by J. H. Croix
Not much later, Audrey declared she was going to bed. I watched her walk upstairs with Molly shadowing her. I couldn't help it, but my ears paid attention to what room she went into. I knew she went into her bedroom, not the guestroom where we’d been sleeping. I heard the door close and gave myself a quick little lecture. I could sleep just fine across the hallway from her. It would be a good exercise in restraint.
Thea glanced over at me. “What's going on with you and Audrey?” she asked bluntly.
I stared at her, narrowing my eyes, trying to assess just what she might have picked up on. Thea was no idiot, and she knew me quite well. Just as she knew Audrey quite well.
I shrugged. “What are you talking about?”
Thea rolled her eyes and angled her head to the side. “You can hardly stop staring at her. Meanwhile, she's trying a little too hard not to look at you. I'm not an idiot. In fact, I'd be willing to bet something’s going on with you two. It might be none of my business who you screw, but it's my business if it's Audrey. Don't fuck with her.”
I wasn't ready for this conversation and was even less interested in dealing with my little sister lecturing me. I also felt a twinge of guilt because I was in so deep with Audrey, I couldn’t see, much less think, past it.
“Thea, nothing’s going on,” I said firmly, lying through my teeth.
She leaned her elbows on the table and stared at me. “I don't believe you. I'm not gonna make you talk to me about it, but don't you dare mess with Audrey. She deserves a good man. I absolutely know you are a good man with a heart of gold. Your work is your life though, and you've made it very clear nothing else can get in the way of it. Audrey can't just be some fling you have.”
Irritated, I drummed my fingertips on the table before quickly draining the last of the wine in my glass. “You know, Audrey’s an adult. I think she can take care of herself.”
“Well, now I know something’s going on,” Thea retorted.
“Whatever, Thea. Think whatever you want. I know she's your friend. I understand you want to protect her, but she can take care of herself.”
More twinges of guilt stabbed at me, but I didn't want to entertain them now.
“I'm also not an asshole,” I added, promptly wondering why the hell I’d said anything else.
Thea huffed. “I know you're not an asshole, but you don't make room for anything other than work. I’m all for you changing that, but don’t you dare hurt Audrey.”
“If you're so sure something's happening between us, why haven't you asked Audrey?” I asked, if only to be contrary.
Thea shook her head and rolled her eyes again. “If she wants to talk to me, she will. I’m not worried about you. I’m worried about her. As your sister, I'm asking you to respect her. She’s already been hurt enough.”
I knew I was feeling defensive and ready to argue with her about it. I forced myself not to. “Fair enough. You have my word I won’t do anything to hurt her.”
I went to bed that night, frustrated and hard. I ended up taking a shower in the middle of the night. I had to make do with taking care of myself since I couldn’t get my thoughts off of Audrey. I recalled the feel of her channel clenching around me as I spurted my release against the tile floor in the shower.
I woke the next morning still irritated and feeling like an ass. I made the abrupt decision I'd return to Boston. It was the best choice. With Thea here, I was doing my damnedest to get a handle on my need for Audrey. I was quickly discovering the very act of trying to get my feelings under control only amplified them. I was nearly burning up inside for her.
Maybe putting a little distance between Audrey and me would help. I didn’t like admitting it, but I needed an escape. Badly.
Chapter 25
Audrey
I stood in the kitchen, hands on my hips, staring at Dallas. “What?”
He stared back at me, his gaze inscrutable. “I'm leaving for Boston,” he repeated.
“Oh,” I finally said, scrambling my thoughts together. Inside, I was reeling—angry, frustrated and hurt. I didn’t want him to leave. It hurt. I knew I’d been tiptoeing through dangerous territory with him, and now I knew why I should’ve backed away much sooner. “Does Thea know you're leaving?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I talked to her a few minutes ago. I spoke to Howard this morning. They arrested three guys on those burglaries, so you don’t need to worry about that. Caught them in the act at a house on the other coastal road. They fessed up on breaking in here as well. I figure you and Thea might enjoy having a weekend together. I'll get back to the office and then return for Christmas. I'll probably stay at our house over Christmas.”
His tone was flat and controlled. It annoyed the hell out of me that he was so matter-of-fact.
This is fine. You knew there was an end date. It's just coming a little sooner than you expected.
My heart cried out, stomping its feet and essentially pitching a little tantrum and banging around inside my chest. My stomach churned. I didn't want Dallas to see the turmoil I felt inside, so I turned away quickly and needlessly started washing a few dishes in the sink.
“When are you leaving?” I asked.
Thea was upstairs in the shower. Dallas and I had coffee together like we usually did in the short time we'd been staying here together. Thea, as usual, slept in quite late. She was most definitely not a morning person. I'd been in the shower when she must've gotten up.
“I already said goodbye,” he said. “I'm just gonna run upstairs and grab my bag.”
I took a steadying breath, rinsing the plate in my hands and setting it carefully in the dish rack before I turned around. I hoped I'd schooled my expression into a calm one.
“Okay,” I said.
My vocabulary was failing me right now. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t think of how to say any of them. I shouldn't feel uncomfortable. This shouldn't be a big deal, yet I was so disappointed.
You knew this was going to happen.
Yeah, but I thought we had two more weeks.
Well, now you don't. This is why you never should've let this happen.
I shook my thoughts away and swallowed against the knot in my throat.
“Well, I suppose you should get going,” I finally said.
Molly had been sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor. She stood and came over to me, wagging her tail and sidling up against my leg. I reached down to stroke her head. She might've only been with us for a short time, but I sensed she already knew me well enough to know when I was upset. I only hoped her canine powers of observation were much stronger than Dallas’ human powers. He was more perceptive than the average person, but for once, I hoped like hell he couldn't see right through me.
He had that calm, distant expression on his face. He nodded tightly and turned away. I listened to his footsteps as he walked upstairs. I abruptly decided I would go for a drive. I didn't need to hang around to say goodbye. There was no sense in me hoping this was more than it had been.
I stuffed my feet in my boots, grabbed my jacket and keys, and called for Molly to come with me. Jogging outside, I let her in the car and started it quickly. As I rounded the circle at the end of the driveway and looked in the rearview mirror, I saw Dallas stepping out the front door. I was just close enough to see the look of surprise on his face.
Fuck him. Maybe I’d been stupid enough to agree to the limits he’d set, but it didn't feel any better to mean so little to him. I drove away quickly, concerned he might try to follow. Once I was on the coastal road leading to town, I turned off on another side road that led to a hiking trail. I pulled into the little parking lot at the end, put my car in park and just sat there.
My heart hurt. I felt so stupid. I’d fallen for Dallas a long time ago. I’d stuffed the feelings so far away, they’d been invisible to me, and I’d forgotten how he affected me. Molly nudged my shoulder. I stroked her head and buried my face in her fur, finally letting myself cry. I wasn't sure what I
was crying for. I didn't know if it was Dallas, or all the time that I’d wasted with Matthew. I felt tired and alone, and I’d been so stupid to let myself get close to Dallas.
I couldn't convince my heart not to care. I leaned my head back against the seat after a few minutes and tried to gather myself together. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and tugged it out. Dallas’ name flashed on the screen. I tapped the decline button and put my phone away. It was best if he left. I didn't need to read anything more into this than I already had.
I waited a little bit, only to hear my phone buzz again. I lifted it to see a text from him.
No goodbye?
“Dallas, there is no goodbye. We’ll go back to the way things were for the last five years,” I said to no one other than Molly.
She cocked her head to the side as if trying to understand what I was saying, her brown eyes soft and curious.
“Human stuff. I was silly. I should’ve known better,” I offered to her in explanation.
I stroked Molly’s head, passing my hand down along her back. The bony ridges of her body were still easily palpable, but she was starting to gain some weight.
“Where should we go?” I asked, looking at her.
Molly had no answer, but she nudged my shoulder gently. I pulled out of the parking area and headed for a beach nearby where I used to walk the last dog I had growing up. It was usually deserted in the winter, and today was no exception. We walked along the sand, watching the waves roll to the shore and crash against the rocks up ahead. I savored the salty, icy air. Molly ran around like a maniac. She was good about coming when I called, so I let her run ahead and then spin back to meet me. She was like a little canine boomerang.
Even though my heart still ached, I figured it was time to go back and face Thea. I worried she would sense I was out of sorts. Well, out of sorts didn’t quite capture it. I felt like I’d had my heart stomped on, and it was all the worse for the fact I’d put myself in this situation to begin with. I could blame it on Matthew. She didn't need to know I'd been silly enough to fall for her brother.
Chapter 26
Dallas
“What the hell?” I asked no one, tossing a file folder across my desk.
Cole poked his head around the door to my office. “Talking to yourself again?” he asked with a grin.
I rolled my eyes. “The team working on that money laundering investigation came up with a whole lot of nothing. It's been two weeks, and I was hoping they’d make some headway while I was gone.”
“Dude, you do not know how to take a vacation.”
“What do you mean?” I countered.
He stepped into my office, slipping into the chair across from my desk. “You’ve been gone two weeks, and all you can do is bitch about what nobody did. You know sometimes it takes months to catch a break on investigations. Especially in finance cases. It's your specialty, you know this,” he said with a slow shake of his head.
I leaned back in my chair, running a hand through my hair. “I know. No need for me to get pissed over nothing.”
I stood abruptly and rounded my desk, stepping to the coffee pot in the corner. I quickly poured a cup, holding it up aloft. “Coffee?”
Cole shook his head. “I'm wired enough already, but thanks.”
I returned to my chair, slouching into it and taking a sip of coffee.
“What is it?” Cole asked when the silence started to stretch.
I angled my head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“You,” he said, lifting his hand as he gestured toward me before letting it fall. “You’ve been a jerk, to put it bluntly, ever since you've been back. You're cranky as hell and irritated about everything. This isn't like you. One of the reasons you’ve had a solid team all these years is because you're easy to work with. If you keep this up, it won’t stay that way.”
I stared at him. “That bad?” I asked.
Cole nodded vigorously. “Oh yeah, man. You're like the office cactus right now. No one wants to get too close.”
I burst out laughing. “All right. Fair enough. Guess I gotta work on my attitude.”
Cole shrugged. “You don't have to. If you want to cultivate a reputation as an asshole…”
“Not what I'm after,” I said with a roll of my eyes.
“Wanna talk about what's going on?”
I held his gaze for a moment, suddenly recalling my conversation with Russ back in Haven’s Bay. Cole was the very friend Russ had been referencing when he said one of my buddies from work had a family. I’d been Cole’s best man at his wedding three years ago. He and his wife had a two-year old and a baby now. He’d found a way to juggle the needs of his family and his job and make it work. It’s not as if I hadn’t known this, yet I hadn’t contemplated what it could mean for me. I’d so effectively shut off the idea of settling down because once I’d known Audrey was engaged, I’d told myself it was for the best. Everything had changed now.
“How's Shelly?” I asked abruptly.
Cole didn't miss a beat and accepted the change in topic. “She’s good. Sara’s sleeping through the night finally, so life is great.” He laughed softly. “If you ever do settle down and have kids, trust me when I say you’ll hardly sleep when they're babies. I was tired as hell all the time until they made it through the night. Your standard for a good night’s sleep gets so low that if you make it for four hours, it’s like ‘oh sweet Jesus, that was heaven.’ I think I had my first full night of sleep in a year and a half the other night. Those people who talk about how great it is that their baby sleeps through the night? They should be slapped,” he said with a laugh.
I chuckled along with him and took a gulp of my coffee. “I could handle the sleepless nights. I've never been much of a sleeper as it is.”
“Well, there's a mark in your favor. Tell me how come you're back from your vacation early.”
I shrugged. “No need for me to stay. Thea’s there now. They arrested the guys responsible for all the break ins. Audrey’ll be there past the New Year anyway. Just no reason for me to stay.”
Cole nodded slowly and picked up a pen from my desk, flipping it back and forth between his fingers. “Something up with you and Audrey?”
“No. Why do you ask?” I countered, instantly guarded.
“Because Thea mentioned it to me when she stopped by to pick up those files you wanted the other day. She thinks something might be going on. You know Thea. She’s worried about Audrey and you at the same time.”
Oh, did I ever know Thea. I rolled my eyes. “Look, it's no big deal. I might've stepped in it, but I can straighten it out.”
Cole arched a brow. “What do you mean?”
I sighed and leaned back in my chair. “I might've let something happen.”
Cole was quiet for a beat, his gaze considering. “By something, I assume you mean you screwed around with her.”
“Look, I…” Fuck. I hated knowing Thea was nosing around, and I hated having Cole look at me like I was some ass. “Audrey knows there's no room in my life for anything other than something casual. It's probably best I came back early.”
Cole held my gaze, shaking his head slowly. “Not if she's the reason you're such a fucking asshole,” he said.
“Man, I'm just tired, okay? Give me a few days to get back into the swing of things.”
“See, that's the thing. You're not supposed be tired after two weeks off, so either you were burning up the sheets and not getting any sleep, or you're not tired and you're just cranky because you might actually want more than a few nights in bed with her.”
I wanted to swear and tell him to shut the fuck up, but that might just prove his point. I played it cool and shrugged it off. “Leave it alone. I’m fine.”
“Fair enough,” he finally said. “Work on your attitude in the meantime.”
At that, he stood and left. I leaned my elbows on my desk and ran both hands through my hair before straightening. I took another gulp of coffee, my eyes landing on
the clock above the door. It was going on seven o'clock at night. I was restless and antsy. It was fairly common for me to work until eight or nine at night, but I didn't even want to be here. I was too distracted and too frustrated. I missed Audrey. I hated that I hadn't gotten a chance to say goodbye. She’d taken that chance away from me and hadn’t answered a single text or call since then. I wanted to ask her why the hell she wouldn’t let me say goodbye. I wanted to ask her all kinds of things. But I didn't.
Give it a few weeks. You’ll be back to your game.
I wanted to punch that voice because, right now, I was pretty damn sure a few weeks wouldn’t make the ache in my heart go away.
Chapter 27
Audrey
Thea stared at me, her eyes wide and her mouth open. She snapped it shut. “You had a crush on Dallas back in college?”
I felt my cheeks heat. With a sigh, I said, “Whatever. It was a long time ago.”
“Obviously, not that long ago if you still have a thing for him now,” she countered bluntly.
Julie glanced between us. “Who gives a damn if she had a thing for Dallas back in college?”
“I just can't believe you didn't tell me,” Thea said with a glare.
“Oh my God! I didn't tell you because he's your older brother. Plus, he’s ten years older than us. Back then, it seemed like a lot. Not so much now.”