Before I get a response, Cecelia pulls the phone from my hand. “Marshall? Hey, yeah I’m good. You?” She waits and I see her smile. “That’s good. I’m sure you’re both very excited.” She’s quiet again but I see her nodding. It’s fascinating that people do that when on the phone. We know, logically, the person on the other end can’t see us, but we still nod or talk with our hands regardless.
“No, I get it. I really do. These guys…they’re assholes.” She turns to look at me and smiles softly. “But they don’t know the secret.” I cock my head at her, wondering what she’s talking about. “Chace doesn’t need to prove anything. He doesn’t have anything to lose. He’s not desperate. And because of that, he can’t be beat.”
I’m instantly struck by her confidence in me. Especially considering how everything was not too long ago. I mouth the words thank you to her and she nods at me, her smile still there.
“Besides, they try anything, they’ll have to go through me.”
Laughter is back and I’m glad for it. I don’t need Marshall worrying about me. I’ve lived a long time without anyone giving a damn about me. I don’t want him to start. I don’t want him to feel like he has to.
“You too.” I watch Celia hit end on my phone and hand it back to me. She’s got her sweet smile still painted on her lips and a gleam in her eyes. “I’m glad he cares about you.”
“You don’t think it’s weird?”
She shakes her head. “Not at all.” Looking at her lap, her hands folding and unfolding, she shrugs a bit. “I mean I know you have your brother. And I’m glad you have someone from your family to depend on. But he doesn’t always understand. And I can see that you have that frustration. He wants to help you, but that frustrates you. Because he doesn’t see your need to do things on your own. Marshall saw you in rehab every day. He understands the life we’ve led. Or at least to some extent. So he wants you to succeed the same way you want him to succeed. This is a good thing, Chace.”
Pulling her into my lap, I run a hand across her cheek. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Who is on your side? Hmm?” I hadn’t thought about it. Not really. Well, I mean I had thought about. I thought about who Cecelia had to turn to when she was gone. But since that moment, I’ve been selfish. Though I was grateful to find her, to find her not only safe but stable, I didn’t let go of my hurt. I held onto my belief that she’d betrayed me, and I allowed her to believe she meant nothing to me in the end.
So, though it’s nice to know I have people in my corner, I still don’t know if Cecelia does. “I know Melody is important to you. I also know you haven’t hung out with her since her ex came back for a time. So what about you?”
“I don’t need anyone.”
I scoff at that. “Liar.”
Looking away, Cecelia inhales deeply before letting it out slowly. “I don’t let myself need anyone. I don’t see the point to it, to be honest. Most of the time, if people aren’t trying to use you, they leave you. It’s easier to not rely on anyone.” Her words gut me. “I got help from Mel because she saw me trying to sneak into the break room at the end of the night to sleep. If it wasn’t for that, well, I doubt we’d be closer than the coworker friends we are.”
“What?” I never knew that. And I’m shocked to be honest. “You slept at work?”
“For a bit.” I can see she’s embarrassed. I can see she doesn’t want me to know this. “I saw you. Outside my place a couple times. So I stayed away. Those first couple nights I was on the streets. But I needed different clothes and getting around you and then Ricky too was hard. So I managed to sneak into the back room. Then Mel saw and wouldn’t take no for an answer. She never asked what was going on, just took me home with her.”
“Jesus.” I am struck dumb with how horrible I was to her, to this woman I love more than life itself. I’m struck by the lengths she was willing to go to give me what I’d asked for. Which was her gone. Vanished from my life. Just thinking about her on the streets, knowing anything could have happened to her and it’d be all my fault makes my stomach drop. “Jesus Christ. I am so fucking sorry, Cecelia. I am so sorry for how I treated you. I can’t…I’m so sorry.”
“No, shh. I’m sorry,” she says quickly. “I didn’t tell you that to make you feel guilty.”
“I can’t help but feel guilty,” I argue. Honestly, there is no other way to feel in this situation. “You have me. Do you hear me? You have me in your corner. I know my history suggests otherwise, but I swear to fucking God, you have me. I swear I will do everything in my power to prove to you what you mean to me. To prove I’m not letting go. To prove to you that this, us, means everything to me. You mean everything to me.”
A few tears leak from her eyes as she nods. I don’t know if she believes me. I mean she still hasn’t given me an answer about living with me. Of course it’s all making more sense but still. I need her to know that nothing would tear me away from her.
Seeing that she is still embarrassed by all of this, and not wanting to make her further uncomfortable, I tug on her shirt. “What happened here?”
“Ugh,” she groans. “Some drunk tried getting fresh with Jeena tonight and when I yanked his hand away he threw his beer at me. Thank God Trey’s new guy, Stone, was nearby to kick him out.”
“Sorry, baby,” I tell her nipping at her lips. I feel myself stirring, but I don’t know if she’s interested in anything. We just had a big talk, another one, and everything is still so new. We can’t use sex as a distraction or a resolution every time something comes up.
“It’s okay.” She shrugs. “I’m just glad I was able to get off early for tonight.” Her words bring me back to the present, and what is about to happen tonight. I’m not sure about having her be there, knowing how these guys are, but I know Cecelia won’t be told no. “I’m gonna go shower and then we’ll go, okay?”
I nod and feel her slip from my lap. My head is full. Full and bothered.
For at least a week Cecelia was homeless. I pushed her to that. I made her walk away from her home, from her life, just to disappear. Because I listened to lies. Because I let myself be manipulated. If I didn’t know the damage it would cause, I’d tell Celia she’s better off without me as a part of her life.
But I do know the damage. I’ve seen it.
Honestly, I can kind of understand where Chuck was coming from all those years ago. He wanted me to heal, to get clean and better. While not a full-blown alcoholic, I was very close to giving myself over to it. And though Celia didn’t crave heroin every second, it was important to her. We were so close to being lost completely. And together?
Fuck.
Together we can be destruction.
I’ve seen it now. I’ve seen the extremes we go through. The way my body craves hers. The way my heart needs hers near. But more than that, the people we are, the personalities we have, they’re addictive. Our hits have become attention. Or sex, though not to the extreme of Marshall’s. Our addictions have become each other.
Looking back as an adult, I can see these things that Chuck was trying to teach me but I was too stubborn to pay attention to.
I can see fighting is not necessarily a good thing for someone like me, a guy who needs to succeed, who has a compulsion to succeed. I can see that my desire for Cecelia borders on obsessed sometimes, the way I hunger for her. And I can see that she craves affection, having gone her entire life without it. See she craves me too, and in some ways it’s probably out of fear that I’ll push her away again.
I get it. I get it all now.
But I won’t let her go. I can’t. And not because of my obsession. Or my lust.
I can’t let go because I love her. I legitimately love her and I’ve been without her before.
I never want to experience that again.
“You ready?”
I’m pulled from my thoughts as Cecelia comes to stand in front of me, freshly showered in cut-off shorts and a button-up blouse.
>
“Hey? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah.” I shake my head to clear my thoughts. “Sorry, was just thinking about some things.”
“Is this about… is this about what we talked about?”
“No. Promise.” It’s a lie and I know she knows that. But I don’t want to rehash our conversation. Not only will it mean making her uncomfortable again, but it also means my head won’t be fully in the night. I have no desire to have her fidgety on me, especially tonight. And I really don’t need those thoughts crowding my head making me lose sight of the goal I have to accomplish. So I have to lie. For both our sake’s. “Just thinking about tonight is all.”
“Oh. Okay.” She sways back on her feet, unsure what to do.
So I end her torment as I stand and take her hand in mine, leading her toward the door. “Let’s go get this night over with.”
SIXTEEN
The crowd gathered is the largest I’ve ever seen it. To be honest, it seems like guys and groupies from other districts are here to watch. I don’t know how word got around or even why, but I can tell this is a big deal to these people.
“Holy shit,” Cecelia whispers against my side. I nod but don’t comment.
A look on his face of disbelief, Stretch jogs slowly up to us, his leg slowing him down a bit. “Can you believe this shit?”
“What’s going on?”
“Not sure. Somehow people heard about the challenges. I mean, you lose one it’s supposed to be over right?” I shrug but don’t reply. And it doesn’t seem like I need to as Stretch continues. “But no one here believes you’ll lose. From the numbers I’m getting from the other heads, damn near everyone is placing money on you for the win.”
“What’s the payout?” Celia asks, her brown eyes wide as she sees money being handed over in small groups.
“Shit. That’s the thing.” Stretch pulls out a notepad full of numbers. “It’s like fifty right now. And that’s not even final count.”
“Holy shit,” Celia says again. And once again I nod but don’t comment.
“We had to start writing out the bets to keep track of them all.” As Stretch says this, a funny smile crosses his face. “And it was pissing the three jackasses off,” he laughs. “They were bitching about how you probably tried turning everyone against them even though we’re all pretty sure they’re the ones who spread the word about tonight.”
“Fucking morons.”
“Anyhow. I came over to tell you that because of the three challenges thrown down, and the expectation for you to fight them all, there won’t be a final fight nor a Saturday showdown. Each district has agreed it wouldn’t be worth it especially since they’re all here anyhow.” Stretch looks back toward where the make-shift ring is set up. The whole thing is damn near surrounded by people waiting to watch me fight. “And to keep that newbie douche quiet, we drew names. He goes first. Then Brutal with Fife finishing out the night.”
“I’m sure he loves that,” I tell him with a chuckle. “He’ll think I’ll be too tired to take him. Course that just means if he were to win, he’s beating a worn-down opponent.”
“Nothing he does can make him not look like pussy. Fuck him.” Celia squeezes my hand and I nod at her. “You got this. No matter what. You got this.”
Her faith in me brings back my guilt. Even with everything that went on, Cecelia Santos never gave up on me. I resolve that no matter what, I will not let her down. Not just tonight, but forever. “I love you. Tonight is for you.”
I walk away from her wishing I didn’t have to. But also wishing Marshall could be here to keep tabs on her. I don’t trust anyone here and while I know she can handle herself, I don’t trust anyone here.
As Stretch shouts out what’s expected for the night, explaining the challenges, explaining how the night will go and what to expect should I win or lose – apparently it was decided if I were to lose, the challengers still want a shot – I keep my eyes on Celia. She’s ventured closer to the group, but is staying on the fray. She’s standing tall, her eyes on mine, not allowing anyone to penetrate whatever wall she’s chosen to build for tonight. I see her mouth I love you, too back to me and feel a sense of calm wash over me.
She’s right; I got this.
James is first to go. He talks shit but still doesn’t know how to back it up without being a punk. I yank my shirt over my head and as I’m tossing it to Cecelia, he tries to take a swipe at me. I hear the crowd jeer him for the action, especially since he got close to striking. Fortunately I was able to duck away just in time.
“Gonna be pretty fucking embarrassing for you to lose in front of all these people,” James growls as he tries for another strike. Once again he misses.
“You think I’ll lose?” I taunt.
“I know you will.” He aims for my jaw but I lean back just out of reach. “And then these ass-kissers will realize how much of a bitch you are.”
Once more boos ring out at James. He doesn’t get it. He’s pissing off the wrong people, especially since any one of these guys could be a potential opponent. That is, if he ever fucking wins a match.
“You’re a funny guy,” I tell him and land a hit to his side. He curls in on himself for a moment, cursing the hit. I don’t allow him to get his bearings though. He wants to act like he’s a big shot, he’ll get beat like one.
I continue my assault. My fists hit his cheeks, near his eyes. They slam against his jaw and his nose. And I double my hits against his torso. He’s not talking now. He can’t. And in twenty minutes, he’s completely silent, resting on his knees being counted out.
I have a split lip and a sore shoulder from the couple hits he managed to sneak by. But I’m otherwise unscathed. As James is helped up by a couple of dog district guys, I hear one of them ask him, who the bitch is now. I can’t help my laugh.
“They really don’t know when to shut up, do they?” Stretch asks standing next to me again. “I mean all that energy spent talking.”
“Eh, fuck ‘em.” I take the bottle of water Celia has brought with her and take a big swig. Not too much so I don’t get a cramp, but enough to cool down. As I swallow, I feel eyes on me. Putting the lid back on the bottle I connect gazes with Brutal. He’s next. He’s angry.
He’s fucking ridiculous, is what he is.
“He’s bitter. You have what he wants.”
I look down at Cecelia and frown, not expecting her commentary on the matter.
“Not me. Not really,” she shakes her head for clarification. “He’s bitter because you win. He thinks you act entitled. That you think you’re better than everyone. After everything went down with…well, you were supposed to fall from grace. You weren’t supposed to make it back to this point. I was supposed to hate you. You were supposed to hate me.”
“He has Penny. He has a family.”
“Doesn’t matter,” she tells me. “He wants glory. You won’t let him have it.”
“How do you know all of this?” I cock my head to the side, studying her.
“Because I can see it. He doesn’t have to say a word. It’s written all over his face. He’s nothing but bitterness.”
It’s with that thought I part from Celia and head to the ring to take on Brutal.
I look upon him with new eyes, see him for what he is. Bitter. Jealous.
He’s got a family, kids, and a woman who sticks by him even though she probably shouldn’t. Still, he has these things and where most people would be good with it, complete with it, I can see what Cecelia is saying. He works a boring-ass job, has, according to him, a boring-ass family, and needs something to make himself more important. Fighting is how he does it. Too bad he’s such a bitch that he doesn’t realize the mistake he’s making.
This victory over him will be sweet for me.
Brutal bounces on his toes until Stretch counts us off. Then he charges. He charges and runs right past me. I don’t know what the fuck he’s doing or why. Brutal has never been a bad fighter. Misguided, yes, but not bad. Fo
r whatever reason, either he’s hyped himself up in his head too much, or he’s too jittery too focus, he’s not fighting how he usually does. Even the night two weeks ago when I took him down easy.
But right now, he’s acting just like my first opponent all those years ago, Toad something or other.
He tries swinging, tries getting a hit in, but he’s sloppy. I get a punch to his back and as he turns around swinging, I’m able to get a good shot in against his nose. It hasn’t healed from our last match and I hear it crunch again.
“Fuck!” Brutal yells out and tries to cover his face. He’s got one hand over his nose and the other out to ward off any punches I might try to land.
“What’s the matter, Brutal? Thought you were gonna take me down?” I know I shouldn’t taunt. It’s not my style. But he seriously thought he would defeat me. “What happened?”
“Fuck you, Delane,” he spits at me. Blood lands near my shoes and I shake my head, glad I’ve traded in nicer shoes, like my old Jordan’s for the less costly stuff now.
“Fuck me? Really? You’re the one who told me I was going down tonight.”
He comes at me again. But either I hit just right to knock his vision loose, or the hit to his nose has taken his balance, because he bypasses me completely. And with a fall to his knees, I hear the jeers begin again. It’s embarrassing, what Brutal is trying to do here.
“Count him out!”
“Give it up, man.”
“Tap out, already.”
People from the crowd start shouting at Brutal, and I know it’s only pissing him off further. He’ll look at this moment as a bash against him personally, even though he set up this match. Wanted it because of some ridiculous sense of offence.
Taking another swing as he rounds around toward me, I catch him just right, holding his arm, knowing he won’t pull the other from his face. “Give it up, man. It’s not worth it.”
And the Sweet (Addiction Series Book 2) Page 14