by J. H. Croix
Can we try this again?
Still nothing.
At my silence, Cole angled his head to the side. “You know, you could ask for advice if you ever wanted it. I know that's not really your thing, but there are some areas where you're not the expert.”
I shifted my shoulders and rolled my head in a circle, trying to ease the tension in my neck. I'd been beating back a headache for what felt like days at this point. Ibuprofen was doing nothing more than keeping the edge off of it.
“What the hell do you mean?” I finally asked.
“All I have to do is say Audrey's name, and you look at me like you're ready to punch me. You don’t have much of a temper, so I figure it's a sore spot. What gives?”
Fuck it. I quickly summarized my last text conversation with Audrey.
After I finished, Cole stared at me, his mouth hanging slightly open. The coffee maker beeped.
“Hang on. I need coffee for this,” he said. He stood and poured a cup, looking in my direction. “Want some?”
At my nod, he stepped to my desk and set the cup down quickly before returning to pour another cup for himself. Once he was seated, he took a long swallow and then met my eyes.
“Okay, let me get this straight. She told you she loved you and some other stuff, and you said ‘wait.’ Do I have that right?” he asked.
I sighed. “Yeah, that about sums it up.”
“If I'm getting this right, you want to have some kind of something with her, but you're not sure what it is,” Cole added. He leaned back with a sigh, shaking his head slowly. “Man, you're an idiot. Here's the thing, if she loves you and she wants more and you don't, then you need to leave her the hell alone. That's it. It's the only fair thing to do. Is that what you want?”
I fucking hated his questions. I took a gulp of coffee and eyed him. “Well, I know I want to see her.”
“Yeah, but she loves you. So, if there's not even a chance of more than being fuck buddies, you can't see her. It’s not cool.”
Cole actually looked pissed off.
“Man, I'm not trying to be an asshole,” I muttered.
“Oh I didn't say you were being an asshole. You will be an asshole if you try to take things further and you know you don't want more. That's all I'm saying.”
Emotion rocked me. Fear mingled with longing. I was afraid to lose this chance with Audrey, and I was furious with myself over the whole mess. I did not enjoy feeling out of control of my emotions.
“You want my opinion?” he asked.
I stared back at him and finally shrugged. “Sure. What's your opinion?”
“I think you're stalling because you want more, and you don't know what the hell to do about it. I've been married to Shelly for three years now, and we were together for three years before that. It's not always easy. I'm not saying that I ever wonder whether I love her because I don't. But life is messy. Some days I'm in a bad mood, and some days she is too. Throw two little kids in the mix, and it gets even more challenging. That's what commitment’s about. You deal with whatever comes your way. The easy stuff is a piece of cake. Great sex, fun dinners, days when nobody's tired—those are the good days. It's sticking it out when it's not so easy that matters.”
I stared at him, my gut churning. I finally nodded tightly. “Fair enough. Why do you think I want more?”
“Because if you didn't, you would've let her go already. I'm joking around about it because I can deal with it, but you are seriously being a jerk around the office. You’re cranky, and you're on edge all the damn time. I'd say you just need a good lay, but I don't think that's gonna cut it.”
I let out a sharp laugh, startled when it came out. “That bad, huh?”
“Well, I mentioned it a week ago. Hasn't gotten any better. I think you need to decide what you want to do. Either you let her go, and I mean really let her go, or you stop being so damn scared about facing this.”
I took another gulp of coffee and nodded slowly. “I appreciate your opinion,” I finally said.
Cole chuckled. “Anytime, man. Now let's make that call.”
Chapter 30
Audrey
I stacked a box in the corner of the garage and stepped back. Blowing my hair out of my eyes, I dragged my sleeve across my face. I’d spent the morning organizing the boxes we’d unloaded from Dallas’ SUV before he left. I didn't have enough room to take them back in my car, and I didn't even know where I would be moving yet. For the short term, Thea had invited me to stay at her place until I found a new apartment.
Christmas was two days away, and I planned to leave tomorrow morning to go see my parents. Thea had tried to persuade me to stay in Haven’s Bay, but I just wasn't up for it. This afternoon, she’d headed over to her family’s old home. She was busy taking the sheets off the furniture with Julie and Sherry's help, trying to make the house feel like a home again. I didn't think I could deal with seeing Dallas, not right now.
The only good thing that came out of me being stupid enough to give in to my desire for him was perhaps this time I would be able to truly move on. Before, I just hung onto my crush. I might’ve buried my feelings, but they’d always been bubbling under the surface. This time, I wouldn't compromise. I would let go. In the far reaches of my mind, I would no longer wonder whether there might be a chance for us. Dallas had made it perfectly clear there wasn't.
I walked to the last box, lifting it and stacking it on top of the last row. My life was in boxes now. These boxes would wait here for me until I had time to come back. I wiped my dusty hands on my jeans, turned off the lights and walked outside, locking the door behind me. Molly came dashing to me from the yard, snow flying around her as she bounded through it. I grinned and managed one stroke on her back as she flew past me.
Snow had started to fall again, drifting lazily from the sky. I walked up the steps, turning at the sound of a car coming down the driveway. When I recognized Dallas’ SUV, my heart clenched and my belly coiled with tension. Fuck. My plan had been to be gone before he showed up. Thea had said he wouldn’t be here until tomorrow. Well, whatever. I didn't have to let him inside. Molly had raced to the door with me, so I let her in.
“Be right there, Molly.”
I turned and waited, watching as Dallas rounded the circle in front of the house and came to a stop. My heart was beating so hard, it hurt. I told myself I could get through this. Hell, I'd gotten through walking in on my ex-fiancé screwing one of my friends. I could manage this too.
Dallas climbed out of his car. I watched him approach, my heart squeezing tight and my pulse racing. I knew I could get through this, but I didn't want to. It had been much easier to ignore my feelings for him when I didn't have to see him. He stopped at the foot of the stairs, looking up at me. He looked tired. His dark hair was rumpled and he had a shadow of stubble. His blue gaze pierced my heart. Dammit. He was so handsome. Why did my body have to respond so powerfully to him? Just having him near, and I wanted him like mad.
“Hi,” he said simply.
I couldn't seem to speak, so I nodded, swallowing against the knot of emotion in my throat. After a breath, I managed to form words. “Hi, what are you doing here?” I asked.
“I came to see you.”
I shook my head quickly. “I don't think that's a good idea.”
I heard Molly whining behind the front door and saw Dallas’ eyes flick to the door and back to me. I knew she could hear his voice, and of course she wanted to see him. A childish, petty part of me didn't want to allow that. In part, because seeing him with her only reminded me his love of dogs was yet another reason I loved him. I wasn't that immature though, so I turned and opened the door. Molly dashed out, dancing in circles around him. He grinned and knelt down to greet her while she bathed his face in kisses. After she was satisfied, she dashed off into the yard again, galloping through the snow. He straightened, his eyes locking to mine again.
“Is it okay if I come in?” he asked.
“Dallas, I don't think th
at's a good idea. I'm not sure why you're here. Thea’s not expecting you until tomorrow.”
“I'm not here to see Thea today. I'm here to see you,” he said simply.
Just the sound of his voice, low and gruff, sent shivers through me. Fuck. I was so screwed. Before I thought about what I was doing, I was opening the door and gesturing for him to follow me. At the last second, Molly came dashing up the stairs and through the door. As usual, she raced to the kitchen, and I could hear her lapping at her water bowl. Inside of a few more seconds, she dashed upstairs. Her favorite place to sleep was still at the foot of my bed. I supposed she felt safe there.
I toed off my boots and hung my jacket. Dallas stood right where he was in the entryway, waiting. I sighed. I’d let him in the door, so I might as well let him actually come in for a few minutes.
“Come on in. I’ll be right back.”
I heard him taking off his shoes and hanging his jacket as I walked through the dining room into the kitchen and then the bathroom. Closing the door, I took a deep breath and quickly washed my hands. Glancing at myself in the mirror, I sighed. I was a mess. My hair was falling out of its ponytail, I had dust streaked on my cheek, and I looked tired. I hadn't been sleeping well, not since Dallas had left. I splashed some water on my face, quickly dried it with a towel and returned to the kitchen.
Dallas was standing with his hips resting against the counter and his hands curled over the edge of it. His eyes met mine. I’d never seen him look uncertain, but that was how he looked at the moment. I gestured to the kitchen table. “Have a seat.”
He pushed away from the counter and sat down facing me where I stood in the center of the kitchen.
“I'll make some coffee,” I said, restless at the feel of his gaze on me.
Once the coffee was brewing, I sat down and looked over at him.
“What do you want Dallas?” I asked directly, ignoring the wild pounding of my heart and the joy that wanted to bubble up at seeing him.
“I wanted a chance to talk to you.”
“Well, we're here. Talk. I'm not sure what else there is to say.”
His shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath. He leaned back in his chair. “Look, I don't know how to do this,” he finally said.
“How to do what?”
I truly didn't know what he meant to say.
“When you said you loved me,” he paused, swallowing audibly before continuing. “I didn't know what to say. Not because I don't feel the same way…”
My heart lunged and nearly jumped up and down, banging against my ribs almost painfully. Hope soared wildly inside, like birds taking flight into the sky. I cut in. “What do you mean you feel the same way?”
He stared back at me for a long moment before he spoke, the moment so tense I thought I might explode. “I mean I love you too. But my life is the way it is. I suppose I can change it, but I don't know if I can be the man you deserve,” he finally said.
It was clear the words didn’t come easy for him. I stared at him, trying to collect my thoughts. The cacophony in my heart was hard to think above, but I was trying to focus on what he said because it mattered. A lot. It was the boundary he’d put up, and it was silly and pointless. “Dallas, you don't have to change anything to be the man I deserve,” I finally said, my words coming out raspy with the emotion thundering inside of me.
He shook his head. “No you need someone whose job isn't so crazy they're rolling out of bed in the middle of the night. You need someone…”
I cut him off with a sharp shake of my head. “Stop it, Dallas. I know who you are. I know what your job is. It’s part of what I admire and love about you. I don't need somebody around 24/7. I love you the way you are. I know your job is a part of your life. I can deal with it. It’s not like my job isn’t busy too. I work late and have cases that tie up extra time too. Look, I almost married Matthew and all he did was legal stuff for rich jerks. He had long hours and his work wasn’t nearly as important as yours. It's not quantity, it's quality.”
I didn’t quite know how I sounded so certain, but I was. In this moment, I realized Dallas was as vulnerable as I was and somehow that made me feel stronger. It also made my heart ache for him. He’d walled himself off from everyone who mattered.
He stared at me, his eyes considering, and then he leaned forward, reaching for my hand. After a beat, he swore and stood, pulling me up from my chair and into his arms.
“It's been the longest damn week of my life,” he murmured into my hair.
I sighed, tension unspooling inside. Finally held tight against him, his warmth and strength surrounding me, I could let go. Tears welled up, one sliding down my cheek. I rubbed my cheek against his shirt and leaned back to look up at him.
“This week sucked,” I said bluntly.
His eyes met mine, dark and open. “I know. Trust me, I know. I’m sorry I was an idiot.”
In a flash, his mouth was on mine. We tumbled into a place I only went with him—where desire and emotion collided. His tongue swept deeply into my mouth while his hands mapped my body. Within seconds, he was tugging at my clothes. We were frantic. He groaned when he flicked the clasp between my breasts, the calloused surface of his palms sending pleasure streaking through me as he cupped my breasts and laved my nipples with his tongue.
He suddenly lifted his head. “I need a bed,” he said roughly.
Then, he was lifting me up against him. I curled my legs around his hips. I'd managed to get his shirt off, so I sighed at the feel of his hard strong body against mine.
He cleared the top step, his eyes catching mine. “I'm assuming Molly’s in your bedroom.”
At my nod, he shouldered through the door to the guest bedroom, kicking it shut behind him. Everything was a blur. We yanked at each other’s clothes, leaving what was left strewn across the floor and falling onto the bed in a tangle. He was hard and hot, and it felt so good to have him against me. He rolled atop me, and I curled my legs around him, wanting him inside of me right away. His cock slid against my slick folds as he propped himself up on his elbows and brushed my hair out of my face.
“I missed you so fucking much,” he said, his voice gruff.
Emotion was riding so high inside of me, I could hardly contain it. I nodded wordlessly. He dropped kisses on my neck, charting his way down my body with his lips. A scrape of his teeth on my nipple, a drag of his tongue on my belly, need coiling tightly in my center, bundling to a knot at the apex of my thighs and swirling through me. He pushed my thighs apart, dropping kisses on the sensitive skin inside. I was wild with need, my hips rocking, murmuring his name over and over. I cried out when he dragged a finger through my folds and sank it knuckle deep inside.
I was already so close to the edge, and then his mouth was on me, his fingers and tongue driving me wild. I came more quickly than I wanted, my release crashing over me hard and fast. He made his way back up my body, and his hips settled into the cradle of mine.
“Audrey,” he murmured.
I dragged my eyes open, colliding with his navy gaze.
Chapter 31
Dallas
Audrey’s gaze met mine, a swirl of green, gold and nutmeg. I could feel her core calling to me, the slick heat of it kissing the head of my cock. I needed to see her when I sank inside this time. I adjusted the angle of my hips and sank into her creamy clench in one swift surge.
“I'm not sure I know how to do this,” I said as I settled into her, finally feeling as if I was back where I belonged. This close to her, I lost track of where I ended and she began. Intimacy curled around us, wrapping us in its embrace.
“To do what?” she whispered, her voice husky with passion.
“To love you the way you should be loved,” I murmured.
She lifted a finger and traced my brows, her touch light as a feather. Her hand slid down to cup my cheek, and she traced my lips with her thumb. All the while my heart thudded inside of my chest as I struggled to contain the heady mix of emotion and lust
only she elicited in me.
“You're already doing it. Stop worrying.”
It was a leap of faith to come here, a leap of faith to do any of this. But I’d already stepped off the edge, and there was no turning back.
“If you say so,” I finally managed, dipping my head and bringing my lips to hers.
I drew my hips back, sinking into her again, savoring the throb of her channel around me. We tumbled into nothing but sensation as I stroked into her again and again. I felt her begin to tighten, the need building in her again. Her hips rose to meet mine with every stroke. I kept my eyes open and locked with hers the whole time, watching as they widened and she clamped down around my cock, crying my name out. I let go, my release thundering through me and pouring into her.
I collapsed against her, spent and utterly exhausted, physically and emotionally. After a few minutes, I lifted my head, brushing her tangled hair away from her face.
One look in her eyes, and I remembered just how much of a hold she had on me. She owned me—body, heart and soul.
Chapter 32
Audrey
I walked up the stairs to Dallas’ family home, kicking the snow off my boots when I reached the door. Fresh snow had fallen during the night, dusting the landscape with fairy dust. I stepped through the door, nudging it with my shoulder. I had a large basket filled with rolls and pies. Thea, being the whirlwind she was, had assigned various tasks for cooking today’s Christmas dinner. We’d done most of the cooking and baking at my parents’ home because the kitchen here was empty from when they’d moved out.
After Dallas had shown up two days before Christmas, I had changed my plans when he asked me to stay. Instead of visiting my parents, they were coming up here. Thea and I had stayed up late last night cooking in our kitchen. She’d carted the ham and a few casseroles here this morning to stay warm in the ovens, while I'd finished up the baking. The house had lost some of its empty feeling. The sheets had been pulled off the furniture. Dallas had left my parents’ house this morning to meet Noah and Ian here to shovel off the stairs and make sure the heat was working.