“That’s it,” he growled, throwing his head back as his own release thundered through him with the stunning force of a storm, completely destroying him as he pulsed and pulsed, pouring himself inside her until he started to wonder if it was ever going to end. Not that he wanted it to. What he wanted was to keep thrusting inside her while he buried his face against the smooth, tender curve of her shoulder, but he didn’t dare, knowing he couldn’t risk letting his fangs get anywhere close to her throat.
“Damn, baby, I think you killed me,” he groaned, when he could finally find his voice again. His hips were still gently rocking against hers, his arms shaking as he hung his head forward, trying to catch his breath.
“Mmm...sorry about that,” she practically purred, and he felt a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. She sounded like a woman who’d been well and thoroughly taken, and he knew there was only one thing that could have made it better. Something he hoped like hell they were closer to now that they’d shared something so incredible.
“Don’t ever be sorry,” he told her, finally lowering his mouth so that he could kiss her soft, pink lips as he carefully pulled himself from her tight clasp. “I’ll happily die again and again if it means getting more of this.”
Touching her as gently as he could, he lifted her boneless body up higher on the bed, until her head was resting on the pillows, then moved onto his side and reached down for the quilt, pulling it over her.
“You don’t want more now?” she asked, looking a little surprised. And maybe even a bit disappointed.
“I always want you, Rey. But I can wait,” he told her, reaching out and pushing her hair back from her flushed face. “I don’t want to make you too sore.”
She smirked up at him. “You’re not worried about making me sore, just not too sore?”
“Hey, I’m a guy,” he said huskily, leaning down again and brushing his lips across her smiling ones. “I love the thought of you walking around tomorrow, feeling how hard I took you every time you take a step.”
“Barbarian,” she teased, making him grin as she playfully smacked him on the shoulder.
Your barbarian, he thought. Always yours...
He could feel his body stirring, already hardening again, and knew he needed to put some space between them while he still could. Rolling into a sitting position on the far side of the bed, he grabbed a pillow and the afghan that was tangled up in the bottom of the quilt, then laid them on the floor, switched off the bedside light, and forced himself to lie down. A second later, her beautiful face peeked over the edge of the mattress, her bright eyes shining with laughter in the silvery wash of moonlight streaming in through the window. “You got something against the bed? Or is it me?”
Putting his hands behind his head so he wouldn’t be tempted to reach up and grab her, pulling her down there to join him, he said, “I’m not sleeping in a bed with you until things between us are completely settled.”
Her golden hair fell over the side of the mattress as she cocked her head a bit to the side, her expression curious. “Why?”
Because he was afraid that he would wake up, hazy with sleep, and reach for her. His need for her was so intense that he didn’t trust what he would do in those foggy moments of consciousness. Sink his fangs into her and complete the bond, once and for all? It was so damn tempting, and yet, he knew it would be the kiss of death for any chances they might have of a future together, if he did it before she was ready.
Watching her carefully, he said, “When you’re ready to give me what I want, you won’t be able to keep me from sleeping beside you.”
She blinked, and he could see the exact moment when she understood what he was saying. With a quick breath, and a flick of her tongue over her lower lip, she said, “You don’t trust yourself, do you? You don’t trust yourself not to bite me.”
“I’ve told you what I want, Rey.”
He had...and more than once. But as she stared down at him with that soft, shell-shocked expression on her lovely face, the look in her eyes a mesmerizing blend of emotions, Eli realized that for the first time, the little Runner was finally starting to believe that he meant it.
Chapter 14
God, I’ve been such a fool.
That was the painful, embarrassing thought that kept spinning its way through Carla’s head as she sat in Mason and Torrance’s living room the following morning, trying to listen to the plans being made. She’d meant to stay smart and focused on what was good for her—but her lust and lovesick heart had finally gotten the better of her, and now her disappointment was crushing.
Was what happened between us all for this? Was he just trying to get things to work out the way he wanted them to? To make me so crazy over him, I’d do whatever he wanted?
As if he knew she’d be feeling skittish after waking in his bed, Eli had already left the cabin by the time she’d blinked her eyes open, a little stunned to realize what she’d done. That she’d given in to her desire and made love to him. And it had definitely been making love. She’d had sex before, and while nice, it didn’t come anywhere close to what had taken place between her and the manipulative, gorgeous, too-freaking-sexy-for-his-own-good alpha.
Had she honestly thought she had a good idea of what truly emotional, hunger-driven mating would be like? Hah! She hadn’t had a clue.
She didn’t know if all Lycan males were like that, like him. He was the only one she’d ever allowed to get close to her in a physical way—the only one she’d ever wanted. But she’d have been lying through her teeth if she’d said she hadn’t loved it. His strength. His aggression. The raw, primal savagery of his sexual hunger. A hunger he kept telling her was only for her. For her...and no other. And, God, how badly she’d wanted to believe him.
But now, after what he’d just said, and in front of everyone? She shook her head, wondering if she would always be nothing more than a fool when it came to this man.
When she’d climbed out of his bed, terrified by the warm glow of happiness burning in the center of her chest, she’d been desperate for the time to stand beneath a hot shower and make sense of her buzzing, complicated emotions, but there hadn’t been any. Dressing in her clothes from the day before, she’d hurried over to Wyatt and Elise’s, only to have her partner catch her coming in through the door. Instead of teasing her about her night out, he’d told her they were late for a meeting at Mason’s. The next thing she knew, she was standing in a roomful of friends, her emotions still on edge. And the sight of Eli standing on the other side of the room had made her heart pound so hard that it hurt. He’d looked up, locking that intense, smoldering gaze on her face, and though the set of his mouth had been a little grim, it was still so beautiful that she’d wanted to kiss him until he was all she could taste and hear and see. She’d flushed, and he’d just kept staring, the fiend, even when everyone had started to notice.
She’d already known that their night together wouldn’t be a secret. That kind of news traveled fast in the Alley, but that didn’t mean he’d had to be so blatant about it. The way he’d stared at her—so hard and possessive—had made his thoughts clear to everyone around them, and she’d felt herself blushing all the way to the roots of her hair.
When she’d caught Wyatt smirking at her, she’d stomped on his toes with her booted foot, enjoying the low grunt of pain that’d slipped past his lips. “You’re mean,” he’d grumbled.
“Don’t forget it,” she’d muttered in response, determined not to look in Eli’s direction again. But it hadn’t mattered. She’d still felt the weight of his searing, possessive gaze on her, and damn it, it’d felt good. So perfect and right that she couldn’t help remembering the dream she’d had during the night, when she’d been cuddled up in his sheets, his mouthwatering scent surrounding her.
She’d dreamed about their wedding day, of all things. Of a day when they would stand before their family and friends and pledge their love to one another. A day she’d been an idiot to even think about, considerin
g the words that had left his lips when he’d looked at Mason a moment ago and said, “Before we get started, I want to say what I’m sure a lot of you are thinking, but haven’t felt right about bringing up. So I’m doing it now. I know we need as many bodies going into battle as we can get, but I feel pretty strongly about the fact that the women shouldn’t fight. Not just the ones who are only just learning some combat skills, but any of them. After seeing firsthand what the Whiteclaw are capable of, it’s just too dangerous.” Without looking at her, he’d crossed his arms over his chest and gruffly added, “And before anyone argues that there are women in this room who are more than capable of going into battle, that might be. But it still doesn’t mean that they should.”
Her jaw had dropped as she’d stared at him, unable to believe those words had actually just come from his mouth. And she was so staggered by them, her heart feeling like it was being crushed in her chest, that it’d taken her a moment to realize the meeting was still going on around her.
Fighting hard to concentrate, she narrowed her burning gaze on Mason, and tried to listen. He was saying something about how they needed to be prepared for the fact that some of the Whiteclaw might have their own supplies of the “super soldier” drugs, which they would undoubtedly be saving for the attack, but she was only half hearing him. The majority of her brain was still focused on what Eli had said, and what it meant for them. He’d never made it a secret, how he felt about her job. Now his words had confirmed that he didn’t want her fighting alongside the men she’d been fighting beside her entire adult life, which was exactly where she belonged.
If he couldn’t see that, then he didn’t actually know her at all. So where the hell did that leave them?
It was obvious that important plans were being made, but she didn’t have a clue what they were, unable to get past the shock of hearing Eli say what he had in front of everyone. In front of the men she’d worked with for so long. She couldn’t have been more insulted if he’d stood there and told them all that he thought she was a pathetic weakling who couldn’t be trusted to do her job. Because that’s what it’d felt like, and she felt so betrayed she was terrified she was going to burst into tears before she could get out of there.
The instant Mason called an end to the meeting, she shoved past Wyatt, who was trying to say something to her, and ran like she had the devil on her ass. It took her only moments to reach Wyatt and El’s cabin, and she stormed through the living room, down the hall, ready to slam the door behind her when she reached the guest room—only to find that Eli was right behind her as she turned.
“Get out!” she snarled, shoving hard at his chest as she tried to push him back into the hallway. But the bastard didn’t budge.
“I’m not going anywhere until we’ve talked,” he said in a low, calm tone that grated on her nerves so badly she wanted to scream. Spinning away from him, she paced at the foot of the bed, breathing hard and fast, glaring at him from the corner of her eye as he shut the door, then leaned back against it, watching her with a hooded, cautious gaze.
Finally, she stopped pacing and braced her hands on her hips as she turned to face him. “What the hell was that in there?” she demanded, flinging the words at him.
Crossing his arms over his chest, he worked his jaw a few times before he answered the question. “I was only saying what I thought needed to be said.”
“Ohmygod! Are you honestly that stupid?” she seethed, so angry she wanted to cry. But she was going to be damned before she spilled any more tears in front of him. “Or maybe you’re just too blind to see what an ass you’re being. Is that it?”
His lips pressed together in a hard, grim line, but his eyes gave him away. He didn’t regret what he’d said. Not even a little. He actually believed that crap!
Breathing in rough, uneven bursts, she said, “You’re always trying to protect me. But guess what? I don’t need your protection, Eli. What I’ve always needed was your love. I needed you to stand by me. To fight for me. And you didn’t. You ran. You didn’t stand by me before, and you’re still not standing by me. So I’m done!”
Eyes burning with a raw, molten gleam, he growled, “I did love you, damn it.”
She shook her head. “If that’s true, then you didn’t love me enough.”
“Christ, woman. I’ve said I’m sorry for leaving so many times,” he ground out, lowering his arms to his sides as he pushed away from the door. “I’ve told you that I’m more in love with you now than ever, and I already loved you more than I ever imagined was possible. What more do you want from me, Rey?”
“I want something I can obviously never have!” she shouted, completely losing control. Of everything. Her emotions. Her fears. The entire goddamn situation. “So I’ll take being free, instead. I want to tear you out!”
He took another step forward, and a muscle started to pulse in his cheek with a rhythmic, telling tic. “You didn’t feel like that last night.”
“That was sex,” she snapped. “You of all people should know the difference.”
“I know it was the best, most incredible sex I’ve ever had,” he shot back, and she could see his wolf burning in his eyes, the icy blue now as dark and turbulent as a storm. “There isn’t even a close second.”
She glared, thinking he might literally drive her mad.
“I know I want it again. I haven’t—” He broke off, seeming to struggle with what to say, then growled, “I’m—not—done. I’ll never be done.”
Fighting the urge to stomp her foot like a child, she screamed, “God, Eli! You can make me so angry! No one’s ever made me as angry as you do.” She lifted her arms, pressing the insides of her wrists to her temples, her voice breaking with emotion. “I hate it. Hate feeling like that about you, but you need to listen to me. Please. Just listen.” Pressing one of her hands over her pounding heart, she said, “I love what I do. It’s not just a job to me. It’s a part of who I am, and that’s never going to change. If you loved me like you say you do, then you would understand that. Which means more than the fact that you don’t love me. You don’t even know me.”
“That’s not true.”
“Are you saying you wouldn’t want me to quit? That if we completed the bond, you’d be supportive of what I do?”
He opened his mouth, then snapped it shut again, his nostrils flaring as he pulled in a deep breath. Then he muttered, “I need to go and meet with Elliot and Max. In a few hours, we’ll know whether or not it’s a go tonight.”
“That soon?” she gasped.
His dark brows drew together in a scowl. “Weren’t you listening at the meeting?”
She shook her head. “No. I was too upset.”
His scowl deepened, and he said, “If Max and Elliot have gotten the rumor mill going at full speed, then it looks like we’ll be putting the plan into action not long after sundown.”
She nodded, thinking that part of the mercs’ plan was brilliant. In fact, the entire plan was genius. And who better to spread gossip than a bunch of gabbing teenage girls who were still in contact with other Whiteclaw teens? But how the hell had she managed not to hear that they might be going to war in a mere matter of hours?
“There must be a thousand things to do,” she said distractedly, her thoughts spinning as she lowered her gaze. And there clearly wasn’t any time for anger or arguments at the moment. Not when there was so much to get done and to organize. And despite what anyone else might say or think, she was going to be in that town fighting beside her Bloodrunning brothers. It would take more than Eli Drake to stop her. It’d take a freaking act of God, and even then she’d fight tooth and nail to make sure she was there when she was needed. “We can finish this later,” she added, careful to keep her expression neutral as she lifted her gaze back to his. “You need to go, and I should go and find Wyatt.”
Instead of turning and leaving, he stepped even closer, locking her in his hard, penetrating stare, and quietly said, “When we go to war—whether it’s tonight o
r tomorrow or the night after that—I’m begging you, Rey, please don’t fight in town. Please stay here and help look after the others.”
Tears burned at the backs of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. “Why?” she whispered, her chest heaving with emotion. “Why do you think I’m so weak?”
“God, Rey. I don’t think you’re weak,” he groaned, lifting a hand to the side of her face and stroking her skin with his thumb. “I just...I don’t want to lose you. Is it so wrong to want to protect something I care about more than I care about my own life?”
Clutching his powerful wrist in her hands, she stared up at him and said, “It is when you keep comparing her to something she’s not. I’m not your mother, Eli. I don’t need your protection. I just need your love. And your faith.”
“I have faith in you,” he growled, his frustration bleeding through the guttural words. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not terrified of losing you.”
“You’ve trusted me with your lust, even though you were worried it would be too much for me. Can’t you trust me to be strong and smart enough for my job?”
“I wish to hell that I could, Rey. But it terrifies me. I hate it,” he scraped out, “and I don’t know how to make that change.”
“I don’t know, either,” she said in a throaty voice that was thick with tears. “I just know that this isn’t healthy. We can’t do this, no matter how we feel about each other.”
He looked at her so hard and intensely that she felt like he was trying to change her mind with the sheer force of his will, his eyes dark and angry and troubled, his throat working as he swallowed. But she could tell he had no idea what to say to her.
Pushing his hand away from her face, she let go of his wrist and stepped back from him. “Later, Eli. We can sort things out later. But now is not the time.”
He worked his jaw again, looking like a man who’d been pushed far beyond his limits, then turned and walked away, slamming the door behind him.
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