by J. H. Croix
Without a word, he’d left the room. I hadn’t spoken to him for a full year after that. I’d been visiting my parents one summer between semesters in college and scrounged up the nerve to finally do something about the pent up desire I felt for him. Dallas had been the older boy-next-door all through my childhood. He was almost a decade older than me and so tempting, I’d have done just about anything to have him. But he’d made it crystal clear he didn’t want me. Thanks to his family moving away, I’d rarely seen him. In fact, except for one brief encounter the following summer, I don’t think I’d seen him until now. Five long years since my best orgasm.
I’d told myself I had to move on. So I had. Or rather, I’d convinced myself I had. I’d finished college and then law school. I’d dated here and there and gotten engaged, thinking I should. Matthew had been so charming. Clear-eyed, I knew I’d never experienced the white-hot passion with him that I’d felt with Dallas, but I’d talked myself into thinking that was a fluke, that I’d overblown my recollection of how I’d felt about Dallas. Seeing Dallas now for the first time in years was a brutal reminder of how foolish I was.
I was all a muddle inside. I was furious at Matthew and so mortified. Just my luck to get engaged to a cheating asshole. Even worse, I’d broken up with Matthew a month ago. He’d begged me to reconsider and persuaded me not to formally call off the wedding. Then, I’d walked in on him fucking one of my friends. Maybe it made no sense, but Matthew doing what he did had brought my thoughts full circle to Dallas.
Why, oh why, did I have this terrible habit of falling for guys who didn’t want me? Dallas held the highest stature in that regard. He was the pinnacle of unavailable and not interested as far as I was concerned. I’d conveniently forgotten just how much I wanted him. For example, tonight. He pulled up beside me in the snow. I was cranky, upset and exhausted. One look at him, and I wanted to climb in his lap and ride him. It didn’t matter how tired I was.
Instead, he treated me like family. Like he always had. I knew it didn’t make sense to stomp down here and demand answers, but I wanted them. Maybe if I knew why Dallas couldn’t be bothered with me, then I could figure out what it was about me that came up short.
“Well?” I asked, staring at Dallas and hoping he couldn’t tell I was flushed.
Oh. My. God. He was too hot. With his black hair damp from the snow, his piercing blue eyes locked to mine, and his face looking like a damn sculptor’s dream with his square jaw, his blade of a nose and his lips with that dimple in the middle, it just wasn’t fair. His sleeves were rolled up, one forearm boldly decorated with a stark, black tattoo. He carried a day’s shadow, the dark stubble only adding a dash of roguishness to the whole picture.
He was quiet for a few beats before his shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath.
“Mind telling me where this is coming from?”
“Me. It’s coming from me,” I snapped. “Don’t try your annoying interview diversionary tactics on me. I’m not some criminal you’re investigating. I have one question, and it’s quite simple.”
“That wasn’t a question. It was more like an order,” he countered, his lips curling at one corner.
My belly flipped, and heat rolled through me. I’d forgotten how potent Dallas was. Time and distance had faded the memory of what it was like to be near him. His presence was so powerful, my body lit up inside whenever he was near.
I realized I was drifting inside. I narrowed my eyes. “Fine. It was an order. Explain,” I said, circling my hand in the air.
“Audrey, I haven’t seen you in…”
“Four years,” I added helpfully.
“Can we just have some dinner and…”
Emotions were roiling inside of me, little earthquakes of all kinds of feelings rocking me. Anger mingling with insecurity colliding with pain and tangling with desire. Matthew’s betrayal was enough to deal with. Yet, in a strange way, my feelings about that were straightforward—I was angry, but I’d get over it. Dallas stirred up a storm inside of me—too many years of longing, fierce desire, the sting of his rejection, and the wish I didn’t want him the way I did.
“No. We can’t just… whatever. I’m tired and I’m upset. I just found out my fiancé is fucking someone else, and I want to know why. What’s wrong with me? I’m not enough for him, and I obviously wasn’t enough for you. I want to know why!”
Dallas stared at me across the kitchen, his gaze so intense, I got nervous. I was going a little crazy inside. I’d thought I’d be alone here. I’d been planning to lick my wounds and figure out how to tell everyone my engagement was off once and for all. Instead, my stupid car broke down. Then, Dallas just had to show up and save the night. Or something like that. Well, he didn’t really save me. I only had about a mile left of my walk through the snowy night.
My anger suddenly dissipated, leaving in a whoosh. I took a deep breath and let it out. “I’m being crazy. Just forget I said anything,” I said, turning and waving my hand. “I’m gonna crash. I’m exhausted.”
I took about two steps when I felt his hand close around my arm. He spun me around so quickly, I stumbled and fell against him. Bumping into his chest was like bouncing against granite. The only difference was he was warm and strong and alive. It felt so good to be close to him. My breath caught when I collided with his gaze. His eyes were a rich, deep shade of blue, like the ocean on a clear day. They flashed with something, and I suddenly felt his cock, every hard inch of its length pressing into the cradle of my hips.
Oh. My… Panty-melting God.
“It’s impossible to answer your question,” he said, his words coming out sharp and clipped.
“It wasn’t a question. It was an order,” I said, surprised my words came out so clearly.
His mouth, that sinful, sexy mouth, curled into a wry grin.
“Okay, I can’t follow your order then.”
“Why not?”
My question came out breathy while my heart beat so hard and fast, it hurt.
“Because I can’t lie to you.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
His eyes searched mine, looking for what I didn’t know. I was an open book. At least I had been to him once upon a time. I’d told him how much I wanted him. I’d thrown caution to the wind, boldly walked into the house where he was staying that summer, and done my damnedest to seduce him.
My efforts had gotten me an absolutely glorious orgasm, but that’s it. He’d left me there and told me to get the hell out before he returned.
“You know exactly what I mean,” he returned tightly after a few taut moments.
“No. Actually I don’t. What would you be lying about? You told me to get the hell out and leave you alone the last time this came up.”
He stared back at me before nodding sharply.
“So I did.”
“So what would you be lying about?”
All the while through this little back and forth, time felt suspended. The air around us was heavy, weighted with the desire I’d shoved deep into the recesses of my body, heart and mind. While desire wasn’t a mind thing—hell if it were, I wouldn’t be here wanting him more desperately than my next breath—it was tangled up in my thoughts because I’d had to use those to bury what my body so desperately wanted. Meanwhile, I felt the press of his cock, hot and hard, at the apex of my thighs.
Dallas shook his head slowly. “You have no fucking idea how much I want you.”
His words came out in a growl and then his lips crashed to mine.
Chapter 3
Dallas
I wasn’t thinking. At all. Raw need roared through me. All I knew was I wanted Audrey. Now.
Inside of a minute, our kiss went from a flash point of contact to hot and heavy. With her tongue tangling with mine, it was all I could do to force myself to put a stop to it. Thank fuck my phone rang. Tearing my mouth from hers, we stared at each other. With her face flushed, her lips swollen and her eyes wide, it took enormous restraint to keep f
rom kissing her again. I supposed she expected me to say something. I didn’t know what the hell to say. I spun away and snatched my phone off the counter, only to see her father’s number flash on the screen.
“It’s your dad. I need to take this. He asked me to come check on the house. I'm assuming you don't want me to let him know you're here,” I said quickly before answering.
She nodded tightly. I got through that phone call on the habit of manners. I let Warren know all was well with the house. He chatted about a few things and wondered whether I might reconsider and drive down to see them in the Berkshires for Christmas. He couldn’t know I was riddled with guilt through the entire few minutes we were on the phone. If he hadn't called, I couldn’t have stopped that kiss for anything. My cock was still throbbing.
As soon as I ended the call, I turned to see Audrey waiting. Her cheeks were flushed, and her lips swollen. Fuck. I should not have kissed her. I’d all but set my body on fire with need for her, and I needed to get a handle on it.
“Why did you kiss me?” she asked suddenly, her words clipped.
I leaned my hips against the dining room table, shoving my hands in my pockets. There was no sense in lying. “Because I want you.”
Her mouth dropped open, and it was all I could do not to snatch her against me again. But I needed to stay sane. Before I had a chance to formulate what I meant to say—whatever the hell that was—Audrey spoke.
“How can you say that? Last time…”
“Last time, I put a stop to it because you were barely twenty! You’re my sister’s best friend.”
The words flew out, and I knew I sounded angry. I was. Not with her though. With myself. I took a ragged breath and ran a hand through my hair. “Audrey, your father means a lot to me. I can’t…”
This time she cut me off.
“Oh my God! Okay, forget about how old I was then. I’m twenty-five years old now. I’m not some foolish young girl. I wasn’t then either. And what the hell does my father have to do with anything?”
I stared at her, my thoughts spinning.
Five years ago, I kissed Audrey in the stupidest, craziest moment I'd let myself give into. We’d both grown up here in Haven’s Bay, our families close for years. Audrey was nine years younger than me, so all the way through college and until I moved away to Boston afterwards, I’d thought of her as nothing more than the young daughter of my parents’ friends. She grew up and nearly knocked me over the first time I saw her when she was nineteen. With her glossy dark hair, her flashing hazel eyes and curves for days, I almost hadn’t recognized her.
At a glance, you might think I'd been the lucky one. My family was wealthy, very wealthy, and had been for generations. My great-grandfather had made his money through shipping and timber. His fortune came from honest work and the luck of timing. Like many families generations ago, he came to the United States with not much more than what he'd scrabbled together for the ride across the Atlantic. He’d worked on the docks in Boston, worked on the ships and gradually worked up to buying his own and expanding it into a fleet. He’d invested his earnings from shipping in the timber industry here in Maine.
Haven’s Bay was roughly midway up the coast in Maine. My family had a lovely home with a gorgeous view of the ocean within a mile of this cute, but much smaller home where Audrey had grown up. This home had been a caretaker's cabin on my family's property many, many years back. My grandparents had sold it to her grandparents. Her mother was a teacher, and her father a lawyer. Audrey was now a lawyer as well. Her family was nothing but respectable, smart and hard-working. The long friendship her parents had shared with mine had been blown to bits a few years ago. Thanks to me.
I grew up in that gorgeous home on the windswept coast of Haven’s Bay. Inside the walls of that home, my father was a fucking asshole. He’d been distant with me and my three younger siblings my entire childhood. Love was hard to come by, if at all. Affection and approval were doled out in money only. I figured I’d never know what happened between my grandfather and my father, but my dad was nothing like him. Instead of believing in hard work, he believed he was entitled to wealth without any effort.
My specialty area within the FBI related to financial crimes. I’d been heading up a regional case, chasing down lead after lead in a sprawling money-laundering case. Unfortunately, one of those leads brought me straight to my father. His preference for living off of investments eventually pushed him into creating a Ponzi scheme after a few investments went awry. I’d had to completely step back and hand the case over.
He now sat in jail. What little relationship we had was severed, and he lost most of his friends, including Audrey’s parents. What money my family had left had been confiscated. Unbeknownst to me, my father had signed our family’s home over to me before everything blew up. I was still torn with what to do with the home. I loved it dearly, but I was furious with my father. My mother had died years back from a stroke, so it fell to me to handle the logistical mess for my three younger siblings.
That was the ugly story for my family. Audrey's father was more of a father to me than mine had ever been. Hence, my guilt over the fact I wanted Audrey like I’d never wanted any woman. Ever. My guilt wasn't that she felt like family. Because she didn't. We had been nine years apart growing up. When things went to hell with my father, her father had been a huge source of support. I felt sick to contemplate what he would think if he knew I was harboring the secret of Audrey's presence here. He’d be heartsick to learn her engagement had blown up.
I had stifled my desire for Audrey and put it away behind lock and key. I’d been a bit relieved and simultaneously disappointed when I learned she was engaged sometime last year. If I couldn't have her, I wanted her to be happy. The wedding was supposed to occur next summer. The second my mind spun in that direction, a flash of anger coursed through me. Fucking Matthew. I'd never met the guy. Now to learn that Matthew had been seeing somebody on the side, I wanted to make him pay. Seeing as he was nowhere near, that was a problem for another time. The problem at hand: the fact I wanted her so much I could hardly stand it, and she was here.
Now she was waiting for me to explain. “Audrey, you know how much your father means to me. I can’t…”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m an adult. I can be involved with whoever I want.” She paused and shook her head. “Look, I’m tired. I don’t have it in me to make sense of anything right now. I came up here to get away, but you’re here.”
I let my breath out slowly. I’d take the break on trying to discuss that crazy kiss. But I didn’t want her to think she had to take off just because I was here. “I doubt you figured your dad would ask me to spend the month here. Obviously, we can both stay here.”
As soon as I said that, I wondered if I was flat crazy. Yet, I couldn’t exactly tell her to leave. If I called her father and told him I was leaving, he’d wonder why. In short, the easiest thing to avoid curious questions was to carry on as we’d respectively planned. I just hoped like hell she didn’t plan to stay long.
She stared at me, her eyes weary, and I had to hold back from tugging her into my arms again. It wasn’t simply lust when it came to Audrey. Never had been. Yet, now wasn’t the time. I’d already mucked things up enough.
After a long moment, she nodded. “Fine. I’m crashing.”
She spun away without another word.
***
I walked down the stairs the following morning, relieved to find Audrey wasn't up yet. Making a beeline for the coffee pot in the corner of the kitchen, I quickly started a pot of coffee. I wasn't used to waking up in a house with anyone, much less Audrey. I’d kept my hunger for her locked in a tight corner in my mind and in my heart. After four years of conveniently not seeing her, I’d somehow convinced myself I’d moved past my response to her. I didn't know what the fuck I was thinking last night when I kissed her. It had been a colossal mistake.
But damn it felt so good. Merely thinking about it now, I had to grip the counterto
p and will my thoughts off of the way Audrey’s lips felt under mine to keep from getting hard all over again. Just like I knew from the memory I had saved and rarely allowed myself to think about, she was wild and unrestrained when she kissed. So much of me wanted to take things as far as they could go with her, solely for selfish reasons. I wanted her. All to myself. Yet, aside from the complications of my guilt because of her father, I wasn't a good candidate for any kind of serious relationship. My life was my career. It left little room for what I knew I wanted with Audrey. I forced my mind off of her.
I needed to shift gears and come up with a plan, specifically a plan that involved her not being here for the entire month I was supposed to be here. Whether that meant me leaving or finding some way to get her to leave, it needed to be one or the other. There was no way I could tolerate a full month here with her. The temptation would be too great.
The coffee maker beeped, and I spun around. I filled a mug with straight black coffee, exactly how I liked it. I took a few sips before jogging out to my car. In the surprise of finding Audrey last night, I hadn't unloaded the car. I carted in some file boxes for cases I was working on, along with my laptop. I set up a workstation at the dining room table and sat down to plow through my email. I might be taking a month off from active duty on cases, but I would be monitoring and doing online work from a distance.
I was scrolling through my email when I heard footsteps on the stairs. I took a gulp of my coffee, bracing myself. Audrey walked through the archway and looked over at me. Seeing her was like a kick straight to my chest. My pulse rocketed and my entire body tightened. This response was the very reason I’d found it convenient to avoid holiday visits with her family ever since that fateful afternoon when she’d caught me off guard and I'd fallen prey to the desire beating like a drum in my body.
Her glossy dark hair was damp and fell straight over her shoulders, brushing the tops of her breasts. I might not be able to see them through her loose T-shirt, but I knew exactly how they felt against me. I had a vivid memory of the weight of her breasts in my palms. Because that's how far I'd let things go that one afternoon five long years ago now. She’d been only nineteen years old at the time, while I’d been looking ahead to thirty. If anything, she'd only gotten more alluring in the time since. Her hazel eyes caught mine as she stepped across the room and slipped into the chair at an angle across from me.