Enter Benedick
DON PEDRO
See, see, here comes the man we went to seek.
CLAUDIO Now signor, what news?
BENEDICK (to Don Pedro) Good day, my lord.
DON PEDRO Welcome, signor. You are almost come to part almost a fray.
CLAUDIO We had liked to have had our two noses snapped off with two old men without teeth.
DON PEDRO Leonato and his brother. What thinkest thou? Had we fought, I doubt we should have been too young for them.
BENEDICK In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I came to seek you both.
CLAUDIO We have been up and down to seek thee, for we are high-proof melancholy and would fain have it beaten away. Wilt thou use thy wit?
BENEDICK It is in my scabbard. Shall I draw it?
DON PEDRO Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?
CLAUDIO Never any did so, though very many have been beside their wit. I will bid thee draw as we do the minstrels, draw to pleasure us.
DON PEDRO As I am an honest man he looks pale. Art thou sick, or angry?
CLAUDIO What, courage, man. What though care killed a cat, thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.
BENEDICK Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career an you charge it against me. I pray you choose another subject.
CLAUDIO Nay then, give him another staff. This last was broke cross.
DON PEDRO By this light, he changes more and more. I think he be angry indeed.
CLAUDIO If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.
BENEDICK (aside to Claudio) Shall I speak a word in your ear?
CLAUDIO God bless me from a challenge.
BENEDICK You are a villain. I jest not. I will make it good how you dare, with what you dare, and when you dare. Do me right, or I will protest your cowardice. You have killed a sweet lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me hear from you. 149
CLAUDIO Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.
DON PEDRO What, a feast, a feast?
CLAUDIO I’faith, I thank him, he hath bid me to a calf’s head and a capon, the which if I do not carve most curiously, say my knife’s naught. Shall I not find a woodcock too? 155
BENEDICK Sir, your wit ambles well, it goes easily.
DON PEDRO I’ll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the other day. I said thou hadst a fine wit. ‘True,’ said she, ‘a fine little one.’ ‘No,’ said I, ‘a great wit.’‘Right,’ says she, ‘a great gross one.’ ‘Nay,’ said I, ‘a good wit.’ ‘Just,’ said she, ‘it hurts nobody.’ ‘Nay,’ said I, ‘the gentleman is wise.’ ‘Certain,’ said she, ‘a wise gentleman.’ ‘Nay,’ said I, ‘he hath the tongues.‘ ‘That I believe,’ said she, ‘for he swore a thing to me on Monday night which he forswore on Tuesday morning. There’s a double tongue, there’s two tongues.’ Thus did she an hour together trans-shape thy particular virtues, yet at last she concluded with a sigh thou wast the properest man in Italy.
CLAUDIO For the which she wept heartily and said she cared not.
DON PEDRO Yea, that she did. But yet for all that, an if she did not hate him deadly she would love him dearly. The old man’s daughter told us all.
CLAUDIO All, all. And moreover, God saw him when he was hid in the garden.
DON PEDRO But when shall we set the savage bull’s horns on the sensible Benedick’s head?
CLAUDIO Yea, and text underneath, ‘Here dwells Benedick the married man’.
BENEDICK Fare you well, boy, you know my mind. I will leave you now to your gossip-like humour. You break jests as braggarts do their blades which, God be thanked, hurt not. (To Don Pedro) My lord, for your many courtesies I thank you. I must discontinue your company. Your brother the bastard is fled from Messina. You have among you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my lord Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet, and till then, peace be with him. Exit
DON PEDRO He is in earnest.
CLAUDIO In most profound earnest, and, I’ll warrant you, for the love of Beatrice.
DON PEDRO And hath challenged thee.
CLAUDIO Most sincerely.
DON PEDRO What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his doublet and hose and leaves off his wit! 196
Enter Dogberry and Verges the constables, the Watch, Conrad, and Borachio
CLAUDIO He is then a giant to an ape. But then is an ape a doctor to such a man.
DON PEDRO But soft you, let me be. Pluck up, my heart, and be sad. Did he not say my brother was fled?
DOGBERRY Come you sir, if justice cannot tame you, she shall ne’er weigh more reasons in her balance. Nay, an you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.
DON PEDRO How now, two of my brother’s men bound? Borachio one.
CLAUDIO Hearken after their offence, my lord.
DON PEDRO Officers, what offence have these men done?
DOGBERRY Marry, sir, they have committed false report, moreover they have spoken untruths, secondarily they are slanders, sixth and lastly they have belied a lady, thirdly they have verified unjust things, and to conclude, they are lying knaves.
DON PEDRO First I ask thee what they have done, thirdly I ask thee what’s their offence, sixth and lastly why they are committed, and to conclude, what you lay to their charge.
CLAUDIO Rightly reasoned, and in his own division. And by my troth there’s one meaning well suited.
DON PEDRO (to Conrad and Borachio) Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus bound to your answer? This learned constable is too cunning to be understood. What’s your offence?
BORACHIO Sweet Prince, let me go no farther to mine answer. Do you hear me, and let this Count kill me. I have deceived even your very eyes. What your wisdoms could not discover, these shallow fools have brought to light, who in the night overheard me confessing to this man how Don John your brother incensed me to slander the Lady Hero, how you were brought into the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero’s garments, how you disgraced her when you should marry her. My villainy they have upon record, which I had rather seal with my death than repeat over to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my master’s false accusation, and briefly, I desire nothing but the reward of a villain.
DON PEDRO (to Claudio) Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?
CLAUDIO I have drunk poison whiles he uttered it.
DON PEDRO (to Borachio) But did my brother set thee on to this?
BORACHIO Yea, and paid me richly for the practice of it.
DON PEDRO
He is composed and framed of treachery,
And fled he is upon this villainy.
CLAUDIO
Sweet Hero, now thy image doth appear
In the rare semblance that I loved it first.
DOGBERRY Come, bring away the plaintiffs. By this time our Sexton hath reformed Signor Leonato of the matter. And masters, do not forget to specify, when time and place shall serve, that I am an ass.
VERGES Here, here comes Master Signor Leonato, and the Sexton, too.Enter Leonato, Antonio his brother, and the Sexton
LEONATO
Which is the villain? Let me see his eyes,
That when I note another man like him
I may avoid him. Which of these is he?
BORACHIO
If you would know your wronger, look on me.
LEONATO
Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast killed
Mine innocent child?
BORACHIO Yea, even I alone.
LEONATO
No, not so, villain, thou beliest thyself.
Here stand a pair of honourable men.
A third is fled that had a hand in it.
I thank you, Princes, for my daughter’s death.
Record it with your high and worthy deeds.
’Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.
CLAUDIO
I know not how to pray your patience,
Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself,
Impose me to what pen
ance your invention
Can lay upon my sin. Yet sinned I not
But in mistaking.
DON PEDRO By my soul, nor I,
And yet to satisfy this good old man
I would bend under any heavy weight
That he’ll enjoin me to.
LEONATO
I cannot bid you bid my daughter live—
That were impossible—but I pray you both
Possess the people in Messina here
How innocent she died, and if your love
Can labour aught in sad invention,
Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb
And sing it to her bones, sing it tonight.
Tomorrow morning come you to my house,
And since you could not be my son-in-law,
Be yet my nephew. My brother hath a daughter,
Almost the copy of my child that’s dead,
And she alone is heir to both of us.
Give her the right you should have giv’n her cousin,
And so dies my revenge.
CLAUDIO O noble sir!
Your overkindness doth wring tears from me.
I do embrace your offer; and dispose
For henceforth of poor Claudio.
LEONATO
Tomorrow then I will expect your coming.
Tonight I take my leave. This naughty man
Shall face to face be brought to Margaret,
Who I believe was packed in all this wrong,
Hired to it by your brother.
BORACHIO No, by my soul, she was not,
Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me,
But always hath been just and virtuous
In anything that I do know by her.
DOGBERRY (to Leonato) Moreover, sir, which indeed is not under white and black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did call me ass. I beseech you let it be remembered in his punishment. And also the watch heard them talk of one Deformed. They say he wears a key in his ear and a lock hanging by it, and borrows money in God’s name, the which he hath used so long and never paid that now men grow hard-hearted and will lend nothing for God’s sake. Pray you examine him upon that point.
LEONATO
I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.
DOGBERRY Your worship speaks like a most thankful and reverend youth, and I praise God for you.
LEONATO (giving him money) There’s for thy pains.
DOGBERRY God save the foundation.
LEONATO Go. I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee.
DOGBERRY I leave an arrant knave with your worship, which I beseech your worship to correct yourself, for the example of others. God keep your worship, I wish your worship well. God restore you to health. I humbly give you leave to depart, and if a merry meeting may be wished, God prohibit it. Come, neighbour.
Exeunt Dogberry and Verges
LEONATO
Until tomorrow morning, lords, farewell.
ANTONIO
Farewell, my lords. We look for you tomorrow.
DON PEDRO
We will not fail.
CLAUDIO Tonight I’ll mourn with Hero.
LEONATO (to the Watch)
Bring you these fellows on.—We’ll talk with Margaret
How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.
Exeunt
5.2 Enter Benedick and Margaret
BENEDICK Pray thee, sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well at my hands by helping me to the speech of Beatrice.
MARGARET Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty?
BENEDICK In so high a style, Margaret, that no man living shall come over it, for in most comely truth, thou deservest it.
MARGARET To have no man come over me—why, shall I always keep below stairs?
BENEDICK Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound’s mouth, it catches.
MARGARET And yours as blunt as the fencer’s foils, which hit but hurt not.
BENEDICK A most manly wit, Margaret, it will not hurt a woman. And so I pray thee call Beatrice. I give thee the bucklers.
MARGARET Give us the swords. We have bucklers of our own.
BENEDICK If you use them, Margaret, you must put in the pikes with a vice—and they are dangerous weapons for maids.
MARGARET Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs. Exit
BENEDICK And therefore will come.(Sings)
The god of love
That sits above,
And knows me, and knows me,
How pitiful I deserve—
I mean in singing; but in loving, Leander the good
swimmer, Troilus the first employer of panders, and a
whole book full of these quondam carpet-mongers
whose names yet run smoothly in the even road of a
blank verse, why they were never so truly turned over
and over as my poor self in love. Marry, I cannot show
it in rhyme. I have tried. I can find out no rhyme to
‘lady’ but ‘baby‘, an innocent rhyme; for ‘scorn’ ‘horn’,
a hard rhyme; for ‘school’ ‘fool’, a babbling rhyme.
Very ominous endings. No, I was not born under a
rhyming planet, nor I cannot woo in festival terms.Enter Beatrice
Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called thee?
BEATRICE Yea, signor, and depart when you bid me.
BENEDICK O, stay but till then.
BEATRICE ‘Then’ is spoken. Fare you well now. And yet ere I go, let me go with that I came for, which is with knowing what hath passed between you and Claudio.
BENEDICK Only foul words, and thereupon I will kiss thee.
BEATRICE Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but foul breath, and foul breath is noisome, therefore I will depart unkissed.
BENEDICK Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense, so forcible is thy wit. But I must tell thee plainly, Claudio undergoes my challenge, and either I must shortly hear from him or I will subscribe him a coward. And I pray thee now tell me, for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?
BEATRICE For them all together, which maintain so politic a state of evil that they will not admit any good part to intermingle with them. But for which of my good parts did you first suffer love for me?
BENEDICK Suffer love—a good epithet. I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.
BEATRICE In spite of your heart, I think. Alas, poor heart. If you spite it for my sake I will spite it for yours, for I will never love that which my friend hates.
BENEDICK Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.
BEATRICE It appears not in this confession. There’s not one wise man among twenty that will praise himself.
BENEDICK An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived in the time of good neighbours. If a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live no longer in monument than the bell rings and the widow weeps.
BEATRICE And how long is that, think you?
BENEDICK Question—why, an hour in clamour and a quarter in rheum. Therefore is it most expedient for the wise, if Don Worm—his conscience—find no impediment to the contrary, to be the trumpet of his own virtues, as I am to myself. So much for praising myself who, I myself will bear witness, is praiseworthy. And now tell me, how doth your cousin?
BEATRICE Very ill.
BENEDICK And how do you?
BEATRICE Very ill too.
BENEDICK Serve God, love me, and mend. There will I leave you too, for here comes one in haste.
Enter Ursula
URSULA Madam, you must come to your uncle. Yonder’s old coil at home. It is proved my lady Hero hath been falsely accused, the Prince and Claudio mightily abused, and Don John is the author of all, who is fled and gone. Will you come presently?
BEATRICE Will you go hear this news, signor?
BENEDICK I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes. And moreover, I will go with th
ee to thy uncle’s. Exeunt
5.3 Enter Claudio, Don Pedro the Prince, and three or four with tapers, all in black
CLAUDIO
Is this the monument of Leonato?
A LORD
It is, my lord.
⌈CLAUDIO (reading from a scroll)⌉
Done to death by slanderous tongues
Was the Hero that here lies.
Death in guerdon of her wrongs
Gives her fame which never dies.
So the life that died with shame
Lives in death with glorious fame.
He hangs the epitaph on the tomb
Hang thou there upon the tomb,
Praising her when I am dumb.
Now music sound, and sing your solemn hymn.
Song
Pardon, goddess of the night,
Those that slew thy virgin knight,
For the which with songs of woe
Round about her tomb they go.
Midnight, assist our moan,
Help us to sigh and groan,
Heavily, heavily.
Graves yawn, and yield your dead
Till death be utterèd,
Heavily, heavily.
⌈CLAUDIO⌉
Now, unto thy bones good night.
Yearly will I do this rite.
DON PEDRO
Good morrow, masters, put your torches out.
The wolves have preyed, and look, the gentle day
Before the wheels of Phoebus round about
Dapples the drowsy east with spots of grey.
Thanks to you all, and leave us. Fare you well.
CLAUDIO
Good morrow, masters. Each his several way.
DON PEDRO
Come, let us hence, and put on other weeds,
And then to Leonato’s we will go.
CLAUDIO
And Hymen now with luckier issue speed ’s
Than this for whom we rendered up this woe.
Exeunt
5.4 Enter Leonato, Antonio, Benedick, Beatrice, Margaret, Ursula, Friar Francis, and Hero
FRIAR
Did I not tell you she was innocent?
LEONATO
So are the Prince and Claudio who accused her
The Oxford Shakespeare: The Complete Works Page 195