by J. H. Croix
Chapter 28
Cade
I leaned my head against the headboard and glanced over to the bathroom. Amelia stood in the doorway brushing her teeth.
“When’d you say you had to go to Fairbanks?” she asked, her question surprisingly clear amidst the tooth brushing.
Before I answered, she spun around and ran the faucet while she rinsed. I figured there wasn’t much better than Amelia walking around bare-ass naked while she got ready for bed. I was let down when she snagged one of my t-shirts and tossed it over her head before crawling in bed beside me.
“You didn’t answer me,” she said as she adjusted the blankets and grabbed the remote.
“Day after tomorrow,” I said as she settled against my side, hooking her foot over my calf and idly tapping the remote against my chest.
We’d made it home after our ride to Turnagain Arm to stumble inside and tear each other’s clothes off. After a quick meal of leftover pizza, we’d showered. I closed my eyes, savoring the feel of her against me.
“How long?” came her next question.
“Three days,” I replied, opening my eyes and glancing down at her.
“I suppose it’s not helpful for me to complain, huh?” she asked, her mouth curling in a rueful grin.
I chuckled. “You can complain. It won’t change my job. Once I get through these state mandated certifications, I’ll only be taking off when I have to respond to a fire.”
She sighed and rolled her head to look toward the television. In the few weeks I’d been staying with her, we’d fallen into our old habit of watching a few shows at night. As good as things felt, I sensed a thread of uncertainty emanating from her about me traveling. I understood it because I felt it too. Everything was so fresh, still on shaky ground as if a jolt at the wrong time could rattle us far more than it should.
I sifted my fingers through her hair.
“I know,” she said softly.
After a few minutes, her breathing evened out. I slowly pulled the remote out of her hand and set it on the nightstand before reaching to flick the lamp off. I eased down into the pillows. She never woke, her body adjusting to my motion and sinking against me.
***
I looked down at the landscape below. I’d finished my third day of training in Fairbanks, three days of boring, administrative crap. I thrived in my job, loved just about all aspects of it. I didn’t mean that I loved putting myself or my crew in danger, but I knew what it meant, so I did it. The one and only thing I didn’t like about my job was the admin side of things. I missed Amelia like crazy and wanted to get back to Willow Brook yesterday.
We’d been about to hop on a return plane when I got the call my crew was called out for a rotation on a fire in the Alaskan Interior. Alaska had so many vast swaths of forest, a number of fires were simply managed as there was nothing to worry about. This fire was moving fast and headed straight toward a cluster of small communities in the Interior.
The mountains on the outskirts of Fairbanks receded in the distance as the land gradually shifted into vistas of forest interspersed with fields. I glanced to the pilot.
“Any idea how long before we reach the fire?” I asked.
The pilot, a jovial man named Fred Banks, kept his eyes trained ahead. “I’d say we’ve got another half hour. I’ll set us down in a lake nearby. When I was out here the other day, they had their main station set up there. You spent much time in Alaska?”
“Oh yeah. Born here. Grew up in Willow Brook.”
Fred glanced my way, flashing a grin, his blue eyes twinkling in his weathered face. “I figured you for a transplant when Beck mentioned you’d done your training in California. My mistake.”
I shrugged. “Easy mistake to make. I stayed there for seven years, so it’s been a bit. I’ve never flown out where we’re headed though. Taken plenty of trips hiking and fishing all over, but not there.”
“It’s wild country out here. With the beetle kill, as I’m sure you know, these fires have been worse every year. They’ve had the local crews trying to beat it back, but it’s too big now.”
I would typically be flying out here with my crew from Willow Brook and more likely in a helicopter rather than a plane. Yet, every available helicopter service in Fairbanks was booked, so Maisie had tracked down Fred and scheduled for me to fly out to rendezvous with the crew on site.
I glanced out the small plane’s window and watched the rolling hills dotted with lakes here and there pass beneath them. I’d called Amelia before heading out and flat hated that I couldn’t see her before this job. I figured I might eventually get accustomed to jaunting off and leaving her behind, but I damn sure didn’t like it right about now.
Just thinking about her sent my heart to thudding inside my chest. Of all the things I’d never thought I’d have to worry about again, it was the ache of missing someone when I headed out to the field to face fires. I forced my mind back to the moment because I didn’t really like thinking about Amelia, not like this.
Fred’s estimate was dead on. He eased the floatplane into a near-perfect landing on what would’ve been a picturesque lake under normal circumstances. Instead, the trees and ground in the surrounding area where charred. The fire had passed through this area roughly a week prior. The fire had spread rapidly and expanded to over one thousand acres inside of a week. I had this fire on my radar and been expecting my crew to get called out if it continued to grow.
Once the plane landed, Fred taxied over to a floating dock at the edge of the lake. He helped me unload and followed me over to a cluster of tents. Within minutes, I was in the midst of a discussion with the foreman for the local crew from Fairbanks. I radioed my crew who were scheduled to land in the area within the hour.
Time raced as crews rotated in and out, helicopters landed to refill with water from the lake to carry out over the fire, and I geared up to head out to a corner section of the fire with my crew.
Late that night with the sky wispy light and smoke drifting through the air, I rested against a boulder and glanced to Levi Phillips, holding out a protein bar for him. “Another?” I asked.
Levi flashed a tired grin and snagged it from me. “Amazing how good these things are when you’re starving.”
I nodded and rubbed the corner of my sleeve on my face. We’d been working our asses off all afternoon to create a firebreak over in this corner. A wide, shallow river ran through this area. We were using the river’s natural barrier and adding to it by clearing all flammable fuel from the grasses and forest out of the fire’s way. Two other crews were working on containment in other sections of the massive fire. I’d been so busy, my mind had conveniently stopped spinning its wheels over missing Amelia. Now that we were calling it for the night, she was back in my thoughts.
“Hard to believe it’s after midnight,” Levi commented.
I looked up to the sky. In this part of Alaska, there were a few days of barely a sunset. We were past that time of summer, but I’d guess the sun might only set for a few hours tonight. Stars glittered against the dusky sky with the moon visible in the distance through the haze of smoke filling the horizon as far as the eye could see.
“Yeah. Even though I’m used to the long days and short nights, this is more light than we get in Willow Brook.”
Levi snorted. “Definitely more light than what I’m used to from Juneau, seeing as that’s further south.”
I eyed the other guys. We were sprawled about the area by the river, a few already crashed out in their sleeping bags. I’d had enough time in Willow Brook to get to know my crew. They were solid guys and worked well together. Levi was one of the squad leaders, steady, reliable and completely unflappable. The other guys looked up to him and listened to him, so it was a great fit.
I was weary and figured I’d probably best try to catch a few winks of sleep. “You up for watch for a little bit?” I asked Levi.
Levi nodded as he took a long drag of water from a bottle. “Sure thing,” he said
when he set the bottle down.
“Thad and I are the night owls. We’ll handle this first shift.”
I nodded and rolled to standing, striding away and sliding into my sleeping bag. I stared up at the sky for a few minutes, recalling the last time I’d slept outside under the stars in Alaska had been with Amelia.
Chapter 29
Amelia
I slapped my leather work gloves against my jeans, knocking the dirt loose, and glanced to Lucy who stood beside me, hands on hips as we surveyed our work.
“Are you sure that weird corner window they want isn’t going to be a nightmare?” Lucy asked, turning to face me. She had dirt streaked on one cheek, her blonde hair was tumbling loose from its ponytail, and she looked as weary as I felt.
We’d pushed hard today and finished the framing for the home on this project. With Cade’s absence an ever-present ache in my heart, so strong it was visceral, I’d thrown myself into work. I looked up to the corner Lucy was referencing. The owners wanted a corner window that was sort of a bay window times two. It wasn’t common and involved some extra angles, but I wasn’t concerned.
“Nah. We already did the hard part today,” I replied with a shrug.
Lucy rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and it was a pain in the ass.”
“Right, so we’re done now.”
Lucy glanced to her watch and back to me. “Damn. It’s almost nine o’clock. You’re a workaholic with Cade gone. It’s a good thing I have no social life.”
I laughed and turned to walk toward our work truck. “You have a social life. You just act like you don’t.”
Lucy walked alongside me. “Not really. My social life consists of hanging out with you and maybe a few others. Hanging out with you has taken a serious hit since your lover boy moved back. I never thought I’d say Earl was great, but you and him didn’t do much together. You and Cade are glued to each other,” Lucy grumbled good-naturedly.
I tossed my gloves in the back of the truck and took the toolbox Lucy handed me from where it had been sitting on the ground. I leaned my hips against the truck and eyed Lucy. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to seem like I was blowing you off.”
Lucy’s eyes softened. “Hey girl, just teasing. I’m happy for you. Cade obviously adores you. It’s just an adjustment for me. Even though you weren’t single, you kinda were with Earl. Now I have to get used to my bestie actually having a life.”
I felt my cheeks heat and was relieved for the wispy light of the late evening. “I guess it’s been so good to have Cade home that I kinda shut everything else out. My mom stopped by last night and said something along the same lines. Even when he’s back from the fire, let’s make sure we have girls’ night at least once a week. But before that, let’s plan to finish work at a halfway decent hour tomorrow and grab some dinner and drinks at Wildlands.”
Lucy flashed a grin and stepped close to throw her arms around me for a quick hug. When she stepped back, her eyes were warm. “I really was just teasing, you know?”
“I know, but still. Even if it’s awesome to have Cade back and things seem to be going great with us, I can’t let him take over my life.” I paused and eyed Lucy. “Plus, are you ever even going to think about dating? Man, woman, fish, bear? Anyone?”
Lucy burst out laughing and swatted me on the arm. “It just never seems worth the trouble. You know the bears, the fish and the women aren’t my thing. But then men aren’t really either. I think I’m too me.”
I snorted. “You’re too you? What the hell does that mean?”
Lucy crossed her arms and shrugged. I could feel her defensiveness. Lucy might have become my closest friend over the last few years, but Lucy definitely had stuff she preferred not to talk about, most particularly relationships. I knew enough about her to piece together that something had gone sideways at some point before she moved to Willow Brook in high school, but Lucy never spoke of it and was an expert at friendly evasion.
Maybe it was because I’d just had my own major jolt of awareness when I almost married a man I didn’t love and who didn’t love me. Maybe it was because it seemed like now was an okay time to push a little, but I did. I looked over at Lucy when Lucy looked away and pressed her. “Seriously, Lucy. I could care less if you told me you wanted to be single for the rest of your life, or if you said you were an alien who couldn’t consider mating with a human, but that’s not it. You’re so awesome and funny and even though you dress like a man, you are fucking gorgeous and don’t even try to argue with me on that. Something happened and you don’t have to tell me about it, but maybe think about what it means to let something rule your life like that. I get it because I did. It may not seem like much, but I fell apart after everything blew up with Cade. I let that rule too many choices I made and almost made a huge mistake because of it. I don’t know what it is that makes it so you try to act like no one is ever worth it when it comes to romance. Maybe they’re not, but let it be because that’s what you really want not just because you’re scared.”
Lucy went still while I spoke, so still I started to worry I’d miscalculated. “Hey, look…”
Lucy shook her head sharply, her blue eyes blazing bright in the dusky light. “It’s okay. I’d say something about like this to you if the situation were reversed. I’ve been beating myself up for not being more pushy with you about Earl. I probably would’ve if I’d seen you and Cade together the first go-round.”
Objectively, I knew Lucy was a petite person, but I tended to forget because Lucy carried herself with such a sense of forcefulness. She came across as strong, confident, and independent, and she was all of those things. But right now, she looked diminished. Her small shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath.
Lucy looked away and then back again. “Someday I might talk about it more, but let’s just say high school sucked for me. When we moved here, it was amazing because no one knew me and pretty much left me alone and that was so much better.”
I wasn’t sure what to say, so I stepped to Lucy and pulled her into a hug, trying to impart the same kind of strength I felt when Lucy hugged me. When I drew back, Lucy’s expression had regained some of its zest. She chewed on the inside of her cheek and eyed me. “You driving?”
“Yup.” I tugged the keys out of my pocket and hopped in the truck.
In short order, we were in the back parking lot behind the office. Lucy waved as she climbed into her car and drove away. I checked to make sure I’d locked up and headed out in my car, aiming straight for the grocery store. In the short time Cade had been away, I’d slid right back to my old habits of eating mostly takeout and quick dinners. With Cade around, we both liked to cook, but without him here, I wasn’t much interested.
Before heading home, I stopped by the grocery store. I was meandering through, laughing at myself as I shopped because I kept wanting to buy items for meals I wanted to make with Cade, yet I didn’t even know when he’d be home. I was dawdling in the produce section when I felt someone stop beside me. I glanced over to see Shannon standing there. A fierce flash of anger jolted me. On its heels was a spinning, falling feeling where everything felt off kilter, and I was hot and cold inside. I hated the fact Shannon had any effect on me, but she did.
Shannon’s long dark hair was drawn away from her face with a bright blue headband, which matched her eyes. She rested a hand on her hip and eyed me. “Hello,” she finally said.
I stared at her, trying to beat back the sick feeling churning in my stomach and wondering what the hell to say. Shannon had once been my friend, or so I’d believed. We’d both grown up in Willow Brook and been close in middle school and high school. We’d gone to college in different areas, so we’d grown apart, but I had never worried about Shannon trying to make a move on Cade back then. As I stood there, considering what to say, I realized I didn’t owe Shannon a damn thing. There was that and the fact I could hardly stand to see her. I didn’t like it, but those old seeds of doubt she’d planted inside about me and about Cade were still th
ere. Cade and I were too fresh, too new again for me to feel solid yet. It was also terrifying to think about allowing myself to trust in us again because I had before. Completely. After a moment, I turned and started to walk away.
I stopped abruptly when I felt Shannon’s hand curl around my arm. I gave it a rough shake and spun back. “Don’t.”
Shannon shook her head, her cheeks bright and her eyes angry. “Grow up, Amelia. Are you going to pretend like I don’t exist forever?”
My mouth fell open. I snapped it shut. “Shannon, you manufactured the whole fucking thing with Cade before. All of it was you and all of it was a lie. I guess you can feel proud because it worked, but not anymore. Leave me alone, and leave Cade alone.”
Shannon shook her head in disgust, something shifting subtly in her eyes. “Tell yourself whatever story you want. Cade’s gone again, isn’t he?”
I forced my expression to stay calm, but instantly my thoughts were spinning. How did Shannon know anything about where Cade was?
Shannon drummed her fingertips on the cart handle, a sneer curling her lips. “I’m sure you’re wondering how I might know anything about Cade’s schedule. Why don’t you keep on wondering?”
I didn’t dare let Shannon dictate this encounter. Fury knotting in my chest, I forced myself to stay calm. Without a word, I turned and walked away. I wanted to run, but I didn’t. I measured my steps on the way to the checkout register.
I managed to get through that without losing my shit and walked quickly out to the parking lot. I set the groceries on the passenger seat and climbed into the car. My phone chirped, and I slipped it out of my pocket to see Cade’s name flash on the screen. Tapping the banner, his text opened up.
Hey babe, got some cell reception when we flew over just now. Won’t be back for three more days at least. Miss you.
That did it. I should’ve been happy he texted. Instead, all the ugliness and doubt I thought I’d cast aside were spinning in a tight circle in my mind. Seeing Shannon made me feel physically ill. Everything was all tangled up, and I just wanted to go home and forget about it all. My heart was pounding in a frantic, shallow beat and my breath was short. I couldn’t love someone the way I loved Cade and fall apart like this. I kept trying to tell myself Shannon was just playing games.