by Melanie Ting
I let her rest a few minutes, then I untangled myself and went to get the champagne and the glasses. When I came back, she was still lying exactly where I left her. She opened her dark eyes and gave me a hazy stare.
“Do you buy endurance at the store? I thought you were never going to come.”
I chuckled as I sat down beside her. “Mind over body.”
Josie sat up. She shook her head at the complicated bodysuit, and pulled on her thong and sweater instead. I didn’t bother getting dressed—just in case.
She gave me a pouty glare. “I’m not going to be able to ride my bike if you keep abusing me this way.”
“That’s nothing. Wait till we actually fuck. Anyway, a little soreness is nothing, you get beaten up for a living.”
She snuggled up against me. “Nobody touches me between the legs. Especially while I’m upside down.”
“Glad to hear that.”
“I didn’t peg you for the jealous type.” She watched as I twisted off the wire cage on the bottle top.
“Never was before.” That was the truth. And it wasn’t that I was jealous about Josie, more that I wanted some assurance from her that she felt as much as I did. If I knew that, I could relax. I pushed off the cork, and the champagne bubbled over and dripped onto my legs.
“Mmm, let me.” Josie’s pink tongue lapped at my thigh. At the sight of that, my cock stirred slightly. I stroked her hair and when she sat up, I kissed her firmly on the lips.
I poured out two glasses of champagne and handed one to her.
“Cheers.” We clinked glasses, and she took a sip.
“Okay, what are we drinking to?”
“To me. I made the team.”
A huge smile broke across her face. “Wow! That’s fantastic news!” She kissed me enthusiastically and then sat back. “Tell me all about it.”
I explained how Coach Panner had called me into his office and given me the news. I didn’t mention how much of a prick he had been about it, but more about how great Coach Lee had been.
“Sooooo,” I ran my hand up her bare thigh. “Looks like I’ll be sticking around Vancouver.”
Her face tensed briefly, then went to neutral. “Good thing too. I still haven’t experienced the Tantric sex you promised me.”
“Hey! You’re not complaining about the sex we have, are you?”
Josie shook her head and ran her hand over my pecs. “No. I am strangely addicted to sex with you.”
“What’s so strange about it?” I found sex between us both amazing and exhilarating. I definitely played better afterwards because I was so loose and happy.
She smiled. “I don’t know. But on the face of things—should we even be together? We’re so different. Yet, I am very attracted to you.”
“I don’t think we’re that different.” Of course, it was easier for her to judge. My life was an open fucking book, while hers was full of unexplained mysteries. “Let’s go out to dinner now. We can come back here afterwards and explore that attraction.” I picked up my clothes.
“Okay. Let me get changed.” She stood up, and picked up the glasses. “Hey, you hardly drank any champagne.”
“That’s the other surprise. I’m driving tonight.”
20
Wish Upon a Star
“Does anyone eat healthier than you?” Josie asked, eyeing my grilled chicken with three salads, as she dug a fork into her paella. She ate pretty healthy too, but she had a sweet tooth.
We were at a restaurant way out by U.B.C. that a teammate had recommended. It was far away, but driving was a pleasure tonight.
“Eating clean is a way of life. You might like me better once the season starts though. I have to increase my calories, or I’ll lose too much weight.”
She looked down at my chest. “I like your body the way it is now.”
“Wow. Was that a compliment? Either you’re mellowing, or you’re finally falling for me.” It made me happy that Josie was more relaxed these days. Her toughness was how she kept people away, but I had broken those barriers down.
“I have a great fondness for that tongue.” She watched my mouth as she said that.
“Just my tongue?”
“Hmm, maybe other parts too....”
“My brain? You like me for my brain, right?”
She laughed. “I have to admit, you’re a lot smarter than I thought a hockey player would be. Prejudice, I guess.”
“I’ve done a lot of reading. Mainly non-fiction. I like to read about psychology and philosophy.” No need to mention that I did a lot of this reading when I was trying to sort out my own mental issues on the ice. Right now, everything was on straight.
“What did you learn from all this research?”
“One of my favourite theories is about flow. You’ll like this—it’s being one hundred percent in the moment. To consistently achieve maximum performance, you need to practice your skills, study game film, learn physics and physiology, memorize your opponents’ tendencies, and a million other details. Then you forget all of it and just play. You become so absorbed in the actual playing that you’re not conscious of the calculations or facts, your body and mind are fused in performance. You lose track of everything else because you’re completely in the now.”
Josie nodded. “I like that idea. Sometimes, when I’m on the set, I feel like everything I’ve done before has perfectly prepared me for what I’m about to do. That’s a golden moment.”
We smiled at each other. The server interrupted to offer us dessert and coffee. After Josie had a Pavlova and a green tea, we got the bill. As usual, she insisted on paying for her share.
I scowled at her. “I don’t know why you have to do that all the time. I wanted to celebrate and take you out. I’ve got a decent contract now.”
“I like to be independent.”
“I know you do, I get it. So can’t we move past that? We’re going out now, so you need to relax sometimes.”
She stared at me, her lips in a straight line. Fuck, had I overstepped some line in her head? We saw each other a few times a week. I talked to her nearly every day. Maybe we never had that official relationship discussion, but we were going out. Weren’t we?
Then she smiled, and I felt a rush of relief. “You can take me out to McDonald’s sometime,” she said.
“Okay. But I don’t usually eat there.”
“Me either. But it would be worth it to see Mr. Perfect breaking his dietary vows.”
I goosed her as we walked away from the table, and she jumped.
“You think I’m perfect,” I whispered in her ear. “You’re crazy about me.”
We were holding hands as we walked out to the car. “Look at the sky,” I told her, pointing. It was darker here in the suburbs, and you could see more stars. I liked looking up at the sky and thinking that people you loved—no matter how far away—could see the same stars.
Josie looked up. Her neck was stretched out, and I bent closer and kissed it. Her short hair revealed this deep hollow on the back of her neck that I liked to kiss. I licked behind her ear, and she shivered.
“C’mere, you.” I turned her around and squeezed her in my arms. She raised her face up for a kiss, and I obliged. I pressed my lips firmly against hers and opened up her mouth. Our shared breath was warm and intimate. Maybe because of our pre-dinner 69 session, our kisses felt gentler. It wasn’t foreplay, but affection.
Her brown eyes were even more unreadable in the darkness, but her body wasn’t. Her body was relaxed and yielding against mine. Everything was so good tonight, so right.
“I used to wish on a star every night when I was a kid,” I said. I kept my arms wrapped around her warm body.
“For what?”
“To make the NHL, of course.”
Josie watched my face. “Do you still?”
“To be honest, it’s kind of automatic now. I guess I’ll keep wishing until I make it, or….” I didn’t finish that sentence, but making the NHL was never a given. N
ow I was one step closer, but I knew better how hard it really was.
She didn’t say anything, but I knew she was listening. That was another of the things I liked about Josie—her silences.
“It’s about fulfilling expectations. I went in the first round, and everyone always thought I would make it.”
“The first round?”
“Yeah, the NHL draft goes seven rounds. If you’re one of the top five picks—you’re a shoo-in. You’re going to play NHL hockey. Who knows for how long, but most guys will get a career. They’ll get every opportunity to make it. I went twenty-first, so I had a good shot, but no guarantees. Still, I had it all: size, skills, desire.”
“Until the car accident,” Josie said. That bluntness was another quality of hers, but one I wasn’t 100% sure I liked.
I sighed. “Yeah. Until I fucked up Gar’s life. He was drafted to be in the NHL too, same year as me.”
For some reason, sharing things with Josie didn’t make me feel as guilty. She wasn’t judgemental, and I felt that she understood me better. But thinking about Gar always made me sad.
I stayed silent, and Josie hugged me tightly. As I held her in my arms, I became conscious of a different sensation. Instead of worrying, I felt relaxed. All the nagging voices inside me were silent. In their place, I felt warmth and joy. I had searched so long for this feeling—contentment.
I was happy to be in this moment—right here, right now. Instead of always wishing for more, like the NHL, I was happy to be here with Josie and my new team. This realization bubbled up inside of me, and I felt my eyes tearing up.
“Butterfly,” Josie asked in a wondering voice. “Are you crying?”
“I’m so happy. I’ve never been this happy—like ever.”
Even when I got drafted, I was disappointed not to go higher. Everything was so easy in those days that I appreciated nothing I’d accomplished. But now I did. Now I knew how tough it was just to get to the second-best hockey league in the world.
And less than a week ago, I had screwed up, gotten drunk, and almost blown the whole thing. But Josie had been there for me. She saved me from myself. I wasn’t going to keep fucking up though. Maybe I was finally maturing, but I felt as happy as a kid.
Josie didn’t say anything. I kept on holding her. Maybe if I moved, the magic would disappear.
“Are you happy most of the time?” I wondered. She had said that thing about liking herself.
She nodded, her soft hair rubbing against my neck. “If something makes me unhappy, I change it.”
“But is that realistic? There are crappy things in life that you can’t avoid.”
She laughed. “I can. I am a huge believer in carpe diem. So, I get rid of the things I don’t like.”
I kissed her. Her lips opened up to me, yielding in a way her mind never did. We made out until a car door slammed nearby. Then we walked to the truck, my arm wrapped around her.
“Hey, that philosophy means you like me,” I pointed out.
“God, you’re needy,” she replied. But she was smiling.
Once we got inside the truck, I couldn’t help running my hands over the dashboard again. Maybe I had underestimated how guilty the interlock system had made me feel.
Josie smiled. “Yes. Your generic truck now looks like every other generic truck. Happy?”
“Yeah. I don’t have to start out every date explaining what the hell happened four years ago.”
Josie’s laugh was low and authentic. “I’m sure most girls don’t mind at all.”
“You know, I was totally stunned when you got out of the truck that first night.”
“Ya. That kind of thing never happens to Goldilocks.”
“I wonder if things would have turned out different if we had hooked up that first night?”
Her lips curled in that familiar way. “You spend too much time in the speculative past. We’re here now.”
The speculative past. Even the way she talked was like poetry. From the moment I saw her, I liked her. And when she blew me off, I had to work so hard to even find her again. But it wasn’t like I had neglected my hockey, more like she gave me something else to think about. Something bigger. Hockey had been stressful for me for so long, but being with Josie had put everything in perspective.
And I was flying ever since the first night we had slept together. My game was so on point now. Being with Josie made me feel happy and confident. She was strong and smart. It felt like we were a partnership. Now I had made the team. Who knew what else I could do with her beside me?
What I felt for Josie was so different.
It was love. Real love that made anything I had felt before seem like dust. Of course, with Josie, I’d have to tell her at exactly the right time. Now that I’d be staying in Vancouver, she knew it was more than a temporary thing. And while I never knew exactly how she felt—I was sure that she cared about me too.
Josie slid across the seat towards me. “Did you forget how to start a truck without sucking on something? ’Cause maybe I could arrange a substitution.” She kissed me, then pushed my head down towards her chest. I sucked at her tit right through the thin fabric of her t-shirt and bra until she threw her head back and moaned. The noise of her desire filled the truck cab. I stopped and looked at the wet print of my mouth staining the grey fabric. Mine.
“Let’s go to your place,” I said. “This truck isn’t big enough for everything I want to do to you.”
She growled in response, but slid back to her seat and clicked her seatbelt.
We drove on without talking. A light rain had begun to fall, and the wipers were the only rhythmic sound.
I pulled up at a four-way stop, waited, and then started into the intersection. There was an explosion of glass, metal, and sound. Then nothing.
I could smell something awful and familiar. What was it? Oh yeah, the gases that inflate airbags. That smell took me right back.
21
The First Accident
“Dude! That was a party.”
Gary and I walked through the woods together. Some of the other kids were camping for the night, but we both had our summer jobs the next day.
He punched me in the arm. “Who the fuck was that smoke show?”
“I dunno. Kara something. She came up from Hope.” I had been making out with this brunette chick.
“Oh shit. Sunny’s gonna have your balls if she finds out.”
“I guess. But I didn’t fuck her or anything.” Sunny was scary. She had a sixth sense for any trouble I got into. She was hot and a great girlfriend, but she was sort of controlling.
“Where is she anyway?”
“Sunny? She went to Spokane with her mom.”
“Which mom?” Sunny’s moms had split, but they were still co-parenting.
“Jennifer.”
“It doesn’t seem fair. You get Sunny, and other chicks too.”
“No biggie. Once we get to the show, we’ll be fighting off pussy with a stick.”
“I know. I can’t wait.” Gary had a big stupid grin on his face. Why was he even complaining? He’d had his share of pucks in junior.
“Rookie camp was sick.”
Gary sighed. “Yeah, but only it showed me how far I’ve got to go. Not like you, Mr. First Round superstar. Sounded like you killed it.”
Yeah, I’d had a good camp, but all the Detroit coaches had been pretty low key. They kept harping on everything it took to make the big team—and exactly what I needed to work on. The Wings had a rep for keeping guys in the minors longer than most teams, but I didn’t mind. It was a great organization, and I was so proud when they selected me at the draft.
I scolded Gar. “Boo-freaking-hoo. We’re both making it. And then when Detroit plays in Jersey, you and I are going out on the town in New York City. We’ll be popping bottles.”
“You can’t drink in the States until you’re 21.”
“Jesus Christ, stop being such an old lady. This is going to happen. It’s our dream and w
e’re getting closer all the time.” But he was right—I had always imagined I would make the NHL before I was legal.
“Yeah. You’re right.” Gary quieted down as he imagined all this. When we roomed together on road trips, he always wanted me to talk about the stuff we’d do someday. When we were older and had money—when we had made it.
The trail finally led to the lot where I had parked the Mustang. Gary ran his hand over the metallic blue hood.
“Your old man is sure good to you,” he said.
“Yeah.” The new car was my high school graduation present. But it was tied in with a bunch of emotional stuff. My parents had told me they were splitting up right after the draft in June. The car was my dad’s way of making things up to me. Whatever. It still felt shitty, and I would rather have had my parents together than a car.
We got in and reversed out. It was warm out, so we rolled down the windows and cranked the music. Driving like this, when there wasn’t anybody else on the road, was sweet. We headed towards the bridge.
Something ran out on the road. Was it a deer? I swerved to miss it and when the car hit the soft shoulder, I couldn’t control it anymore. It was like the Mustang was flying and spinning. I saw the dark sky and then trees. There was an explosion of glass, metal, and sound.
Then nothing.
Maybe I lost consciousness for a moment. There was a terrible stench in the air. I opened my eyes, and the airbag was crushing my chest. There were tiny bits of glass everywhere, and all my slow-functioning brain noticed was that the glass sparkled like diamonds. The airbag began to deflate, and I could move around. I started flexing my hands and arms, then my feet and legs, and I stretched out my neck. I felt okay, and I almost started to laugh. How could the car flip over, land on its side and do no damage? Then I touched my face and my hand was wet with blood. But I wasn’t in pain.
“Gar? You okay?” My ears were ringing, and I couldn’t hear his answer anyway. I looked over and saw him strapped into his seat. He was moving a little from side to side. I reached over and touched his arm, and he turned towards me. His face was all twisted up and there were tears running down his cheeks. And he was one of the toughest guys I knew.