“I love you,” I tell her simply, and she laughs.
“I love you too, honey. I miss you a lot, and so does John. I do wish you’d come with us to Christchurch.”
“Maybe I should have. It hasn’t been easy here. But I’ve made a life for myself, such as it is. What’s done is done, and no regrets, eh?”
“That’s my girl. Better to regret the things you’ve done than the things you haven’t.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
“All right, sweetheart. I’d better go—we’re off to John’s brother’s to see the New Year in. You take care of yourself though, okay? You can ring me anytime. And let me know how it goes with Lara and Rich.”
“I will.”
“You’re all right?”
“I’m fine,” I tell her, meaning it. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Speak to you later.” She hangs up.
I put the phone on the bed and stretch out on my side. I’ve made many mistakes in my life, but each time I’ve done my best to either put them right or move on and not dwell on them.
I’m not going to lie here and beat myself up about walking out on Rich. I did it, and I wish I hadn’t, but it’s done. All I can do now is try to put it right. I wish I had his phone number, but we never got around to exchanging them. Tomorrow morning, I’ll drive back to the bach and talk to him. If he’s angry with me and makes it clear that he wants nothing to do with me, well, I’ll have to deal with that and accept the consequences of my actions.
Suddenly, I remember that Fiona told me she’d send me some photos. I pull my phone toward me and check and, sure enough, I have five texts from her. I sit up and open them. She’s sent the photo she showed me on the beach of Max and Lara, and four others, two of Max on his own and two of Lara. They’re only tiny on my cheap phone, but I lay back and study them for a long while, brushing my thumb over the screen.
These are my children. My twins, my boy, my girl. I gave birth to them. I might not have given them the best chance in life, but look at them—they’ve grown up tall and strong and happy. Presumably Fiona and Gareth can’t have kids, and I gave them the chance to have two healthy children. When they first saw the babies, they would have been overjoyed.
I wonder what happened when Fiona first told them they were adopted. What would their reactions have been? Lara said that Max wasn’t interested in meeting me, but I can’t blame him for that. It wouldn’t surprise me if either of them was angry for what they saw as me abandoning them. I’m just very touched that Lara was interested in seeing me. I have Fiona to thank for that, I suppose. It would have been all too easy for her to discourage Lara, but she’s obviously helped her all the way. And she didn’t seem to bear me any ill will.
I look at the photo again of Max and Lara smiling at the camera.
I’m still holding the phone when I fall asleep.
*
On New Year’s Day, I return to Matauri Bay. It’s still warm, but there are clouds on the horizon, and a hint of thunder in the air again.
I slept okay, but my stomach’s a bit uneasy. I had all kinds of strange dreams, and I have a headache from thinking so hard about everything. I’m nervous about seeing Rich, too. I keep reminding myself how I felt when we were together. That was special, right? Rich thought it was special, too. Of course he would have been angry when he woke to find me gone, but hopefully he’s had time to think about why I left, and he’ll be pleased to see me.
I pull up on the grassy bank above the baches. The first thing I notice is that his car is missing.
Maybe he’s just gone out for breakfast. I get out of the car, run down to his bach, and peer through the windows.
He didn’t have a lot of stuff, but I can see that it’s all vanished. The living room is tidy, and in the kitchen all the food has been cleared away and the table tops are clean.
He’s gone.
Am I surprised? Really?
I walk back to my bach and sit on the edge of the deck. The horizon is a grey smear—rain’s on the way.
Chapter Nineteen
Rich
“What the hell are you doing here?”
I look up to see Teddi standing in the doorway to my office with Bella, her guide dog. It’s the second of January, and technically we’re still shut. I hadn’t expected to see anyone.
As always, warmth spreads through me, and I smile, because I know she’ll hear it in my voice even if she can’t see it. “How did you know I was here?” There’s no noise in my office, no music or anything—she couldn’t have heard me.
“Sixth sense,” she says.
The words make me think of Jess with her flaky ways, and her faith that everything has a purpose and a place in this world, despite the terrible things she’s been through. It doesn’t surprise me that she’s entered my head. Everything is making me think of Jess at the moment.
However, Teddi has no truck with anything vaguely supernatural, and she’s obviously teasing me. “Bollocks,” I say, one of Stratton’s favorite English words that I adopted at a young age.
She laughs. “Andy told me you were here.”
I’d forgotten that I’d spoken to him. Even when we are closed, we still have a security guard full time because we have so much expensive equipment in the gaming hub.
“Coffee?” I ask her.
“Please.” She lets Bella lead her to the sofa on one side of the room while I make us both a coffee in the machine I use when I can’t be bothered to walk down to the big office one.
“So how was your Christmas?” I ask her as the steaming liquid pours into the cup.
“Eh, you know. Okay. I got fed up listening to Meg and Stratton mooning over each other.”
I laugh. “They had a good time?”
“They had a great time. He’s so happy, Rich. And I’m happy for him, I really am. It’s just a bit hard to take sometimes, you know?”
“Yeah, I know. I feel the same way.”
As I make the second cup, I think that my use of the present tense isn’t correct. I felt that way before I met Jess. But while I was with her, all the envy I’d felt had disappeared. She made me believe in hope, and in the future.
Too bad it’s all over.
I clench my jaw, bring the cups over to the coffee table, and sit in the armchair opposite Teddi.
She looks lovely today—she’s wearing a pair of cropped jeans and a pretty white vest, and her long bob is ruffled from the summer breeze. She doesn’t tend to wear makeup, and she always looks fresh-faced, a bit like Jess.
“And what about you?” Teddi bends to stroke Bella’s head when she curls up by her feet. “Did you drink yourself into oblivion like normal?”
“I did. For a couple of nights.” I hesitate, wondering whether to tell her about Jess. Is there any point now it’s finished?
As usual, though, she picks up on the pause. “Ah. What happened?”
“I met someone,” I confess.
“Oh.” Her eyebrows rise and a genuine smile of pleasure spreads across her face. “Come on, spill the beans.”
“I don’t know that there’s much point—it’s over now.” The heavy feeling in my heart that’s been there since I realized Jess had left returns, and I sink back into the seat.
“Are you sure?” Teddi asks. “What happened?”
So I tell her, about how I met Jess, how we got on so well, that I was just starting to think I might ask to see her when it was time to go, and then what happened on New Year’s Eve.
“Jesus.” Teddi shakes her head. “Yeah, all right, I can see that must have been a shock for you and her.”
“Yeah. She talked to me afterward, but her eyes had glazed over. I thought she needed time to think about it—it didn’t enter my head that she might just leave. I couldn’t believe it when I woke up and she’d gone. I drank myself into a stupor again that night. And when I woke up, I didn’t see any point in staying—I just wanted to get back here.”
“Good job you weren’t stopped by the police,”
Teddi says wryly, “you were probably over the limit.”
“I drank half a dozen cups of coffee before I left. Had to stop four times to pee.”
She laughs and curls up on the sofa, her hands around the coffee cup. She tips her head as if she’s studying me, although I know her beautiful green eyes can’t see anything. “So what happens now?”
“Nothing. I don’t have her number, and I don’t know where she lives. I can’t even remember her surname.” Lara mentioned it on the beach, but I can’t recall what she said.
“I suppose we should be relieved you know her first name.”
“I’m giving you the finger,” I tell Teddi, “in case you’re not aware.”
She chuckles, and then rests her head on the back of the sofa. “You’ve got to try and find her,” she says, her words surprising me. “This is the first time you’ve come remotely close to meeting a girl that you seem interested in—you can’t just let her go.”
The two of us have been single for so long, it feels strange to talk about us having other partners, and something occurs to me. “Have you met someone?”
In the past, she would have said no immediately, but to my surprise this time she says, “I don’t know. I can’t imagine loving anyone the way I loved Will, and when he died I was prepared to be alone forever, but…” She raises her cup and sips her coffee. “There’s a guy I talk to online…” Her voice trails off.
“Anyone I know?” It wouldn’t surprise me if it was someone who plays Dark Robot. Stratton, Teddi, and I are all in the same guild, and there are a handful of players we’ve known on there for years.
“Maybe.” She doesn’t want to tell me yet. She rubs her nose. “Would you mind if I did meet someone?”
“I want you to be happy, honey. Why would I mind?”
She leans her head back. “I know how you feel about me, Rich.”
A silence falls between us. It’s the first time either of us has ever broached the subject. I can’t think what to say.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“It’s okay. You’ve thrown me, that’s all.”
“Don’t think that I haven’t thought about it,” she says. “Finding comfort with you, I mean.”
I stare at her. “Right.”
“You’re my best friend in the world,” she says, “that I’m not related to. And I find you attractive—I always have. There have been nights when I’ve lain awake in the darkness and I’ve come so close to picking up the phone and begging you to come over.”
I lean forward, my elbows on my knees. Holy shit…
“But I never have, because I know we’d end up in bed, and although that would be great, I know we’d hate ourselves the next day.” Her voice is calm. This isn’t a spur of the moment conversation—she’s thought this through.
“Maybe,” I say, somewhat hoarsely. “It would have been nice to test the theory.”
She laughs. “It would, and part of me is still tempted. But Will’s death had such a huge impact on me. He told me that he didn’t want me to stay single, but the idea of being with someone else makes me feel so disloyal, and I know if that person was you, it would be a hundred times worse. Not just because he was your brother, but because I know he was jealous of you.”
I stare at her. “What?”
“Not in a nasty way, I suppose envious is a better, milder word. He knew you were the one with the real talent. He was aware that he brought his social skills to the table—there’s no doubt he was a great businessman in that sense—but he knew he wasn’t half the programmer you were. He always felt in your shadow.”
I’m gobsmacked—I had no idea. “I felt the same,” I admit. “He always seemed to outshine me.”
“He was all talk,” she says, and smiles. “It was smoke and mirrors, and he knew that. He said you got the talent to make the product and he got the charm to sell it. Luckily, it didn’t bother him that much. He was happy, and he didn’t resent you for it.”
“That’s because he got the girl I wanted.”
She looks suddenly upset. “I’m sorry.”
I curse myself silently. It’s been hard, watching Teddi grieve and wishing I could comfort her, but the two of us aren’t destined to be together. I would have laughed at that phrase in the past, but after being with Jess, things like that make sense to me now. Teddi and I aren’t written in the stars—we never were. We’re two binary suns that will circle each other for eternity, always there, but never touching.
I study the beautiful young woman who I’ve known for what seems like my whole life. Normally I don’t like doing it because it’s not fair that I can watch her when she can’t watch me, but she sits there quietly, bearing my attention, and I think she knows that I’m looking at her.
For twenty years, I’ve been in love with her. But today, for the first time, I know it’s no longer true.
The thought shocks me, but I sense it’s important, so I analyze it for a moment. Is it because Jess has replaced Teddi in my heart, because she’s obtainable and Teddi isn’t? Somehow, I don’t think that’s the reason. My feelings for Jess have shone a light on my feelings for Teddi, that’s all, and her broaching the subject has made me realize that I don’t yearn for her the way I once did. This has nothing to do with Jess. What I’m feeling is a dawning realization that my feelings for Teddi have matured from a bad teenage crush and a fierce resentment that my brother was the one she chose, to a warm affection, the kind you have for a friend you’ve known forever, who you’d risk your life for.
I’ll always love her. But not in that way, not anymore.
And with that realization, a sense of peace settles over me.
“It’s okay,” I tell her as she struggles with her emotion. “You’re right—if we had gotten together, Will would always have been between us, and that wouldn’t be fair to either of us. You’ll meet someone else, Teddi, and when you do, you’ll want a fresh start, without the shadow of what’s gone before hanging over you. You’re too beautiful to be on your own.” Again, a shadow of Jess’s words to me.
Jeez, I’ve only known the girl a week. How long will it take before I’m not relating everything I think back to her?
Teddi can’t cry because her tear ducts were damaged when she had her operation, but I’m certain that if she could, there would be tears rolling down her cheeks now. “You’re so sweet,” she whispers.
“You know that’s the worst thing you can call a guy, right?”
She laughs and rubs her nose. “Sorry. But you are. I do appreciate that you’ve looked after me over the last four years.”
“Honey, I can’t think of anyone who needs less looking after.”
“Again, that’s sweet, but you’ve always been there to comfort me and you’ve never made me feel awkward, in spite of your feelings for me, and I want you to know that I appreciate that. My New Year’s resolution is to say more of what’s on my mind, and not to leave things unsaid. That’s why I spoke to you today.”
“All right.” I smile.
“I love you, Richard Wright.”
“I love you too, Teddi Parker. Are we going to paint our fingernails and braid each other’s hair now?”
“You may mock, but these things should be said. Now, about your girl.”
“She’s not my girl.”
“Are you sure about that? Because when you spoke about her, you lit up like a firework.”
“No I didn’t.”
“Yes you did. She made you happy, didn’t she?”
I think about how I felt when I was with Jess. How she seemed to have a calming influence on me. I love that even though she’s had difficulties in her life, she’s done her best to put them straight. She works hard to maintain a positive outlook, and I know how hard that can be. Her synesthesia fascinates me—I would never get bored of her explaining about how the sounds she hears translate into colors and shapes.
And then I think about taking her to bed, and how willin
g and eager to please she was. Every time I suggested anything, she said yes, and I loved how she encouraged me to play rough and take the initiative, because it turned her on too. I think of her soft breasts and her silky thighs, and how it felt when I sank inside her, encasing myself in her hot, wet velvet.
My gaze focuses on Teddi, whose lips have curved up at my extended silence. “Yeah,” I say. “She made me happy.”
“You can’t let her go, Rich. Not when she makes you feel like that. Not when she’s your Mrs. Right. With a W.” She laughs.
“I don’t have her number. And I’m not even sure she wants to see me again. Would she have run off if she did?”
“Come on, her leaving had nothing to do with you. Can you imagine what a shock it was for her to see her grown-up daughter? Especially after what she went through. She must have felt embarrassed that you were there, witnessing her emotion. My guess is that she lost the plot and fled without thinking, and I’m sure she’s regretting her decision now.”
“Maybe.”
Teddi tips her head to the side and purses her lips. “I suppose the biggest question is how do you feel knowing she has two grown children? Does it bother you?”
“No.” Not at all, I think.
“So… something’s bothering you. Is it because she lied to you?”
I hesitate, then know that Teddi will pick up on the pause. “She didn’t lie,” I correct. “She omitted to tell the truth, and I can’t cast the first stone. I didn’t tell her the truth about myself either.”
“She doesn’t know you’re a game designer?”
“Well, yeah, but she doesn’t know I run Katoa, or that I’m wealthy.”
“You think she’d be dazzled by the glint of your coin?”
I shift in the chair. “I feel bad thinking that of her. But she’s not even affluent—she’s dirt poor. She has a nineteen-dollar phone that she hardly uses because she can’t afford the top-up fees. She’d sewn up her dress where she must have torn it on something. She’s recently lost her job, and I could hear the panic in her voice at the thought that she might have trouble getting another one. She nearly fainted when I took her to Aqua Blue.”
My New Year Fling: A Sexy Christmas Billionaire Romance (Love Comes Later Book 2) Page 15