by Shar Dimick
“If you must know…” Cam knew he would be on the phone all night if he didn’t satisfy his brother’s curiosity.
“And I must.”
“I had dinner with an old friend.”
“An old, female friend?” Brad continued his interrogation.
“Actually, my friend is a woman.” Cam really didn’t want to deal with Brad’s razzing tonight. He always acted like they were still in high school.
“Well? Anyone I know?”
“Maybe.”
“Come on, man. Just tell me already.”
“I was out with Liv.”
The phone was silent a few moments before Brad jumped back in. “Wait a sec, Liv as in Livvy Adams? The one that got away? How did that happen?”
“Yeah well, I was out and about a couple of days ago getting supplies at the camp store, when I ran into Liv’s grandmother. She was shopping with a little girl, her great-granddaughter actually. Mrs. Adams had her hands full. The kid was a ball of energy, all legs and arms. Anyway, Mrs. Adams asked me if I minded dropping off some firewood at their place. Apparently, she and the little girl were going to pick out a puppy. I didn’t have anything better to do, and Mrs. Adams really didn’t give me much of a chance to say ‘No.’ I had no idea Liv was there. Now that I think about it, I’m sure Mrs. Adams planned it that way. She always was one of my biggest fans.”
“And...?”
“And, when I got there I heard someone shouting. So I stepped inside to see if everything was all right. It was her, Livvy. At first I didn’t recognize her, although I should have. She’s as beautiful now as she was back then, even more so. Her hair is longer and she’s a little thinner and curvier, but her eyes, her mouth are all the same.”
“Did she recognize you?”
“Actually, she recognized me before I recognized her. Before we could get a chance to really talk, the little girl, Sara, came barreling through the door with her new puppy. It turns out, she’s Livvy’s daughter. No wonder she looked so much like her. I thought maybe she was one of Livvy’s sister’s kid or something when I was at the camp store, but no. I should have guessed she looks just like Livvy. Then, this morning I ran into her again on the beach. She suggested we get together later to catch up and talk about old times.”
Brad whistled, “A kid. So I guess that means she’s married now.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Did she have a ring on her finger?”
“Damn, I didn’t think to look for one. I’m sure she’s married though.” Cam struggled to picture her hands in his mind. “Sara, her daughter, said her Dad was away on a business trip. Anyway, I’d been debating about whether or not to call her or stop in to see her again when I was out on my run. I really want to be friends with her again, but...”
“Just friends?” Brad questioned.
“Yes, just friends,” Cam answered suddenly taking offense at his brother’s implications. “Jeez Brad. I’m not a home wrecker. I admit it was good seeing and talking to her again, but that’s all we did. Talk. She’s so easy to talk to. I regret letting her walk away all those years ago just because she didn’t want more. Now, I have a second chance at her friendship. I don’t want to blow that.”
“Be careful Cam, you don’t want to get in over your head. I can tell you still have strong feelings for her. Sometimes those feelings can be hard to turn off.” Brad suddenly took on a more serious big brother role.
“You’re right; I do have feelings for her. I can’t help that, but I’m not stupid. I don’t want to ruin our new friendship or cause problems in her marriage. God, it’s so weird to think of her married.” Then, Cam laughed out loud.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing, really…” Cam opened the fridge to look for something to drink and settled on a bottle of water. “I was just thinking that I really owed you one for stopping me from making a fool out of myself and kissing her that last summer. Then she’d have known my true feelings for her. At least now, she thinks I only think of her as a friend. I’d hate to scare her away. It’s obvious now that she really meant it when she said we were just friends.” Relief and regret swept over him as he thought about how he’d almost kissed her again on the boardwalk earlier that night.
“I don’t know about that. I think she wanted you to kiss her back then. I always kind of regretted giving you guys such a hard time that day.”
Just like she wanted me to kiss her tonight? He thought. “Yeah, well, I can’t change what happened in the past. I’m just glad I have the chance to reconnect with her now. Even if it is as friends,” Cam’s voice trailed off. “Anyway, enough talk about my love life or lack thereof. Why were you trying to get a hold of me anyway?”
“Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I wanted to warn you. I was talking to Mom earlier. Dad and his fishing buddies are headed your way this weekend. She said they heard the perch were really biting now.”
“Great. That’s just what I need. Is Mom coming too?”
“No. She said she’s cleaned enough strings of smelly fish for a bunch of ungrateful men for one lifetime. She’s staying home to catch up on some reading instead.”
“Lucky her! What about you? Are you coming for the weekend?”
“Ha. Not on your life. I don’t want to get in the middle of Dad and his cronies. I’d end up smoking cigars and playing cards all night. Not to mention, smelling like a dead fish.”
“Coward,” Cam goaded.
“You just want me to be a buffer between you and Dad.”
“Well, yeah, duh.”
“You’ll be fine. Dad will be too absorbed with himself to even notice if you’re there or not.”
“True. I’m just not in the mood for his brand of humor.” Cam paced in front of the kitchen window.
“Who is?” Brad laughed. “Chances are you and Liv won’t even cross his path. You are going to see her again, aren’t you?”
“Well, I’d planned to call her tomorrow. I want to see her again, but maybe you’re right. It might be better to stay away from her for now.”
“I know you Cam. I don’t want to see you hurt. See her if you want to. Just remember what I said and be careful.”
“Aren’t I always?” Cam feigned innocence.
“Ha!”
“Are you sure you don’t want to come for the weekend?”
“Listen, I really would, but I just started seeing someone new.”
“I see how it is. Tall, blond and built?”
“Close, she’s a red-head.” Brad laughed again. “Well, I need to get going. I’ll give you a call in a few days to see how things are going with Dad.”
“Talk to ya later.” Cam ended the call and set his phone back on the counter.
He wasn’t tired. Adrenaline still pumped through his veins. The image of Liv sitting in the moonlight, a strand of hair falling across her face, her lips parted, her eyes watching him with longing, prevented him from rest. He could feel her wanting him as he wanted her, but she knew as well as he, it wasn’t to be. He needed to be strong for them both, for Sara’s sake. He’d come close to losing it with her. He could almost taste her mouth on his when he’d come to his senses. She was a temptation he knew he couldn’t resist. Given the chance again, he didn’t know if he could be so noble.
He flipped through the channels on TV, trying to distract himself. With over a hundred to choose from, he would’ve thought he could find something to watch to take his mind off Liv. But he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about her again. Had it really been ten years since they’d been together? They fell back into sync as if all those years hadn’t passed by. It seemed like just yesterday that she was standing with him by the boulders on the Big Loop trail telling Brad that the two of them were only friends, and nothing more. Only the years had passed by and now she was married and had a family. It should have been with me, he thought. If only I’d told her how I felt back then, it could have been me. Maybe.
Finally, feeling tired, Cam turned off t
he TV and went to bed. He should probably just stay away from her. Let her spend time with her daughter. After all they were on vacation. They didn’t need an old friend intruding. Besides, if not for a business trip, she’d be spending time with her husband. It would be hard to keep away from her though, knowing she was so close. She’d asked him to call her or maybe she’d said she’d call him. He couldn’t remember now. He drifted off thinking about the first time he met her. It was safer to think of the little girl she used to be instead of the beautiful woman she’d become.
The day they met, his parents had gone out golfing somewhere and left Brad in charge. Not wanting a kid brother to tag along behind him all day, he’d dropped Cam off at a lame nature hike for kids. Cam did not want to be there. He didn’t understand why his brother wouldn’t just let him stay at the house by himself? He was nine and a half for God’s sake. He did not need to be supervised, especially not by Brad. He kicked at the stones and dirt with the toe of his boot as he waited for the whole thing to get started. A group of kids were laughing and talking in the middle of the trail. A bunch of boy scouts, he thought. This is so stupid. Then he saw Livvy standing by the trail marker with what looked like her grandmother. They seemed to be arguing about something, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying. The girl had on a pair of acid-wash jeans and a rainbow tie-dyed t-shirt. She had her arms folded in front of her as she stood her ground.
Her grandmother started gesturing toward him and the girl turned and smiled at him. Their eyes met for a brief second and then the girl looked back at her grandmother. Moments later she came walking towards him.
“What?” He stuck his thumbs in his belt loops, trying to act tough.
She swallowed and pushed on. “Hi, my name is Livvy. What’s yours?”
“Cameron.” Her voice was as bright as her outfit. She started to fidget and bite her lip. He could tell she was going to walk away if he didn’t say something else soon. “Hey!” He pointed at her shirt. “You’ve got a bug or something on your shirt there.”
“Get it off!” As she looked down to brush off the ‘bug,’ he reached out and tweaked her nose.
“Gotcha!” Their eyes met. She smiled and laughed then. She hadn’t gotten angry and stormed off. She got him. Later, she pulled the old “weed on the back of the neck” trick as they walked down the path. He knew it was her, but he let her tickle him a couple of times and pretended to slap at it until she gave herself away by giggling.
From then on, they’d become best friends. Every summer they spent time together hiking, swimming and talking. It wasn’t until the end of the summer before his junior year of high school that he knew he was in love with her. He’d meant to tell her the next summer, the last summer they were together, but never had…
The next morning, Cam woke up at 5:42 AM. He’d gotten up at 5:30 for years and his body wouldn’t let him sleep past that time no matter what time he’d gone to bed the night before. He rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. Fifteen minutes later he still felt wide-awake, his head filled with thoughts of Liv. He grabbed his phone off the nightstand and sent her a quick text message.
“Thx 4 dinner last night. Great seeing you. Had a g-8 time. C.”
Immediately after pressing send, he regretted it. He hadn’t been up ten minutes and already he was doing a poor job of staying away from her. He just couldn’t get her out of his head. He got out of bed and pulled on his black running shirt and a pair of gray shorts. Sitting on the edge of his rumpled bed, he laced up his running shoes. Standing, he stretched. He rubbed his jaw and realized he needed a shave. He pulled his hair back at the nape of his neck to keep it out of the way while he worked out. He headed down the hall to the spare bedroom that Brad had turned into a small weight room years before. Even if Cam wasn’t a star athlete like his brother, he learned he could look the part by lifting and running.
He lay back under the free weights and began to do three sets of ten. He’d get her out of his mind one way or the other. Thirty minutes later he’d completed the circuit. His muscles ached, but Liv’s image was still firmly planted in his mind. His phone beeped, startling him out of the moment. He glanced at the screen. It was a text message back from Liv. It simply read, “Me too.”
Cam smiled as he set the phone aside, and then frowned. He knew a text message from her shouldn’t make him feel so happy inside, but it did. He went to brush his teeth. At the last minute he decided to shave as well. In the back of his mind he hoped he’d run into Liv, even though he knew he should avoid her for both their sakes. He applied a little extra deodorant and headed into the kitchen to grab his water pack. It was 6:55 when he headed out the door for his morning run.
He jogged towards the woods and the Big Loop trail. He didn’t want to risk running into her at the beach again. He needed space to think. He needed to get himself together again; to remind himself that she was his friend. And, after finding her again, he didn’t want to lose the one thing he still had with her.
The weather was a little cooler than it had been, but by no means uncomfortable. In fact the cool air felt good as Cam ran along the side of the main road until he came upon the brown trail marker. He veered off the road onto the dirt path. The park did a good job of keeping it clear of roots and other fallen debris. He followed the path around the right through the pine trees. He took in the pine scent and exhaled. He kept his pace slower so he could enjoy being in such a beautiful place while he ran. He wasn’t training for a marathon or anything, so he didn’t need to push himself every day. The path started to make an incline up as it wound around the lake and the surrounding hillside. His heart-rate increased as the path grew steeper. He slowed down when he heard voices around the bend. At the top of the loop – the half-way point – there was a scenic overlook of the lake. That was where Liv had ripped out his heart all those years ago…
The summer was drawing to an end and he still hadn’t found the courage to reveal his feelings to her. The moment never seemed right and the fear of her not feeling the same was too great. He’d taken a walk to clear his head. He just needed some time alone with her away from everyone’s prying eyes. He found himself on the Big Loop trail – the place they’d met. He was almost to the lookout when he thought he’d heard someone weeping. He picked up his pace and jogged the rest of the way up the incline and around the last bend. He could see a familiar-looking woman sitting on the bench hugging her knees to her chest. Her long hair covered her face, but he immediately knew it was Liv. His heart rate quickened. Perfect, he thought. Thank you, God. Just then she turned to look at him; tears glistened in her eyes, but she gave him a weak smile. She stood and walked toward him and leaned against one of the large boulders that lined that part of the trail.
“Hey, girl. What’s wrong? Are you crying?”
“No, I’m okay.”
“No you aren’t. I know better than that. What happened?” Cam took his thumb and wiped a tear from her cheek. She looked so beautiful and so vulnerable.
“It’s just that summer is almost over. And, and I haven’t…” She fumbled for words and glanced down.
Cam lifted her chin up and met her eyes. “Shh, it’s okay, I…”
The air between them stood still. He looked down at her soft mouth. He placed a hand against the boulder above her. He caught her eyes again to be sure. Yes, he thought. She wants me to kiss her. He lowered his head and leaned into her. She tilted her mouth up toward him. Their lips were only centimeters from each other.
A loud burst of laughter interrupted the moment and he jerked back.
“Hey there Cam-er-on!” called his brother, his girlfriend, Leah, in tow behind him. “Sorry, we didn’t mean to interrupt you two love birds!” Brad then started making kissing sounds at them.
Damn. Leave it to Brad to ruin the moment; my one chance. He scowled at Brad and clenched his fist. He wanted to trounce Brad and beat the crap out of him. Of course that wouldn’t help the situation and most likely he’d be the one to get his ass
kicked as Brad outweighed him by a good twenty pounds.
“Funny, Brad,” Liv spoke up. “You know Cam and are just friends.” Her voice sounded unreal to him as a stabbing pain arrowed through him. He studied her face in confusion. Did she say they were ‘just’ friends? She wanted me to kiss her, didn’t she? Maybe he’d been wrong, but it felt so right.
He turned back toward his brother. “Yeah, Brad, we’re just friends,” he emphasized, trying to keep his pride intact. This must be her way of subtly telling him that she didn’t have the same feelings for him. He felt stupid now and angry.
“Whatever you say,” Brad called over his shoulder as he disappeared around the bend with Leah.
An awkward silence fell between them. They walked back to the main road together without talking. He watched her out of the corner of his eye. Should he say something? Pretend the moment by the boulders hadn’t happened? Maybe he should wait for her to say something first.
Finally, Liv spoke. “I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah, you bet.”
Liv winced at the gruffness of his voice. He hadn’t meant to take his anger out on her. It wasn’t her fault if she wasn’t in love with him. The fact that he loved her was his problem. And at that moment, it was too painful to be with her. Later that week he’d gone to her cottage to see her, but she’d already gone home with her parents. After that he’d been too embarrassed to contact her. That was one of his biggest regrets.
Cam shrugged off the memories of the past as he jogged the last few feet up the incline to the lookout area. A sudden feeling of déjà vu came over him as he rounded the corner and saw Liv, the woman, sitting on the bench. She looked so peaceful, her face uplifted to the glimmer of sun that’d just peeked out from under the clouds. Simply looking at her made him feel things he knew he didn’t have a right to. Damn, he thought, so much for avoiding her. She’s married to another man. Be careful. His mind a tangle of thoughts and feelings, he almost turned back before she saw him. Too late. Upon hearing his footsteps, she turned toward him and met his eyes. What the hell, he thought, throwing caution aside. He slowed to a stop and gave her a slow, sexy smile.