by Robin Hobb
“It was the only ship with room for two passengers that was leaving at the right time,” she admitted.
“Ah.” He pondered that for a moment. “So when you told Hest you had already booked passage, that was a lie?”
His words were flat, not really an accusation, but they still stung. She retreated but did not surrender. “Not a lie, exactly. I’d made my plans, even if I hadn’t yet purchased my tickets.” She looked out over the roiled gray water. “If I hadn’t said I was going, he’d have ignored me again. Or put me off. I had to do it, Sedric.” She turned to face him. Despite his glum expression, he looked rather jaunty in a white shirt and blue coat. The sea wind made his uncovered hair dance on his brow. She smiled at him and offered sincerely, “I’m sorry that you got caught up in my quarrel with Hest. I know this isn’t a journey you’d choose.”
“No. Nor would I choose a jinxed ship to make it on.”
“Jinxed ship? This one?”
“The Paragon? Don’t look at me like that, Alise. Everyone in Bingtown knows this liveship and his reputation. He rolled and killed his entire crew, what, five times?” Sedric shook his head at her. “And you book us as passengers aboard him for a trip up the Rain Wild River.”
Alise turned away from him. She was suddenly very aware of the railing under her hands. It was made of wizardwood, as they used to call it, as was a great deal of the ship’s hull, and his entire figurehead. The Paragon was a wakened liveship, that is, he was selfaware and his figurehead interacted with his crew, supercargo, and dock crews just as if he were human. She had heard that liveships were conscious of every word spoken aboard them, and certainly the very light thrumming of the wood beneath her hands made him seem alive. So she spoke her words firmly. “It happened, but I am certain it was not five times. That was long ago, Sedric. From all I have heard, he is a changed ship now, and a much happier one.” She shot her companion a look that begged him to either be silent or change the subject. He leaned back from her, raising one well-shaped eyebrow in confusion. She continued quickly, “Knowing what we know now about the so-called wizardwood, I cannot blame him for anything he did. Indeed, to me it is a wonder that the liveships recovered so well from finally grasping exactly what they were and how they had been created. What we Traders did was unforgivable. In their place, I doubt if I would be so gracious.”
“I don’t understand. Why should they resent us?”
Alise was feeling more uncomfortable by the instant. She felt as if she were lecturing Sedric for the Paragon’s benefit. “Sedric! The Rain Wilders who found the dormant dragons in their cases, sometimes incorrectly called cocoons, had no idea what they were. They thought they had found immense logs of very well-seasoned wood, the only sort of wood that seemed impervious to the acid waters of the Rain Wild River. So they sawed that wood up into planks and built ships from it. And if, in the center of those ‘logs’ they found something that obviously was not part of a tree, they simply discarded it. The half-formed dragons were dumped from their cases, to perish.”
“But surely they were dead already, having been so long in the chill and the dark.”
“Tintaglia wasn’t. All it required for her to hatch was some sunlight and a bit of warmth.” She paused, and, unbidden, a lump rose in her throat. Her words were heartfelt as she said, “If only we had understood earlier, dragons would have been restored to the world so much sooner! As it was, we denied them their true shapes. Instead, we fastened planks made from their flesh into ships. Exposed to enough sunlight and interacting intimately with familiar minds, there was a sort of metamorphosis. And they awoke, not as dragons, but as sailing ships.” She fell silent, overcome at what humans, in their ignorance, had done.
“Alise, my old friend, I think you torment yourself needlessly.” Sedric’s tone was gentle rather than condescending, but she still sensed that he was more puzzled by her reaction than stirred to sympathy for the aborted dragons. She felt surprise at that. He was usually so sensitive that his lack of empathy for either the liveships or the dragons puzzled her.
“Ma’am?”
The man had come up behind her so quietly that she jumped at his voice. She turned to look at the young deckhand. “Hello, Clef. Did you need something?”
Clef nodded, and then tossed his head to flip sandy, weatherbaked hair from his eyes. “Yes, ma’am. But not me, not exactly. It’s the ship, Paragon. He’d like a word with you, he says.”
There was a faint accent to his words that she couldn’t quite place. And in her time aboard the ship, she hadn’t quite decided what Clef ’s status was. He’d been introduced to her as a deckhand, but the rest of the crew treated him more like the son of the captain. Captain Trell’s wife, Althea, mercilessly and affectionately ordered him about, and the captain’s small son who randomly and dangerously roved the ship’s deck and rigging regarded Clef as a large, moving toy. As a result, she smiled at him more warmly than she would have toward an ordinary servant as she clarified, “You said the ship wishes to speak to me? Do you mean the ship’s figurehead?”
A look of annoyance or something akin to it shadowed his face and was gone. “The ship, ma’am. Paragon asked me to come aft and find you and invite you to come and speak with him.”
Sedric had turned and was leaning with his back against the railing. “The ship’s figurehead wishes to speak to a passenger? Isn’t that a bit unusual?” There was warm amusement in his voice. He flashed the grin that usually won people over.
Although Clef remained courteous, he didn’t bother masking his irritation. “No, sir, not really. Most passengers on a liveship make a bit of time to greet the ship when they come on board. And some of them enjoy chatting with him. Most anyone who’s sailed with us more than a time or two counts Paragon as a friend, as they would Captain Trell or Althea.”
“But I’d always heard that the Paragon was a bit, well . . . not dangerous, perhaps, as he used to be, but . . . distinctly odd.” Sedric smiled as he spoke, but his charm failed to win the young sailor over.
“Well, ain’t we all?” Clef muttered sharply, and then straightened and spoke directly to Alise. “Ma’am, Paragon’s invited you to come and talk with him. If you want me to, I’ll tell him you’d rather not.” He made the offer stiffly.
“But I’d love to speak with him!” she declared. The words and the enthusiasm came easily, for they were honest. “I’ve wanted to speak to him since I came on board, but I didn’t want to be presumptuous, or get in the crew’s way. I’ll come right now, if I may! Sedric, you needn’t accompany me if it makes you uncomfortable. I’m sure Clef won’t mind escorting me.”
“Not at all. It will be fascinating, I’m sure.” Sedric straightened from leaning on the railing.
“Then let us go, right now.”
Clef looked uncomfortable but stubborn as he firmly interjected, “But ma’am, it was you the ship wished to speak to. Not him.”
She was startled. “Then you think the ship will not wish him to be present?”
Clef rocked his weight from foot to foot, thinking, and then he shrugged. “Don’t know. As the man said, our Paragon’s a bit odd. Might be offended or might be flattered. Probably only one way to find out.”
“Then I’ll escort the lady,” Sedric responded easily. He offered his arm and she took it with pleasure. He might have just annoyed her, but it was easy to forgive him.
“I’ll just let Paragon know that you’re coming,” Clef responded quietly. He padded off down the deck, barefoot, swift and silent as a cat. She watched him go and remarked quietly to Sedric, “He’s an odd young man. Did you notice the slave tattoo on his face?”
“It looked as if he’d tried to abrade it away. A shame. He’d be handsomer without the scar.”
“I suppose in his trade, a scar or two is to be expected. When we came down the docks to board, I noticed that even the figurehead is a bit battered. It looks as if he was carved that way, with a broken nose.”
“I didn’t really notice,” Sedric admitted. A mome
nt later, he added, “I should apologize to you, Alise. I’ve neglected you shamefully on this voyage. I wasn’t in the mood for travel so soon after returning to Bingtown.”
She smiled and responded to his polite excuse with honesty. “Sedric, I doubt you would ever be in the mood to travel to the Rain Wilds, no matter how long you’d been at home. And I do apologize that Hest chose to inflict me on you. I truly hadn’t expected anything of the sort. I was startled to discover that he thought I’d need a chaperone for the journey, and when he said I must have one, I expected him to choose some respected old hen to cluck and scuttle after me. Not you! I never imagined his sparing your time away from him to escort me.”
“Nor did I,” Sedric replied drolly, and they both laughed. Alise gave him a genuine smile. This was better, much better. Now he was sounding much more like the Sedric of old.
Without thinking, she squeezed his arm slightly and said, “You know, I’ve missed our old friendship. You may not enjoy this journey, but I think I’ll relish it all the more for your company and conversation.”
“Company and conversation,” he repeated, and an odd note crept into his voice. “I would think you’d prefer your husband for that.”
His comment broke the mood. She was shocked at how deeply she responded to what probably had been intended as a pleasantry. She very nearly told him how very little company and conversation she’d ever had with Hest. Loyalty tied her tongue, or perhaps shame. She teetered on the unpleasant realization that Hest had so completely silenced her. Even out of his presence, he restricted her words. She had no female confidante to divulge her woes to; she’d never had the intimate friendships that she knew some other women enjoyed. Talking with Sedric, recalling how friendly they’d been in their younger years, had wakened a terrible longing for a friend. Yet he was not her friend, not anymore. He was her husband’s secretary, and it would be a double betrayal for her to speak frankly of how desiccated a relationship her marriage to Hest was. It was humiliating enough that he knew she had once suspected Hest of infidelity. It would betray her vows to Hest, and worse, it would put Sedric in an untenable position. No. She couldn’t do that to him. Had he noticed her sudden silence? She hoped not. She lifted her hand from his arm and broke free of him, hurrying a little ahead to exclaim inanely, “There is just no end to these immense trees! How they shade the land and water!”
Clef was standing beside the short ladder that led to the foredeck. He offered her his hand, but she waved him off gaily with a confidence she didn’t feel. The bulk of her skirts and petticoats pressed against the stanchions as she climbed to the foredeck. At the top, she stepped on the hem of her skirt gaining the upper deck and stumbled forward, narrowly avoiding a fall.
“Ma’am!” Clef exclaimed in alarm behind her, and Alise said, “Oh, I’m quite all right. Just a bit clumsy. That’s me!” She patted her hair, smoothed down her skirts, and looked around expectantly. The deck narrowed before her, and there seemed to be an inordinate number of ropes and cleats and things she had no names for. As she advanced to the very point of the bow, she could see the back of Paragon’s head below the bowsprit. His hair was dark and curly.
“Please, go on forward to speak to him,” Clef urged her. Behind her, she heard Sedric’s muttering as he gained the deck. She didn’t look back at him, but pushed forward until she leaned on a railing and could look over the side. She had known, but it was still a bit startling to see that the much larger-than-life figurehead was not clothed. His bare tanned back was toward her. His muscular arms were crossed in front of him.
“Good day,” she began and then halted, tongue-tied. Was that how one addressed a liveship? Should she call him “sir” or “Paragon”? Treat him as a man or a ship?
At that moment, he twisted his torso and neck to look back at her. “Good day, Alise Kincarron. I’m pleased to finally meet you.”
His eyes were a pale blue, startling in his weathered face. She could not look away from him. He had the coloring of a man but the fine grain of his wizardwood showed in his face. It looked as flexible as skin but obviously was not. She realized she was staring and looked aside. “Actually, my name is Alise Finbok,” she began, and she then wondered how he had known her maiden name at all. She pushed the unsettling thought aside and decided to be both bold and blunt. “I’m so pleased to speak with you as well. I felt shy about coming forward to meet you; I wasn’t quite sure of the protocol. Thank you so much for inviting me.”
Paragon had turned away from her, putting his attention back on the river. He shrugged one bare shoulder. “There is no protocol that I know of for speaking to a liveship, other than what each ship makes for himself. Some passengers come and greet me immediately, before they board. A few never speak a word to me. At least, not intentionally.” He flashed her a knowing grin over his shoulder, as if amused that his words discomfited her. “And some few passengers intrigue me enough that I invite them to come forward for conversation.” He put his gaze back on the river.
Alise’s heart was beating faster and her cheeks were warm. She could not decide if she were flattered or frightened. Was the ship implying that he’d been aware of her and Sedric’s conversation about dragons? He was “intrigued” by her, a high compliment from a creature that should have been a dragon. Yet beneath that giddy feeling of being recognized by such a magnificent being roiled the uneasiness of what Sedric had forced her to recall. This was the Paragon, the mad ship, once better known as the Pariah. All sorts of rumors had circulated about him in Bingtown, but that he had killed his entire crew not once but several times was no rumor but undeniable fact. It was only now, speaking to him, watching how he alone seemed to determine his course up the river that she realized how completely in his power she was. It was only now that she realized just how truly alive a liveship was. This was a dangerous creature, to be treated with both caution and respect.
As if he had read her thoughts, Paragon turned his head and bared his white teeth in a smile. It sent a shiver up her spine. She recalled that his original boyish face had been damaged, chopped to pieces; some said by pirates, while others believed his own crew had done it. But someone had recarved the splintered wood into the visage of a handsome if scarred young man. The youthfulness of that human face collided with her mental image of Paragon as a wise and ancient dragon. The contrast unsettled her. As a result, her words were more stiffly formal than she intended when she asked, “Of what did you wish to speak to me?”
He was unruffled. “Of dragons. And liveships. I’ve heard gossip that you are headed upriver, not just to Trehaug, which is the end of my run, but beyond the deep water and up to Cassarick. Is that true?”
Gossip? she wanted to ask him. Instead she replied, “Yes. That’s true. I’m something of a scholar of dragons and Elderlings, and the purpose of my journey is to see the young dragons for myself. I wish to study them. I hope to be able to interview them and ask them what ancestral memories they have of Elderlings.” She smiled, pleased with herself as she added, “I’m actually a bit surprised to discover that no one before me has thought to do this.”
“They probably have, but discovered it was a waste of time to try to speak to those wretched animals.”
“I beg your pardon?” His dismissal of the young dragons shocked her.
“They’re no more dragons than I am,” Paragon replied carelessly. When he glanced back at her this time, his eyes were storm-cloud gray. “Haven’t you heard? They’re cripples, one and all. They were badly formed when they emerged from their cases and time has not improved them. The serpents were too long in the sea, far, far too long. And when they did finally migrate, they arrived badly nourished at the wrong time of the year. They should have come up the river in late summer, encased, and had plenty of fat and all of winter to change. Instead they were thin, tired, and old beyond counting. They arrived late and spent too short a time in their cases. More than half of them are already dead from what I hear, and the rest soon to follow. Studying them will te
ach you nothing about real dragons.” He was looking away from her, staring upriver. When he shook his head, his curling black hair danced with the motion. In a lower voice he added, “True dragons would scorn such creatures. Just as they would scorn me.”
She could not read the emotion behind his words. It could have been deep sorrow or utter defiance of their judgment. She tried to find words that would answer to either. “That scarcely seems fair. You cannot help what you are, any more than the young dragons can.”
“No. That is true. I could not prevent what was done to me, nor can I change what people made of me. But I know what I am and have decided to continue being what I am. That is not the decision a dragon would make. And thus do I know for myself that I am not a dragon.”
“Then what are you?” she asked unwillingly. She didn’t like the direction the conversation was going in. His words seemed almost an accusation. Did she feel tension emanating from the figurehead or was she imagining it?
“I am a liveship,” he replied, and although he spoke without rancor, there was a depth of feeling to his voice that seemed to thrum though the very planking under her feet. A finality filled those words, as if he spoke of an unending, never-changing fate. He did, she realized abruptly.
“How you must hate us for what we did to you.” Behind her, she heard Sedric give a small gasp of dismay. She ignored him.
“Hate you?” Paragon slowly digested her words before he spoke again. He did not turn to look at her, but kept his eyes focused on the river ahead of him as the ship moved steadily against the current. “Why would I waste my time with hate? What was done to me was unforgivable, of course. Completely unforgivable. Those who did it are no longer alive to be punished or to apologize. Even if they were and did, it would not undo what they did. The torments I endured cannot be undone. The stolen future cannot be given back to me. The companionship of my own kind, the chance to hunt and kill, to fight and mate, to live a life in which I am neither servant or master—all those things are forever lost to me.”