by Nana Malone
She must have sensed something bigger going on because she didn’t argue. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Jamie had promised him she would make him pay, and she was doing just that. He hung up on his boss and immediately tried calling Mia.
Shit, shit, shit. Her line rang and rang, but she didn’t pick up. Eventually, the automated recorder came on saying her voicemail was full.
“Fuck.” Ryan’s heart thundered, and the bile rose, trapping just under the lump in his throat. How had he screwed this up so badly? He needed to fix this. But how? The story was already online. The print version would be coming out in the morning.
It was possible she hadn’t seen it yet. If he could just talk to her, he could make her understand.
Yeah, brilliant plan. Just what was he going to explain? I know it looks like I used you and betrayed your trust, but it wasn’t like that. It’s not my fault.
“Fuck.” He rubbed his hand over the burning ache in his chest. For years, he’d been avoiding relationships. Avoided love. Convinced it wasn’t for him. He finally found it again, and he screwed it up this badly.
Well are you going to cry about it, or are you going to try to fix it?
One handed, as he drove like a maniac back into the city, he sent a quick text to Mia. Mia, please, call me. We need to talk. I’ll explain everything when I see you.
He tried calling five more times before he made it to the front of the Love Reality building. She hadn’t answered a single one of his calls. She knows. Whether she’d seen the write-up or someone had told her. He was so screwed. His gut twisted, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try.
He parked in a loading zone and hopped out, jogging to the enormous glass door. He didn’t get very far though. Before he’d even come through the turnstile, security headed right for him.
The bigger of the two was about six foot, five inches and built like a tank. Pale, almost translucent skin, ice blue eyes, bald head, a don’t-fuck-with-me-today-or-ever-for-that-matter stare completed the look. His partner was shorter but no less intimidating.
It looked like these guys were the leg breakers not the average rent-a-cop.
The bigger one spoke first. “Mr. Matthews.”
Ryan hesitated as he ran through his options mentally. He could attempt to outrun them. Mia’s office was only around the corner. He’d certainly outrun the bigger guy, but the smaller one, not so much. And he certainly wasn’t in the mood for the amount of hurt that was coming his way when they finally did catch up to him.
Option two was try to reason with or bribe them. He discarded that idea as soon as he gave the bigger guy a second glance. He was no nonsense. Like he took his job all kinds of seriously.
Okay, last option. Turn his ass around and forget it. So. Not. Happening. He had to talk to her. In the end, he went with acceptance. “Yeah.”
The smaller man said, “Please come with us.”
Well, this was different. And potentially deadly. “What seems to be the problem? I’m here to see—”
“Come with us.”
The tone brooked no argument, and Ryan really had no choice but to follow. They couldn’t really hurt him. He was still a contestant on the show. And bitch though she might be, Jamie still wanted her ratings.
They held him in the same room Larissa had shoved he and Mia into the first day. He found Larissa waiting, looking all kinds of like-someone-stole-her-Prada-shoes-off-her-feet mad.
“Larissa, hey. Listen, I’m trying to get a hold of Mia, is she okay?”
She narrowed her eyes. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“Shit. It’s not what it looks like. But I need to talk to her. If you could tell her I’m here. Then maybe—”
She put her hand up and cut him off. “You realize that girl is my best friend, right? Like my sister?” She didn’t wait for him to acknowledge. “What you did was selfish and fucked up and wrong and cruel. You took the one side of her that was all for her, that she chose to share with you, and you exposed it. For the entire world to see. Give me one fucking reason why I shouldn’t let Max and Diesel out there tear your balls from your body.”
“I didn’t write the article. You have to make her believe me.”
“I don’t believe you. You hurt her, and that means I get the distinct pleasure of fucking up your life. So if you so much as look at her cross-eyed or try to talk to her at the show tonight, or any of that bullshit, I will tear your balls from your body myself. Normally, I’m not one for manual labor, but this time, I’m looking forward to it. You feel me?”
“Larissa—”
“Oh, no you don’t. I fought for you. I totally told her to believe in you and give you a shot. Now you’ve made me a liar.” She shook her head. “It’s a pity too because she would have chosen you. She was scared, but she was going to choose you. And now you fucked that up.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Larissa, I didn’t write those words. Yes, I was supposed to do a profile on Lonely Girl, but once I got to know Mia, I couldn’t do it. I’ve been busting my ass for weeks looking for another angle. I didn’t do this. You need to make her see.”
“So, you were gonna write this article on her, and you never told her.”
“That was the assignment, but there was a bigger story. I never planned on dragging Mia in once I knew it was her. This whole thing is Jamie.”
Larissa narrowed her eyes but said nothing.
“I just want to talk to Mia, make her understand that it was never my intention to humiliate her. I—” Emotion nearly chocking him, he paused for a breath. “I care about her.”
Larissa leaned back and stared at him. Then her laughter rang loud and clear, bouncing off the stark white walls of the conference room. “You’re in love with her.”
Heat pulsed through his body, and sweat popped on his skin. “Yeah, I am.”
As she shook her head, dark tresses slid over her shoulders. “Then you better find a way of making this up to her.”
“Help me. Please. I’m begging you. You’re the one who knows her best.”
“Oh no, you don’t. I’m still all about plan Make-You-A-Eunuch.”
His balls shriveled a little at the thought. “Please.”
“Okay.” She nodded. “You say you love her.”
“I do love her.”
“Then here’s a hint—go big.”
* * *
Since he was already in the building, Ryan made one last detour. Cold fury ran through his veins as he stormed into Jamie’s office. “What the fuck did you do?”
Jamie was cleaning out her desk. When she looked up, her expression was placid. “Mr. Matthews, I’ll have to ask you to keep your voice down.” Her head tilted. “Or should I say, Mr. Rhodes?”
His anger intensified as his instincts proved true. How long had she known? “Fuck you, Jamie.”
She pushed herself to a standing position. “No, fuck you. I told you I would end you if you screwed with me, and still you didn’t listen. I told you to stay away from Mia, and you two thought you were so clever.”
“How’d you do it, Jamie? You tap my phone? Bug my place?”
She shook her head, straight, dark hair falling in thick hanks around her face. “I had you followed. The night of the meet and greet, I suspected you knew each other. You forget, those mics are super sensitive. You asked if she was ready to beg you for that kiss. And sure enough, you horny kids couldn’t keep your hands off each other. I knew what Mia wanted, but I didn’t know your angle or motivations. So I tailed you.” She shrugged. “And while you were busy running around the city playing happy couple for the cameras, I had IT take a look at your laptop. I got all your notes. Planting the story was easy enough once I found out you were headed to find Victor. One little messengered packet to your editor was all it took. You should be happy, I even made it sound like you with that sappy bull at the end.”
Fuck, this was his fault. He’d been careless. All because he’d been cocky.
“You fabricated that story just to fuck with me.”
Her laugh was harsh and humorless. “Yes. Welcome to the world of television. How is that any different than what you’ve done?”
His whole body vibrated. He could kill her. He knew in that moment he might be capable of anything. She had cost him the first person he’d been able to love in years. “The difference is I was searching for a truth. For years, you’ve been manipulating the public, which at the very least is sweepstakes fraud. But you’ve been messing with people’s lives. How can you sleep at night after what you did to Mia?”
“I’ve been creating television, you idiot. Did you really think those polished media darlings you see are in any way real? Did you think Mia was? It’s all smoke and mirrors. You fucked with my life, so I fucked with yours. Thanks to this debacle, TVN is pulling Love Reality after this season. I have produced this show from the beginning.” She smacked her hand on her desk. “This is my home.”
“If I had even a small part to play in getting the show pulled, then I’m going to do a dance on its grave.”
Her smile was cold. “You whiney rich boys are all the same. You’ve never worked hard a day in your life, then when you get a raw deal, you bitch about it. I hate to break it to you, but this is the real world. Everything about the show is an illusion, including that girl. She’s not real, I created her. Your feelings aren’t real. You only have them because I pushed you two in that direction.”
He leveled a gaze at her. “That’s where you’re wrong.”
Chapter Thirty-five
“I swear to God, I will flay him alive.”
Mia shook her head. “Don’t bother, Delilah. It’s over. I’m the idiot who fell for him.”
Larissa placed a glass of wine in front of her, which she gratefully accepted. “I don’t know, Mi, I mean I saw him today. He looked gutted. You know I’m in camp kill-that-asshole, but maybe we hear him out before we drag him out for a little trip to the desert.”
After the day from hell, Larissa had gotten a car service to bring Mia home and had kept the wine coming as if it was on tap. Delilah had followed not thirty minutes behind them. Larissa had rallied the troops. God, what would Mia do without her friend? Probably still be sitting at her desk in numb shock.
Mia reached up and tugged on her elastic, loosening her bun and finally releasing it. With a long sigh, she dug her hands into her hair and massaged. “What did he say when you saw him, Riss?”
Larissa hesitated for a minute before answering. “Said he was sorry. Said he wrote it before he knew you.”
Delilah shook her head. “It’s still not a good excuse. At any time, he could have told Mia.”
Larissa raised her hands. “Didn’t you hear me say Hallelujah, preacher girl? I’m with you. I’m just relaying the message in case Mia has some thoughts on the matter.”
Mia glanced between her sister and her best friend. “Why did he even bother to come to the office? Doesn’t make sense.”
Larissa shrugged. “Maybe he does love you.”
Mia rolled her eyes. “No, what he loves is a byline. He could have told me anytime, but oh no. It was better to help direct his story. It wasn’t real.”
Her sister folded her arms. “Okay, you know what, Mi? You’re beautiful, stunning really. And smart and funny and witty and sarcastic. You’re enough. You don’t have to pretend you don’t care. I know this must sting. But have you given any thought to why it stings so bad?”
“Oh, I don’t know, because I was lied to?”
Her sister shrugged. “If you think so.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He sister held up her hands, her expressive brown eyes going wide. “Easy does it before you and Larissa tear my weave out. All I’m saying is sometimes we stand in our own way. Someone who was just trying to use you wouldn’t be trying so hard to call you. He wouldn’t be coming by your office. He wouldn’t be talking to Larissa to beg for him.”
Larissa cleared her throat. “At the risk of you wanting to kill me, I’m sort of inclined to agree with your sister. He seemed sincere when he came by. He knew he fucked it all up and just wanted a chance to talk to you. What’s it going to cost you in the end, a little pride?”
“This has nothing to do with pride. You were there. You saw the article. I opened up and it came back to bite me in the ass. Explain to me why I would ever take myself through that kind of vulnerability again.”
Delilah pulled her in tight for a hug. “Because, at the end of the day, you understand. You know that it’s rare to find someone who understands you. I struggled with Nate. I thought he’d betrayed the family too. I thought he’d leave me again, and when it boiled down to it, when I needed him to come through, he didn’t. And I didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt.”
Mia shook her head. “This is completely different. Nate was a kid and didn’t betray you in the end.”
“No, situation is the same, Mi. I almost didn’t give him a shot when I should have. Look, this is your life. You can do what you want. You can walk away from this like you normally do. Or you can stand and fight for something you want.”
Delilah put a hand on her arm, and the warmth spread through Mia’s body. Delilah had always been able to make her see sense, but maybe her sister wasn’t right on this occasion.
Delilah continued softly. “You guard yourself too much. Anyone who gets to know you can see that. Ryan made you play. He made you see. Ryan pushes you out of your comfort zone, and let’s face it, you play it safe too much. You’ve always played it safe. Hell, your room at home still isn’t a hundred percent decorated. You spent your childhood waiting for us to do anything besides love you. What he said was true. But only you can see past this. Only you can make the decision to take what your heart wants or to play it safe.”
Hell. Right now Mia didn’t know what she wanted.
Chapter Thirty-six
It didn’t matter how long Ryan worked through it, he still had no plan on how to get Mia back. The paper had posted his real story for the Friday column and cross-posted on his blog. But still no sign of life from camp Mia.
Face it dumbass, you lost her.
Ryan played with the drink in front of him and couldn’t help but glance up at the door to the bar every time it opened. He sat in the same spot he’d sat in the night they’d met, hoping for a glimpse of her. Praying that she might come in looking for him. That was stupid of course because he’d been coming here for years and had never seen her before that night and never after. But it didn’t stop that niggling feeling of hope.
Larissa’s words kept running though his skull. Do something big. But what? If she wouldn’t see him, there wasn’t a whole lot he could do. He’d already tried the obvious things. He’d been to her place, and the doorman had threatened to call the police. Her office was out. He could try her parents’ place. One little problem—he had no idea where they lived. Google could be his friend, but he also had be careful not to do the stalker thing. Then you will be alone.
He leaned back in his booth and took a pull of his beer. A studious looking brunette at the bar caught his eye. She scribbled something on a notepad between tugs of her beer and bites of her french fries.
Once the idea struck and took hold, he couldn’t let it go. His keyboard was right there at his fingertips, but for something like this, he wanted to do it the way Mia had said she always wanted it. He was going to write her a letter. He had to be there for the final show anyway. He’d give it to her then. If she didn’t want to talk to him after that point, that was fair enough, but he could at least try.
Yet even though he had the means to communicate, pouring out his feelings wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. He knew it was what he needed to do if he wanted her back. So he wrote.
He wasn’t sure how long it took him to pen the apology, or if it was a good idea to put it all out there like that, but when he was done, he felt like he’d just escaped the Holland Tunnel, where the screa
ming wails of wind had finally quieted and now he was on the other side. When he looked up from his letter, it was like he was in a different bar. The place was crowded, the early evening lounge feel he preferred had now given way to the nightclub crowd.
He stared at his words, feeling the raw emotion bounce around inside him singeing his skin inside out. Okay, he’d done it. He’d poured it all out. He’d give it to her and let it go. She obviously needed time. He wasn’t going to give up, but he could give her some time. Meanwhile, he had some other ideas about how to make her happy. He just hoped he wasn’t too late.
As he cleared up his stuff to vacate one of the only empty seats in the joint, his phone rang.
He nearly dropped his laptop as he scrambled for it, answering without even looking at the screen first. “Mia?”
“Uh, no, not Mia. This is Franki Donaldson with Q Magazine.”
Ryan’s brain stuttered. Q? They were an up and coming men’s lifestyle magazine. “Oh, hey, what can I do for you?”
“Sorry to call so late. I had a hell of a time tracking you down. Your editor is very protective of her people.”
This guy had called Chris? Quickly his brain did a catalogue of who he might have pissed off at the magazine. But considering working for Q as an editor for them was a dream job, he generally tried not to slander anyone even remotely associated. “Yeah, that’s Chris for you.” One of the first lessons he’d learned when he started interviewing people was to wait to break silence. Usually, the other person would offer something he didn’t even know to ask. It usually proved an effective tactic.
The same was true here.
“Listen, I don’t want to waste your time. I know you’re probably heading out or something, but I’d love to talk to you about an opportunity to contribute to the magazine. I’m a big fan of your Single Guy column, but the work you recently did on the Love Reality show was terrific. I’ve been following you, and from what I surmise, you could only have that kind of access if you were actually a participant on the show.”