Don't blame yourself. When could you ever tell me what to do? I chose my life. I accepted Dragon rank, knowing no Dragon has lived to be forty. As it is, I'm the oldest Dragon in almost a hundred years.
The truth is we never saw death the same (like some other things), so I didn't talk about it with you. All you think of death is ending. To me, it's how a person goes. Dying for important things—that's better than living safe.
I often visited Tortall, though we never met there. The last two times—the first before I found you, and the second when we sailed into Port Caynn—I felt a change. Like the land when spring is coming. Bazhir talking to northerners, not fighting them. Commoners and nobles planning the future. Even you, my kitten, your great disguise—it's part of something new that centers around your Jonathan. If I can protect this beginning, I will have died a Dragon. You should grow old, and testy (testier), and raise lions and lionesses with a man who loves all of you. Even your Gift, and your independence, and your stubbornness.
Practice the kicks off your left side—I don't care if they tire you out more than the right-side kicks.
Remember to rub that balm I gave you into the scars on your hands.
The Wildcat had gone while she read. Glad to be alone, Alanna sat and wept, letting the Dragon go at last.
THAYET and Buri left a few days later. Alanna started to think about her own trip north, before the roads turned bad with winter rain and snow. Since she was trying to weave a blanket for George's Midwinter present, she decided to set out when it was done. She was working alone in her tent one afternoon when a shadow blocked the light on her work. George Cooper, cloak and riding boots covered with dust, entered the tent.
Alanna put down her shuttle. She could feel her heart drumming, and it took an effort to say lightly, "I was sort of hoping you'd come before this."
He sat beside her, examining the cloth on the loom. "I'd hoped to come before this, too," he admitted. "Truth to tell, givin' up the Rogue and turnin' respectable—it takes gettin' used to. Some days I get out of bed not knowin' who I am. Jonathan kept me busy, like I wrote you. Too, the castle down at old Pirate's Swoop had to be fixed up proper before I brought—" He stopped. "Jon's announced he's to marry Thayet," he said abruptly. "The Bazhir will have told you."
"It's one of the advantages to having a King who's also the Voice." His face would be easier to read if his back wasn't to the light!
"Thayet says you gave your blessin'."
"I did." She curled her hands around her elbows to hide their trembling.
"You're not sorry for it? Had you wanted, you'd be Queen."
"I didn't want it."
He reached out to toy with the emberstone. "What do you want, Alanna?"
She caught his hand and met his eyes, smiling. "I want to be yours. If you're still interested."
His fingers tightened on hers. "Why?"
Alanna looked down. "I love you."
He made her look at him. "Enough to wed with me? Enough to give up roamin' and settle down and be lady of Pirate's Swoop?" She looked at him quizzically, and he blushed. "Well, to roam with me along." Alanna nodded. George took a breath. "Enough to bear my—our—little ones?"
She blushed. "I'd like to have you to myself for a year or two. After that, we'll have all the children we want." Her voice cracked as she added, "I'll be proud to."
Rising, George pulled Alanna into his arms. "So I finally tamed myself a Lioness," he whispered when they broke their kiss.
Alanna laughed. "I wouldn't call it tamed, laddy-me-love. The lady of Pirate's Swoop shouldn't be tame."
George grinned. "Particularly not when she's King's Champion, to boot. That's all right, then." He picked her up for another kiss. When he finally put her down, he took her hand and drew her out of the tent. "Come on, Lioness. We can tell your tribe we're betrothed."
Song of the Lioness #4 - Lioness Rampant Page 22