.

  “Jace...” I say with adoration.

  He drops to his knee for the third time tonight and grabs the box back from Jax. “I’m all over the place, I know. If I knew you were going to be here, I would have been more prepared...” he rambles on adorably.

  “Jace, you’re perfect,” I whisper. The fact that he’s actually been carrying all of this around with him makes me want to jump up on stage and sing to him. But I really hope he doesn’t ask me to.

  “Audrey, will you marry me?” he finally blurts out, and the audience enthusiastically starts clapping.

  I can’t contain my excitement any longer. I spring toward him and grab ahold of his face. He catches my waist and pulls me in closer. I kiss his lips, his cheeks, his nose, and his eyes. I make my way back to his lips and devour them with need. I’m the one that’s blessed to have him and I’ll never let him go again. I need him in my life always. I’ll stand and fight for him, if need be.

  The bar patrons filter back toward their tables. Jace and I remain on the floor, my lips still attached to his. There’s nowhere I’d rather be and he doesn’t seem to be in any hurry for me to stop.

  I don’t know how much time passes while Jace and I make out like teenagers in the middle of the bar, but Lane eventually leans down and whispers, “Psst, so what’s your answer, doll?”

  Jace looks at me with confusion before he realizes what Lane is saying. “Hey, yeah, you never answered me.”

  I push Lane’s face away with my hand and slide my fingers through Jace’s messy hair. “Of course I’ll marry you, Jace Riley.”

  - Epilogue -

  JACE – One Year Later...

  I toss my laptop into my bag and check my desk for any paperwork I need to take with me. When everything is in order, I take one more look at the view I’ll never get tired of seeing. The windows behind my desk extend from floor to ceiling and the Dallas skyline shines bright all around. Uncle Logan works mainly from home now and is happy he’s still on track to retire early, since Jax, Cole, and I have been handling everything so well. Everything seems to have come full circle. My name is now on the same door my dad’s name used to be on, Jax is working next to me just like my dad’s twin did, and I’m finally marrying the girl I fell in love with so many years ago.

  Right before I reach my office door, I turn back and scan my desk for anything I may need over the next week and a half. Ever since we moved back to Texas, I haven’t gone a single day without stepping foot in this building. The controlling side of me cringes at the idea of losing the ability to oversee all decisions for even a short period of time. Jaxon is always telling me to lighten up, but I feel like I have some pretty big shoes to fill here.

  “There isn’t anything left for you to do. Seriously, time to go home,” Josephine calls out from the open door.

  “Josie, you’ll call me...” I start to say before my secretary cuts me off.

  “I’ll call Jaxon first and then I’ll call Cole. Not even then will I call you, because now I have Lane as well. If for some bizarre reason they can’t solve the issue after a reasonable amount of time, then yes, I’ll call you,” she says, rolling her eyes.

  “You’re mocking me.”

  “You have a beautiful soon-to-be bride at home, but yet you’re here...” she trails off while eyeing me.

  The second the thought of Audrey enters my mind, I snap into action. My gorgeous fiancée is currently at our newly-built house waiting for me to come home and I couldn’t be happier. Audrey is my peace at the end of a hard day or my excitement at the end of a boring one.

  “You make a good point. I’ll see you Saturday.”

  “Tell Audrey I’ll be over bright and early!” she calls out, while turning off the office lights.

  I pull into my four-car garage right next to Cole’s Porsche. I don’t know how long he’s going to be able to keep driving that thing now that he has a baby. Quickly, I shuffle inside through the kitchen entrance and search for anyone that’s home. All of their cars are here, but the house is dark and quiet. I navigate my way to a family room where Quinn is lounging on the couch, reading a book.

  “Hey Jace,” she whispers.

  “Where’s my baby?” I ask.

  “She’s sleeping,” she warns sternly. Quinn should know by now that this never deters me. I push forward and make a direct line for the little, pink and white bassinet sitting next to the couch.

  “Please don’t wake her, Jace. It just took Cole and I an hour to get her back to sleep,” Quinn begs. As if I didn’t hear any
thing, I scoop up the prettiest baby girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. She looks exactly like Quinn but has Cole’s blonde hair. I can’t believe how one little person can look so much like two different people. I’m yearning to see what mine and Audrey’s babies will look like. Go ahead and take my man card, I don’t care anymore.

  Right after Audrey accepted my proposal, Jax and I started planning our dream homes. Before we knew it, we had blue prints and contractors hired. We built on our family land, with Jaxon and Em’s house backing right up to the pond they love so much. Right across the street we had paved is our house. Cole and Quinn were living in a house out near his family, but soon decided they wanted to live near us so our families could grow up together. Their house should be done within the month and meanwhile, they’ve been staying here.

  I hold Chloe up to my nose and take in the smell only a baby can have. When her little, blonde eyelashes begin to move and she peers up at me with those dark forest-green eyes, I’m a goner.

  “Jace! You’re ridiculous. Now it’s your job to get her back down,” Quinn huffs.

  “Hi, princess. Did you miss me today?” I whisper softly to her. She makes a little squeak as she stretches out and I hold her in closer.

  “Oh, hell no,” Cole growls as he walks into the room. “Dude, do you know how long I had to pace this house with her?” I continue smiling down at her, not letting anyone talk me out of holding her after a long day.

  “What am I going to do when you aren’t here when I get home?” I coo at her.

  “I’m gonna miss being here, man,” Cole responds.

  “I can see your house from my front windows,” I laugh.

  “I know, but I’m gonna miss having you and Audrey’s help with Chloe. I’ll miss Audrey’s amazing cooking skills, and I also won’t be able to hear the two of you have sex every night,” the asshole says with a fake pout.

  “Whoa, jackass! Don’t listen to me and my girl,” I scold.

  “Hey, language in front of the little ears!” he laughs.

  “Jace, I actually need to talk to you about Audrey,” Quinn calls over.

  “Where is she, by the way? I haven’t seen her all day and I’m about to go crazy.” I lean in and kiss Chloe’s forehead and say, “I just needed to see you before I go to bed, little one.”

  “Audrey’s already asleep. She went to that self-defense class today that you signed her up for.”

  “Shit, I forgot about that.” I wrap Chloe in one arm and rub my temples with the other. I haven’t been able to talk to Audrey much while I’m at the office because I get so caught up and sidetracked.

  “Jace, I’m going to give you some tough love so bear with me for a second, okay?” she asks and I nod my head. “I think you’re working too much, and you need to realize it before everything you care about slips away without you even noticing.” Her words catch my immediate attention and fill me with dread.

  “What do you mean, Quinny? Where is this coming from? Did Audrey say she would leave me?” I rush to ask. I need to go see her. I need to stop whatever thoughts she may be having. This can’t be happening.

  “Calm down, Jace. It’s nothing like that. I just don’t want it to get to that point for you guys. I mean, how much have you really seen Audrey lately? How many times have you come home at,” she looks down at her watch and says, “ten-thirty at night or later and had to wake her up?”

  “I’m new to this company. I have a lot of grunt work to put in before I can pull back a bit,” I try to rationalize. “Audrey understands this.”

  She nods her head and continues, “You’re right, she does. But Cole and I have been talking, and you don’t need to be there as much as you are. You can delegate. You have Jax, Cole, and now Lane, in addition to all of your many employees. Release the reins just a little, Jace.”

  “I can try, but y’all don’t understand how much actually has to be done every single day...”

  “Jace, you’re missing out on crucial parts of Audrey’s life and this job has only just begun,” Quinn says.

  “I don’t understand what you’re saying...” I trail off.

  “I went and picked up Audrey’s gown from alterations today and afterward, I took it upstairs while she was out to hang it in her closest. How have you not noticed that she hasn’t even unpacked her clothes?”

  “She what...?” I begin to panic.

  “Jace, she’s been living here for months and all of her clothes are still in her suitcases. She wears them, washes them, and puts them back. She tiptoes around this house without touching a thing. If she has to use anything, she immediately washes it or stashes it away as if she were never there,” Quinn adds.

  “I really hope you’re making this shit up. My heart is about to bust out of my chest,” I say in alarm.

  “She’s lonely, Jace. Lane’s been gone all the time. She won’t go into town unless she absolutely has to, because she’s too afraid of what people will remember about her from high school. Today she told me she was glad she finally found a job because she’s running low on funds.” With that, she eyes me and continues, “Now, I only know what Cole makes, but you have to be making more than that. So why is the girl running low on money?”

  “What?!” I holler. When Chloe squirms away from the elevated sound of my voice, I immediately apologize and begin rocking her back and forth. “Quinn, I swear to God we have a joint account.”

  “Does she actually spend money out of that account?” Before she can ask another question, I wiggle my phone out of my back pocket and bring up our bank app on my screen. Swiftly, I scroll through every transaction. Mine. Mine. Mine. I slump down onto the couch with Chloe snuggled into my chest.

  “Wait, last week she bought something...” I say and then look at it further. “Dry cleaner. Shit, that was for me.” How did I not know she wasn’t even using our bank account? “She’s going to leave me. She’s absolutely going to leave me,” I say in a defeated tone.

  “No, she’s not. That’s not why I’m telling you this. I just think this has to do with how she grew up. You need to make her more comfortable. This house was your plans, your ideas, and you want her to spend your money...”

  I quickly interrupt, “Our money. If anything, it’s hers. I don’t want it without her.”

  She nods her head and softly says, “I’m glad to hear that. But you need to remember that she’s never known a relationship like that. I’m done stressing you out. She’ll kill me for saying something, but I figured you didn’t even notice.”

  “Because I’ve been at the office every single day,” I grumble.

  “You need to at least have some rest days every week, Jace, or even you will burn out,” Cole adds in. “What happens when you have a kid? Are you going to be that dad that’s never around? I had that dad, and trust me, it sucked. Your dad took time away, you can too.”

  He has a point. My dad was home every day by dinner and all day during the weekends. I’ll never forget the time he spent with us, building the Camaro with Jax and hitting the heavy bag with me in the barn. I look down at a now-sleeping Chloe and realize I can’t become the guy I’m on track to become. I want to hear about Audrey’s day over dinner, not a sleepy, half-awake conversation late at night. I want to wake up next to her on Saturday and Sunday mornings and be able to share the day with her.

  “I’ll fix this,” I inform them, “and she doesn’t need to go work for some random company. She can work at the office with me if she really wants to get a job.”

  “I knew you’d be reasonable about this,” Quinn responds, while patting my leg. “But if I know Audrey, she’s not going to take some pity job from you. She earned a graduate degree. Let her be an adult, Jace.”

  “I need to see my fiancé.” I kiss each of Chloe’s cheeks and stand slowly to walk her back over to her bassinet.

  “Dude, seriously. Go make your own baby. This one is mine,” Cole whines, while transferring his daughter to his arms. He looks down at her with awe and wonder, like he
’s done since the day she was born. He sits down on the couch and lays her little head on his chest. Yeah, she’s got him wrapped around her finger.

  “I plan to,” I say, making my retreat. “Love you guys.”

  I hear their responses when I hit the first step of our large staircase. I take them two at a time until I reach the double doors that lead into our master suite. The knob turns slowly in my hands and I slip inside quietly. The bathroom light, which she leaves on for me every night, shines across her naked backside. The fact that she has to leave a light on for me should have been my first clue I’ve been coming home too late.

  I walk into my closet and discard my suit, leaving only my briefs on. Out of curiosity, I walk over and glance into Audrey’s closet, where Quinn’s observations are confirmed. It’s a giant, empty space with three suitcases lying on the floor. There are empty, wooden hangers lining the bars, and at the very back is a big, white bag that holds her wedding gown. My fingers itch to unzip it and peek inside. I’m dying to know what she plans on wearing, but I hold back the urge, not wanting to ruin her surprise.

  I can’t wait for her to have my last name and someday soon carry my children. I stand in her empty closet and think back on the day she finally told me what happened with her pregnancy in high school. My jaw clenches at the murderous anger I have to suppress when I flash back to those thoughts. Since we’ve been back in Texas, I’ve tried to pay a visit to her dear ol’ dad, but apparently he’s been gone for a few years now. I’ll find him though, and when I do it won’t be pretty.

  I shake off the thoughts and quietly shuffle across the wood floor to our bed. Softly, I kneel on the bed beside Audrey’s stunning body. She’s lying on her stomach with her face turned away from me and her pillows pushed to the side. Her soft breaths move her back up and down. I take advantage of the position and reach into the nightstand. I hold the bottle of massage oil above her back and drizzle a line down her spine. When the liquid hits her skin, her eyes shoot open and she fidgets. I reach out and hold her in place.