“Exactly.”
“It might have. Our families being at war was just too big an obstacle to overcome. We should have known that from the beginning.”
“We were kids with raging hormones. We didn’t think rationally.”
When Brenna tilted her head and studied him as if she was trying to see clear through him, he felt a guilty pang. Dating Brenna might have started out as revenge, a way to hurt her dad. But it had ended much differently. She still seemed to be trying to figure it out.
“The night of the reunion we weren’t kids,” she reminded him.
“No, we were adults who should have known better. But we can’t kick ourselves into next year for being human, for being in the right place with the wrong person.” As soon as those words came out of his mouth he knew he’d stuck his foot in it.
“Wrong person? Who would you rather have been with?”
“I didn’t mean it like that, Brenna. I didn’t have somebody specific in mind. I just meant—”
“You just meant that we were never right for each other because there were so many reasons why we were wrong.” Spinning away from him, she went to the refrigerator and took down the notepad that hung there by a magnet. Then she snatched a pen from the counter. “I’m going to check on Derek and then make a list of what we need.”
A list. So he could go to the grocery store—alone. If the three of them had gone they’d look like a family. But they wouldn’t be a family.
* * *
Late that afternoon, Riley carried in grocery bags, handling two at a time in each hand. Brenna watched the play of muscles under his T-shirt as he settled them on the kitchen table. She herself was carrying Derek in one of those slings that rested on her chest. He was asleep after a fussy spell. She’d wheeled his crib into the living room while she’d worked on the sofa, but that hadn’t lasted long. Now she slipped him from the sling and laid him in the crib again. This time he didn’t awaken.
When she returned to the kitchen, Riley was stowing the groceries into the cupboards and the refrigerator. She couldn’t seem to pull her eyes away from him.
“Did you get much work done?” he asked, as he bent over to push something onto the shelf in the refrigerator.
He had great buns. He had great everything.
He glanced over his shoulder. “Brenna?”
Concentrating, she remembered the question he’d asked. “Some. Derek didn’t want to settle down after he ate so I walked him for a while. Did you know the lilacs along the side of the house are blooming?”
With a sly grin, he asked, “You remember how flowers grow?”
She poked him in the arm. “New York isn’t all sidewalks and tall buildings.” Taking a box of cereal from a bag, she pushed it in the top cupboard.
He said, “I put away the perishables. Leave that for now. Come into the living room. I want to show you something.”
“Something you bought?”
“Yeah, something I bought.”
She wandered into the living room and peeked at Derek while Riley went outside. It wasn’t long before he returned, carrying a new bag. Inside there was a foot-and-a-half-tall box. He motioned for her to sit on the sofa. After she did, he sat beside her, took the box from the bag and set it on her lap.
She could see a plush, tan bear through the plastic.
“It’s not just a stuffed toy. It has a computer chip inside. When you press its tummy, it turns on a sound like a mom’s womb. It’s supposed to help babies sleep.”
She just stared at the box, warm feelings for Riley percolating up all over the place.
“Come on. Open it.”
When she lifted the flap and removed the bear, she saw it was soft and fluffy, the kind of toy any child would want.
Riley pressed the bear’s tummy and a soft whooshing started. It sounded like the sloshing of water.
“I’ll have to try this if he won’t go back to sleep tonight. Thank you.” She pressed the stomach to stop the sound. “It was thoughtful of you to buy this.”
“I saw it the other day when we were shopping for supplies. Then I wasn’t sure. Today I was.”
“Did his crying keep you awake last night?”
“Not any more than it kept you awake. Why didn’t you come get me?”
She could skirt the issue, or she could tell him the truth. “In the middle of the night like that, when he’s crying and I’m in my nightgown, I feel vulnerable. It isn’t the best time to go toe-to-toe with you.”
“Toe-to-toe or lips-to-lips?” His voice was almost challenging in a seductive way. Their gazes connected and held as she squeezed the bear under her fingers to keep from touching Riley. But he seemed to have their lips on his mind because he leaned closer. She swayed toward him, but thoughts flew through her head in the briefest of seconds. Was he trying to get on her good side with the gift? Did he think kissing her would persuade her to stay?
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Riley leaned back and Brenna sat up straight.
“Hello,” a feminine voice called. “Anybody home?”
Derek started crying.
Riley swore.
Brenna was glad for the interruption. As soon as the woman stepped inside, Brenna recognized her. It was Shannon, Riley’s younger sister. Her hair was auburn, but she had Riley’s blue eyes.
“You woke him,” Riley accused her.
“Babies wake up and they fall asleep again. That’s what they do.”
Setting the bear on the sofa, Brenna stood and greeted Shannon, not knowing what Riley’s sister was going to think of her being here. “Hi.”
Shannon looked Brenna over in that way one woman has of assessing another. Brenna did the same to her. And then they smiled at each other.
“Do you have children?” Brenna asked.
“A little boy. Jakie’s four.”
Riley said, “And a great kid. Shannon’s raising him on her own. Her husband was a bull rider and he got killed the year after Jakie was born.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Brenna said, meaning it. “So you know what it’s like to be a single mom.”
“Indeed I do. I have something for you,” she told her brother.
“What?”
“Be right back.” She must have put the present on the porch before she’d come in, because she leaned out the door, got a hold of something and pulled it inside. It was a stroller. A very nice stroller. Brenna had been thinking of buying one herself and leaving it here. Her friends in New York had given her one at her shower. But she would have liked one today when Derek was restless.
Brenna went over to it immediately. “Oh, it’s terrific. It has a canopy and everything.”
“And the little toys on the tray to keep him occupied when he’s older,” Shannon explained. “It’s from the whole family.”
Brenna looked up just in time to see some kind of silent communication pass between brother and sister. She didn’t understand what it was about.
“Will Sean and Patrick be stopping in sometime?” Brenna asked. She hadn’t seen Riley’s brothers since she’d left Miners Bluff. One was older than Riley, the other younger.
“They say they’ll stop in another time. They didn’t want to intrude and overwhelm you with O’Rourkes.”
But Brenna caught Riley’s scowl. Something more was going on than his brothers not wanting to intrude.
“Is my presence here keeping them from coming to see their nephew?”
Riley shook his head at his sister, but she didn’t seem to heed his warning. “Sean and Patrick are locked in the past like my father is sometimes. But the truth is, if Dad holds Derek often enough, I think he’ll put the past where it belongs.”
“And where do you think that is?” Riley asked his sister.
�
�How long ago did Angus McDougall steal Pop’s restaurant?” Shannon asked.
Brenna felt a flare of anger, but then she realized Shannon was just repeating in a mocking way the story she’d heard so many times.
Riley glanced at Brenna as if to gauge her reaction. “Shannon.”
“Seriously, Riley, how long ago?” his sister asked again.
“About twenty-five years.”
“So, isn’t that long enough to put it all to rest?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Well, it should be. We’ve all gotten past it. Dad’s sober now and has his life together. You’re a decorated veteran. Patrick has a bike shop and Sean’s accounting firm has taken off. We’re all fine.”
“Grudges are hard to erase,” Brenna said, wishing it weren’t so, wishing she could trust Riley, whether it came to dealings about their son or about their personal relationship.
“Does your father still hold a grudge against my dad?” Shannon asked.
Brenna considered tidbits she’d heard from her dad over the years. “I haven’t talked to him about it in a long time. I know there are still business owners in the community who won’t deal with my father because of the reputation they feel he has. That reputation came largely from what your father said about him.”
She held up her hand to stop comments from both Shannon and Riley. “The truth is—I’m tired of the whole thing, too. But I’m afraid my return and bringing Derek here has stirred hard feelings up.”
Shannon shook her head. She walked over to the crib and gazed down at her nephew. “He’s beautiful. He could pull our families together again, instead of tearing them apart. We should see if we can make that happen,” she said to Riley.
“We can’t force anything.”
Brenna was wondering if he was thinking about his own feelings.
“No, not force them. But we can gently consider alternatives.” She turned to Brenna. “If you ever need a babysitter, just let me know. Jakie’s a good little boy. I know he’d like having a baby around.”
“Where is he now?” Brenna asked.
“He’s at a friend’s house for an after-school playdate.” She checked her watch. “I have to pick him up.”
“Thank you again for the stroller, and for your willingness to try to bridge the gap between our families.”
Shannon glanced at Riley. “I think women are better at that than men.” Then before her brother could make a comment, she smiled and left the house.
Brenna’s throat felt thick with emotion as she cleared it. “I never knew your sister very well.”
“She was four years younger than we were, just a kid back then.”
“A wise woman now.”
“My brothers and sister and I might squabble, but we stick together. They’ll all come around. They have to because Derek is part of their family now.”
But Brenna was very aware Derek was a McDougall, not an O’Rourke. Whether his brothers accepted Derek or not was a huge thing for her.
“Hey,” Riley said. “What are you thinking about?”
Could he still read her so easily? Or was she just that transparent right now, unable to guard herself completely or hide her emotions behind neutrality like he did? Only he didn’t look neutral now.
He looked as if he understood. “We’ll make a family, Brenna, one way or another.”
She wasn’t sure what he meant by that. When Derek was with him, he’d a have a family here—uncles and aunts and cousins and a grandfather. And when Derek was with Brenna, he’d have his grandparents and her friends in New York. Couldn’t that be just as good as what Riley could offer?
Except...Derek wouldn’t have his dad.
She had the sudden urge to tell Riley something he didn’t know. “You haven’t asked me about Derek’s middle name.”
Riley looked taken aback, as if he hadn’t even thought of that. Or maybe he had because he said, “I thought you’d give him a strong, Scottish middle name after one of Angus’s ancestors.”
Was he trying to pick a fight? Was he trying to put distance between them? She couldn’t seem to do that when Derek was the subject of their conversation. She didn’t bristle. She didn’t get defensive.
Rather, she took a step closer to him. “Derek’s middle name is Ryan. Derek, a good Scottish name for my family, and Ryan, an Irish name for yours.”
She saw a different look now come into Riley’s eyes. Oh, there was surprise. But right behind it was that tenderness for her...for Derek. He took that all-important step toward her, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close for a hug.
Resting his chin on top of her head, he said, “Maybe having Derek will fix things.”
For a moment she thought about the possibility that he was right. But then she knew otherwise. Derek couldn’t heal the past between them. The adults had to do it themselves. She didn’t know if the O’Rourkes or the McDougalls could change points of view, could put themselves in each other’s shoes, could let grudges melt away like winter snow.
The hug brought comfort for only a few seconds, then bodies against bodies created more than comfort. She couldn’t be this close to Riley and not want to touch him, not want to scrape his shirt up his flat stomach and run her fingers through his chest hair. Not want to touch her thumb to his lips because they were so worthy of attention. He smelled musky and outdoorsy and altogether enticing.
Riley must have been finding their closeness a turn-on, too, because she felt him get aroused. The excitement of just standing there like that made it difficult to breathe. But she knew what she had to do for herself and Derek. Riley still had doubts that Derek was his son. She had doubts about what he’d felt for her in the first place, so many years ago. They had no business falling into this attraction again. This time if something happened with Riley, they’d complicate their lives too much to parent together. She wanted Riley in Derek’s life for Derek’s sake.
So she pulled away, mumbled an excuse about pumping breast milk, took Derek’s crib and wheeled it back to the guest bedroom.
While Riley stood in the living room...alone.
* * *
Brenna worked late into the night while Derek slept. But even now the tension between her and Riley seemed to permeate the house. She wished she could do something to alleviate it, but she didn’t know what. She had to keep up with the designs that were marking her place in the fashion world. The only way to do that was to work when all was quiet, when Derek slept. Maybe she’d catch up on sleep when he was three, she thought wryly.
She was finishing details on an almost perfect sketch when Derek began crying. Checking the clock, she saw it was after midnight.
“Well, little buddy,” she said, lifting him out of his crib, “that was a long nap. Thank you very much. I got a lot done.”
But thanks didn’t seem to be what he wanted. He was batting his fists in the air and his little face was turning red, as he did his version of shouting to be fed.
If there was a rap on the door, Brenna didn’t hear it. But all at once Riley was there at the foot of the bed watching her jiggle Derek. “Need help?”
Riley had told her he’d be leaving before dawn to take his group of tourists on horseback to Feather Peak. However, he’d felt shut out of Derek’s life so far and she knew he was thinking about when she returned to New York.
“I have breast milk in the refrigerator. If you’d like to feed him, I can warm it up.”
“Are you all right with that? I mean, physically.” His face turned a little ruddy and she had to smile.
Riley knew if Derek didn’t nurse, she’d have to pump her breasts. That probably wasn’t something he wanted to discuss. On the other hand it was considerate of him to ask. “I’ll take care of it while you’re feeding Derek. Don’t you have a trip planned for the
morning out to Feather Peak?”
“Yeah, I do.”
They were practically shouting over Derek’s crying. But she saw something in Riley’s eyes that made her wonder just how peaceful his sleep usually was. Yes, the night of the reunion he’d fallen asleep after they’d made love. But maybe that usually didn’t happen so easily. Maybe he’d come home from his service with insomnia like many veterans had. Many veterans came home with a lot worse. Riley had been very, very lucky.
But as he took Derek from her arms, she realized luck had only been a part of it. He’d probably been very skilled at what he did, and he’d always had the will to survive.
She thought, not for the first time, about the differences between Riley O’Rourke and Thad Johnson. Riley’s service had essentially been selfless. Thad had been all about success and reaching his next financial goal. Riley had deep family values. Thad had been unfaithful and cavalier about it.
There really was no comparison.
“I hope it doesn’t take long to warm up that milk,” he said now.
“Not long at all.”
He was holding Derek, trying to comfort him, but his eyes passed over her in her nightgown, a satin thing she used when she traveled because it didn’t take up much room. Now, however, she realized it certainly didn’t hide very much, either. He could see every curve and slope, and her nipples….
She grabbed for her robe at the foot of the bed, slipped it on and belted it, then hurried to the kitchen.
A few minutes later she was back, handing Riley the bottle, watching him as he positioned Derek in his arm then teased his son’s lips with the nipple. Derek latched onto it hungrily and Riley chuckled. Brenna had always liked the sound of his laugh, the sound of his voice.
He spoke to his son in soft, comforting words. “You’re getting to be such a big boy. Look at you drinking all that.”
Brenna felt her heart melting all over again.
After a couple of ounces, Brenna said, “You have to burp him.”
She took a clean hand towel that had been folded on the dresser and handed it to Riley. “Here, toss this over your shoulder. You never know what will happen with a baby.”
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