by R M Reef
"For once I don't feel happy to leave at all. Will I see you again?"
"Oh, any time you feel a little crazy," she smiled teasingly. "In fact, I’ll be leaving the hospital very soon myself. I'll be starting my residency in two months, and I still don't know where I’ll end up."
"What do you want to be? A psychiatrist? I'll be happy to be your first patient."
She felt that they were saying words without any meaning, and their real dialogue was between their eyes. The hunger there was close to despair. Would they ever see each other again?
"An anesthesiologist...you know, like in surgery. That's what I would like to be."
"You'll be great at whatever you decide to do. Seriously, I really want to keep in touch. Did you ever cross the line? I'm used to doing it all the time. I have friends on both sides, and I have a pass. It's risky, but who cares? The American hospital is close to my home. Can't you go there?"
She just looked at him. With his long, light brown hair, his green eyes, and his neatly chiseled face, was it even possible to think of him as a patient? He was everything but that. She wondered if craziness was contagious.
"What? You're just staring at me. I'm not crazy, I'm not delirious, and I'm not drunk. Wouldn’t you like to know a little more about me?" He asked desperately. "I can't stop thinking about you…wondering who's in your life, what you think, what you like...what's behind these dark eyes of yours that haunt my dreams? I can give you my address and phone number just in case."
"I have them already. Your mom gave them to me when she visited. She wanted me to stay in touch with her in case you needed anything."
"Oh, well!" He said with a tinge of irony. "Yeah, Mona's affection overwhelms me. So you'll call then?"
"Okay, I'll try. But I can't promise. I still have to take my finals for my M.D., and then I’ll have to compete for my residency, all under the bombs. Who knows what will happen? I'm already too stressed out..."
"Nora, you'll do great. Don't worry. I'll be there whenever you need me." He left her then to return to his room. She stood there wondering if she had just imagined the whole conversation.
VII.
“Are you ready for the return of the prodigal son?” Kamil asked derisively. "You must be overjoyed to see him coming home instead of running wild who knows where, as usual. It seems like this time Azoomy's treatment produced better results."
"I'm as surprised as you are. I never expected him to call me and ask me to pick him up. I won’t be driving myself. The chauffeur will wait for him at the front lines. It looks like he found someone to take him there."
"New friends so soon?" Kamil wasn't too pleased with the new turn of events. He had never liked his nephew—and he still didn’t—even though he was officially Tamer’s guardian now. Tamer's wild and crazy attitude in the past had always helped him in his schemes, though. His rejection of his mother made Mona rely on Kamil completely, which also helped his plans along. Tamer's decision to come home was definitely very bad news.
Kamil and Mona were positioned close to each other in her private sitting room. She was lying beside him, caressing his chest. Unfortunately for his wife, he could never get enough of Mona. He could have married her and made her his second wife, dorra, but Mona refused to take this step just as she refused to let him divorce Elham, his wife.
Mona continued, "I wonder if he got attached to his doctor. Hey, don't look at me that way! Not Azoomy—a young intern who was taking care of him. But I still don't think it could be that serious. She’s not his type at all."
"You know he emptied his account and started writing void checks the last time he went out with someone. We can't keep being overindulgent, Mona."
"Yes, I understand, but whatever his attitude toward me might be, I still feel like I owe him something..."
"No, no, no. Please Mona, let’s not start that again. Just remember Toufic and his attitude. His son is exactly like him, even if he has your looks. What would you have gotten out of the whole fortune if it hadn’t been for me? Nothing. Nothing from your husband, nothing from his loser of a son. They would’ve both thrown you away. If we hadn’t been together and stuck to each other, where would we be now? You would be the one begging him for money."
"Oh Kamil, if it wasn't for you, I never would’ve known what to do with my life." She threw herself into his arms, kissing him passionately. She didn't notice the triumphant, possessive expression on his face when he kissed her back and led her toward the bedroom. Very soon he would erase both Toufic and Tamer from her mind.
Kamil couldn’t dream of any revenge better than possessing his brother’s wife, son, and fortune. Just thinking that Toufic must be rolling in his grave made him ecstatic. He had never liked him. Many years the elder, Toufic was the center of their parents’ attention; they hardly noticed Kamil’s presence. Toufic himself, even though he paid for Kamil’s studies, never showed him any affection or respect. “I'm just doing it so people won't say he left his brother out in the cold," he used to say.
After Kamil left, Mona just sat there, pensive. She loved Kamil, but she knew for certain that there was no limit to his cruelty if someone disrupted his plans or tried to outrun him. The war had helped him go ahead with many of his schemes. By getting rid of his brother—she had her suspicions that he himself had paid the sniper—he had become her son’s legal guardian. This was her son whom he had tried to convince was his dad’s murderer, which drove Tamer crazy.
At sixteen, her son had been wild and rebellious against all authority, especially his dad. When he came back from France, the war was just beginning. He started to get involved with the militia then; he carried arms and would disappear for many days. This drove Toufic wild and led him to run after Tamer that awful night he got killed. Mona didn't want to think about that anymore.
She knew her silent approval of everything Kamil did made her his partner in crime. She had loathed Toufic since the day she realized she was just a sexual object to him, an object he used to cut business deals. She still got nauseous just thinking about it. If it wasn't for Kamil, she wouldn’t have gotten anything except shame. He gave her back her dignity, love, and a fortune...but she had a price to pay: her son.
She stood up with a sigh and started to get the house ready for Tamer's arrival. She had the unsettling feeling that catastrophe was looming and that she had no power to stop it.
VIII.
“So your admirer left?” Teased Ramzi, one of the residents. Nora liked him; he used to go out with Rheem. The two had broken up, but they’d all stayed friends. Everybody around her—not just Ramzi—had noticed her attraction to Tamer as well as the way he used to look at her and seek her out everywhere. A week ago she had dropped him off at the front lines where his family was supposed to pick him up. She couldn't refuse to do it, and she knew why. She wanted to spend time with him, talk to him a little bit more, get know him a little better.
Ironically, most of the ride was silent. Nora had to drive very carefully around the huge holes in the road from the bombs. Her other concern was running over a mine, but the armed man who stopped them at the edge of the Christian area told her that the road was relatively safe and the most usable. They could hear an explosion or a mortar falling somewhere from time to time, but even so, the ride was fairly calm. All around them they saw overgrown vegetation and the huge buildings which were so ravaged by bombs and fires that they looked like ghosts of an old, old city. Nora could feel that Tamer was tense, especially when they started to get close to the area where she was supposed to leave him. Two men were waiting at the other end of the road, an armed one and an old man in his seventies. Tamer waved to them.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah…I can see Omar the chauffeur waiting for me. Stop here. Don't come closer. It's dangerous. I'll just walk the distance. Nora, I'll be in touch... See you.” He hugged her suddenly and kissed her on the mouth before he left without looking back. Stunned, she sat there for a while before driving back to the hospital.
When she came back to reality, she smiled at Ramzi and tried to look completely detached. She knew the degree of hatred and fanaticism that surrounded her, especially in the young guys of her religion who directed it toward the guys of a different one. She might be considered a traitor if she even showed how much Tamer made her happy.
"Yep, he left, and I am getting ready for the finals." She smiled at Ramzi.
"Then you'll be leaving soon. Is Rheem leaving with you?"
"She'll be at her parents’ house, and I'll be staying with my mom to study. Then we'll see each other at the finals. We might end up sticking together for our residency."
"Then good luck, girls. I might see you again very soon."
"Whoa! Thinking about Rheem again?" He just looked at her with an enigmatic smile and left.
Alone once more, Nora couldn't stop thinking of Tamer and his kiss. She knew that there was no future for them, but she kept imagining herself wrapped up in his arms, kissing him back. She had to shake herself back to reality and force herself to think of her plan to become a successful anesthesiologist and make her mom proud of her. She didn't want to talk about Tamer to anyone. Everybody was already teasing her at the hospital, and she didn't want to start rumors. She had to think of her future.
Nora didn't want to ask Dr. Azoomy about his patient again. It was as if something in her subconscious refused to dig deep into Tamer’s past. If she was realistic and rational, nothing would let her get close to him again. He already belonged to a different religion—the enemy one—and countless military barrages separated him from her. He might even be the one who set off the bomb that killed her dad. Was she out of her mind? Building any relationship with him was completely impossible. But no matter what Nora did to try to erase him from her mind, his face kept haunting her day and night.
After she passed her finals, she had to choose a hospital for her residency. The one on her mind was the American hospital on the other side of the city. Her friends were stunned, and her mom was very upset, but she’d already made her decision. She would cross the line and see what destiny had in store for her. With the war raging around her and with her life and others’ hanging by a thread, she had nothing to lose.
A month after getting settled in, she called the Monzem residency.
"Allo?" Mona answered.
"Hi, this is Nora from the psychiatric hospital. I'm calling to ask about Tamer..."
"Oh! My God! Nora! What a great surprise! Tamer will be delighted to hear that you called. Where are you calling from? The lines running from one side of the city to the other are so awful…"
"I'm close by. In fact, I'm staying at the American hospital for my residency, and since I don’t know anyone on this side of the city except you, I thought I would call…"
"Great, great. I'm very happy that you're so close. Wait for us. Tonight Tamer and I are picking you up for dinner. Expect to sleep over in case there’s a bombing."
"Thanks Mrs. Monzem."
"Oh please, call me Mona. I can't be more grateful or pleased that you thought of us. I like everyone close to my son's heart."
"Hmm. Yes, yes. I understand. Thanks again, Mrs. Monz—Mona." Nora was a little surprised by the very enthusiastic reaction she had gotten on the phone. She hadn’t expected Tamer's mom to remember her so well.
Crossing the line and moving to the opposite side had been very hard on her and on her own mom; she didn't dare talk about politics or religion with her. To make things easier, Nora stuck to some of the residents who had moved with her from the Christian area. Rheem was still with her, and they were sharing a room. The pair usually tried to cross the line on the weekends, but lately the bombing and fighting had been so heavy that it was better to stay where they were. The good thing about doing anesthesiology was that the students were stuck in the operating rooms the whole time, which gave them more privacy and less contact with their surroundings. Even so, the fear of getting hurt or kidnapped was always hovering close by.
Back in her room, Nora got herself ready for the evening ahead. She told Rheem what had happened.
"Are you crazy? Why keep in touch with him? Nora, for God’s sake, he was a psychiatric patient! And we're in an area where it's better to stay in the vicinity of the hospital. Don't tell me that you're thinking about…what? A relationship with him? He’s your one true love? This is risky, very risky!"
Nora couldn't give a proper response. She didn't even know how to explain everything to herself. Her obsession with Tamer was pushing her to do things she never thought she would do before.
"Rheem, I might sleep at their house if there’s a bombing. So don't get worried if I’m not back. "
"Does your mom know about all this stuff?"
"No. You're the first one I’ve talked to about Tamer. In case something happens to me..."
"I don't know what to say. Nora, you're crazy."
The only thing that Nora was certain about was that she wanted to see Tamer again and make sure he was doing okay.
IX.
Mona and Tamer came to pick her up on time. Tamer looked stunning in his designer clothes and a new haircut.
"Nora, you look great! I couldn't believe Mona when she told me you're here, working at the American hospital. I need to see you every day. Can't you move in with us?"
Nora laughed. She couldn't explain why she felt so happy just from being with him, hearing his voice, and knowing that she had all his attention. He wasn't the first one she’d gone out with, but the two former classmates looked like kids compared to him. She felt him awakening her sensuality, her womanly needs, a side of herself she wasn't aware of before…adventurous, daring, and crazy. She was twenty-five and a virgin in a very traditional society that required a girl to stay 'pure and untouchable' until her wedding. She could do anything she wanted behind closed doors, but if she got caught, her reputation, her career, and her family would all be dragged in the mud. Tamer kept looking at her with those deep, green eyes. Mona just kept smiling.
"You know, Nora, Tamer's offer is serious. You are more than welcome to stay at our house. Our residence is huge, and we have many guest rooms. Because of the bombings, we're using the bedrooms on the lower floors. They're safer."
"I'm sure you know I wasn't implying that you’d sleep with me," smiled Tamer with teasing eyes. She blushed and didn’t say anything. "What? You’ve lost your sharp tongue? You have nothing to say to me?" It was happening again. He really knew how to get to her and reduce her to nothing.
"Thank you Mrs. Monzem, but I prefer to stay at the hospital. So Tamer, how have you been doing? Are you working now? How are you spending your time?"
Tamer looked at Mona. "I'm actually staying with this wonderful lady for a while. And then I’m checking up on some business with my uncle, someone I would love you to meet. After that, I don't know. I guess I’m planning to travel. No more partying and drinking, that's for sure." He had that half ironic, half enigmatic expression on his face again.
"Wow! My life is study-work, work-study the whole time. I can only dream of a life like yours, of luxury, of leisure…”
"We're crossing the line next weekend. We'll be going to the mountains up north, far away from all the bombings for once. We would love to have you to come with us," said Mona. "Hey, we're already at the restaurant. Let's go. Omar will pick us up later." They entered the Bristol Hotel, one of the best in Beirut, and went straight to the table which was reserved for them.
Tamer was wondering about Mona's attitude, trying to guess her intentions. She had never been so polite to any of his girlfriends before. He was intrigued by the way she kept asking Nora to move in with them. What was Kamil's plan this time? He knew very well that his mom was like putty in his uncle's hands.
And Nora, oh Nora. He was so happy to see her again. He had never seriously thought she would cross the line. Was she really getting attached to him? He knew he would make her suffer; he was a big, selfish bastard. His life was hanging by a thread, and he w
as a damned soul. There was no recuperation, no salvation for him. He was used to attracting girls, using them, and throwing them away. The closer they got to him, the worse they got burned.
But this time, he felt different. Nora stirred up mixed feelings in him. He was scared to get closer to her, yet he was refusing to move away from her. He noticed that she had lost weight. Her face was thinner, and she had dark circles around her eyes. She must be tormented by what she's going through. He fought the feeling to hug her, kiss her, and tell her the impossible: that everything would be okay!
"So, you've been working hard, I notice. Did any of your friends from the psychiatric hospital come with you?" He asked with a smile.
"Yes, Rheem. You know her. And two other guys who are doing surgery. Me and her are sharing a room together. I’ve started to meet new people, but I'm not going out too often. I'm not familiar with the area, you know. Besides, with all that’s going on—bombings and fighting—I prefer to stay at the hospital."
"I really admire the courage it took you to come live here," Mona said. "I would never move behind enemy lines."
"Anesthesiology is really good over here, and learning it will be especially useful in the future if I decide to leave the country.”
"If you leave, I'll leave with you.” Nora couldn’t believe it. Was he serious? He was staring at her like he always did, but he was unreadable. She felt herself being pulled irresistibly toward him, and she would have loved to forget about Mona sitting there and throw herself into his arms. He smiled with a gleam in his eyes, as if he knew what she was thinking. Mona watched them in silence and then steered the conversation toward the mountain trip, renewing her invitation to Nora.
After dinner, Nora decided to go back to the hospital, promising them to think about next weekend’s invitation.
X.