by J. H. Croix
Jana waved at me as she sat down beside Zoe. If she had a reaction to the fact that I canceled on her tonight, it didn't show.
Olivia looked her way. “How do you know Finn?” she asked.
“Oh, he was the police officer who responded to my fender bender last week,” she offered in explanation.
Zoe flicked a glance toward Jana and back to me, her gaze assessing. “Finn is the nice cop who gave her a ride to work afterwards.”
I inclined my head in a nod. “I certainly did. She had a flat tire.”
“Is your car okay?” Olivia piped up.
“It’s fine. The repair shop fixed my bumper and the tire rim that same day. It’s good as new,” Jana said, her eyes bouncing to me, a flash of heat in them.
I watched Jana, my body frustrated I wasn't closer to her right now. I introduced Eli to them, and conversation carried on. Somewhere along the way, Eli got up to leave.
“Can't be too late, or it messes up the baby's bedtime. Plus the Seahawks are losing,” he offered with a laugh.
He headed out into the rainy night. Jana had gotten up to go to the restroom, and when she returned, her eyes landed on Eli's empty chair. She slipped into it, announcing, “I don't want you sitting alone over here.”
Her sly gaze met mine, and my cock twitched. I couldn't help but grin in return. Her smiles were irresistible. She seemed rather pleased with herself. My effort to give myself a little breathing room from her was appearing rather futile. I was plain relieved she had stopped here for dinner and drinks with her friends, if only by chance. Because it meant that I got to be near her again. My body craved her. Lust was lashing at me lightly, the bite of it sharp and distinct. The scent of her drifted my way. Strawberries. I almost laughed aloud. Of all the things I thought could become a permanent reminder of someone, strawberries hadn't been on that list. My encounters with Jana had seared the scent into my brain, forever associating it with her.
Liam and Ethan were chatting about something. Zoe glanced over to Jana and me, smiling politely. “I don't know if you recall we've met a few times.”
“Of course I do. We're usually on opposite sides in the court room.”
Zoe nodded and flashed a wide smile. “I suppose we are.”
Jana glanced between us. “Oh, I didn't even think about that. I bet you hate Zoe,” she declared.
I chuckled. “She’s just doing her job and happens to do it quite well.”
I thought silently to myself that I hoped Zoe wasn't assigned to the newest case I’d inherited because she was a bloody good defense attorney. I figured that was best left unsaid. Zoe responded to something Olivia said, and Jana glanced to me. I could lose myself in her eyes—sky blue and impish.
“So I lost out to a friend for dinner?” she asked.
I thought about lying and saying I had forgotten I had plans with Eli, but it didn't feel right.
“I suppose so. I wasn't expecting this,” I said, those last words slipping out unbidden.
Her eyes widened slightly and for a moment I thought she meant to tease. But she didn't. “Me either,” she finally said, her words soft.
“So Friday then?” she asked.
Her question had the unintended effect of making me wish I wasn’t so cynical about relationships. The way things played out with Kristen had hit me hard, if only because it had surprised me and came at a time in my life when I was facing major changes. I hadn’t ever expected to want more with someone again.
I stared at Jana, the wheels in my mind spinning. I knew what my body wanted. I didn’t want to wait to see her again. In reflex to how much I wanted her, I inanely decided to make myself wait and nodded.
Her mouth unfurled in a slightly lopsided grin, and it was like a kick to my heart. “Not tonight?” she asked, her voice lilting at the end.
I wanted to reach for her, tug her into my lap and finish what we started earlier. But that wasn't a good idea. So, I shook my head, draining my beer and standing to leave.
“I have an early morning tomorrow.”
Her smile didn’t waver, but I saw a hint of the vulnerability I’d seen in her eyes earlier and it caught at the threads unraveling around my heart. I waved my goodbyes and left, falling asleep later thinking about the feel of her slick channel clenching around my fingers and that look of vulnerability in her eyes.
Chapter 12
Jana
I bit back the urge to swear, satisfying myself with a sharp glare at the phone on my desk.
“Of course, Mr. Simmons. Ms. Walsh will be happy to reschedule her meeting with you,” I said so sweetly, my tone even annoyed me.
The demanding Mr. Simmons settled on a time, and I hung up, rather pleased with myself for not telling him to fuck off.
Zoe stepped out of her office and leaned her hips against my desk. “What's that look for?” she asked.
“Oh, that was Mr. Simmons. He rescheduled. Again,” I said sweetly with a roll of my eyes.
“Oh God. He’s such a pain in the ass about scheduling. I don’t think I’ve ever scheduled a meeting with him that wasn’t rescheduled at least three times,” she replied with a slow shake of her head.
“Yeah, so I got to deal with him after dealing with my insurance company over that stupid fender bender. The guy who ran into me is being an ass. Even though they have the police report citing him as at fault for the accident, they're trying to negotiate a settlement and reduce the coverage. It's not much, but stuff like this just pisses me off.”
Zoe threw a wry smile my way. “Insurance is probably more of a pain in the ass than Mr. Simmons. Let your insurance company deal with it. Don't take it on yourself.”
She knew I had a tendency to get needlessly argumentative over minor stuff like this. “You’ll be pleased to know I already told them to just handle it.”
What I didn't add was I’d been irritable ever since I woke up this morning. I couldn’t shake how out of sorts I’d felt since running into Rick. I’d managed to temporarily shove away my internal restlessness with that heated encounter with Finn. Yet, I’d been hurt when he canceled dinner with me. I shouldn't have been hurt. We had one date. That was it. I shouldn't be reading too much into it. But I couldn’t seem to talk myself out of it.
During my restless sleep—the perfect time to ruminate needlessly—I’d convinced myself it was because of how vulnerable I felt after seeing Rick. Finn somehow made me feel as if I could let down my guard. That was not smart. The last thing I needed was to take something too seriously, too soon. I knew better. Much, much better.
“What's up?” Zoe asked, her perceptive gaze coasting over my face.
Zoe knew me very well, and she was my closest friend. If I could talk to anybody, it would be her. I leaned back in my chair with a sigh, twirling a lock of hair around my finger.
“I don't know. Finn and I went on a date last weekend,” I blurted out.
Her eyes widened, and she slipped into the chair across from my desk. “How come you didn't tell me sooner? You hardly ever date. This is, I dunno, a thing.”
I shifted in my chair, uncomfortable because it spoke volumes I hadn’t said anything to her about it.
“I don't know. I think I really like him, and I think it's probably not smart.”
Her gaze softened. “Why isn't it smart? He seems like a really nice guy. I mean, it’s not like I’ve spent a ton of time with him, but he’s a solid guy from everything I know,” she said earnestly.
“I know. He’s nice, but I don't think he does relationships. I mean, you heard what Ethan said. Ever since his ex dumped him, he doesn't really get serious with anyone.”
Zoe cocked her head to the side. “You don’t know that. Ethan also said he hasn't seen him much.”
“I know, I know. That’s just kinda how it feels,” I finally said.
Finn was a flirt and a tease, and I’d read that the moment I met him even when he was being professional. That's why it felt okay flirting and teasing right back. I hadn't expected t
o feel the sense of vulnerability I did with him. Honestly, I hadn't looked for anything serious ever since my disastrous accidental affair. It wasn't that I didn't want to eventually find someone, it was more that a part of me felt like I didn't deserve it. It had been so hard not to take the stinging barbs about me seriously in the aftermath of that mess. Even though I could tell myself I’d been deceived, I still felt like an idiot.
I glanced over and realized Zoe was patiently waiting. “It's just a feeling,” I finally explained.
She watched me for a long moment before leaning back in her chair and drumming her fingertips on the armrest. “Why don’t you relax and have fun instead of worrying about more?”
“What makes you think I’m not?” I countered, feeling defensive.
Zoe eyed me, her gaze somber. “Um, because you just said so.”
I stared at her for a beat and then bit my lip with a sigh. “I guess I did. I think maybe I’m being weird because I haven’t had fun like this in a long time. Last time I did, it was a disaster.”
Zoe sighed elaborately and glared at me. “Rick Douglas is a fucking asshole, and he lied to you and treated you like shit. That's why it was a disaster. Not because you read too much into it. You’re a basically trusting person, and he took full advantage of that.”
I restlessly twirled my hair around my finger as I looked at Zoe. “I know he was an asshole, but it didn't make it any better for me.”
“Well, of course not. But it doesn't mean every guy is like him,” Zoe explained.
“I know every guy’s not like him. Ethan’s awesome.”
Zoe smiled slightly, her cheeks going pink. She'd never been particularly confident about herself in that way. I’d been so happy Ethan had seen right through her super-smart-professional-defense-attorney armor to the brilliant, beautiful, and sexy woman behind it. She was one of the kindest people I knew and hadn’t hesitated to be there for me at a time when other friends—especially those I knew from law school—were more than happy to back away. Rick's law firm was prominent, and he had a lot of weight in legal circles in Seattle. Though his affair had dinged his reputation too, it wasn’t anything like my experience. It was fair to say there was a double standard.
“I think Finn’s a nice guy,” Zoe repeated. “I asked Ethan about him again after we ran into him the other night.”
“You did?”
“Of course. It's obvious you like him, and after I saw the way he looked at you, well, he definitely has a thing for you too.”
“I thought Ethan said he hasn’t seen him much lately.”
“Well sure, but it’s not like he doesn't have some background on the guy,” she countered.
I was quiet, fighting the urge to ask her to spell out whatever she knew. I looked over at her and could see she was holding back a laugh.
“Oh stop it!”
Her laugh bubbled out. “I wanted to see how long you could hold out from asking me what Ethan said.”
“Fine. Spill it,” I said, circling my hand in the air.
“Okay, here's the deets. He's from London. Ethan didn't know him before college, but Finn completed his first year in university there before he got a full ride at University of Washington. Ethan says he’s a nice guy. Finn’s family is loaded apparently and pretty much nobody here knows that. Apparently, his ex fiancée didn’t even know he has a trust fund coming his way when he turns 35.”
My mouth dropped open. “You're kidding me. He's a cop.”
“Exactly. It says a lot about him that he's not just sitting on his ass waiting for the money to come in.”
“I guess so,” I replied, wondering over that detail.
“Anyway, while Finn was in college, he got engaged and life was peachy as far as Ethan knows. Then, he got hit by a drunk driver and was badly injured. He broke a bunch of bones, and it took like a full year and a half before he was completely recovered and cleared to play. Ethan heard he had some problems with an infection with one of the breaks in his ankle. Who knows if he ever could've gotten back up to speed? By then, he had graduated from college and the world had moved on as far as considering him for pro play. He was all set to get married and just a few days before the wedding, she dumped him. Ethan says the rumor was she wasn't interested once he wasn’t on track to be a pro player. Which sucks if you ask me. It doesn’t matter to me at all whether Ethan plays pro soccer or not. That's not why you marry somebody,” she said, her tone dripping with disgust.
I didn’t even know the name of Finn’s ex, but I promptly decided she was a heartless, shallow bitch. “What's her name?” I asked.
“Kristen. Ethan doesn’t know much about her. All he knew was she was engaged to Finn once. He said she was pretty, kind of like a classic beauty—blonde hair, impeccably dressed and what not.”
In short, nothing like me. I couldn't help but laugh. Classic was not a word anyone would use to describe me. If anything, I was the opposite of classic.
“Finn’s probably just interested because I'm a novelty,” I said.
“Oh my God!” Zoe slapped her hand on the armrest of her chair with an elaborate sigh. “You're not just a novelty. I saw the way he looks at you. Sure, he thinks you're hot, but you are. You’re totally gorgeous. He likes you too though.”
“How do you know he likes me?” I asked.
I felt like I was back in high school, swamped in uncertainty and all over a man.
“It’s the way he looked at you. Wow, you are really into this guy,” she said.
I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, picking up a pen and fiddling with it. “Why do you say that?”
“Because you're not usually like this over guys. It’s more easy come, easy go. That’s pretty much been the way it’s been ever since you were with Rick. I know you felt bad about it, but you don’t have to let it get to you like this. You haven't let yourself do anything other than be super casual,” she offered.
I knew she had a point. It wasn't something I let myself think about much. “I felt like an idiot about Rick because I should've seen him for who he was.”
“So what? Just because you didn’t go into something assuming someone was a jerk doesn’t make you an idiot.”
Still flipping the pen back and forth, I shrugged. “I shouldn’t have gotten involved with anyone at work. It wasn't particularly a great choice on my part.”
“Join the club,” she said with a roll of her eyes.
Zoe had gotten involved with Ethan when she was his attorney. “Not the same. Ethan adores you and he’s an amazing guy,” I said.
Zoe rolled her eyes. “Fine. I ended up with a great guy in large part because you pushed me to get over myself. I always look at you and think you're such a brave person compared to me. You’re not afraid to put yourself out there, and that’s what you did with Rick. Trusting someone is better than walking around looking at everyone with suspicion from the start.”
“Yeah, right. Putting myself out there blew up in my face big time.”
“I know, but at least you know who matters in your life now.”
“That I do. You're my best friend,” I said earnestly.
She cracked a smile. “Well then, why won’t you listen to me?”
I wrinkled my nose. “Okay, what are you trying to tell me?”
“Relax and enjoy this.”
“You hardly know Finn. What if he’s secretly a jerk?” I countered.
Zoe glared at me. “I'm a criminal defense attorney. I have an excellent spidey-sense. I don't get the uh-oh feeling from Finn. He seems nice and down-to-earth. It won’t hurt to try to relax and stop worrying over this. You’ve gone on one date. That’s it. Don’t make it more than it needs to be.”
I stared at her, chewing on the inside of my cheek. “Fine. I’d pretty much talked myself into canceling dinner tonight.”
“Don’t do that!” she exclaimed. “I'm sitting here trying to sell you on this guy, and you don't even bother to mention you have a date with him tonight.”
> “I wasn't sure I was going,” I muttered.
“Go. Don't be an idiot. Will it make you feel better if we double date?”
Part of me didn't want to do that because then I wouldn’t have Finn all to myself. That should've been a bit of a cue for me that I was already in too deep. I trusted Zoe’s judgment though.
“Yes, let's,” I finally replied.
“Seriously? I thought for sure you were gonna say no.”
I laughed and shrugged sheepishly. “Well, you totally got the scoop for me on him. The least I could do is let you come with us.”
What I didn’t say aloud was I might get a hold of myself if she and Ethan were there to take the edge off the madness I felt when I was around Finn.
In some ways, I was bold and put myself out there like Zoe said. Yet, it was a superficial thing. That’s what had me so off kilter with Finn. Nothing felt superficial with him.
“Okay, when and where?” Zoe asked. “Oh and do you want to check with him about this first?”
“Nope. It’s a double date. I’ve decided.”
“You sure you don’t want to check with him?”
“Yup. He can roll with it or not.”
She laughed softly and stood from her chair, adjusting her skirt. As she turned and walked back to her office, I stood and jogged after her, catching her arm and pulling her around for a hug.
“You’re the bestest best friend ever!” I exclaimed as I stepped back.
“Ditto,” she said with a laugh.
I sobered. “No, seriously. Thank you. I know I’m a little nutty about Finn and not exactly rational.”
“I get it. Totally. Don’t forget how crazy I was with Ethan at first.”
“Oh right. You took off for a few days while he was beside himself.”
She nudged me with her elbow. “Exactly. You get to be nutty. Anyway, don’t leave without telling me where we’re meeting later. K?”
As she turned away, she glanced back once more. “By the way, you made a promise.”
I had made Zoe a promise I would finish resubmitting my paperwork to finalize my legal courses. It had been a full three years since I’d had to drop out when my mother was sick. I only had another month left before the timeframe expired for me to simply re-enroll without re-applying. I needed to resubmit all the paperwork.