Needing You

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Needing You Page 13

by T. Renee Fike


  After a couple more beers and a few shots later, I decide it’s probably best to head home. I made it all night without running into the sexy brown-eyed devil, now I just need to make it back home. This should be easy now. I say good-bye to the group I’m sitting with and decide to walk around the side of the house instead of going through the crazy amount of people inside.

  I slowly look around and good, no sign of Tucker. I start walking down the road and head toward my dorm. I have my pepper stray in hand, though I’m not sure if I could spray it correctly right now. Oh well, I could at least try if I have to. I make it down the street before I hear my name. Shit. I keep walking hoping he thinks it’s someone else. I may be drunk, but I’m not stupid. I hear my name again and just ignore it. I start to walk a little bit faster though it’s probably not that fast considering I’m pretty drunk right now. I turn the corner and try to think whether I should hide or run, but before I can decide, Tucker is standing in front of me slightly winded. Clearly he just ran after me, damn it.

  “Harper didn’t you hear me? I was yelling your name,” he states slightly winded.

  Instead of answering, I just look at him and walk around him towards home. I don’t make it far before he grabs my elbow and I spin around. Wow, I’m drunk. Then he continues, “Harper are you drunk?” he says looking taken back.

  “Tucker, mind your own business,” I spit out.

  “Harper, I fucking looked for you all day. I went to PowerTrip’s and they said you had off. I pounded on your door all day, why didn’t you answer?” he asks in an irritated tone.

  “Umm, maybe because I wasn’t home all day, duhhh. Let me alone,” I state irritated.

  “No Harper, I’m taking you home,” he states rather than asks.

  “That’s whur I’m headed so noooo need to follow,” I slur.

  “I’m going to make sure you’re okay, come on,” he says turning me so we are headed in the direction of my dorm. I think.

  I don’t even argue, I just walk in front of him. I’m starting to feel sick but I keep telling myself, I will not puke, I will not puke. I must say this out loud because Tucker says, “Harp, maybe you should throw-up. How much did you have to drink tonight?” he asks.

  “Not enuff obbviously.”

  “Okay let’s get you home.” Tucker says as he’s now walking beside me. He’s slightly holding me up and it feels good but bad, because he’s mean.

  We finally get back to my apartment and I make it inside long enough to run to the toilet and start bringing up all the drinks I consumed tonight. I hate throwing up, it hurts and sounds disgusting. I hope Tuck shut the door on his way out.

  As I’m continuing to throw up the contents of what I drank tonight, I feel my hair being pulled back and a cold cloth being put on my neck and then my forehead. It feels good, but I don’t want Tuck here.

  “Go home.” I’m able to spit out between heaves into the toilet.

  “Not a chance sweetheart,” he says with a laugh in his tone.

  “You’re not wanted here.” I say before I heave into the toilet again.

  “I’m exactly where I want to be Harp,” he states deadpanned.

  I can’t respond because my stomach won’t stop bitching at me for what I drank. After what feels like hours, I ask for my toothbrush which Tucker hands me with toothpaste on it and I brush my teeth and then head towards my bed. I try to forget that Tucker is here, but then I remember he won’t touch me anyway.

  As I get my pants half off, I fall on the bed and mumble, “Go away.”

  I hear him laugh a little and he helps me with my pants and I slightly remember him helping me under the sheet and blankets. I hear him in the kitchen I think but I’m not sure, maybe he left. Then the lights turn off which I’m thankful for, I love to sleep in the dark. When I feel my bed dip I find my voice, “What the hell are you doing?”

  Tucker must find me amusing because he’s laughing; he kisses my head and says, “I’m taking care of you, now get some sleep.”

  Before I can respond, I pass out with Tucker lying beside me, in my bed.

  Chapter 18

  I wake up feeling all warm and sweaty. I can’t move and I try to replay everything that happened last night…the drinking, talking to the girls, walking home, TUCKER….him walking me home, ugh, me throwing up…oh crap. I finally crack my eyes open and see all limbs tangled in my bed. Tucker is asleep and our arms and legs are everywhere. Crap, crap, crap…how did this happen? Oh yeah, because I got stupid drunk. Between trying to untangle my body and the damn pounding in my head, I give up for a few seconds and moan in my pillow.

  Unfortunately for me when I stop moving, Tuck moves and now I’m being pulled over closer to his body. I must say it feels nice, but damn me, this is not how my evening was to go. I hear Tucker breathing and realize he is still fast asleep. Now I am squished into his side with his arms around me and I’m stuck to his chest. How am I going to get out of this tangled mess? Ugh, nature is calling me.

  It’s still dark outside so clearly it’s still early. I somehow manage to finally untangle myself and see the glass of water and aspirin on my nightstand; I toss the pills in my mouth and wash it down with the glass of water then head to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I come out of the bathroom, Tucker is still asleep. I look at my clock and it shows it’s only 5:32 a.m., so I decide to lie back down and try to go back to sleep. Though I’m not sure how that’s possible with that body lying beside me. He took his shirt off sometime last night and though I can’t see the contours of his body, I sure felt them and wow, this boy is toned. I would like to see that body in the light. No, No, No what am I saying. Ugh, sometimes I want to slap myself. I lay for a good while before I finally succumb to sleep.

  I wake up a few hours later and I’m alone in my bed. I look around the room and it’s quiet and I listen for any sound in the rest of the apartment, but it’s quiet. I crawl out of bed and walk out in the living room and kitchen and no Tucker. I don’t see a note or anything and it appears he’s gone. It’s probably for the best anyway.

  I decide it’s time for a shower so I hop in and get clean and come out and throw yoga pants on and a tank top. My stomach is growling so I head back to the kitchen to find something to ease the noise going on in my stomach. I stop dead in my tracks when I see Tuck standing at the stove.

  “What are you doing?” I ask harshly.

  He turns with a smile on his face and says, “Making you breakfast.”

  “Why are you still here Tuck? You left, you didn’t need to come back.” I’m not sure why I’m being a bitch because he did take care of me last night, but NO, I’m still pissed from last weekend.

  “I went to get some food to make you for breakfast, I told you last night I was going to take care of you and I meant that,” he says, looking all serious.

  “You don’t get to do that, you vanished all week and then come back and act like nothing’s happened? Sorry, I don’t work that way.” I snap.

  “I’ve been trying to talk to you and apologize for days now, you won’t listen long enough to hear it,” he states a bit frustrated.

  “I’m tired of hearing sorry, that’s all it is, I’m sorry this, I’m sorry that, you can take your sorry’s and shove them up your ass,” I holler.

  I’m boiling mad right now that I can’t even look at him. I go back into the bedroom and slam the door. Slamming the door did nothing to help my head though. I decide to throw on my socks and sneakers and grab my hoodie and purse and walk back out the bedroom door through the living room and out the damn door of my dorm. He won’t leave, I will.

  I can’t be in the same space with him right now. Breathe Harper, just breathe. The cool morning air feels good, but damn, it’s a bit chilly this morning. I walk fast in the direction away from my dorm and continue to walk. Tuck doesn’t come after me, which surprises me. I walk all around and the sound of my stomach doesn’t go unnoticed so I head to the diner and grab a quick bite to eat. They are slightly bus
y, but it doesn’t take long for my pancakes and bacon to come. I eat my breakfast in silence and sit there for a while. Figuring it’s probably been a good two or three hours since I left my dorm, I figure Tuck probably left my apartment by now, so I decide to head back. I head up to my dorm and walk through the door to find an unhappy Tucker sitting on my couch.

  “Where the hell have you been Harper?” he yells as soon as I close the door.

  “Away from you! Why are you still here?” I yell back.

  “We need to talk,” he states in a demanding tone.

  “Tucker, you can save it. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say,” I hiss at him.

  “Well, I’m not leaving until we talk,” he says, now in a softer tone.

  “It looks like you’re going to be sleeping on the couch then because I’m not talking to you,” I state and then start to walk back towards my bedroom.

  Before I make it to the door, Tuck tugs on my arm and turns me to face him and says, “Please Harper, just listen to me,” he pleads.

  I know I shouldn’t give in but damn if he doesn’t look sexy, looking all sweet and pathetic at the same time. I can see the pain and hurt in his eyes and his boyish charm is winning and damn him for that.

  I turn around and head back toward the couch, “Fine, talk…I’m listening.”

  “Thanks. I want to start off by saying that last weekend is not what you think. I was not with Mona, not sexually….hell not in any way. I did have a frat house meeting like I told you, and then afterwards everyone decided to go to a different house to party. I got a call and had a situation I had to handle. I would have called you, but you don’t own a damn phone and I didn’t have time to run out to the bar to tell you and then get to where I needed to be. I’m sorry,” he said breathlessly while looking at me straight in the eyes.

  “Tucker, where did you need to be? What so was important?” I sat staring at him, waiting for yet another excuse.

  “It was just a situation I needed to handle.” I say softly then look down towards the floor.

  “Is that the same situation where you had a cut on your eye along with a bruise?” I state more than ask. The look on his face is wow, clearly he’s shocked because the bruise is long gone and the cut is pretty much nonexistent. Before he can say anything I start, “I saw you on campus during the week, I saw it. I just don’t understand why you felt the need to stay away from me. I don’t get it,” I say frustrated, because I don’t understand.

  “I wasn’t trying to stay away. I was just angry and I knew you’d be pissed and the longer I went without talking to you, the harder it got to come and apologize. I am sorry I am. I’m an ass,” he admits shaking his head.

  “You got that right. I don’t want to go back and forth with you like this. Hell we fight and we aren’t even in a damn relationship, so clearly something’s not working. Wouldn’t you agree?” I state looking at him, waiting for him to look me in the eyes.

  Tuck is looking straight at me, “Harp you’re right. But it’s not working because we don’t trust each other. Hell you thought was I out with Mona because of a damn comment she made, so clearly you don’t trust me and I get it, it’s partly my fault.”

  “Are you serious right now? You tell me you’re coming back and never do, you disappear, you let me stranded at a damn party, what am I to think?” I yell.

  “I already explained the party. Damn, yes I was wrong because I bailed last Saturday and I was wrong for that,” he says clearly frustrated.

  “What did you have to do last Saturday that you just left like that?” I ask again, looking at him for an answer.

  “I had to handle a situation, I’m sorry Harper,” he says while he continues to look anywhere but at me.

  “Sorry doesn’t cut it; you had me fucking worried something happened to you. Hell, I walked to your damn frat house to make sure you were okay but it was dark and your car was gone. For days and days I fucking worried and thought the worst until I heard someone on campus say they talked to you.” I scream at him. I can feel my eyes start to get watery, but I will be damn if he sees them, so instead I get up and walk towards the kitchen.

  “God Harper, I’m sorry. I should have made sure you knew I was fine. I didn’t even think that you would think something happened, shit Harper.” He stops talking and is running his hands down his face clearly at a loss of words.

  “Well now you know.” Before I know what’s happening, Tuck is up and moving and has me wrapped in a hug, “I’m so sorry, I’m not used to people worrying about me and I didn’t think, shit, I’m sorry. I can’t say that enough, but damn I mean it. I never meant for you to worry,” he says while squeezing me tight to his body.

  I don’t say a word because what is there to say.

  He takes my face in his hands so I’m looking into his eyes when he speaks to me, “I messed up. I am going to talk to you and tell you shit that I don’t talk about. I want you to trust me and open up to me and I am going to start doing that with you.”

  I don’t say anything; just nod my head, which is still in Tucker’s hands. He takes that as his cue and begins opening up to me. He takes a deep breath first and says, “I’m not a good guy Harp, and no I’m not proud of some of the shit I’ve done, but I can’t change the past, I can only change the future.”

  I just nod my head that I understand that. He takes my hand and pulls me back in the living room towards the couch and we both sit down and he continues, “I don’t get along with my family any longer. The only person I speak to is my baby sister and that’s because she needs me. I have a mom, dad and an older brother Trent and then a younger sister Tessa. As much as I say, I’m not the cause for my family falling apart. The majority of my family would disagree, which is why I no longer speak to any of them except for Tessa.”

  Tucker takes another deep breath and I cut in, “You don’t’ have to tell me any of this,” I say softly while looking into his deep chocolate brown eyes.

  He responds quickly, “Yes I do. I need you to understand why I treat women like shit and why I don’t stick around to deal with it.”

  “Okay,” is my only response.

  He continues his story, “Growing up we had a great life, and everything was well-taken care of. We didn’t need or want for anything. Yes, we were spoiled. My mom was a stay-at-home mom and my dad was a lawyer who worked late at times. He was great at his job and people loved him. Everyone was envious of the family, my family. For years, everything was great. We were a picture perfect family. When I was 16, I started dating a girl in high school. We did everything together and my family loved her. We dated for three years and talked about going to college together and hell, we even talked about marriage and kids. One night we were talking and she was really upset and I couldn’t figure out why, finally she told me she cheated on me one time after we first started dating. She kept apologizing and crying and all I could ask was who, who did she cheat on me with? Never in my wildest imagination would I think I would ever hear my brother’s name come out of her mouth. But it did, she said Trent. She lost her virginity to my fucking brother while she was dating me.” Tucker stops and takes a sip of the water sitting on the coffee table.

  “Tucker, I am so sorry I couldn’t even imagine.” I say, shocked at his admission of what his brother did to him.

  He looks at me, “That’s not even the worst of it. After long talks we had and her crying and begging me to forgive her I did, because I’m stupid and in love with this girl. Things were different between us though and even when she came to spend the holidays with my family, things were awkward. I already had it out with Trent, but the rest of my family had no idea. I’m not sure if it was the hostility I had towards her and Trent or just that I couldn’t look at her the same way knowing what she did, but I was pulling myself away from her a bit. As much as I loved her I hated her for what she did to me. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn my lesson. (He says continuing to shake his head).

  I was out with some of my budd
ies’ one afternoon playing ball and she told me she had plans, so she wouldn’t be there, no big deal right? Wrong. The guys and I ended up finishing early so I headed home. Mom took Tessa shopping for the afternoon and Trent went back to school, so when I entered the house and heard voices, I was a bit taken back. I walked up the stairs to my parents’ bedroom; before I could even get to the door, my girlfriend walked out naked with my dad’s arms wrapped around her. Not only did this bitch sleep with my brother, but my fucking dad too,” he says in an angry tone.

  I gasp, because I cannot believe the words that just came out of his mouth. His ex-girlfriend slept with him, his brother, and his father. That’s just disgusting. Who does that? Ewwww.

  “Tucker…”

  “No Harp, let me finish please,” he asks pleadingly.

  I nod my head for him to go ahead and to let this mess all out.

  “I punched my dad right in the face, told her what a slut she was and walked out of the house, got in my car and left. I went to Park’s house and got shitfaced. At the time, it felt like the best thing to do, drown my sorrows. At that time, we were still real good friends. He let me crash at his place for a few days and I filled him in on the shit that happened. He talked me into going back home to confront my dad and so I did. I did it right in front of my mom so she could hear and see what a dick she married,” he says with a slight laugh.

  “Unfortunately for me, my mother sided with my cheating ass father. Saying that it was my fault I brought that girl into our home and into our family. My mom told me I brought that temptation around my brother and my father, so what was I to expect. Harp, I was so pissed. She knew that bitch slept with Trent and never told me…for years.” Tucker’s voice rises at times and I can see and hear the pain that this has caused him and I can see how it still hurts him to this day. I don’t say anything; just continue to stare into his eyes and face, as he continues.

 

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