by Amber Garza
"I'm sorry, Hadley. She never should've done that to you." I squeeze her hand tighter. There’s no way I can take away her pain, but I wish I could. I know what it feels like to be ridiculed and humiliated, and I hate that she does too.
"Thanks." She peers up at me with a smile.
"Sonya doesn't deserve a friend like you." I move closer to her, and this time she doesn’t move away. In fact, she leans in. I take it as an invitation. My heart hammering in my chest, I angle my head toward hers. The sweet scent of her lipgloss nears me, and I part my lips. But then a honk startles me. I gasp and flinch.
"I guess your dad's here." A strangled laugh escapes from my mouth, and I jump away from Hadley.
"Yeah." She says, her cheeks reddening. Quickly, she stands up, brushing grass from the back of her jeans. I scramble up too just as her dad emerges from his vehicle. Swallowing hard, I wonder how much he saw. Shock slams me in the chest when my gaze locks on Hadley's dad.
"Your dad is Dr. Summers?"
Hadley nods, wearing a proud smile. I can tell she loves her dad, and I’m hit with a twinge of jealousy.
"I don't know why I didn't make that connection before." I scratch the back of my neck, feeling agitated.
“Hey, Hadley." Dr. Summers greets his daughter.
It’s odd to see him appear so casual, wearing jeans and a collared shirt. I’ve only ever seen him before in a professional setting.
"Hey, Dad." Hadley’s hand brushes over my arm. "This is my friend Tripp."
"Ah, yes." Dr. Summers reaches his hand out to me. "Tripp Bauer. How have you been?"
"Good, Dr. Summers,” I mumble. Looking down at my feet, I successfully avert Hadley’s curious gaze.
"How is your mom doing?" Dr. Summers asks. "I haven't seen her in awhile."
"She's doing well." The words burn as I say them. I feel hot, and itchy. I have to get out of here. Turning to Hadley, I give her an apologetic look. "I better get going. Have a fun weekend, Hadley."
"Yeah. Good luck on the game tonight." Concern is etched on her features as I hurry off. I run as fast as I can to my house and don’t dare look back until I’m sure she’s out of sight.
The locker room is loud just like usual before a game. All the guys are talking over one another, and their voices bounce off the walls and echo around me. The salty smell of sweat is overpowering. I stand up, pulling my jersey over my padding. Maverick is next to me, slipping his own jersey on.
Once his head pops through, he reaches out his arm slapping me good naturedly on the back. “You wanna tell me what’s going on with you and Haley?”
“Her name’s Hadley,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Whatever.” He shrugs as if to say that he doesn’t care what her name is. It irks me further.
“Hadley?” Toby walks over to us. “You mean the lesbian girl who sits in the back of my science class.”
My body goes hot with rage. “She is not a lesbian.”
“You sure about that?” Toby says with a light chuckle under his words.
I have to fight against the anger surging inside of me. Breathing evenly I will my body to calm. Luckily for the guys, it’s a skill I’ve perfected over the years. “I’m sure. Why would you even think that?”
“Because she wears baggy clothes, she’s never had a boyfriend, and she’s always with that chick who dresses funny.”
“Yeah, no kidding. And I’ll bet those two are into some kinky shit,” Mav says. “The nerdy ones always are. Isn’t that right, Tripp?”
My face hardens. “Why would you say that?”
Mav shrugs, a teasing look on his face. “You’re the one whose always hanging out with them lately.”
Toby flashes me an incredulous look. “No way? You have a thing for Hadley Summers?”
I want to say yes. I want to tell them that Hadley is the most amazing girl in the whole world, but the words stick in my throat. I can’t do it. Not with them all mocking me, mocking her. “Of course not,” I lie, and it tastes bitter in my mouth. “She just lives near me, that’s all. My dad’s friends with her stepdad, so I have to make nice with her, okay?”
The guys laugh, and Mav gives me a sympathetic smile. I force myself to laugh along with them, but I think I might throw up. As we make our way onto the field the crowd’s clapping sounds around me. I wave up into the stands, knowing that the spectators cheer us on like we’re heroes. Only I don’t feel like a hero. I feel like the biggest coward of them all.
SEVENTEEN
HADLEY
"So, how was your weekend at dear old dad's?" Paige leans forward, propping her elbows up on the cafeteria table.
I swallow down a gulp of my water. "It was fine.” My mind flickers back to our odd conversation on the car ride to his house about Tripp.
Dad didn’t waste any time. The minute he pulled out of Mom’s driveway he turned to me. "So, you and Tripp Bauer, huh?"
I blushed at what he was insinuating. "We're just friends."
"That's good."
I was surprised at his reaction. Mom practically gushes over Tripp. I swear if she could force me into an arranged marriage with him she would. "Why? Do you know something about him I don't?"
Dad didn't answer. I think about how strange Tripp acted when Dad asked about his mom. And then I remembered his bizarre behavior the day we saw his mom while we were walking Bruiser. "Dad, is Tripp's mom one of your patients?"
"You know I can't discuss my patients with you, Hadley," Dad responded in his stern voice.
I groaned, throwing my head back in frustration.
"I just want you to be careful, okay?" His words sent chills down my spine.
"Okay." I stared out the window, wondering what he meant by that.
Paige gives me a funny look, pulling me out of my reverie. “Did something happen this weekend?”
I contemplate sharing with her, but then decide against it. If Tripp’s mom is one of Dad’s patients, I really shouldn’t mention it to anyone. So I just shake my head. “No, just a typical weekend at Dad’s. Although, he did actually come out of his office a few times." Even though I flash her a rueful smile, the truth is I don't think it's that funny. I wish Dad wasn't such a workaholic. Sometimes it hurts my feelings, and I wonder if he doesn't want me around anymore. Like maybe I'm a burden he wishes he could unload.
"That's good. I just mostly lounged around listening to music," Paige says, taking a large bite of her carrot. It snaps loudly in her mouth, bits of orange peppering her white teeth.
Chattering spills over us and laughter swirls us. I glance over at the group sitting on the other end of our table. They look like freshmen, and they're hunched over talking in hushed tones. I extend my arm toward my water, but end up knocking it over. It spills across the table and starts dripping into my lap.
"Oh, great," I mutter under my breath. Jumping up, I wipe the wetness off my pants with my hands. "I'll be right back. I'm going to grab some paper towels." Spinning around, I walk straight into a boy's chest. Before even looking up, I know it's Tripp. His familiar smell encompasses me.
"You okay?" His arms come up around mine.
My heart hammers at his display of affection in front of everyone. I peer up at him. "Yeah. Fine. I'm just being my klutzy self."
His gaze lands on the wet spot on my jeans. But instead of teasing me, he just shrugs. "Happens to the best of us."
"Well, well, what's going on here?" Sonya's voice pierces through the moment.
"Nothing," I mumble, moving away from Tripp.
"Did you wet yourself?" Sonya asks with a laugh. Her friends join in, and pretty soon it's like the whole cafeteria is staring in our direction. My face flames, and I take a couple of steps backward. "Where are you going, Hadley? I was just coming over to have a little talk with you." Sonya's voice drips sweetness, but the bitterness underneath is unmistakable.
The room spins, the walls seeming to close in around me. I find it difficult to draw breath.
"I know what yo
u're up to, Hadley, and it's time that Tripp did as well." Sonya looks pointedly at Tripp.
He crosses his arms over his chest. "Sonya, just leave her alone. Okay?"
I look at her smugly, grateful that Tripp stuck up for me.
A couple of Tripp's friends notice what's going on, and they come walking in our direction. Tripp's face blanches. No way am I staying here. I spin around to leave, but one of Sonya's friends intercepts me. She raises her brows. "Going somewhere?"
Feeling trapped, panic grips me. It's like deja vu of freshman year. This is not going to end well.
"I see Hadley's got her claws into you, Tripp. I can't say that I'm totally surprised. She has had a little crush on you since we were in junior high," Sonya continues, and I want to disappear. If only I hadn't become friends with Tripp. If only I was still invisible. "She used to draw pictures of the two of you kissing." Her friends giggle, and my ears burn. I look to Tripp for help, but his face is bright red and he's staring at the ground like he's lost the ability to speak.
"That's enough!" Paige yells, bounding in my direction.
I heave a sigh of relief. At least she's still on my side.
"And it seems like she's still drawing you." My body numbs when Sonya reaches into her purse and pulls out a few crumpled pieces of binder paper. I'm completely frozen as if I've left my body and I'm watching this whole horrible exchange from somewhere far away. Sonya thrusts the pages into Tripp's hands, my sketches from the other day in class plainly visible.
"Did you take those from the trash?" My voice sounds scared and foreign. Tripp stares at the pages in his hand, his face draining of color. I want to curl up in a ball and die right here. If only I truly were invisible.
"You know that she's nothing but a whore just like her mom." Sonya's gaze catches mine.
"No, Sonya," I plead with her even though I know it's a losing battle. She's been waiting to use this against me for years.
Tripp's eyes catch mine, betraying the struggle behind them. "Sonya, come on," he says, but not firm enough to actually stop her. His hands tremble, the pages in his fingers fluttering like butterfly wings.
"Her mom is such a whore, little Hadley here doesn't even know who her daddy is. If Dr. Summers hadn't rescued her mom, Hadley wouldn't have a dad at all."
And there it is. The secret I've kept from everyone for years. The secret I've never wanted anyone to know.
There is a collective gasp around the room. Even Paige looks shocked. Fighting back tears, I shove through the crowd gathered around me and hurry out of the cafeteria. Just before getting outside, I glance over at Tripp. He's staring at me with a horrified expression. I narrow my eyes at him, glaring as hard as I can until the door closes, blocking him out. With wobbly legs, I run to the nearest bathroom. Only after I'm safely locked in a stall do I allow myself to cry. And it's not a pretty cry either. No, it's filled with big, sloppy tears and loud sobs. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I wish that I'd never been friends with Sonya. Most of all, I wish I'd never trusted her with my most valued secret.
Being Dr. Summers' daughter has always meant a lot to me. I've never wanted anyone to know the truth. That I don't belong to anyone.
The door to the bathroom opens, and I hold my breath.
"Hads?"
"Paige?" I sniffle.
Footsteps glide over the cement floor and stop in front of the stall I'm barricaded in. I unlock the door and open it.
"You okay?" The concerned look on Paige's face causes more tears to spill down my cheeks. "What she said in there, is it true?"
I nod, wiping my face with the back of my hand. "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you, Paige. It's just that I found out before I knew you. Sonya and I were best friends at the time and—"
"Hads," Paige interrupts me. "You so don't have to apologize to me. I get it. I'm not upset with you. This was your secret, Hads. No one had the right to spill it like that."
"Thanks, Paige." I smile through my tears. "You really are the best friend ever."
"Yeah, I know. You've pretty much hit the friend jackpot right here."
I giggle.
"I wanted to punch that cow in the face. Only then my mom would ground me for life, and I didn't want to risk it."
"That's fine, Paige. I would hate for you to get suspended over this. It would only make things worse." I sniff, running my hand under my nose.
"I can't believe she said those awful things, Hads. I wish I could've stopped her."
"At least you tried," I say bitterly. "The only person that could've stopped her was Tripp, and he didn't try very hard."
"Some friend," Paige agrees.
I bite my lip. "Seriously. I guess I should be happy that I finally found out where his loyalties lie." I had really started to believe in Tripp. I can't believe he hurt me like this. One thing I know for sure is that it's the last time I allow it to happen.
EIGHTEEN
TRIPP
"Hadley, wait up!" I chase Hadley in the parking lot after school. Her shoulders visibly stiffen, but she doesn't turn around. In fact, she starts walking even faster. She keeps her head down, her hair covering her face, as she zips in and out of cars to reach hers.
"Hadley!" I call out again, running as quickly as I can hoping to catch up to her.
She starts jogging now, and I'm impressed with how swift she is. All around us other students glance in our direction. If only I'd stuck up for her. She reaches her mom's car, unlocks it and then yanks the door open. I get to her just as she slips into the car and slams the door shut. I'm out of breath, and sweat beads on my forehead. Leaning forward, I tap on the window, but Hadley just shakes her head and keeps her gaze focused out the front window.
It kills me that she's shutting me out like this. I should be the one to comfort her. Instead, I had a hand in hurting her. When she starts the engine, its gentle roar pierces my ears. It hurts worse than the silence did. I back away from the vehicle as she slowly guides the car out of the parking space. She drives off, and I stand in the middle of the lot watching her leave. I wonder if I'll ever get through to her. I wonder if she'll ever give me the chance to make it right.
When Sonya started taunting Hadley today, I just froze. I knew what the right thing to do was, but for some reason I just couldn't do it. It was just like when my dad hit me. I wanted to stand up for myself, to fight back, but it was like an invisible force held me back. For some reason it was just easier to let it happen. Only this time it wasn't me that got hurt, it was Hadley, and I was the only one who could've stopped it. Why didn't I?
Without pondering it further, I race to my own car and hop inside. I may not have done the right thing today, but I have to fix it. I can't keep cowering like this. I have to rise up. Peeling out of the parking lot, I drive down the street trying to locate Hadley's car. When I can't find it, I turn the corner heading for our street. I'm just about to take another right, when I spot Hadley's car heading down a street to my left. Swerving over two lanes, I head in her direction.
I follow her from a few cars back until she parks in a lot on Sutter Street. Before I can pull in, she gets out of her car and starts heading down the trail that leads to the water. After parking my car, I get out and head the same way.
After walking a little ways I find her sitting on a large boulder under a big, bushy tree. When I was a kid, I used to walk down here to feed the ducks or splash in the water. I've always thought the lake was such a peaceful place, and today is no exception. Off in the distance ducks glide along the surface, their white feathers stark against the backdrop of blue. The wind kicks up and a few green leaves flutter toward the water. It catches them, carrying them along.
I take a deep, steadying breath and step forward. Hadley still hasn't noticed me yet, so I inch forward quietly. She drops her head into her hands, and her shoulders shake softly. A small whimper escapes from her throat.
The sound breaks my heart. "Hadley?"
Startled, she lets out a tiny squeal. Then
she cranes her neck to look at me. "What did you do? Follow me?" Her cheeks are wet, and she swipes at the tears with the back of her hand.
"I had to. We need to talk." I make my way around the boulder and sit next to her.
She scoots away. "We have nothing to talk about."
"Hadley, I'm so sorry about what happened today."
She locks eyes with me. "I thought you were my friend, Tripp."
"I am your friend, Hadley."
"Then why didn't you stop Sonya? You just stood there and allowed her to say those things about me." She stands, her posture angry and unforgiving. "Even after I told you about what happened freshman year, you still didn't stop it, and now it's happened again." Her lips quiver and she bites down on them. "And now everyone knows the truth."
My stomach drops. I had hoped that Sonya was lying. "So it's true then? Dr. Summers really isn't your dad?"
"He is my dad, just not biologically. He did adopt me though." Hadley shakes her head. "But Sonya was wrong about my mom. She does know who my dad is. He was her high school boyfriend, and when he found out she was pregnant he demanded she have an abortion. When she refused, he broke up with her, telling her he wanted nothing to do with the baby. Me. Soon after that Mom met Dad. He had just finished school and was starting his own practice. After I was born they moved here and got married."
I think about how much I wish I had a dad who really wanted me. Someone who would be proud no matter what I was like. "Sounds like you got lucky then."
"What do you mean?" She places a hand on her hip, challenging me.
"You have a dad who really wanted you. Not all of us can say that."
She gives me an incredulous look, and I feel like a jerk for making this about me. Groaning, Hadley runs a hand over her head. "I used to be so proud of having a dad who really wanted me. But now Sonya has taken that away from me."