14
NOKEA
I was miserable not talking to Jaylin, but I knew there was no way I would go back to him. My girl Pat would kill me, and so would Mama. I told Mama about seeing Jaylin with another woman and for the first time, she was disappointed. What I didn’t tell her was that I gave myself to Jaylin that night. Had she known, she would have died.
She basically advised me to get on with my life and encouraged me to meet somebody new, and that’s what I intended to do. I had changed my number so Jaylin wouldn’t be able to reach me with another one of his lies. In fact, I even thought about moving, but I knew that would be taking things to the extreme. Since I had just gotten a promotion, I dedicated my time to my new career.
I was the new sales director for Atlas Computer Company and had to show my colleagues they had chosen the right person. It wasn’t easy to do. During my first presentation, thoughts of Jaylin and Scorpio kept coming to my mind. I didn’t know how I could compete with a woman who gave him so much sexual pleasure. She seemed to have the right moves, and it was just a matter of time before she worked her way into Jaylin’s heart. I thought his heart belonged to me, but boy, was I wrong. I’d never seen him so anxious for a woman. For her to be around for such a short period, she was already causing a major impact.
I was so glad when my presentation was finished so I could go somewhere and get a grip on myself. No matter how hard I tried to stop the tears, they kept on coming; late at night, early in the morning. I even cried at lunch with a few of my coworkers today. They asked me what was wrong and I told them my grandfather had passed away in Mississippi. Since he’d died years ago, I felt like I hadn’t burned any bread on him by not telling the truth.
After breaking down again in the bathroom stall at work, I asked my boss if I could take off the rest of the week. I told him I needed to go to my grandfather’s funeral in Mississippi, and he allowed me to leave.
On my way home, I stopped to pick up some groceries at Schnucks on West Florissant Avenue. Whenever I’m stressed, I always pig out. My cart was full of junk: potato chips, cookies, ice cream, and pizza rolls. You name it, it was there. I stood in the long line and picked up a magazine to keep myself occupied.
“Shorty?” I heard a voice from behind. It was Stephon.
“Hey, Stephon,” I said, giving him a hug. “How are you?”
“Naw, the question is how you are? I hope you’re feeling better since your visit the other day. You had me kind of worried.”
“Worried for what? I know you didn’t think I would kill myself or anything like that, did you?”
Stephon chuckled. “Nah, nothing like that. I was just worried. You’ve been with my cousin for a long time and you kind of like family.”
“Yeah, well, even family can snake you sometimes.” I reached in my cart and laid my groceries on the conveyor belt.
Stephon reached in and helped me—until he came across a bag of maxi pads. He dropped them back in the cart like they were on fire or something.
“Now, if you’re going to help, those need to be put up there too,” I said, smiling. He laughed.
“I’ll let you handle those.”
As the cashier rang up my groceries and provided me with a total, I looked at her like she was crazy. I didn’t think I’d put that many things into my cart. I reached into my purse to pay her.
“I got it.” Stephon gave the cashier his credit card.
“Stephon, thanks, but I think I can handle my grocery bill.”
“No problem. Besides, I owe you one anyway.”
“For what?”
Stephon didn’t say anything. He put my bags into the cart and pushed it out the door. When we got to my car, he loaded everything into my trunk.
“There you go, Shorty. Don’t say I ain’t never done nothing for you.”
“I never did, but why do you owe me one? That’s what I want to know.”
“Because I really felt bad about the lie I told you the other day. I love my cuz and everything, but I seriously think y’all need to work it out. When I talked to him Sunday, he sounded pretty down. Why don’t you call him?”
“Stephon, please stay out of this. You of all people know Jaylin has done nothing but manipulate me over the years. Why would you even want me to continue to be with him?”
“Because you’re miserable; he’s miserable. Don’t make sense for two people who love each other to be miserable.”
“You know better than I do Jaylin isn’t miserable. He’s got that... that thing over there with him and he’s enjoying every minute of the day being with her. You didn’t see the way he was all into her; I did. Just standing here thinking about it hurts so badly—” I got teary-eyed again.
“Nokea, I didn’t mean to upset you. But you know how Jaylin is. After he gets what he wants from her, he’ll be knocking at your door.”
“Well, he can knock all he wants to. I will no longer be there for him.”
Stephon tried to persuade me to give Jaylin another chance, but I got in my car and waved good-bye. I hated conversing with Stephon about Jaylin; all he was going to do was go back and tell him.
When I got home, I put away my groceries and slipped into my nightgown. I lay in bed and watched Mandy Murphey on Fox 2 News while eating chocolates. This was the life. I wished I could lay there and eat chocolates forever.
After a while, the news depressed me with black folks killing each other, so I turned off the TV and grabbed a book to read. I quickly got bored with that and picked up the phone next to me. My conversation with Stephon made me want to speak to Jaylin, so I dialed his number. But when I got to the sixth digit, I hung up. He was the one who wronged me, so why should I pick up the phone to call him? Besides, I knew he probably wasn’t home from work yet. The thought of leaving him a message crossed my mind. I could say I forgot something or I needed him to pick up something he’d left at my place. I struggled with the idea for a moment then I dropped the thought.
I turned the radio on Foxy 95.5 and listened to my girl Niecy Davis. The music helped relax me, and before I knew it, I had dozed off.
I was awakened by a knock at the door. My house was pitch black, so I knew it had to be pretty late. I glanced out the peephole to see who it was. It was Jaylin, standing on my porch with his hands in his pockets and his head down. I backed away from the door because the look of him always made my heart melt. I didn’t want my hormones answering the door for me. When I didn’t answer, he banged harder.
“Nokea, I know you’re in there. I saw the light come on. Open the door, baby.”
Wasn’t any sense in me trying to pretend I wasn’t home, so I cracked the door enough to tell him I didn’t want to talk.
“What do you mean you don’t want to talk? You’ve always been able to talk to me. Open the door.”
“This time is different, Jaylin. I don’t want to talk. That’s why I got my number changed. Please, just go away.”
“No, Nokea. I’m not leaving, so you might as well open the door.”
I hesitated, but then admitted to myself how badly I wanted to see him. I needed him to say that he was sorry. I wanted him to know how much his actions had hurt me. I took the chain off the door and opened it.
“Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” he said. He walked in and took off his cap and jacket. He obviously intended to stay a while.
“Why are you here?” I said softly. “Let’s just move on, okay?”
“Are you crazy? Move on my ass. You know damn well we were meant to be together, so why you tripping?” He moved closer to me, but I pushed him back.
“Would you please just go? I don’t need this right now.”
“I told you once, I’m not leaving until you forgive me. Just a couple of weeks ago you made me a promise. You said that when things got rough between us, you wouldn’t leave. As long as I’ve known you, you’ve always been a woman of your word. What’s the sudden change?”
I raised my voice and pointed my finger at him.
“I handled you being with other women for nine years, but I can’t do it anymore. Especially after I saw you making love to Scorpio in the shower. That just did something to me, Jaylin, and no matter how hard I try to erase that day from my memory, I can’t. The thought of it sticks with me twenty-four/seven, and—”
Jaylin saw me getting emotional and stepped up to put his arms around me. He rubbed my back and kissed my forehead. I wanted to push him away, but his touch was what I needed.
“Baby, I don’t know what to say. I was wrong. If that’s what you need to hear me say, then yes, I was wrong. But please don’t hold it against me for the rest of our lives. Without you, life has been very lonely for me.”
The pressure was on. I couldn’t even respond to him. Jaylin had me in the palms of his hands and my emotions were all over the place. He lifted my chin to kiss me, and I felt myself getting weaker by the minute.
“Let me make love to you,” he whispered in my ear. “I want to hold you tonight, and if you still feel the same way tomorrow, then I promise I will never come here again.”
I stood in silence, and he took my hand and led me to my bedroom. He removed my nightgown, and even though I knew better than to give myself to him, I couldn’t ignore how much I wanted to feel him again. I couldn’t deny how much I still loved him, and now was another opportunity to show him just that.
He rubbed his hands over my naked body and felt my moist insides. The thought of him making love to Scorpio was still fresh in my mind, but when he opened my legs and did what he knew best, I squirmed like a slithering snake.
I gave him a good taste of me, and then he inserted himself. Tears rolled down my face in the dark, but I was willing to bear the pain this time. I wanted this man so much it was almost frightening. Yes, I was vulnerable, and I wasn’t sure if Jaylin had taken advantage of that. It was too late for me to think about his motives. I had made a promise to myself to never let this happen again, but there I was enjoying every deep stroke he gave me. His loving was so satisfying to me, and after a while, the pain seemed to ease up a bit. I allowed him to proceed without any interruptions.
Jaylin got tense, and when I felt the muscles in his butt tighten, I squeezed it. We both took several deep breaths, and as they slowed, he rolled on his back. The shameful guilt I had for allowing this to happen immediately kicked in. I felt like such a fool for the choice I’d made. Jaylin almost looked like he was smirking. Why in the heck was I continuing to make things easy for him?
I turned to my side. “Jaylin, if you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone.”
He turned face-to-face with me and rubbed my hip. “Come on baby. I thought you wanted me to stay the night.”
“No. I really need to be alone right now. What we shared was nice, but I need time to get my head straight.”
Jaylin sat up and shook his head. “I’m not going to pressure you, Nokea. I told you, if you’re not feeling this relationship anymore then let me know.”
“Oh, I am definitely feeling us, but I can’t be with you under these conditions. There’s just no way I can do it.”
“Hey, whatever you say. I hope you find a place in your heart to forgive me. That way, we can get on with our relationship.”
“Is this what we’re calling relationships these days? You screw whoever you want to and I’m there for you no matter what? That doesn’t seem quite fair to me.” I turned and pulled the cover over me. Jaylin bent down and gave me a tiny peck on the tip of my nose.
“It is what it is, Nokea. The ball is in your court, and it’s up to you to shoot it. Get some rest. I hope to hear from you tomorrow,” he said before leaving.
I realized how tough it was going to be for me to distance myself from him. All I had to do was not open the door, but when I saw him, I got weak. There had to be somewhere I could go for help. I was losing respect for myself, slowly but surely. But, my word as my bond, I promised to never open up my legs to him again, unless he made a commitment to me.
15
JAYLIN
“Didn’t I tell you I’m the man?” I yelled while talking to Stephon at work with my feet propped up on the desk.
“Man, I just can’t believe she gave in like that. When I saw her at the grocery store, she seemed so confident it was over.”
“Yeah, she was confident all right. Confident that she wanted some of this good loving I be dishing out.”
“Jay, you know you crazy. That woman just loves your black ass, that’s all. If she could get past that, she’d be okay. As for Felicia—damn, she just trying to get laid.”
“And so am I. That’s why when she came here yesterday, I waxed that ass all on my desk and had her begging for more.”
“You wild dog. Straight up fucking wild. How much pussy can a nigga get? After one time a day my ass be wore out! If I had to go two or three times, that would kill me. And then with different women ...shit, I hope you’re strapped up good.”
“Well, you know how it is. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Depending on who it is. With Felicia I most definitely break one out because ain’t no telling who been up in that. But Nokea, that’s all good. I’m the only brotha who will ever have a mark on her stuff. As for Scorpio, it depends. Her shit be so good, I just like to get the real deal. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah, sure in the hell do. Been there and done that, so I ain’t knocking you at all, my brotha. Hey, listen, while I have you on the phone, Ray-Ray proposed to that skinny dark chick he’s been dating for six months. They haven’t set a date yet, but he told me to tell you to hook a brotha up with some nice females at his bachelor party. He’s looking for something a little extravagant—none of that strip club action, please. We’ve been there, done that.”
“I agree, and tell the brotha I said congrats. I’ll see what I can do.” Angela walked in and told me one of my clients was there to see me. “Say, man, I’ll call you later.” Stephon hung up and Angela let Higgins into my office.
“Jaylin, what’s up, bro?” he said, shaking my hand.
“Hey, how you doing, Mr. Higgins? Have a seat, sir.” He sat down and lit up a Cuban cigar. The smell of it drove me crazy, but since he was one of my major clients, what the hell?
“Jaylin, I never received confirmation on those additional shares I talked to you about. I checked the market today and this company is moving. How are we looking?”
Damn. I’d forgotten to take care of those shares for Higgins. Focusing so much time on Scorpio’s good loving and rekindling my relationship with Nokea, it totally slipped my mind.
“Let me see . . .” I said, turning around to my monitor. I hit the keyboard and took a quick glance at my own stocks. “Looks like everything is moving right along. You were right about this company. It’s moving at a fast pace.”
“That’s good to know.”
I checked Higgins’ mutual funds and gave him an accurate number as to how much they’d gone up. I also shared with him how much money he’d made in the past week. He was pleased.
“Any extra money I make, Jaylin, is good news. What I would like for you to do is call up some of my friends who are clients of yours and let them know what it would cost to buy into Mason Technologies immediately. That way, hopefully, we’ll all be rich like you.” He laughed and looked for an ashtray to dump his ashes.
“Here you go.” I handed him a coaster. “I don’t have ashtrays in here because the smell of smoke sometimes irritates me. And I’ll be happy to call everyone to let them know about Mason Technologies.”
“Thanks, Jaylin. I’m not going to take up much more of your time. Just keep in touch; you’ve been a hard man to catch up with lately. I guess that lady who was screwing your brains out the other day is keeping you busy, huh?”
“Nah, nothing like that. Anyway, sorry for the interruption. She just couldn’t get enough of me that day,” I said, laughing. He laughed too, reached into his pocket and gave me an envelope.
“Here’s a little something extra my wife and I put t
ogether for all your hard work and dedication to making us very wealthy people. I trust you with my life and hope you’ll continue to make good decisions so we can have everything we’ve always dreamed of.”
“Thanks, Mr. Higgins.” I reached for the envelope. “And as always, you can count on me.”
I could hear Higgins outside my office as he flirted with Angela. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think they had slept together before. Angela was a gold digger and looked for anybody who had money. She tried to work that thang on me, but I wasn’t having it. As soon as she married my boss’ son, I ended it. He treated her like a queen, but for her, that still wasn’t enough. He even told her she didn’t have to work, but she insisted on being out of the house. That’s what I have a beef with some men about; always wanting their women to stay at home and shit. Two salaries are always better than one. I don’t care what anybody says.
Shortly after I heard Higgins leave, I opened the envelope he’d given me. Enclosed was a check for $25,000 and two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Seven days and six nights. Already paid for. I’d been to the Bahamas before with Felicia, but we argued so much it was ridiculous. So, taking her again was definitely out of the question. Nokea hadn’t called all day, so it was obvious she needed more time to get herself together. I’d take Scorpio. She would be perfect to kick it with in the Bahamas. Besides, with her I knew I’d be getting my fuck on every single day.
Before I called her, I called Higgins and left him a thank you message addressed to him and his wife. I then sat back and tried to fix the problem I had with not buying his shares when he asked me to. The only solution was for me to make up the loss of profit with my own money. I wasn’t happy about doing so, but I had no one to blame but myself.
I called Angela in my office to see if she would stay late and help me make some calls to get Higgins’ buddies invested as well. They had been nothing but good to me, so the more money I made them, the better off I would be.
Angela and I were in the office until 9:00 that night trying to cut deals over the phone for Higgins’ buddies. Since they made up at least sixty percent of my salary, I didn’t care how long it took. Exhausted, I took off my jacket and sat back on the small hunter green sofa in my office.
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