by J. H. Croix
His palm kept moving, sliding into the dip of my waist and coming to rest under the curve of my breast. My nipples tightened, a wash of need rolling through me. He had to be asleep. Right? On the heels of another deep breath, I started to move again and suddenly felt his breathing change. Oh shit. My incremental movements away had been erased when he moved. My bottom was pressed firmly into his hard cock. My channel throbbed, and all I wanted was to give into the wild, burning need I’d never forgotten. When sex with everyone else had paled in comparison—nothing even came close—it was hard not to want to give in. Nigh impossible, really.
My skin prickled with awareness as I sensed him coming awake. He held still, but I could feel the thrum of tension in his body. Hot all over, I pondered how to gracefully get out of this mess when all I wanted to do was straddle him and forget everything else. He might’ve kissed me last night, but he’d gotten distant afterwards. I remembered that much.
Oh hell. I wasn’t going to be a coward. I rolled over, swiftly enough to dislodge his hand from where it was cupping my breast. The moment I rolled over and opened my eyes… Oh. My.
In the smudgy darkness, I couldn’t see much, but a light had been left on in the adjoining bathroom, its light filtering across the bed. Just enough for me to see him and just enough to make me nearly melt. His gorgeous green eyes slammed into mine, his gaze, dark and intent, scanned my face. For a flash, I felt lost and alone. The Cade I knew was hidden behind his impenetrable gaze. I could hardly breathe, my pulse skittering wildly.
To say I didn’t know what to say might be the understatement of the century. After a few beats of silence, the air around us weighted with seven years of hurt and obviously failed attempts to move on, he pushed up onto an elbow. His hand had slipped onto my belly when I rolled over, and his thumb moved in idle strokes. My senses narrowed to the thin strip of flesh under his thumb, slivers of fire radiating outward. Just a soft brushing back and forth, and I was about ready to lose my mind. My breath was shallow, and my thoughts scrambled.
I clung to my sanity and swallowed. “Cade...”
He saved me. “Amelia, we don’t need to talk now. Okay?” he asked, his voice gruff with sleep.
“Okay,” I managed, mostly because I had no idea what else to say.
He eased off of his elbow and adjusted the pillow under his head. His eyes were still on me, and I couldn’t look away. Years of unspoken feelings crowded the space between us. I sensed Cade knew I was unsettled. Once upon a time, he would have teased me and jostled me out of this place in my head. That was then, this was now. He didn’t move away, but he was quiet.
After another few beats, he spoke. “Go to sleep, Amelia.”
He lifted a hand and brushed the tangled hair away from my face. On a sigh, I closed my eyes. The tension knotted in my chest eased slightly as I relaxed into this space with him—even with him guarded, I felt right when I was with him. Just myself. I drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 4
Cade
I took a sip of coffee—a double shot in the dark, just what I needed. Two shots of espresso in the already rich brew from the diner were enough to nudge me out of my muddled state. Amelia sat across from me, one elbow on the table while she flipped through the menu. She was wearing one of my t-shirts and a pair of jeans she’d picked up at the department store near the hotel. Sporting a black eye and looking tired and out of sorts, she was so damn beautiful it took my breath away. I took a gulp of coffee, needing the bitterness to anchor me.
The sun glinted in her amber hair, gilding it with gold. Last night had been, well, maybe the hardest night of my life. I wanted Amelia—so fiercely, it was an ache I couldn’t assuage. She’d been just drunk enough to test my limits. She didn’t appear to recall she’d sashayed out of the bathroom last night, after unceremoniously yanking her wedding dress off, and straddled me where I’d been resting in the bed. Propped up on the pillows, I’d gritted my teeth and roughly set her aside. I might want her like I’d never wanted anyone, but I wasn’t about to take her when she was drunk and on the heels of walking out on her fiancée. I’d gathered bits and pieces of what happened. In short, she’d dated Earl, never loved him and didn’t believe he loved her. Apparently, she’d missed me the whole time.
Even now, I was still trying to wrap my brain around that. Amelia was a passionate woman. She didn’t do anything in half-measures, including anger. She’d iced me out of her life so completely, I couldn’t quite believe she’d missed me the whole damn time. I’d sure as hell missed her. Yet, I was also pissed. Seven years of being shut out and never once had she given me a chance to explain that absolutely nothing happened with Shannon. Much as I wanted to erase the time in between, I couldn’t. I didn’t even know if what I felt was really something. Was it just the echoes of what once was? Maybe I simply needed to get her out of my system, once and for all.
Amelia closed her menu and glanced over at me, her cognac eyes searching my face. My heart clenched so hard it hurt. Amelia was…well, she wasn’t an easy woman. She was so strong on the outside—tall, leggy and powerful, she exuded confidence and an innate power. Yet, behind that strength was a soft side.
Oh fuck. I couldn’t look at her and not go all crazy inside. Even worse, I was still sporting an erection. Had been pretty much since I’d picked her up off the floor last night. A mechanical release in the shower this morning hadn’t done the trick. I couldn’t be around her and not want her. I might not be full on like I’d been when I woke up beside her, but my cock was at half-mast and had been ever since I’d laid eyes on her in a tumbled mess in her muddy wedding dress on the floor.
Another gulp of coffee, and I realized I’d almost drained it. I caught the waitress’s eyes and held my cup aloft. She nodded from a few tables away. I glanced back to Amelia and decided I’d better figure out how to talk to her. No matter what happened with us, I was moving back to Willow Brook to stay and it’d be best for us both if we could find peace.
“So…”
I stared over at her. I’d meant to start off with something blunt, maybe even harsh. But my gaze landed on the purple, reddish skin around her eye and saw the pain flickering in the depths, and I just couldn’t. I could only drift but so far on the tides of bitterness. She was Amelia, the one and only woman who’d ever gotten to me. No matter how angry I was she never gave me a chance to explain, I’d loved her so hard once upon a time. The echoes of that love—in all of its wild, tangled glory—were still ringing inside. I also knew perfectly well why she’d been so pissed at me.
Hell, I’d almost lost my mind when I heard she was engaged. I couldn’t even stand to think she might be with anyone other than me. Thousands of miles of distance between us, and the only way I’d managed to deal with any of it was to shove everything away.
After Amelia had walled me out of her life almost instantly, I’d tried in vain for a week to talk to her. I could be as stubborn as her, so by the time my flight rolled around, I left Willow Brook behind, plenty pissed and bitter. Being able to walk into an intensely demanding year of training and stay on in a job where I often worked so hard I could barely think served to help me forget Amelia. Or trick myself into thinking I had.
I couldn’t help but wonder if my biggest mistake had been in actually leaving Willow Brook. Time and distance had allowed me to put off revisiting the ghosts of the lies Shannon wove around us. Hell, had I been around, at some point Amelia would’ve had to have talked to me. But I’d spent the last seven years flying in and out of the wilderness all over the place. Wherever the worst fires were, I went, along with my hotshot crew.
Now, I was back in Alaska and here to stay. Amelia sat before me, and I’d completely underestimated the hold she had on me. Beyond the fact she could easily intimidate any man, what with her height, her strength and her ballsy attitude, she held my heart in her hands and always had.
“So, don’t suppose you have a car somewhere around here?” I asked.
Amelia’s cheeks flushe
d as she shook her head. “No. My mom drove me here because, well, because we were supposed to fly out to Hawaii today.”
Of course. She had a honeymoon planned. The very idea of Amelia going on a honeymoon with anyone other than me nearly made me want to pound someone into a wall, but I took a breath and kept it together.
“Right. Should I drop you off somewhere? Do you need to call anyone?”
Her cheeks flushed deeper. “I threw my phone away. Look, I know this is weird, but could you just give me a ride to Willow Brook and drop me off at my brother’s place outside of town?”
She wanted a ride? Sweet Jesus. I did not know if I could do this.
Chapter 5
Amelia
I rubbed the hem of Cade’s t-shirt between my fingers. His scent surrounded me and threw me full force back into the tumult of my feelings for him. My eyes canted in his direction. His truck was, well, it was what I’d have expected him to drive. It was a black light-duty truck and decked out with every imaginable high-tech feature, yet also battered and worn. He didn’t have a nimble, four-wheel truck for show. Cade was a man who used the hell out of his vehicles. He was no cardboard cutout alpha man—he was as rugged, mouthwatering, and alpha as a man could get.
In the seven years since I’d seen him, he’d gone from young, rough and wild to all man—raw, rugged, and so damn sexy it nearly set me on fire. He carried a sense of danger with him and a hard edge. I could only imagine the life he’d led. I’d spent seven long years trying to shove every thought about him far out of my mind. The only thing I’d succeeded in was refusing to listen to anything anyone had to say about him. In a town the size of Willow Brook, that was no small feat.
Willow Brook was situated roughly forty-five minutes outside of Anchorage with Denali, the highest mountain peak in North America, rising tall in the distant vistas. With its proximity to Anchorage and Denali National Park and Preserve, Willow Brook was a tourist draw for the hordes of tourists that descended on Alaska the minute the brutal cold blew away with the spring winds. As such, Willow Brook catered to the tourists with a mix of restaurants and shops.
I pondered how I was going to explain any of what had happened with my wedding and quickly shoved those worries away. Sadly, I didn’t have much to say other than the truth. The more pressing concern was what to do about Cade. Fat lot of good it had done me to block out any and all gossip about him. All I knew was he’d left for California as planned for his hotshot firefighter training and stayed on the crew there. He’d offered little else since he’d scooped me up off the floor last night.
A rush of emotion rose inside my chest. Dammit. I felt like an idiot. I’d cried last night in the shower after Cade unceremoniously shoved me off of his lap. I’d been good and drunk, but I couldn’t seem to forget my foolish display. Aside from our initial kiss—which he’d started, dammit—he’d pulled back. Questions flew through my mind. I was starving to know more. Fuck it. I might as well ask. I had nothing to lose.
I glanced his way, and heat coiled low in my belly. His profile was stark against the bright blue sky outside the driver’s side window—strong cheekbones and a blade of a nose with a slight bump in it. I remembered the afternoon he broke his nose. He’d gone mountain biking with his friend John and tumbled off when his front tire bounced off a boulder. Just thinking of that made my heart clench. I knew just about everything about him growing up. Even before we’d started circling each other in high school and then started dating, he’d been entwined in my life. His family lived nearby. To this day, his mother Georgia was close with mine. That had made it awful hard to avoid news about Cade, but I managed it somehow.
My eyes landed on Cade’s hand, hooked loosely over the steering wheel. Strong with a scar winding in a graceful curve over the base of his thumb, I recalled the feel of his hand on me when I woke in the night. I tore my eyes free and swallowed. This was incredibly inconvenient. Sweet Jesus. I hadn’t thought it possible, but I wanted Cade more than ever. A mere day after dumping Earl right before he stood in front of the altar, I was lusting after my ex. The very ex who’d betrayed me.
I’d had to get used to bumping into Shannon around Willow Brook for a few years, but Shannon had since moved to Anchorage, a huge relief. Dealing with Cade’s betrayal had been bad enough, but he’d been blessedly gone. Seeing Shannon had been like jagged glass in a wound. Even worse, our circle of friends had been caught in the middle. The scars ran deep, and to this day, I harbored lingering hurt over the friends who’d declared they couldn’t take sides.
With a mental shake, I brought my focus back to now. Cade was here and he’d kissed me senseless last night. I’d never been a coward and I wouldn’t be one now. “So how long will you be in Willow Brook?” I asked.
Cade glanced my way, his green gaze catching mine and sending my belly in a slow flip. “I’m moving back.”
I felt as if I was falling, my stomach dropping out and my heart beating so fast I could barely breathe.
“What?” I finally managed to ask, my voice coming out raspy.
Cade had looked back to the highway, but his eyes flicked my way quickly and back forward.
Tears pressed at the backs of my eyes, and my chest felt tight. My heart felt like it had been scored deeply, the pain stinging and sharp. I’d so effectively buried my hurt behind walls of anger I was surprised at its ferocity now. Cade being almost a ghost in my life had made it possible for me to keep the walls intact. The surprise of seeing him had sent them tumbling down to rubble and now I was picking my way through, wondering how the hell to pull myself together again. He was moving back? I so totally could not deal with this.
I stared blindly out the window, completely forgetting I’d attempted to start some kind of a conversation with him. The morning had been hard enough, but I’d had things to do, like get dressed and stuff my muddy wedding dress into a bag the hotel receptionist had politely offered me. Now, I watched the landscape roll by. It was midsummer in Alaska with fields of lupine waving purple in the wind. Denali rose tall in the rear view mirror, while lakes and rocky ledges flanked the highway winding toward Willow Brook.
Cade approached a stop where the highway intersected with another. I could feel him glancing in my direction, the feel of his gaze practically burning a hole in the back of my head. Fighting my tears, I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, so I stayed silent and stared out at the view blurred by my tears.
“Amelia?”
I swallowed against the tightness in my throat, but I couldn’t manage to respond. He turned onto the smaller highway leading toward Willow Brook and immediately pulled over into a scenic view location off the side of the highway.
Confused, I glanced over my shoulder. “What are you doing?”
He turned the engine off and looked over at me. “We might as well hash things out now. I mean, I’m back. To stay. We have to be able to stand to see each other. Don’t you think?”
My heart felt like it might crack a rib, it was pounding that hard. Pull yourself together. This shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Did you think Cade would stay away forever just because it was easier for you? Actually, I hadn’t even allowed myself to think about that. It hurt too much.
I gulped in air and stared back at him, scrambling to gain purchase in my mind. I felt off balance and caught in a riptide of emotions I’d staved off for years.
Cade stared back at me, his gaze direct and unflinching. A mess inside, I fell back on what got me through our break up before—anger.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I said, almost cringing at my bitchy tone.
He arched a brow and leaned back in his seat, never once looking away. I couldn’t have felt more of a mess if I tried. I had a black eye, wasn’t even wearing my own clothes, and had encountered Cade at probably the worst possible moment I could consider. Seriously. I would’ve had to try to pick a worse time.
“Since you’re still pissed at me, I’m guessing you never bothered to figure out that nothing
happened with Shannon and me. Maybe you don’t want to talk about it, but you asked me for a ride, so I figure you at least owe me a chance to clear the air.”
I felt like I was falling again, hurtling through the air with the ground racing up at me. “What?”
“Just what I said. You know, you seem to think you’ve cornered the market on who gets to be pissed off. I had nothing to do with Shannon. I…”
I started to cut him off, but his glare was so dark, I snapped my mouth shut.
“Did you ever even try to find out the shit Shannon pulled?” He shook his head and kept going. “I don’t know what her fuckin’ deal was, but she stirred shit up. You walked in as shocked as me when she showed up. You never stuck around to see me shove her away, or to hear the bullshit she spewed. I. Never. Did. Anything. So while you were busy thinking I screwed you over, I got to wonder why you couldn’t be bothered to find out it might not have been what you thought,” he said, his tone dark and laced with hurt.
He finally snapped his eyes from mine and looked out through the windshield. I sat there stunned, my mind spinning and my gut churning.