“Having fun admiring my legs?” he teases.
“This is swollen. You should put some ice on it.”
“I’ll be fine. I’ll just take it easy for a couple days. No running off on me again, okay?”
I flush, having him make me feel like a child, but my thoughts turn to anger when I think of Joel.
“I wish Joel wasn’t here. Why did you bring him with you?”
“It wasn’t my choice.” Charlie shrugs, taking another bite out of his sandwich.
“But you all seem to be getting along with him,” I complain.
“I won’t ever like him. I mean, the guy tried to kill you, he killed your friend. I get that, but to the others, he’s someone else on our side right now.”
“He’s simply this constant reminder of what I’ve lost.”
“I know this is hard, but right now we’re stuck in this situation. After Christmas is over we’re going to have to have a proper talk about everything. We can’t live here forever and we need to make a decision. If we decide to run and hide, then we’ll disappear, and I promise you’ll never have to see him again. There is no way I’m being talked out of being without you again, either. If we run, you and I stay together.” He eyes me with determination.
“Do you think that’s what we’ll do? Run?”
“I don’t know. I really want to be able to go back home, and I want to be able to take you home with me. I want this situation over, but I understand how impossible that’ll be.”
I pull his pant leg back down and lie down, letting my head rest on my pillow.
“Are my legs no longer interesting?” he teases, maybe trying to lighten the mood. He puts his now empty plate on the ground by his side of the bed and then lies down next to me, using his elbow to prop himself up.
“No, I find this more interesting at the moment.” I smile and move my fingers over his smooth jaw.
Charlie returns my smile and I think my heart stops functioning for a few moments.
“Can I ask you something?” I look into his eyes, knowing it’s important I do while I ask this question.
“Anything.”
“Are you still craving a drink?”
“Not right now.” His smile remains in place, yet it feels suddenly forced, perhaps put on; like he’s trying to hide something.
“But you have?” I read between the lines.
“I struggle when you’re away, sort of like I want something just to calm my nerves, I think. I’m used to drinking when I’m missing you.”
I pause to take that in. “Are you really never going to drink alcohol again?”
“Why? Hoping to get me drunk and take advantage of me?”
“I’m being serious.”
“Sorry.” He frowns. “I don’t know. I don’t want to. I want to focus on making things up to you; making this right. I know drinking isn’t the answer for me doing that.”
I take a deep breath, trying to maintain my nerves to keep going. I need to ask this.
“What was Heather like? You said you were friends?”
His smile disappears at the same time that a guarded look moves over his face.
“Why do you want to know?”
“I need to know. We need to discuss this if we want to move past it.”
He eyes me wearily for a moment, but I don’t back down. “We were friends, sort of. Her uncle owned the bar I used to frequent. She started coming in there a lot after she went through a break-up.”
“So she was single?” What if she had feelings for Charlie?
“Sort of. She would get drunk with me and talk about her ex. She missed him.”
“So you would get drunk together?”
“Sometimes. She would give me free drinks. Apparently, I used to talk about you.”
“You did?” I ask in surprise.
“Yeah, I didn’t want to compromise your position and Heather mentioned I never let that part slip, but she knew about you because I missed you.”
I let myself take that in, unsure if I should feel pleased or not.
“When you guys… you don’t remember anything at all?”
“No. I remember being at the bar. We were doing shots—I can’t even really remember what got us started doing that—and then I vaguely remember being outside and it was raining. The next thing I remember, Rose and Will were barging in.”
I again take my time, considering his words. My heart froze a while back and my stomach is in knots while I try to understand what went on.
“Is she pretty?”
“Zoe,” Charlie groans, closing his eyes as he takes a deep breath. He looks undone.
“I just want to wrap my head around this. I don’t know why, but I need to know.”
“Yes. She’s blonde, tall and really, she reminds me a lot of Rose. I have no idea why I would even be interested in her to be honest.”
“Rose is gorgeous,” I defend Rose, my heart sinking further, realizing how beautiful this Heather must be.
“I’m not saying Rose isn’t pretty, it’s just that I’m not really interested in blondes. I remember thinking Heather was like Rose and I have zero interest in Rose. If anything, that thought made her kind of repellent to me. I must have had to be really drunk to get past that.”
“You didn’t have other times when you couldn’t remember getting home?”
“No, I never let myself get that bad before.”
“Do you think you might have a drinking problem?” I decide to drop the Heather topic, for now.
“I—I don’t know. I don’t think so. I don’t feel like I’m going through withdrawal or anything, but when I look back, I was drinking a lot. At the time, I felt like I had to drink that much, and that often, to keep you safe and to stop me going home, yet now, I don’t know if that was merely a convenient excuse. I’ve known a few alcoholics from work and they use any excuse for that next drink.”
“Is there anything I can be doing now to make this less hard?”
“Just being here is helping. When we’re okay, I feel okay. That’s not to guilt you into anything, I just mean that talking right now with you, being with you, and us feeling okay helps. Even when I’m craving something, simply having you near me makes it easier to say no.”
I process his words and nod to say I understand when I’m not sure I can speak. My eyes burn and I suddenly want to cry.
“Have I upset you again? Please don’t cry. I’m sorry for everything.” Charlie pulls me forward and I let my head rest on his chest as he wraps his arms around me.
“We shouldn’t have separated. I talked you into it and it was a bad idea.” I finally realize my blame in all this.
“It wasn’t a bad idea. When we made that decision, it was the right one. I just screwed up badly. None of this is your fault. The blame is all on me for this one.”
He found a bad way to cope with his situation, but did I find one much better? I became a recluse and let my grief and sadness overwhelm me. It’s been eight months and I still don’t feel better about Dana’s death. Maybe that is normal, maybe it isn’t, but watching her die over and over isn’t healthy. I haven’t tried to move on at all and my body has suffered for it. I didn’t eat properly and who knows what would have happened to me if I’d kept going. I said to myself I would get right emotionally before Charlie would have come down to get me, but that just shows that I knew what I was doing to myself was wrong. Charlie drank poison to drown his sorrows and I starved myself as punishment. The only difference is that Charlie’s ended in him making a mistake.
“I think I understand things better now. Thank you for talking with me about it.”
Charlie squeezes his arms around me in response and we stay in the embrace for a long time. I feel myself drift in and out of sleep, exhausted from our late night talking and my early morning run. Charlie wouldn’t have gotten much more sleep than I did, but each time I feel myself waking, I can tell he is still awake.
***
Dinner is lively that nig
ht; everyone is mostly in good spirits. I help Dean and Charlie cook dinner. After warning them at how useless I am in the kitchen, I’m given a knife and instructions to chop up the vegetables. The storm that began earlier this morning when we were outside is in full swing now, and we eat with the background noises of thunder and strong winds blowing outside.
The trees sway and knock on the cabin while a small paranoid part of me worries that some of the noises aren’t from the trees. What if we’re being surrounded right now? What if Stan, Martha and the rest of P.A.G.E. are outside? We won’t be able to fight, we’ll have to surrender. Would they take us back to The Windmill? Would we get split up? Would we get another opportunity to escape? Other than Rose being amazing, our main wild card up our sleeve was that they weren’t expecting us to try and escape. The security there was trying to keep people out, not people in. Now they’ll know not to trust us as well as to keep a close eye on us. If we get caught again, we won’t be escaping so easily.
Charlie’s hand clasps mine under the table and I smile at him while dragging myself out of my dark thoughts. He looks back at me with concern, but his attention is pulled away by Dean after he starts questioning him about something building related.
Rose tries to make eggnog and it tastes horrible. I politely drink mine slowly, noticing I’m the only one. Like most of the nights we’ve spent here, Dean and Rose keep the conversation flowing and I enjoy the smile on Will’s face. I lean over to him as he is on my other side and ask him about his gifts.
“Thank you for them. I’ve never gotten presents before.” He smiles shyly at me.
“I’m glad you like them.” I swallow past the anger that he has been so deprived in his life.
“Maybe if we get the chance, Charlie can show me again how to play basketball?” Will sounds nervous asking, like he’s worried he might be asking for too much.
“I’m sure he would love that. You’ll have to go easy on him, though. He’s getting old,” I tease.
“Who are you saying is getting old?” Charlie leans over me and narrows his eyes at us, already realizing he is being made fun of.
“You and your gimp knee are getting old,” I jest.
“Actually, my gimp knee is fine. It’s my bad eyesight that let me down today,” he counters.
“Loss of eyesight and balance? Sounds to me like old age.”
“Well, in that case, you should respect your elders and the wisdom they can bestow upon you.” Charlie straightens his back and I know he’s trying to look down on me and appear superior.
“And what wisdom is that?” I ask, rolling my eyes at Will who smiles back.
“Eat all your vegetables.”
“Wow, let me get a pen to write that down.” I poke my tongue out at him, however I do go back to my plate of food and keep eating. I’m not sure if that was his way of pointing out I still had food left or not, but after our talk today and my revelation afterwards, I know I should keep eating.
Will asks Charlie something about basketball then and I’m stuck between them both as they talk sports. As soon as I’m finished eating, I grab my plate and pile up everyone else’s, taking them over to the sink. Rose joins me and laughs when we hear all the boys getting into a heated debate about which is the best sport to watch.
“That look on Will’s face today was worth every penny we spent,” Rose speaks quietly to me.
“I know. I hate that he’s had such a hard life. He doesn’t deserve that.”
“Don’t worry; we’ll make Stan pay for it.” Rose speaks with conviction.
“How?”
“I know we haven’t spoken about what we’re going to do, but when we do talk, my vote won’t change. I say we fight them with all we’ve got and burn P.A.G.E. to the ground.” I see the fire and determination shining through her eyes.
“Wow, do you really think we could do that?” I feel a shiver of fear and excitement take over me at her words.
“I don’t know, but I’ll be happy if we can hurt them in anyway. I mean, how many other Will’s out there have they hurt? Or might hurt in the future?”
Put like that, it’s hard to argue with her. Obviously P.A.G.E. had us doing some pretty bad things for our friends and family to feel the need to go back in time and do something so drastic to us. What if we stay on the run and it doesn’t change anything? What if those things still happen? Future Drew made us promise to change our path and stay away from P.A.G.E., but maybe that’s not what we should be doing. Maybe our purpose is to put a stop to them, once and for all.
After we’ve finished cleaning up, Joel excuses himself and the rest of us move into the lounge area. I relax being without Joel, and laugh as Dean wrestles Will for the football while I vaguely listen to Rose and Charlie disagree about everything they speak about. This moment feels surreal and I think I almost feel happy. I would give anything to spend another Christmas with Dana, and nothing will ever compare to that, but if they could be like this, then maybe I can handle it.
Charlie is right. I’m able to get through today because I have my friends with me.
Rose’s words earlier continue to echo in my mind until my head hits the pillow that night. The more I think of her words, the more I know what we have to do.
We have to take down P.A.G.E.
Chapter 27 – The Plan
January 3rd
The rest of the year passes uneventfully. Rose had wanted to do something for New Year’s Eve, but no one was really in the mood. It wasn’t safe enough for us to go out, and since Charlie wasn’t drinking, it didn’t feel right to get drunk at the cabin. I did have one drink leading up to midnight, but we all went to bed after that, except Rose and Dean, who decided they had no problem getting drunk. The hangover they suffered the following morning was enough to make me glad I didn’t drink.
We’ve managed to live in our bubble for nearly two weeks, but we know we can’t wait any longer. It’s tempting to stay here forever and never have to realize our responsibility in all this. Once we discuss what we need to do, there won’t be any going back. We’ll need to step straight into action with whatever plan we decide and then everything will become more dangerous.
Fighting P.A.G.E. will make us their enemies and they have the manpower as well as the weapons to kill us all quickly. For us to beat them, it will take a lot of planning and probably a lot more good luck. With a sinking heart, I know this conversation will be the end of my lazy days. If we go ahead with a plan to defeat Stan and his organization, then we’ll need to be fit. I am definitely not.
Charlie and I have done nothing except talk these past few days; from childhood memories to our favorite things and even about Heather again. I still feel hurt when I think of what happened, however I do feel calmer about it. I believe him when he says he’s sorry and that it won’t happen again. He hasn’t drank a drop of alcohol and he’s answered all of my questions without complaint. I know I don’t want to forget what happened between us at The Windmill, yet I feel more like this is the start of our relationship. We did talk at The Windmill, but nothing like this.
I know things now, like his dad’s name is Cameron, he went to Ashford Elementary school and he used to have an imaginary friend called Huck when he was four. I know how much he loves basketball and watching all kinds of sports; how much he misses home and how he has hated his ability causing blackouts his whole life.
We talk about the future all the time. He says when he gets to go home he’s going to be braver. He’s going to move out, go back to school to become an architect, and he often refers to us in his future. I like that.
I’ve also told him everything about myself and I’m sure, other than Dana, he is the only other person in the world who knows so much about me. Talking to him is as easy as talking to Dana; something I didn’t think would ever be possible. Every night we’ve fallen asleep talking and I relish waking in his arms every morning.
I haven’t had a single nightmare since we’ve been back together, and no visions of s
eeing Dana bleeding out. In fact, talking about all the fun memories I have of her to him every night feels therapeutic. I have had several regular dreams of her and it didn’t hurt nearly as much to see her in them. The pain is still there and I still miss her terribly, but it doesn’t feel so present. Perhaps this is what letting go feels like?
Rose is the one who ultimately brings the talk up at breakfast. I can tell Dean and her have been arguing about it. They glare at each other and it’s the first time I’ve seen a crack in their relationship. They’ve always been so openly loving to each other, and seeing them like this feels wrong.
Rose takes control of the conversation straight away. “Really, we have two options. We can go with—”
“No, we have three,” Dean interrupts her. I watch them glower at each other.
“I don’t think going to the police is really going to solve our problems. This is the government we’re talking about here. They kind of have their hands everywhere. Going to the cops is like putting a massive spotlight on where we are.” Rose speaks to Dean like she might be talking to a small child.
“I have friends on the force, people we can trust. Not every cop is corrupt. I wasn’t.” Dean sounds hurt and I look at Charlie who matches my awkward gaze. It feels like we’re intruding.
“No, all it’ll do is get us caught and potentially put your friends in danger.” Rose’s voice is softer.
“What are the other two options?” Charlie asks. I think he’s hoping to move the conversation along.
“One is to find out more about The Core and destroy it. Hopefully doing that will cripple P.A.G.E. enough that we can get our lives back. It’s the only place Future Guy mentioned and I saw it when we went through that laptop. I think that’s their main computer hub place. If it’s where they store all their information, then we can hurt them if we take it down.”
“I assume our other option is to go into hiding again?” Charlie confirms.
“Yes. I am putting in my vote to go to The Core and destroy it. I want P.A.G.E. gone,” Rose speaks calmly.
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