Heart Song (The Erotic Rockstar Series)

by Botefuhr, Bec

  Grandpa, tell me bout the good old days.

  Sometimes it feels like this world’s gone crazy.

  Grandpa, take me back to yesterday,

  Where the line between right and wrong didn’t seem so hazy

  Did lovers really fall in love to stay?

  Stand beside each other come what may

  Was a promise really something people made

  And then forget?

  I am crying heavily and I struggle to finish singing. I swipe my tears away and take a few deep breaths.

  “Go on and keep singing Mischief.” A voice croaks.

  I whip my head around to see Chief staring at me, his eyes glassy.

  “Daddy?” I whisper.

  “Hey there baby girl.”

  “Oh God, Daddy”

  I stand and grip his hands pressing the nurse button over and over. I touch his palm to my cheek and I cry so hard my body shakes.

  “Ah now, come on.”

  He grips me and pulls me onto the bed beside him. He wraps an arm around me and holds onto me weakly while I cry like a little child. The nurse comes in, and she smiles. She walks over and does his assessments, while I cling to him and continue my emotional breakdown. When she walks out to call the doctor I finally pull back and stare down at Chief. He swipes a tear away.

  “I thought…I thought…you were going to die.”

  He coughs a little. “Take more than that to get rid of me kid.”

  “You scared me.”

  He grips a lock of my hair.

  “I will never fucking forgive myself for what they did to you.”

  “It wasn’t your fault.”

  “It was my fault, it was my mistake that was made a long time ago that nearly cost me my daughter. God Mischief, seeing them…fucking hurt you killed me, ripped my fucking heart out.”

  “I…”

  “I don’t blame you if you hate me kid.”

  “Never,” I whisper. “I was so afraid.”

  “What happened?”

  “They are all dead; Bill came at just the right time.”

  “My men?”

  “We lost three.”

  He makes a strangled sound.

  “Fuck it, it hurts kid.”

  I hug him closer. “I know.”

  “If I had lost you…”

  “I am ok, it’s finished now.”

  “Mom?”

  “I have to call her, oh Daddy she was beside herself.”

  He closes his eyes and nods. I rush out and quickly call Mom, who arrives twenty minutes later. I kiss Chief’s cheek then I step back and watch them. She walks in and crumbles the same way I did. He holds her even though he probably feels like hell. He strokes her hair and soothes her while she clings to him. Then they are kissing and her hands are cupping his face while she meshes her lips to his. That’s when I walk out.

  I walk down to the cafeteria and I get a coffee, then I sit and take some time to process. That is when Travis and Janice come in. I have wondered why he hadn’t come in this morning and now I can see why. I gape at Janice, and her battered face. I stand and rush over Travis has his arms around her and he is leading her into emergency.

  “Trav, what happened?”

  “He beat her.” He says, in a monotone.

  “Was he there?”

  “No, the ass had gone.”

  Something just didn’t feel right but now wasn’t the time to bring it up. Janice spots me and her face goes sour. She grips Trav’s shirt and clings to him, and my patience starts wearing thin. A nurse comes to get her and they lie her down on a bed while the doctor examines her. Trav turns to me and she grips his hand.

  “Please don’t leave me; I am afraid he will come back. Please Travis.”

  He looks down at her, and I realize she is tugging on his soft side. Travis can’t stand people being hurt, especially women. He looks over at me and I close my eyes and turn, walking away without another word. What can I say without looking like a terrible person? I walk back to Chief’s room and smile when I walk in to find him and Mom smiling.

  “You two look awesome together.”

  They both turn and grin at me. Chief puts his arm out and I walk over, letting him pull me to his side.

  “Guess what Mischief?”

  “What?”

  “I just asked your Momma to marry me!”

  I feel my eyes widen and a smile stretch across my face.

  “And she said?”

  “Yes!” Momma cries, hugging me.

  “Oh, Momma, I am so happy for you.”

  She is beaming, her cheeks are flushed and she looks truly happy.

  “Good on you old man” I grin at Chief.

  He flicks a finger under my chin.

  “Thanks baby.”

  “I am going to go home now…the nurse said I could go.”

  “Is Trav coming to get you?”

  “Um, something like that.”

  “Hey kid, what’s up?” Chief asks.

  I look at him and force a smile.

  “Nothing Daddy, been a long hard few days.”

  “I know my little girl, and your eyes are hurting.”

  Momma takes my chin and looks over me.

  “Yes, he is right, what is wrong honey?”

  “Nothing, honestly, it’s fine. I am just…err…frightened about going home.”

  Chief grips me harder. “He is gone now; no one will ever touch my baby again.”

  I swallow and nod.

  “I know, I will be ok I will see you later ok? And congrats you guys it is great news.”

  I avoid their gazes as I hurry out of the room. When I get outside I wrap my arms around myself and clench my eyes shut. Why do I feel like my world is falling apart?

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Every step I take, every move I make,

  Every single day, every time I pray,

  I’ll be missing you.

  Thinking of the day, windy wind or rain,

  What a life to take, what a bond to break,

  I’ll be missing you.

  I feel tears pour down my cheeks as I watch the coffins being carried in. Travis is singing softly, and a light rain drizzles down over the cemetery. Three coffins, three of our family, three of Chief’s brothers, gone. I feel a hand tighten around mine, it is my Mom. We are wearing simple black dresses, and I have pulled on dark sunglasses. I look around, thirty or more bikers are lined up with their heads down.

  “To our men, our brothers our family; may you rest in peace, drink all the beer you can and enjoy all those beautiful women in heaven.”

  All the men raise their hands and cheer, my eyes fall on Chief and he is red eyed and looking at the coffins. I know he blames himself, I don’t think it would matter whose fault it was, the fact is, he is the President and those were his men. My Mom walks away, choking on a sob and I put my head down, saying a silent prayer for the men. Chief walks over and pulls me into his arms.

  “You take your Momma home, ok?”

  I pull back. “Are you ok Daddy?”

  “I’ll be alright, we will be home later.”

  I smile weakly and Jasmine comes over to stand beside me, she takes my hand.

  “If you need anything…just yell out ok?”

  He strokes my cheek, then Jasmine’s.

  “My girls take care won’t ya? I will be home later.”

  We both nod and I quickly stop by to see Travis before we leave.

  “You staying?” I ask him.

  He nods, his eyes are red.

  “I will call later, ok?”

  “Ok baby.”

  He kisses me softly, and then walks off to join the men. I watch them go and another silent tear slides down my cheek.

  ~*~*~*~

  The next few days at home are a little off. Travis and I are still tense over the whole Janice thing. Not to mention my stalker is still sending lovely little letters and notes, telling me that Travis is hers and she will have him soon enough. If I don�
��t stay away, she will make sure I ‘disappear’ out of the picture. I honestly don’t know how much more my poor heart can take. I am sitting on my balcony one afternoon, staring out at the city when my phone buzzes. I glance down at the unknown number and read the message.

  Hi Violet, it’s Annabelle. I hope you don’t mind, I got your number off Bill. I just wanted to see how Travis was doing? Amber really misses her Daddy.

  Daddy, why does that crush my chest? Why does it hurt so much? I have accepted Amber as Trav’s daughter, so why can’t I shake the jealousy? Or is it simply that I always wanted to be the one to give Trav his first child. I text back anyway, Annabelle hasn’t been awful to me, I have no need to be awful to her.

  Hey Anna, that’s ok, I don’t mind. Trav is clean now; he has been for nearly a month. I know he would love to see Amber.

  She replies quickly.

  I am so happy 2 hear that. Could we organize a visit?

  You know if you don’t mind, a surprise visit would be great.

  I think that’s a good idea. She will be thrilled.

  I am sure he will understand if u want to supervise, we can make it a neutral place?

  If he is clean, and I know where she is I don’t mind.

  What about at his house? For an afternoon?

  That sounds good. What day?

  He is free this afternoon, if that’s not too soon?

  No, that’s ok. I am still in town so I can organize it. I will drop her around at 3.

  Ok, sounds good. We will take good care of her.

  I have no doubt

  Thanks Anna, it will mean the world to him.

  I don’t love Travis, but he loves Amber and I am not the type of Mother who can deny my daughter her Father. I hope he stays clean, because she would love to be in your lives.

  Of course, I plan on keeping him that way and we would love her to be in our lives.

  Thanks Violet, I appreciate it.

  See you this afternoon.

  Will do

  I am excited; finally there is small amount of light in all this darkness. I unlock my phone and punch in Trav’s number.

  Can u come home early today?

  Yeah, why?

  It’s a surprise.

  Oh?

  Yeah, you will love it.

  Is it you wrapped in a bow?

  *Laughs* No baby.

  Is it you wrapped in nothing?

  No…

  It can’t be too good then.

  I promise you will LOVE it.

  I promise I LOVE you.

  Yeah, me too

  I have missed you Mischief, I hate when we fight.

  Me too

  Will we talk later?

  You betcha!

  I spend the rest of the morning cleaning the house. Jasmine comes out of the house next door when I am waiting out front for Anna. She walks over and stands beside me. For long moments, we stare out at the ocean saying nothing. I know she is hurting; I have spent a night with her and heard her crying for Chief. I think she has been crying a touch for Demon too.

  “Why are you sitting on this fence looking nervous?” She asks.

  “Amber is coming over?”

  “Oh, Amber is adorable.”

  “You know her?”

  “Sure, Travis used to bring her over to play a lot.”

  “What if she hates me?” I whisper.

  Jasmine takes my hand and pats it.

  “Amber is the kind of child that loves everyone; I don’t think she will hate you.”

  “I am so nervous; Trav doesn’t know she is coming.”

  “Oh?”

  “Do you think he will be mad?”

  “No, I think he will love you for it.”

  I smile and squeeze her hand. I see a car pull up; Anna gets out and I stand. Trav isn’t here yet. Where is he? God what if he doesn’t show? How will I explain that? I walk over with a fake smile plastered on my face. Amber gets out of the car, she smiles at me and I beam. She is beautiful, with the same grey eyes as Trav and beautiful blonde hair.

  “Hi Violet, it’s good to see you. Ouch, you still look sore” Annabelle smiles.

  “I am feeling better. Trav isn’t here yet, but he is on his way.”

  “That’s ok. I have to make an appointment, do you mind if I leave her here?”

  “Oh, um, he won’t be a minute.”

  She smiles and kneels down to Amber.

  “Amber, this is Violet. She is Daddy’s very special friend. He will be here soon, do you mind waiting with her?”

  Amber shakes her head and smiles up at her Mother.

  “Are you sure?” I ask Anna.

  “Sure, just give me a buzz when you want her picked up.”

  “O-ok.”

  “Hi Jazzy” Anna smiles at Jasmine.

  “Hi Anna, it’s nice to see you.”

  “You too, I am sorry to hear about Chief, girls…”

  We both lose our smiles.

  “Thanks, he is doing a lot better.”

  “Alright honey, Mommy is going now. Be good please.”

  “Yes Mommy!”

  Anna kisses Amber, and then gets in her car and leaves. I look at Jasmine, then down at Amber who is smiling at me.

  “Hi Amber, I am Violet.”

  “Hi Violet” She smiles showing me beautiful dimples.

  My heart skitters, I feel softness towards this child when I was sure all I would feel was jealousy.

  “Would you like to go and see what toys we can find in Daddy’s house?”

  “Yes please, in my room there is a cool Barbie house.”

  “Oh yeah?” I say taking her hand.

  “Later guys!” Jasmine yells, waving.

  “Bye Jazz.”

  We walk inside Trav’s house and Amber takes me up to her room. We sit and she begins showing me her Barbie’s houses and dolls. We are mid-way through chatting and laughing about a strange looking Barbie when Travis walks in.

  “Sunshine?” He yells.

  Amber spins around and her face lights up.

  “Daddy!” She cries, leaping up and running towards him.

  He wraps his arms around her and lifts her into the air; he swings her around planting kisses on her face. He holds her close and she wraps her little arms around his neck. My heart aches; I didn’t realize how much he missed her. He didn’t say a lot about it. I smile at the two of them, warmed by his love for her.

  “What are you doing here Sunshine?” He asks.

  “Mommy said I could hang out with you this afternoon.”

  “Did she?”

  “Yep, she told Violet and Violet has been taking care of me while we waited for you.”

  Trav looks up at me, his eyes are glassy and emotion is pouring off him.

  “You organized this?”

  “Anna contacted me and it went from there, Surprise.” I whisper.

  “Amber baby, go get your swimmers on and we will go to the beach.”

  “Yay!” She squeals, running out of the room.

  Travis walks forward and takes me into his arms.

  “Of all the things you could have done for me Mischief, this one is the most heart wrenching. Thank you so much, words can’t express how amazing this is.”

  “She needs you, as much as you need her.”

  He stands back and strokes my cheek.

  “Come here, God, Mischief when you aren’t around, I am empty.”

  “I was hurt, so much has been happening.”

  “All the more reason not to add to it.”

  “Well, come on we have a beach to go to.”

  Travis kisses me long, soft and deep. I close my eyes and melt into the kiss, melt into his touch. His hands slide up and down my back, his lips work mine over until I am breathless and panting. He pulls back and runs a thumb over my swollen bottom lip.

  “Later, I am going to make love to you so fucking slowly…”

  “Daddy, can we go?” Amber cries running back in.

 
I laugh at her enthusiasm.

  “I think we should totally go.”

  “Oh yeah!”

  She grips my hand and drags me down the stairs. We run over the road and onto the sand where we play for hours and hours together. We swim, build sandcastles, and laugh until our belly’s hurt. Amber cozy’s up beside me and we laugh and chat until the sun begins going down. Travis smiles at me, more than I have ever seen him smile. It takes me back to when we were kids, and we used to talk about having children.

  “How many do you want Mischief?”

  “I want ten, at least.”

  He laughs. “You have to get married first.”

  I shrug. “Me and you will get married Trav, don’t ya know that?”

  He grins. “I know that Mischief.”

  “And we will have heaps and heaps of babies.”

  “Whatever you want Mischief.”

  “Trav?”

  “Hmmmm.”

  “Do you think one day you will marry me?”

  “Maybe Mischief.”

  “Do you love me Trav?”

  “Oh Mischief, I think the sun shines out of your beautiful ass.”

  “But do you love me?”

  He turns and faces me; his beautiful face breaks into a beautiful smile.

  “You know I love you to the stars and back again, you are my better half Mischief.”

  “One day Trav, one day you are going to kiss me.”

  “Oh girl, I am going to change your life.”

  I am smiling at the memory when Trav takes my hand and kisses it.

  “What you did for me today Mischief, will never leave me.”

  I smile at him and then down at Amber.

  “We are a family now Trav, it’s what family does.”

  He grins and stands, taking Amber into his arms and taking hold of my hand. We walk back to the house and an hour later Anna arrives to collect Amber. While Trav is outside saying goodbye, I walk inside and begin washing up the dishes. A moment later Travis walks in and up behind me, his arms wrap around my waist.

  “You remember Trav, what you said to me the first time I asked if you loved me?”

  He kisses my neck. “I love you to the stars; you are my better half Mischief.”

  I smile. “You remember.”