by Ashley Drew
“For you, I will.”
My heart flutters at the sight of William and Marlene. Finding that kind of love is one in a million—the kind that changes with the seasons, losing its vibrant colors in the deadest of winter but blooming wildly in the bright spring air, always staying beautiful. The kind that will never cease to stop, that will exist out in the infinite trails of the universe, even if the world should obliterate into nothingness. The kind that will always be something in a world of nothing.
But I’m not sure if that love is real. If it is, it’s rare. I thought my parents had it, but how wrong was I about that?
Marlene grabs my clammy hand, and I wonder if she senses my anxiety. “Corinne, honey, have you seen Nicholas and Riley yet? I want you to meet her. You are going to love her!” I’m guessing she doesn’t sense it. She stands on her tiptoes, attempting to poke her head above the sea of heads in the room.
I’m going to love her. That’s what I’m afraid of. That I will like her, even when every part of me wants to dislike her, and I have yet to meet her.
“Actually, I need to make a pit stop to the ladies room first, if you don’t mind.” I quickly break away, wiping my palm against my pants.
“Okay, dear. But hurry back. There are a million people here dying to see you!”
A million. God, do I need a drink.
The table sits at the far corner of the room, lined with almost every red, clear, and amber-colored pick-me-up my body so desperately needs, and it’s a straight shot from where I stand. I swiftly race toward it, barely reaching the finish line when one of the millions of people at the party stops me in my tracks. This one, however, I highly doubt is dying to see me, as Marlene put it.
“I thought that was you!” Gemma shrieks as she yanks at my arm. “Oh my God, Corinne! The rumors were true. What brings you back?”
She pulls me in for a hug that falls limper than Jello, and though we certainly were no Monica and Rachel, the half-smile curling around her ruby lips is surprisingly genuine.
I try to return the sentiment by offering my version of a smile, but my hardheaded inability to let go of the past weighs it down, pressing it into a dimpled, flat line. “Gemma, still chasing those rumors, I see, but your eyes are not deceiving you. This one happens to be true.”
“Yeah, no kidding,” Gemma remarks, before eyeing the diamond on my finger and cocking her perfectly-plucked eyebrow. “Well, someone got bitten by the love bug while she was away. Nicely done, Corinne.”
I cover the diamond with my other hand, toying nervously with my fingers. “Yeah, thanks.”
“So, tell me about the chum who finally stole Corinne Bennett’s heart.”
I’m reluctant to give Gemma any insight into my personal life, and six years ago, the only thing she’d get from me would be an eye roll, followed by the back of my head. But since she’s being cordial, I suppose I should return the gesture. I tell her about Cooper, or as much as she needs to know at least.
“This guy must have wine flowing out of his junk,” Gemma says candidly.
Confusion furrows between my brows. “I’m sorry?”
She tosses her long, blonde hair behind her shoulder. “I mean, that could be the only explanation you’d give a guy other than Nicholas the time of day, right?”
My confusion grows, deepening my frown lines with Gemma’s remark.
“Oh come on, Corinne. We’re adults now. There’s no need to beat around the bush. Isn’t that the reason why you and I always had our differences? Because of Nicholas?”
This wench. She surely hasn’t changed. On the other hand, she’s right. She knows it. I know it. But refusing to give her the satisfaction, I ignore her and refute her smug grin with my Barbie smile, but what I really want to do would probably get me kicked out of this bar and a night in the Santa Cruz jailhouse.
“Forgive me for being rude, but if you’ll excuse me, I’m trying to find Nick to say hello. I have plans with my father early tomorrow morning, but I told him I’d stop by and meet Riley,” I lie.
Thankfully, she doesn’t press the conversation about Nick. “You haven’t met the future Mrs. Nicholas Kelley, yet? You are going to love her. She is the sweetest little thing ever.”
Mrs. Nicholas Kelley. The sound of Riley’s future name makes this so much more real than it was ten seconds ago. It’s one thing to call her Nick’s fiancée. It’s another when she’s referred to as Nick’s soon-to-be wife. I need to get away from Gemma before I do something I’ll regret.
I retrieve my cell phone from my pocket. “I’m sure she is. Excuse me. I need to take this call,” I tell her, though no one is calling me.
I make my way toward the drinks and see Tess standing next to the table, eyeing me curiously and obviously still agitated. If there is one person I wouldn’t mind stopping me, it’s her, but before I even make it to the table, she’s gone and out of sight. I have to hand it to her; she’s got the disappearing act down almost as well as I do.
Contemplating my drink of choice, I stare at the bottles staggered across the table. Whiskey, vodka, rum, wine—all calling my name, but honestly, I’m not really sure if I’m in the mood for a drink now. A bottle of sparkling apple cider sits at the end of the table, out of place from the rest of the bunch.
That’s sort of like me, feeling out of place and unsure of where I fit into the mix of things. These people—some familiar, others I don’t recognize—are all a part of Nick and Riley’s present and future. By showing up here tonight, I suppose I should fall into one of those categories, too.
But how do you find a place in someone’s future if you’re still hoping that person will stay with you in the past?
I take the bottle of cider and pour some into an empty glass.
“Now you’re my kind of girl,” says a petite, barely twenty-looking woman, her dimpled smile never leaving her face. “That’s my poison, too.”
I return her smile, extending the bottle out and offering her another pour.
“I don’t mind if I do, thank you. Although, this round will make it my third, so I ought to be careful because I’m DD tonight,” she teases, letting out a high-pitched giggle.
“Well, in that case, we better cut you off now,” I answer back, catching her infectious giggle while returning the bottle to the table.
She tips her glass to mine. “Cheers to being the only two sober chicks in this bar.”
I tip my glass back to hers. “And cheers to walking out of here later, makeup and hair still neatly in place.”
“Amen!” she praises, tossing back her long, dirty-blonde hair behind her shoulder.
We laugh in unison. Braiden was right. Laughter is the best medicine. I almost forgot how anxious I was feeling earlier. Almost.
I take a sip from my glass and look out at the crowd, everyone reveling in the art of laughter and conversation. “Not much of a drinker, I take it?”
“No, but for religious reasons actually. I’m a Mormon, so you know how that goes.”
I nod my head, taking another sip of my cider when she moves in closer and speaks in a low voice, loud only enough for me to hear.
“But to tell you the truth, I actually do enjoy having a drink every now and then. Like when my husband takes my sister wives out on dates, and I’m alone, I’ll sneak out to a local bar, disguised, and order myself a whiskey on the rocks or a glass of white wine.” Husband? Sister wives? Did I just hear that correctly? “The only thing is that I have to douse myself with perfume and rinse the crap out of my mouth with Listerine before he returns home. Otherwise, there’s hell to pay.”
This conversation is beginning to take a strange turn, and I start to notice a little bit of a mid-west accent in her voice I didn’t notice before. “And God Almighty if I do anything to upset Joseph. I’ve felt the buckle of his belt on my back before, and let me tell you, it ain’t ever pretty.”
All at once, cider shoots out of my nostrils when I cough and gag, and I scramble for a napkin to wipe up the liqu
id trickling down my face. I find one on the table and quickly dab the end of it against my chin and around my mouth.
This girl can’t be for real. Sure, that stuff exists out there in the world, but here? In Santa Cruz? Not likely. I scan the room, confused, waiting for cameramen to jump out from behind a wall to tell me I’m on Candid Camera.
She follows my eyes around the room and casually takes another sip of her cider. “By the way, I was totally joking. You look so confused right now.”
My eyes assault her with blank stares. Who is this girl? Whoever she is, she got me, and she got me good. She reminds me a little of myself because it’s the sort of joke I would have pulled on someone.
Laughing and wiping the last of the wet residue off my face, I say, “I swear, you had me there for a second. I’m known for speaking my mind, but I seriously did not know how to respond to that!”
A huge crescent-shaped grin settles on her face, reaching her green eyes. “I really don’t drink the hard stuff, though. Not a fan. It’s a lifestyle choice, I guess.”
“To each his own. Cheers to that.”
This party isn’t so bad after all, now that I’ve actually found someone to talk to that doesn’t know me and my past, or has expectations or twenty-million questions or fake smiles and hellos.
“And I definitely do not share my man with any sister wives.”
“Well it looks like you and I find common ground on many levels.”
“I can see that,” she says as she eyes the Cartier on my ring finger. “Is your man here?”
She surveys the bar, scoping out possible matches. Subconsciously, I want to say yes, he is here. But then my conscience slaps me silly and pushes that thought aside because obviously, Cooper isn’t here. And Cooper is my man.
“Nope, I’m solo tonight, unfortunately.”
“Well, you better tell him to get his butt over here! These men are on the prowl. He must be crazy to allow a hot thing like you out. If you were my fiancée, I wouldn’t let you out of my sight for a second.”
Huh. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was flirting with me, but she did say she didn’t share her man.
“I’m not one for flattery, but thank you. Actually, my fiancé is back in New York while I’m out here visiting for the week.”
“New York is awesome. I love it there.”
“Yeah, I live there now, but I was born and raised here, in Santa Cruz.”
“Certified hippie-child. You’re legit.”
We sip on our cider, relishing in the good company while staring at the crowd.
“Look at this place,” she points to the crowded bar with her glass. “It’s a madhouse in here. The Kelleys have certainly turned it into a money machine.”
“So you do know the Kelleys. For a second there, I thought you were a party crasher, like myself,” I say, winking. “How do you know the happy couple?”
Before she can respond, Nick’s voice calls from behind me, and my heart suddenly drops. “Riley.”
The other half of the happy couple is standing right in front of me. She’s been standing right in front of me the entire time. My new friend.
Nick appears beside Riley, taking her hand in his, and I don’t think he realizes who I am until he notices my face in the dimly lit room. There is no mistaking his surprise in the slight drop of his jaw and raised eyebrows, yet I don’t know if it’s a result of me actually showing up, or because he didn’t expect to find me hanging out with his fiancée.
I’m pretty surprised about that too.
“Cori, you made it,” he utters, breaking free from Riley to give me a quick hug. However, it’s not like any of the hugs we’ve had in the past or even the hugs we’ve shared since my return. Hugs that say ‘don’t ever let me go.’ Hugs that go beyond the casual hello and goodbye. No, this hug definitely says ‘we’re buddies,’ and it doesn’t sit well with me.
“I wouldn’t have missed it.” Sure, Corinne, especially after the tenth time you contemplated skipping the thing altogether.
Smiling at me, he takes Riley’s hand back in his. “Thank you. It means a lot to us.”
Silence settles in, and holy shit, this is awkward. If it weren’t for the sounds of The Rolling Stones beating down through the speakers and the muffled voices droning across the room, this would have been worse than the silence that ensued when my mother caught me in a compromising position in my bed at the age of eighteen. Yes, that happened, and I’d like to forget it did.
Nick’s eyes are locked on mine, and I can tell he wants to say so much right now, but before he can say anything, I break the silence. “Please forgive Nick for his bad manners, Riley. I’m Corinne.”
Riley giggles, releasing Nick’s hand to pull me in for an embrace, surprising me. “I actually knew it was you right away. I’ve seen photos. They said you were a jokester, so I thought I’d lay one on you myself.” She releases me but holds both of my hands in hers. “Nicholas, sweetie, you did good with this one. Braiden, on the other hand, now that’s one I have to question. It’s so nice to finally meet you, Corinne. I’ve heard so many stories from Nicholas, Braiden, and Gemma.”
Gemma, huh? “Uh oh. That’s actually a little worrisome.”
“No way! They’ve said some crazy things, but it was all the more reason to want to meet you. Honestly, if I wasn’t madly in love with this guy right here, you might actually be able to turn me.” She nudges my shoulder.
Madly in love. Of course she is. How could she not be? It wouldn’t be difficult to be madly in love with Nick. But how would I know, right? How would I know?
“This isn’t strange at all,” Nick sarcastically cuts in. “My fiancée is hitting on my best friend. I guess most guys would think that’s pretty awesome, especially when both women are insanely beautiful. But it’s just not working for me. I have feelings,” he kids around with pouted lips.
It shocks me, somewhat, that he refers to me as his best friend. The pessimist in me says that he said it in the heat of the moment, a quick slip of the tongue, that there really is no meaning behind it. Every other part of me is basking in it because that is all I really want. To have my best friend back. But if he’s with Riley, who knows how much of him I can really have now?
Riley pulls Nick into her, her two hands on each side of his cheeks, and places a soft kiss on his mouth. “Oh stop. You have nothing to worry about.”
I look away out of reflex. It’s strange because this is the first time I’ve seen Nick have any intimate interaction with a woman. I’ve only heard about the time he made out with Gemma, and even that is an image that’s difficult to remove from my head sometimes. Seeing it in person is a whole different story, and I feel a little flame of jealousy burn within my heart.
Thankfully, Marlene interrupts, stealing the two lovebirds away so she can introduce her future daughter-in-law to more friends and family.
“No worries, Marlene. I actually need to head out.”
Nick throws me a curious look, probably wondering the reason for my hasty departure. Yet, he doesn’t question it, surprising me when he offers to walk me outside. Before Riley is scuffled away by her overeager future mother-in-law, she turns to me and gives me a goodbye hug.
“It was so nice to meet you, Corinne. Don’t be a stranger the next time you’re in town. You and me and a few rounds of cider, and you can give me the dish on what this one was like growing up.” She flexes her thumb toward Nick. “What do you say?”
“For sure,” I say, forcing a smile.
Nick and I make our way out of the pub, now packed to the brim with the Saturday night crowd. I can’t help but notice his hand resting on the small of my back as we weave our way through the throngs of people. I get elbowed left and right, but none of that seems to faze me, since every nerve in my body is focused on Nick’s hand.
When we reach the parking lot, a nip in the night air bites my shoulders as Nick pulls his hand away. Compared to the ruckus inside the pub, the parking lot, though lined
with countless rows of cars, is calm and still, with the exception of a few stragglers chatting and giggling as they walk past us. The moon grins across the opaque sky, allowing only the faintest stream of light to filter its way down to the edges of the earth. Having walked in silence all the way out here, we continue without words until we stop at the driver’s-side door of my car.
With Nick’s hands in his pockets and mine crossed, neither of us speaks with our voices, yet our gazes speak a thousand words. Words we couldn’t possibly say out loud. Not now. Not anymore. Not ever. We’ve always been able to read each other, and after everything that has unfolded since my return, I think we both see it—the paths by which our lives have veered on since I left six years ago, running off in different directions than the one we had always planned on taking together, the one that eighteen years of friendship paved for us, toward an uncertain future, yet certain that we would journey it with each other.
Now, our futures seem more certain but certainly not together, and that’s the reality I didn’t want to face.
My days are numbered. Literally.
I’ve lain sprawled out on this bed for the majority of today, having eaten eight of Anabel’s oatmeal raisin cookies. R.E.M.’s Everybody Hurts plays for the fourteenth time as I toss this baseball up in the air, trying to beat my previous record of twenty-one catches.
It’s Tuesday, which means I have three days left here, and I think I may have to spend all of it in this room, since I need to stay away from Nick and I have to stay away from my father.
I know. Staying away from Henry completely defeats the purpose of this trip, but it’s not like I haven’t tried.
I did finally join them for dinner last night, and I’d like to say our time together was smooth sailing. That the calm, tranquil waters by which we glided peacefully along emulated the clear sky in a deep sapphire blue. That we immersed ourselves in joyous conversation, leaving our issues and drama with the rough seas far behind us. That Henry and I hugged it out, Jamie and I came to an understanding, and we sailed off into the sunset like one big happy family.