I wasn’t sure how well I looked; I’d gained so much weight since the last time I’d seen him. I hoped my look was to his satisfaction.
“So, were you getting tired of waiting for me?” he asked.
“Yes. I was about to leave. I ...I didn’t think you were going to come.”
“I always come, don’t I? No matter what, I always come.” His eyes dropped to my stomach, and I saw his Adam’s apple move in and out.
“I thank you for coming. You don’t know what it means to have you in my presence right now,” I said.
“No, I don’t know. I really didn’t think you were going to show. That’s why I took my time.”
“Really? I’ve been here. Been here since noon.” I wanted so badly to talk about the baby, but I was unable to look him in the eyes. He lifted my chin and made me look up at him. My eyes watered.
“What’s wrong, Nokea? Why do you keep crying? I thought you’d be happy to see me.”
“I am very happy to see you, Jaylin. I just didn’t think it would be this hard for me seeing you again. The last time we spoke, you were pretty upset with me, and—”
“And I’m sorry. I should have never come to your place and disrespected you like that. I was wrong. That’s what I wanted to come here and tell you today. I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done to you. I’ve had a lot of time to think about my mistakes, and what can I say other than I fucked up? I have to move on and stop thinking about what could have been.”
“Do you ever think there might be a chance for us down the road? I mean, right now, you’re happy, I’m happy.” I was trying to convince myself that I was, and I didn’t want Jaylin to know that I wasn’t. “But...but is there a chance we can be happy together?”
“Honestly, Nokea, I don’t think so. You have my cousin’s baby on the way, and you shared something with him I will never be able to forget. And as much as I thought that maybe someday we would be, that dream ended when you got pregnant. I’m not saying I don’t still have feelings for you. All I’m saying is I got to take my feelings elsewhere.”
My throat ached; that was definitely not what I wanted to hear. I dug in my purse and pushed his birthday card to him. “I wanted to do something else special for you, but I decided to keep it simple.”
He picked it up, read it, and smiled as he closed it. Then I reached into my purse and pulled out the teddy bear he’d given me on my birthday. The front of the shirt still said: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NOKEA YOURS FOREVER, JAYLIN. Printed on the back was MY HEART BELONGS TO YOU FOREVER, LOVE NOKEA. He smiled again and gazed at the teddy bear.
There was silence for a while, and then he said, “I guess sometimes people who love each other just can’t be together.”
I blinked several times and fought back my tears with everything I had. “Yes, they can. Love can conquer anything. If you love me, we can make this work, Jaylin.” I reached my hand out to touch his. He eased his hand away.
“Nokea, it’ll never work out. There’s too much damage that’s been done. And I’m not talking about with just you and Stephon. I’m talking about all the damage I’ve done to you, too. You deserve better. Much better than I can offer you.” He stood up and reached into his pocket. He tossed a fifty-dollar bill on the table and put his teddy bear under his arm.
“Listen, I’m not going to be able to stay for lunch. I have some business to take care of. This should take care of lunch and then some. Good luck, baby. And I wish you and Stephon all the best.”
He leaned down and gave me a lengthy kiss. Touching his lips and tasting his tongue felt so good to me, but he backed up as he felt me getting deeper into it. I took off his glasses so I could look into his eyes.
“I love you so much,” I said, unable to get any other words to come out of my mouth.
He stared deeply into my eyes. “I know. And you know how I feel.” He took his glasses from my hand and walked away.
I was crushed. I felt my entire body shake. I hurried to my car and cried like a baby. I cried because reality had set in. What we had was over, and I’d have to let go and make the best of my life with Stephon. Maybe Jaylin was right. After so much hurt, how could a relationship between us ever make any sense?
When I got home, Stephon was there. He was in the baby’s room, putting up some wallpaper I’d picked out at Lowes. I felt guilty as I stood in the doorway and watched him go out of his way for a baby that wasn’t even his.
He climbed down the ladder and came over to give me a kiss. “Hey, baby, are you okay? You don’t look so good. Why don’t you go lay down for a minute? I’m just about finished and then I’ll go whip up something in the kitchen.”
“I’m fine. I went to the mall with Mama this afternoon and she had me doing a lot of walking.”
“Aw, so, what do you think? It looks good, don’t it?” he said, looking around at the wallpaper.
“Yeah,” I said dryly. “It looks perfect. Just how I imagi—” I grabbed my stomach because I felt a sharp pain.
Stephon reached over and held me. “Baby, go lay down. You look tired.”
“All right. I think I will go lay down for a minute.”
I felt faint walking into my bedroom. I lay across my bed and let out some more tears as I thought about Jaylin. When another pain hit me, I yelled for Stephon to come help me. If the pains were contractions, the baby was early.
Stephon ran into the room. “Nokea, are you okay?” he said, bending down on the bed to hold me.
“Stephon, I think I’m in labor.”
“Well, come on! I . . . I’ll go get your things for the hospital and get the car.” He rushed around the room in a panic. “I’ll come back and get you in a minute.”
“Hurry!” I yelled as I continued to hold my stomach.
Stephon zoomed around the house and gathered my things. Then he came back into the room, picked me up, and carried me to the car. I couldn’t tell who was more nervous. He kept asking me the same questions over and over: How are you doing? Can you feel the baby yet? By the time we finally got to St. John’s Mercy Medical Center on Ballas Road, I actually could.
The emergency room crew rushed me to the delivery room and called my doctor to come immediately. I asked Stephon to call my parents to let them know. But when I told him to call Pat, he cut his eyes at me. I begged until he said he would. Once everyone was notified, he came back in the room with me and held my hand for support.
I lay there in so much pain. My doctor asked me to push and I gave it everything I had—but I couldn’t force this baby out for anything in the world. Stephon bent down and tried to coax me, and after he squeezed my hand tighter and yelled at me, I pushed harder and the baby came out.
It was a boy. A six-pound, five-ounce baby boy. After the nurses cleaned him, they put him in my arms. He was handsome, with a head full of curly, coal-black hair. He was light-skinned, and when he forced his eyes open, I saw that they were a beautiful grey like Jaylin’s. The baby looked just like him.
I was filled with joy as I rocked my baby in my arms. Stephon reached out, and I gave my baby to him. He smiled and rubbed the baby’s tiny fingers.
“You did good, Shorty. I’m really proud of you,” he said, bending down to give me a kiss.
“Thank you. Thanks for being there for me. I don’t know what I would have done without you,” I said, feeling exhausted.
Stephon gave the baby back to the nurses. They cleaned me up and took me to the private room I’d arranged for.
Mama and Daddy rushed in a few minutes later, anxious to see the baby.
“Where is he...she?” Mama said.
“It’s a boy,” I said softly. “Your grandbaby is a beautiful, handsome boy.”
Mama started crying, and Daddy held her in his arms. She made me cry. I knew from the beginning that my parents would be elated about this moment.
While Mama and I talked, Stephon stared out of the window like he was in deep thought. Daddy walked over to him and shook his hand.
“Man
, thanks. Thank you for being there for my baby. I was a little worried about her, but I’m glad she and the baby have you.”
“You’re welcome, Mr. Brooks, but you don’t have to thank me. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”
I was relieved it was all over. I couldn’t wait for the nurses to bring my baby in to see me. When they did, we spent the next few hours showing nothing but love to our new arrival.
I became tired and asked everybody for some alone time with my son. Stephon walked Mama and Daddy to the car, but Pat hung around so we could talk.
“Girl, you got yourself a fine young man there. He’s got to be the cutest little baby I’ve ever seen, and I’m not saying that because you’re my best friend.”
“Isn’t he beautiful? I feel so blessed to have a healthy, beautiful baby, especially since he came early.”
“You mean especially since he came on Jaylin’s birthday. Ain’t that something? When Stephon called me, I damn near died because I remember you said you were going to see him today. So, how did that go? Did he even show up?”
“It was okay. He came, but he was late. Bottom line, he never said he loved me, and he said we could never be together.” I started getting choked up.
“Nokea, let it go. Stop trying to chase him. If he hasn’t come back to you in all this time, forget it. I hate to see you keep torturing yourself like this.”
“I know. The baby is born now, so it’s time. I think I’ll be much better anyway knowing I have him in my life.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear that.” Pat gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Get some rest and I’ll call you later.”
As she headed out, Stephon came in with a balloon and some flowers he’d picked up at the gift shop.
“Take care of her for me,” Pat said, stopping him at the door. “She’s a good woman and she deserves a good man in her life.”
“I got her back,” Stephon said.
Stephon put the flowers and balloon on my windowsill. I smiled and scooted over so he could sit next to me. He rubbed my hair back with his hand.
“I know. It looks a mess, doesn’t it?”
“Naw, Shorty, you look beautiful. I can’t believe you’re a mother now. You’re going to be a good mother. I know you will. Your mama and daddy did a good job raising you. I would’ve given anything to have parents like yours.” Stephon looked a bit sad.
“And you’re going to be a good father. My baby is going to have a daddy in his life that he can be proud of. Thing is, I don’t know what to call him. Would you help me name him?”
Stephon walked over to the baby and picked him up again. He brought him over to the bed and sat next to me. He stared at the baby for a minute and then looked at me.
“He really doesn’t look like you, you know?” he said.
“Yes, he does. He’s got my nose.”
“No, he doesn’t. Actually, he has my aunt’s nose. He looks like his daddy. Don’t you, little man?” He rubbed his nose up against the baby’s nose. “You look just like your daddy. I say we name him after his daddy... Why don’t you call him Jaylin?”
“Stephon, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I mean, if we’re going to raise him together—”
“Yes, we’re going to raise him together, but ain’t nothing wrong with me naming my child after my favorite cousin, is it?”
I wasn’t sure about that. Naming the baby Jaylin could be full of future consequences. Too many people would question it, and I wasn’t prepared to explain myself each and every time. Jaylin might see this as an insult.
Then again, what if he found out the baby was his? He would want his child named after him, so maybe I should go with what Stephon suggested.
“No, I guess there’s nothing wrong with you naming your child after your cousin. Jaylin it is.”
We both held little Jaylin in our arms for a while, and after he went to sleep, Stephon called the nurse to come get him. He climbed sideways in bed with me and stared into my eyes.
“I love you, Shorty. And every chance I get, I’m going to make you the happiest woman in the world. Your worries are over. So, no more tears, no more arguing, and no more disappointments.” He reached over to hold me, and I kissed his cheek.
“You are so wonderful. Why couldn’t you have come into my life before Jaylin? This would be a lot easier for me if you had. I just don’t know when or how I’m going to be able to move on.”
Stephon climbed out of the bed and stood next to me. “You’re going to move on right now. It’s time. I have always been in your life since you and I were kids. Unfortunately, you just recently started to notice. Life is so unpredictable, and sometimes we have to go wherever it takes us. I never thought in a million years I would be here with you, loving you like no other man in this world can love you. And asking you to . . . to be my wife.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box.
I was too nervous to open it, so he opened it for me. I looked at it and blinked my eyes so I wouldn’t cry.
“Shorty, will you marry me? I don’t want to waste any more time being without your love.” He took the ring out of the box and waited for an answer. Must have paid a fortune for it because the diamond was huge!
“When, Stephon? When do you want to do this?”
“Whenever you want to, baby. I want to give you time to get things situated with the baby, and also time to share the news with your family. After that, I want you to be my wife, and I’m not taking no for an answer.”
I took the ring from Stephon and slid it on my finger. I looked at it and smiled, as it weighed down my finger. Again, I wasn’t sure about this, and my feelings for Jaylin definitely hadn’t all gone away. I had feelings for Stephon, too, and it was now time to choose one versus the other.
I couldn’t deny how much Stephon had made me happy, and being happy with a man that I loved had always been my goal. How could I walk away from something that felt so right?
“If I never loved you before, I love you now. There is no way I’m going to let you walk out of my life when you’ve been so good to me. Six months, Stephon. In six months, you’ll have your wife.” I gave him a juicy wet kiss that showed him just how excited I was.
Stephon stayed in the room with me all night. He fell asleep in the bed next to me. Feeling slight pain, I eased out of bed and sat in a chair by the window. I raised my hand several times and looked at my ring. I was happy, and all of this started to make sense to me. I stared up at the sky and thanked God for my healthy baby boy and my new handsome fiancé.
33
JAYLIN
Meeting with Nokea was one of the toughest things I had to do. I’d been thinking about her a lot, but I figured it was because I had been missing her so much. During our brief lunch, something else hit me and surprised the fuck out of me. I realized how much I loved her. Chills ran through my body, and when I looked deeply into her watery eyes, my heart felt as if it jumped out of my chest and into hers.
I wanted to tell her how I felt, but seeing her pregnant brought so much hurt to me. Damn, why did she have to be pregnant with Stephon’s baby? She looked so beautiful. A part of me really wished she were having my baby.
I couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d said during my fight with Stephon. Maybe she was truthful about me being the father, but if I dug deeper to find out, Stephon would think I was desperate to get his woman back. I didn’t want either of them to think I was desperate. If the baby was mine, I was sure the truth would come to the light.
For now, Mackenzie and Scorpio had moved back in, and their presence helped me cope with my thoughts of Nokea and Stephon. I’d forgiven Scorpio for lying to me about stripping, and since I saw for myself that she was all about the money, I felt at ease with her. She promised me that she wouldn’t lie to me again and said that taking off her clothes for men was history. That was fine with me, as there was no way for me to accept a woman with that kind of profession. She had to do better.
When I got back from meeting
with Nokea, Scorpio and Mackenzie were in the kitchen baking me a Black Forest cake for my birthday. My favorite. It was a bit lopsided, but I appreciated their efforts.
I sat on a stool in the kitchen, and my mind drifted back to my day with Nokea.
“Baby, you seem kind of preoccupied today,” Scorpio said. “Does your birthday always get you down? You know, since you’re getting older and everything.” She laughed.
“Don’t go calling me old until this motherfucker here can’t rise anymore,” I whispered, grabbing my thang.
“Jaylin, watch it. Mackenzie’s in here.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. I walked over to Mackenzie, who was standing by the counter and putting more icing on the cake, as if it didn’t already have enough.
“Daddy, do you like it?” she asked, licking the icing off the spatula.
“Like it? I love it! And since you made it, I really love it.”
She scratched her head and whispered, “I really didn’t make it. Mommy did. If it’s not good, blame her, not me.”
We all laughed. One thing I like is an honest woman. She wasn’t taking credit for what she did or didn’t do. I gave Mackenzie a wet kiss on her cheek and she wiped it off.
“Yucky.” She smiled.
Mackenzie put the finishing touches on the cake. She and Scorpio stuck some candles in it and sang “Happy Birthday” to me. It was so sweet, I damn near wanted to cry. Later, they took me to Morton’s Steak House in Clayton and we got down on the food.
On the drive home, my cell phone rang. It was Stephon. I hadn’t heard from him all day, which was quite unusual, since it was my birthday.
“Say, man, happy birthday. Sorry I just got around to calling, but I had a busy day,” he said, sounding like he was out of breath.
“Well, I’m glad you found time in your busy schedule to call a brotha.”
“Listen, what’s on your agenda next weekend? I have something really important I want to holla at you about, but it’ll have to wait until then.”
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