A week had passed since they’d been stranded on the pumping station. The girls had little clue of what was transpiring in the rest of the world, and it was probably a good thing. The United States had been overrun by a manmade virus and simultaneously invaded by China, it had nuked its enemies in retaliation, and Charlie and his friends had settled into a life of cat food and expired beer.
But getting marooned at the pumping station had been more than a little lucky. Mary and the others had found themselves isolated from the rampaging hordes of cannibals and separated from the fires and looting in the city. In addition, the place was equipped with canned goods, drinking water, and two comfortable bedrooms. The late Frank had even left behind his fishing rod and lures, which Mary was using to great effect in order to supplement their meals of corn and baked beans.
It was a tedious existence, but it was safe – for the time being, anyway. If the lake froze during the winter, however, things would rapidly take a turn for the worse. And so ideas for escape were never far from their thoughts.
For now, though, dinner took precedence and Mary brought the catch of the day in to be cooked on a propane grill. Her fishing skills had come in handy and earned her respect from Jackie and Padma… but not so much from Jen.
Over the past few years Jen had grown more like her stuck up fiancé, Blake, and Mary proved to be an easy target for her diatribes. She had a snide comment for everything the newcomer did, whether it was how she dressed, talked, cooked, or even slept. Right now it was the way Mary was singing hymns while cooking fish.
“You never shut up, do you? I’m surprised you don’t get sun burns on your tongue.”
“Jen, come on,” Padma chided as Mary looked down and mumbled something under her breath.
“I just don’t see what’s worth singing about at the moment. This sucks. I’m bored out of my mind, it’s hot as hell, who knows if we’ll ever get off this dump, and god knows what will happen if we do.”
Padma touched her friend’s shoulder. “We all deal with grief in different ways.”
“I can sing if I want to,” Mary chimed in.
“Shhh, the grownups are talking,” Jen shot back.
“I’m a grown—”
“Grownups don’t push shopping carts into corrals, sweetie.”
Padma’s attractive face hardened. “Why don’t you wake Jackie and tell her it’s almost time to eat?”
Jen rolled her eyes and left as Padma started singing with Mary and took over grilling the fish. A few minutes later everyone gathered on the dock for their meager dinner as the sun sank over the horizon. Far away, skyscrapers burned brightly as the artificial clouds of destruction billowed across the heavens. It would almost be pretty if one could ignore the implications.
Jackie yawned loudly and asked if anything exciting had happened while she rested for her graveyard watch. It hadn’t. And so they fell into their nightly ritual of eating bland food while “enjoying” even blander conversation.
“I miss my cat,” Mary said as she picked at the corn on her plate, bringing up yet another topic nobody else gave a damn about. “I hope she was able to escape my apartment. Maybe through the window or something.”
“What was her name?” Jackie asked as Jen made rude faces.
Mary brightened, happy that at least someone was paying attention to her. This was something that had rarely happened even before the apocalypse. “I called her Little Mama. I got her a few months ago when a neighbor was getting rid of her for peeing on the carpet.”
“And you thought it was a good idea to take in a cat that was gonna… oh I guess I’m wasting my breath,” Jen said.
Mary shook her head. “You shouldn’t throw away things just because they’re not perfect. Nobody’s perfect. Not even you.”
“Please, screw your pity party,” Jen said as her voice rose. “If anyone should be depressed, it’s me. I lost a fantastic life and a handsome man. What did you lose? A cat-piss apartment and a dead-end job? Heck, you might be better off now.”
Mary had heard enough and decided to stick up for herself for once. “Girls like you have picked on me my entire life, and why? Because I’m not smart or pretty like you? Because I had to wear the same clothes to school every day? Well, you’re stuck with me now so you’re going to have to just learn to deal with it.”
“You weren’t exactly invited along.”
“Why are you, you, you… being so nasty?” Mary said and began to turtle up as the all-too-familiar feelings of suffocation crept in. It was times like this when her stuttering made an unwelcome appearance.
“Because you’re annoy—”
“Shut your damned mouth and lay off her,” Jackie said, having grown tired of Jen’s bullying. “We’ve been friends for years, pledge sisters, and you wanted me in your wedding. But I’m telling you, shut it now or I will shut it for you. Blake’s friends might enjoy treating each other like shit all the time, but that’s not how I’m going to live my life. We’re better than that.”
“She’s right, we simply must get along if we want to survive, all of us,” Padma added.
Jen’s shoulders sank and she let out a deep sigh. “Padma was right. We all cope with grief differently, and I think maybe my way is being a cunty bitch. My bad.”
“Hug it out,” Jackie said. The two women did, albeit reluctantly, and the tension dropped immediately.
“Girls’ night!” Jen said and laughed awkwardly. “We don’t have liquor, so let’s do makeup.”
“We don’t have makeup either,” Jackie said.
“The lady that got cut in half over there had a bunch in her locker,” Jen said. “I kind of hid it from you all. Sorry.”
Mary was tentative. “I’ve never worn makeup before.”
“O-M-G. Then you get to go first,” Jen said and smiled at her with genuine warmth. “I have a great idea on what we can do with you. Nothing bold, but I think you’ll like it.”
Minutes later they were applying and primping and laughing, with Mary being the loudest of them all. No, she didn’t look very pretty – she was still as plain as vanilla and pigeon-toed like no other – but she sure felt marvelous. And there was something to be said for that.
Caught up in the moment, nobody noticed the small boat arriving on the far side of the station. Two men tied off and moved in the direction of the laughter and lanterns.
Chapter 9: Three Morons and a Baby
The idea to look for the abandoned child was settled, but the method of doing so had not been. After some arguing and mild swearing, Smokey convinced his friends he would hotwire the lone car in the parking lot. “Time me,” he said and ran outside. The car door was unlocked and Smokey slid into the driver’s seat. Less than thirty seconds later the brake lights came on and Cher could be heard blasting on the stereo before he could shut the CD player off.
“Ugh, she’s the worst,” Charlie said as he and Rob climbed into the red Dodge Caliber. “And before you even say something stupid I realize you probably learned that from watching some dumbass show. So let’s just get on with it,” he added. “And good job, that was fast. You being a worthless turd the past ten years has saved our lives I don’t know how many times now.”
“I was yanking your chain. Found the keys in the dead dude’s pocket,” Smokey said while smiling deeply and pulling away. He hadn’t gotten much validation in his life, and it was a nice feeling. Even if he had been called a turd.
“Well, good job anyways, now let’s find the place.” Charlie grabbed Smokey’s rifle and scanned the streets of Biggsburg for any movement, cannibal or otherwise. The place seemed to be a ghost town though, and they travelled a few blocks without so much as a squirrel crossing their path.
“Man, if we could just get to the interstate and haul ass, we could be at my parents’ house in an hour,” Charlie said, thinking out loud.
“But the roads aren’t safe,” Rob countered. “And Left-Nut needs us. And Sam. And maybe a kid.”
“I know, I
know. It would just be nice. That’s all I’m saying. Get to my mom and dad’s and the military base is right past it.”
“Soon,” Rob said, showing a bit of wisdom that usually eluded him like so many cheeseburgers had not. “You’ll see her soon. She has to be safer at that base than anywhere else right now.”
Smokey pulled up to an intersection and, sure enough, Main Street was the road with the taller buildings on it. Now they just had to look for the address, which according to the numbers was just a block or so away.
“Can’t get any easier than this.”
“Don’t jinx it,” Rob said.
Seconds later they stopped in front of an apartment building and got out. Smokey checked the mailbox to determine the right apartment and the others followed him through the shattered front door and up a set of stairs. Other than the door, nothing seemed out of place except the complete silence. They soon found apartment 2A right by the stairs.
Smokey jiggled the handle and it was locked, so he pulled up the welcome mat featuring a tropical beach and produced a key as Charlie rolled his eyes. He slowly pushed the door open and backed up while Rob stepped forward, ready to bash any surprises this time. But there was only dead silence.
The guys walked inside. “Hello?” Charlie said quietly, but there was no answer. The place looked as though it had been recently lived in, and there was a bag of garbage by the front door that had no rotting food in it. There were toys scattered around, but no kid.
Smokey checked the garbage bag and pulled out several boxes. “Grape cough syrup,” he said. “Trent and I used to drink that stuff and get high as rainclouds. That’s Robo-tripping for you nerds. Anyways, one night he thought there were clowns behind him in the mirror, and that was the last time we did that.”
“Very interesting,” Charlie said dryly and shrugged. “But this place is empty. Look for anything useful and let’s jet.” He looked to Rob. “At least we checked.”
Smokey wasn’t so sure. “Hold up, partner.” He pointed to a family picture on the mantel. There was the man Rob had killed in the doctor’s office, standing with a woman and a small child. Another frame showed off a picture of a chubby baby boy with the name Todd written on it.
“Toddy, where are you, buddy? I got some candy,” Smokey said in a funny voice. Faint giggling could be heard coming from the living room closet. He opened the door and found the one-year-old snuggled up in dinosaur blankets.
“We found him, now what?” Charlie said. “Maybe his mom is out somewhere, like the dad. She comes home and the baby’s gone and her husband’s dead. Talk about a tearjerker. Plus, then we’re baby stealers.”
“Nah, parents wouldn’t both leave their child behind like that,” Smokey said. He tried to pick the kid up, and it became immediately clear what the cough syrup had been used for. Little Todd became startled by the unknown man and erupted in a level of sound and fury that was quite substantial for a tot that size.
“Shut that kid up,” Charlie said as flashbacks of the Brandon incident came blasting into his mind. Noise equaled zombies equaled death.
“Like, how?” Smokey asked. He wasn’t the type of person a sober parent would let watch their kid, and so his time with young ones was extremely limited.
“Give him something to play with,” Charlie said and looked for a suitable toy on the floor.
Smokey handed Mr. Personality the car keys to shake, but the kid was not amused, and screamed even louder – if that was possible.
“Dude was giving the kid medicine to keep it quiet, like that chick in Florida,” Rob surmised. “That’s messed up.”
Charlie looked out the window and shook his head. “True, but I wish we had some.” Like he’d expected, the tantrum had zombies already gathering outside, and many began finding their way through the broken front door. In no time the hungry beasts would pinpoint their location.
“Oh, duh,” Smokey said and produced a small dinosaur toy from his pocket. It was a plush T-rex, and the one Todd’s father had in his pocket upon reaching his final destination. The baby grabbed the toy and calmed down as shambling footsteps came up the stairs and stopped outside their door. Everyone held their breath until the cannibals could be heard walking back down the stairs.
And then little Toddy squeaked the toy, loudly and repeatedly. The zombies came back with a vengeance, pounding on the flimsy door and threatening to burst in at any second.
“Shit, shit, shit!” Charlie looked outside to see several zombies milling about below the window, cutting off their route back to the car. “Shit! I knew this was a dumb idea.”
“What’s the plan?” Smokey asked.
“Kick ass, take names,” Rob said casually. He wasn’t much of a planner, but he was an ass kicker.
Charlie nodded. “Okay, but… what the hell?”
Rob jumped out the second story window and obliterated a zombie with his bat on the way down. Two quick swings left two more dead cannibals that didn’t even know what hit them. But a fourth one got in close, much too close, and Rob was forced to grab the lady by the throat. He squeezed and squeezed until his hand sunk through the woman’s skin and into her flesh. Rob felt the prickly vertebrae and whipped his wrist to the side, breaking the teacher aide’s neck in twain. He dropped the tiny woman and rubbed his hands on the grass, then massaged his throbbing and badly sprained ankle.
Now Rob was outside and alone, and the others were inside and still trapped. He waved up and whispered, “Jump down, I’ll catch you.”
“Why not?” Charlie gripped his rifle tightly in his hands and took a leap of faith. Rob caught him easily but put even more strain on his ankle in the process.
Now it was Smokey’s turn, and of course, he was terrified of heights. So he hesitated in the window while gently rocking the baby, and tried to muster up the courage to jump.
Charlie glared at Rob. “You just crossed that thin line between bravery and stupidity. Acting like the hero is gonna get you killed. So knock it off, this ain’t a movie.”
“Like when Russ saved everyone? Or when you rescued Brandon?” Rob said while swiveling around, searching for any more threats.
Charlie nodded. “Yeah, I’m guilty too. Look, there’s a time for reacting and a time for planning things out. Just try to follow my lead. That being said, holy crap, that was awesome.”
Rob set the kill-stick down and opened his arms wide. “Smokey, if you don’t jump I’m gonna punch you silly the next time I see you. Remember what I did to Trent?”
As he talked, a heavily smashed but not thoroughly dead zombie crawled up behind him. The mess of a taxi driver moved slowly enough to go unnoticed, and would soon be within striking distance. Although its eyes had been knocked clear out if its head by Rob’s bat, it could evidently still hear and smell him quite clearly. And to a zombie, Rob was a whole mountain of meat, a veritable smorgasbord.
Rob’s pep talk was enough and Smokey ultimately jumped, clutching on to the toddler for dear life while wearing a backpack full of diapers and toys.
“Did somebody order a manny?” he said upon landing, happy to be on the ground for sure.
Suddenly the nightmarish zombie lunged forward as Rob was distracted, but he didn’t get far.
“Sorry buddy, not today,” Charlie said and curb-stomped the pitiful thing into oblivion, splattering it onto the pavement like a June bug.
Things were looking up until little Toddy started screaming again as the shock from the fall wore off and his stranger danger kicked back in. This kid had some serious lungs on him too.
“Let’s ride,” Charlie said urgently as several zombies made their way from the building. Smokey looked at Todd and his eyes got big.
“Where’s the keys?” Charlie asked.
“Um, the baby had them. I guess they’re still in the apartment.
“Now that’s the Smokey I remember,” Charlie said. Three runners approached and he was forced to use up the last of the QBZ-95 ammunition. Two fell instantly, but one kept
coming despite massive internal bleeding. So Charlie pulled his newly acquired pistol from his pocket and grinned, Indiana Jones like.
It promptly misfired due to the burr on the inside of the magazine that caused a feeding issue. Charlie didn’t know that –he simply knew the bullet didn’t come out. He palmed the useless hunk of metal and bashed the creature’s face in, kicking it once for the hell of it. “There’s too many, we’ll have to hoof it,” he added, unaware of Rob’s injury.
With no other options, the slightly overweight substitute teacher, the three-hundred-pound plus MMA fighter with an injured ankle, and the pot smoking know-it-all carrying a baby took off at a rather dismal speed.
“We need to make it about a mile and then we can lose them in the forest,” Charlie said while slowing down for his friends. At that point he noticed Rob’s limp, and knew then and there that they wouldn’t make it.
The lead zombie was gaining on them, so Charlie doubled back and hammered it with his empty rifle, using the thing’s own speed against it but falling down in the process. He got up and caught the others as they passed the strip mall parking lot and entered the field behind it. Todd had been screaming the entire way, and more zombies joined the chase.
The tree line was just a quarter of a mile off, but Rob wasn’t going to make it. His lungs burned, his ankle was even worse off than it had been, and he was close to having a heart attack. Not to mention he was hungry.
Rob stopped running. “You guys go.”
“No way, Charlie said. “Maybe I can get them chasing me in another direction.”
“Not with the kid screaming. No, you go,” Rob said with determination and sadness etched on his face.
“I’m not—”
“Now!” The matter clearly wasn’t up for discussion, but Charlie had already lost too many friends, and so he lingered.
“Go!” Rob shoved hard against his best friend’s chest as Smokey disappeared into the forest and the zombies got closer.
Dead Drunk II: Dawn of the Deadbeats (Dead Drunk: Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse... One Beer at a Time Book 2) Page 7