Throat

by R. A. Nelson

  He got down on his knees, close to my face, eyes flaring. I could smell the searing stink of the acid on his breath. His lips were bleeding.

  “You think I care about life in this world?” Wirtz said, breathing into my face. His voice had a terrible ragged edge as if his insides had been ground into hamburger. “You need to understand this, Mädchen. I care about nothing. I told you, after this many years, the only thing I have is … curiosity.”

  I turned my head away so I wouldn’t have to look at him and struggled to find my voice. “I know … I know about … your son,” I said.

  The vampire pushed away from me and stood. He took a grungy handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his sweating face. Returned it to his pocket and swallowed several more times, coughing. He took a step toward me.

  “That person no longer exists,” he rasped. “He never existed.”

  Wirtz lifted his arms, spreading them out wide. “You know, Mädchen, there is a dream that there is a life beyond this one. But you know what the truth is? This life … it is the dream. It is the thing that is not real. Lilli.”

  My heartbeat quickened. The female vampire appeared at his side just as if she had been standing there all along. She looked down at me with that same expression. Dead. Used up.

  “The time has come,” Wirtz said in his shredded voice. “We are going to do what should have been done before. Der Verlust.”

  “What …”

  Then I remembered. Der Verlust. The Loss.

  He was going to cut me off from my Feld.

  Lilli knelt beside me. She turned her face away and draped her body over mine, lying on her back at an angle across my chest, so that the skin of our bare throats was touching. She was heavier than I had expected. Her flesh was warm. I twisted my head, trying to look into her face.

  “You don’t have to do this,” I whispered into her ear. “You don’t have to do what he says.”

  Lilli turned her blank eyes to me, our lips so close, we could have kissed.

  “You are right,” she said in a quiet, controlled voice. “I don’t have to do what he says.” She paused a long time. “I am what he says.”

  I suddenly realized what it was—this thing she was doing. What had the Sonnen called it? Fütterung. The Feeding. She’s sacrificing herself.

  Wirtz knelt beside us and looked at Lilli almost tenderly, then tore her shirt open at the collar. He lowered his teeth gently to her soft skin. I watched, heart pounding, as the vampire lingered there almost playfully; then his teeth fastened hold.

  The bite made me flinch in surprise. It was nothing like what the vampire had done to Sagan in the observatory. Instead of ripping her open, Wirtz’s teeth pulled and tugged slowly at the soft skin of Lilli’s neck, stretching the flesh agonizingly back and forth, tighter and tighter. The skin didn’t tear right away. I couldn’t stand it, but there was nothing I could do to stop it.

  Torturing her. Wirtz was torturing her.

  The sound of the vampire’s teeth pulling slowly at her skin made me think of the way a cat would pull apart a mouse. It seemed to take forever for Lilli’s skin to finally break. I wanted to scream. At last I could hear the flesh of her throat pulling free with a sound like thick wet cloth ripping; a terrible little cry escaped from Lilli’s mouth straight into my ear. The blood instantly spurted and spilled over her neck, pooling down my own neck and shoulders. It was very warm.

  Lilli gasped sharply as Wirtz made the opening larger and began to feed. I could feel her heart speeding up all the way through her back, could feel the twittery lurching rhythm through my own chest, joining with the beating of my heart as our Felds slowly came together as one.

  Wirtz drank a long time. My mind felt like a room that had no door or windows and all the air had been sucked out. He drank so long, I thought, Surely she is gone now. Lilli can’t still be alive. But she was. I felt the dull thump of her heart getting weaker and weaker, the beats further and further apart. He was killing her. That’s all it could be. He wanted Lilli dead for some insane reason.

  “And now,” Wirtz said, lifting his bloody mouth from the steamy wound at Lilli’s throat and looking at me again, “I am giving you another chance.”

  “You …”

  “Oh no. I’m not letting you go. I am giving you one last chance to regain your honor.”

  My throat … he meant he was going to take me at the throat this time, assuming I behaved myself. I jerked against my restraints.

  “You must remain still,” Wirtz said, bending forward. “In order for the Verlust to come, I must be able to drink from both at once.”

  I tried to use my head as a weapon, striking at him. The vampire took my head in one hand and pinned it to the side. He lowered his mouth and tore at my neck with his hot, wet teeth.

  The pain was so intense.… Even with the chains holding me down, I lifted up in the air, arching my back. It was so awful, I couldn’t make a sound, had to use every ounce of my energy to focus on surviving his tearing bite.

  Wirtz made the tear in my neck right next to the tear he had made in Lilli’s throat. He fastened his wide mouth between us, still pulling at the dying Lilli’s blood while beginning to take in some of mine. And I knew … somehow I knew what he intended to do. What the Verlust was.

  My Feld. He’s going to join my Feld to hers. Then he was going to suck Lilli to death while I was still alive. And my Feld … It would die with Lilli.

  “No!” I screamed.

  Already I could feel Lilli’s dying seeping into me, even while I was so alive. A frosty, spongy numbness pushed its way under my skin, filling my veins.… My fingers straightened as the cool tide of her leaving poured down my arms all the way to my fingertips.

  That’s exactly what it was. A leaving. Everything was leaving me. Even anger, hate, bitterness. My soul.

  The noise Wirtz made as he drank was almost a cooing sound, the obscene flip side of the noise you made to lull babies to sleep. I tried to think of Manda. I tried to think of Sagan.… They were receding further and further into the gloom of some other night. Until I didn’t care. Not anymore.

  Everything was slowing down. It was so quiet now, I could hear individual leaves fluttering in the forest. Water rippling on the river. The air above my head filled with billowing lavender light. I could feel Lilli leaving her body even as her deadweight was settling on top of my chest. I was going too. She was taking me with her.

  A seizure. If I could only have a seizure, I thought. But why? Who cared? Who would remember me? I was just this angry, mistrustful girl who felt cursed and hated everybody and everything. It was good that I was going. The world would be better off. Whatever was inside me, whatever spark of uniqueness I contained, it deserved to be snuffed out. I only wanted everything to stop so I could dream myself into a wall of lavender oblivion.…

  The very last thing was a sound.

  I had always thought there would be something surprising about death. Something so unexpected, it would make the bad parts not quite so bad because I would be filled with wonder. But I never knew the surprising thing would be a sound. But then, this wasn’t death, was it? The Verlust? And the sound wasn’t so much surprising as it was incredibly annoying, invasive. A shrill, screaming blast of noise that made tears come to my eyes because I couldn’t clap my hands to my vampire ears to shut it out.

  Then something incredible happened. Wirtz pulled away. I could feel the unbelievable relief of his mouth leaving my neck, the pressure of his hand leaving the side of my head.

  I wasn’t gone. I felt really weak, but I was still here. I tried lifting my head, but Lilli’s body was still there too. But even though I could barely move, when I opened my eyes, I could see Wirtz kneeling, then standing, looking somewhere past me, his features showing a murderous irritation.

  It had to be the sound. So infuriating and painfully shrill, it was destroying his concentration. Wirtz stepped over us and walked into the big open space between the bunker and the tower.

&nbs
p; There was a fire there that had not been there before.… No, it was too bright for a fire—more like an exploding shower of sparks. Then I realized what it was, some kind of fireworks going off. One of those cone-shaped gadgets you light on the ground on the Fourth of July.

  Only the cone was lying on its side. It was throwing out a huge shower of horizontal sparks, and every once in a while a big ball of colored light shot straight across toward the woods like an overturned Roman candle. The whole effect lit the gravel clearing as bright as day to my sensitive eyes. I had to squint to look at it directly.

  Next to the fallen cone was a small black cube. Even with my mind gone bleary, I somehow knew that’s where the sound was coming from.

  Now Wirtz was moving toward the cube, shielding his eyes with his upturned hand. The sight was so bright, I could only see the vampire in a long black silhouette. The silhouette moved toward the cube at an angle that kept Wirtz from being pelted with the gushing sparks.

  He was only a few feet away when he stooped and started to crab-walk closer, still shielding his eyes, the cube shrieking so loud, it had to be pure torture on his ears. I tried lifting myself as he bent to examine the black box.… I had barely enough strength to arch my back. Lilli’s inert body made me feel as if I were trying to climb up through the dirt in a grave.

  Her head lolled against my cheek and saliva from her open mouth ran along my jaw. I glanced at Wirtz—he was still looking at the cube. Reaching his hand out to touch it, then pulling his fingers back. I would never have another chance.

  I flexed my arms and instead of trying to lift the iron spikes up out of the ground, I started pulling them toward me. I could feel them move just slightly; I was weak. I couldn’t tell if the movement was from the iron bending or the spikes leaning sideways through the dirt. I tried again. The spikes barely budged. I slumped under Lilli’s weight, my back flattening against the ground again. I tried flexing my legs. I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry, I wanted to say. I didn’t know who I was saying it to. I’m so sorry.

  Wirtz was right. The only thing left was curiosity. I watched his silhouette from my sideways position. He was reaching for the black cube again.

  I felt the Jeep before I saw it … felt it underneath my back as the vibrations radiated through the ground and up into my bones. It wasn’t making a sound—it couldn’t, the shrieking of the black cube was demolishing every other sound—but I could still feel the motion of the Jeep’s tires as it crunched across the clearing.

  What was this? I turned my head slightly … could see the Jeep angling across the big open circle, headlights off, one figure in the driver’s seat, three other figures behind it, pushing. Pushing the Jeep forward … gathering speed.

  Oh my God.

  Sagan was driving the Jeep and the three Sonnen, Lena, Anton, and Donne, were pushing on the back bumper, running hard into the clearing, the Jeep gaining soundless, stealthy speed, moving so fast it looked as if it just might take off.

  Wirtz touched the cube and the shrieking sound cut out; in the same instant the huge bulk of the Jeep crossed into the shower of sparks, hurtling straight at the vampire, the hood bursting through the sparks like the prow of a square ship lifting up in the air over a cresting wave.…

  The grille of the Jeep smashed into the vampire head-on, ramming him viciously backward. Wirtz sprawled grotesquely across the clearing, arms and legs flying in jerky bent angles to his body. He landed again twenty or thirty feet away, but the Jeep didn’t even slow down as it trucked him a second time, smashing his face to the ground with a heavy, crunching thud that bounced through my skin.

  Sagan slammed on the brakes and the Jeep skidded to a stop on top of Wirtz. Sagan had already jumped from the door, leaving it hanging open, and was running toward me.

  The mist in my head cleared. I bucked in the air again, and this time Lilli’s body slipped off me and fell away. I retracted every limb like a dying spider pulling its legs in, feeling the resistance of the iron spikes starting to give. I jerked the chains taut at least three more times before Sagan had even reached me. Each time gaining a little bit of slack, but it was still so hard. I was still feeling the effects of the Verlust.

  Sagan bent over me, the night goggles pushed up on his forehead. A trickle of blood was running down his neck from where I had tied off the gauze on his wound, what seemed like a century ago. I was yelling things at him and he was making shushing noises back to me, working at the chains without getting any closer to getting me loose. I watched helplessly as the Jeep lurched slightly, Wirtz pinned beneath it but moving. Still moving.

  “Come on!” I screamed at Sagan.

  The Sonnen were there now, pulling and tugging at the iron spikes as I jerked and strained. Donne got her spike loose first, then went to help Sagan with his. Slowly the four of them drew out the spikes one by one until there was enough slack to unknot the chains wrapped around my ankles and wrists.

  The light from the fireworks was dying as the last of the sparks frittered out from the cone. The front end of the Jeep began to lift, higher and higher, the vampire beneath it getting his back into it now.

  I tried to stand but fell. Sagan and Lena caught me. I twined my arms around their necks and we started to run, Anton and Donne leading the way.

  The Jeep was rocking and trembling now and suddenly the whole mass came off the ground, the hood rising almost vertically.

  “Go! Come on!” Sagan said.

  “This is all we can do!” Lena said to him. “You must hurry! We will take care of the others. You have to go now!”

  The three Sonnen ran toward the base of the tower. Sagan helped me stumble toward the bunker. We were out of weapons, and both of us knew there was no way we could make it through the forest before Wirtz caught us. The Jeep suddenly lifted off and was now doing a slow barrel roll in midair. It landed on its side with a huge crash, then fell over upside down.

  We stumbled through the bunker entrance clinging to one another. When we reached the steel net at the back, Sagan fumbled to get the padlock open.

  “Hurry, hurry!” I said.

  We fell through on the other side, Sagan landing on top of me, jamming the lock closed behind us. He helped me stagger across the concrete pad to the oil drums lining the far wall.

  “Quick!” he said.

  He let go of me and grabbed the top of one of the drums, swinging it around in a little circle. “Help me!”

  I was dizzy and didn’t know what he wanted at first. Sagan started rolling the drum on its edge toward the metal curtain. “Wait!” I said, understanding.

  I was still wobbly, but my strength was returning. I grabbed the first drum and heaved it off the ground; it came down hard on the concrete next to the steel curtain and split open, spilling the gas. Grabbed another and threw it. Another. Another.

  Wirtz was limping toward the mesh curtain. His clothes were bloody and torn and his face was one big scuff mark. He fell to his knees in front of the curtain and got his fingers under the mesh and began to lift.

  At first nothing happened, then the steel curtain started to bend and buckle. I kept hurling oil drums—gasoline splashed all around the vampire and the fumes started to choke me. Wirtz was only inches away from getting the curtain high enough to slip under.

  “Stop!” Sagan yelled, pulling back on my arm.

  He was holding one of the red highway flares we had stashed in his box. He yanked the cap off, turned it over, and feverishly scratched the flare against the striking surface until it burst into flame. Sagan threw the flare at the gasoline drums and we ran deeper into the cave, stumbling and falling and running again.

  It took longer for something to happen than I expected, then a feeling of air pressure came rushing over us, making my ears pop, followed by an enormous flash of light. A big, concussive whoosh of air beat against our backs with the sound coming right after it, a roaring explosion of fire that filled every space behind us. We both fell to our knees. I looked back, and the entrance to the ca
vern had been filled by a gigantic fireball that was rushing toward us.

  We helped each other up and ran. I could feel my legs coming back and we started to pick up speed. I tugged at Sagan’s hand and plunged straight into the main channel.

  “Do you think he’s …?” Sagan yelled.

  “I don’t know. I don’t know! Just keep running.”

  The passage was wide, but the ceiling was low. Even with my vampire eyes and Sagan’s night vision, we had to be careful not to hit one of the stalactites hanging overhead. Every part of me had become sensory, all focused on one thing: finding a place where we could survive.

  “What about a side tunnel; shouldn’t we—”

  “No, too easy, he’d find us,” Sagan said. “The King’s Chamber! We’ve got to make it to the King’s Chamber. The opening is just about impossible to spot if you don’t know where to look.”

  I didn’t know what he was talking about, then I remembered—the hidden crack in the wall we had slithered through where he had shown me the collapsing ceiling and the blind crayfish.

  I kept running, letting him be my guide. Nothing seemed familiar. The crazy flowstone walls and columns had morphed into shapes not recognizable as landmarks. I thought about carrying Sagan but was too afraid of stumbling and dropping him on the rocks. The hole in my foot felt as if the nail were still there.

  We stopped once and listened.… Nothing but the distant roar of the flames. We kept going.

  At the end of the first long hall, the ceiling shot up a good thirty feet or more, but the floor was no longer smooth. It was covered with huge pieces of breakdown.

  The brokenness of the landscape slowed us down. I clambered and leapt over one rubble pile after another, hoisting Sagan over the worst places. It felt as if at any moment Wirtz would be right there, flying at us from a side passage, dropping from a crevice in the ceiling, reaching up from a pit to grab our legs.

  We moved deeper and deeper into the earth until I was near sobbing from fear and disorientation. I heard rocks tumble somewhere. There for a mini-second, then gone. The acoustics of the cave made it practically impossible to judge the direction. We dashed down a long slope, tripping over football-sized chunks of stone, then the ground became more rippling and smooth.