“So, how’s it going with you and Zander?” she asked, wagging her eyebrows.
I shushed her, waved my arms, then pointed to the door. “My mom will hear you,” I whispered.
“She doesn’t know?” She scooted the chair closer to me and leaned in.
I dropped my shoulders and cocked my head to one side, giving her an are-you-stupid look. “Of course not. You know how she is.”
“But Anya, you have to tell her eventually.”
“I know, I know,” I said, trying to brush away the conversation.
She leaned forward and lowered her voice. “Anya, I’m serious. It’s really not fair to Zander.”
My chest tightened. “Did he say something to you?” I could barely get the words out.
“No.” She shook her head and waved her hand in dismissal. “I’m just worried about you. You can’t keep him a secret forever, you know. Not if you want to keep him.”
“I know,” I said, looking down and twirling my braid around my finger. “I will. Soon.”
She raised her eyebrows and gave me a look that said she thought I was completely full of crap.
“I will,” I insisted.
“Good,” she said, nodding once. “Because that one is too good to let get away.”
There was a small knock on the door, and my mom peeked in. “How’s it going, girls?” she asked, smiling at us like we were kindergarteners.
“Fine,” I said, feeling my cheeks warm.
“Okay, I’ll see you in the morning. Don’t stay up too late.” She stepped back into the hall and pulled the door behind her, not quite shutting it. For a second I stared at it, hanging slightly ajar. Then I looked at Shannon, scrunching up my nose and making a face. She laughed, reached into her bag, and held out a rolled up magazine.
“Okay, let’s find out your wardrobe personality,” she said, flipping it open on her lap. “When you think summer do you think A) garden party, B) drinks by the pool, or C) roasting marshmallows around a campfire?”
We spent the next several hours taking stupid magazine quizzes (my wardrobe personality was Classics Darling), laughing, and talking about boys. Apparently Shannon had a couple boys vying for her attention.
“I don’t know. They’re both pretty cute, I guess. But they just seem so dull.” She crinkled up her nose and stuck out her tongue. I laughed, then stopped when I heard something hit the window. My eyes got wide for a second, and I started to smile. We hadn’t scheduled to meet until the next day, but maybe he couldn’t wait.
“Right on time,” Shannon said, getting up and opening the window. Zander came crawling through, and I almost screamed. I ran over to him and hugged him around the neck. Then I stared at them. They were both grinning from ear to ear.
“What are you doing here?” I squealed through barely open lips, praying my mom wouldn’t hear anything.
“I wanted to see you on your birthday.”
How could I resist that smile? I hugged him again and kissed him until Shannon said, “Okay, okay. Enough’s enough.” I reluctantly pulled away.
“Come on,” Zander said, tugging my hand, leading me toward the window.
“What? Are you out of your mind?”
“I have a rope ladder. It’ll be fine.”
I cocked an eyebrow at him. “How did you—”
“Shannon helped.”
I spun around to look at her. “Earlier, when you were in the bathroom changing. Why did you think I had such a big suitcase for a pair of PJs and a couple magazines?”
“You two are amazing.”
“I know.” Shannon shrugged. “Now go on.”
“I feel bad leaving you here all alone.”
“It’s fine. I’ll steal one of your books and go to bed.” She gestured to the built-in bookshelf that covered one whole wall of my room. “We can talk more in the morning.” She winked at me, and I could feel my cheeks getting hot.
“Come on,” Zander whispered again, one leg already hanging out the window. I waved goodbye to Shannon as I climbed down after him.
Before I reached the ground, he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and lifted me off the ladder. He swung me in a circle through the air, my back pressed against his chest, then set me on my feet and twirled me around to face him. Cupping my face in his hands, he leaned down and kissed me. “Happy Birthday, Anya,” he said against my lips. He leaned back and took my hand. “Come on, there’s something I want to show you.”
Chapter Eighteen
Zander
I dragged Anya along the trail, probably more excited than she was to reach her birthday surprise. “Come on, come on,” I said, trying to get her to move faster as she carefully stepped over fallen branches and twigs.
She tipped her head back and let a laugh float out of her lips and up into the summer night air. “I’m trying, but you didn’t give me a chance to put on shoes. This is as fast as one can go, running barefoot through the woods.”
I reached for her, and she squealed as I lifted her feet off the ground. “Then hold on.” She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I carried her the rest of the way, stopping right before we reached the clearing. “Close your eyes.”
She pouted out her bottom lip. “Do I have to?”
“Yes.”
She squeezed them shut, and I gently set her down. I took both of her hands, leading her slowly forward until we reached the center of our clearing. “Now open them.”
Her eyes went wide. Her hand flew to her mouth, and she slowly turned around to take it all in. Pale blue mason jars hung from yellow ribbons, each holding a lit tea light that flickered in the dark.
I’d spread out a large red blanket under one of the trees for a midnight meal of grapes, strawberries, cheese, and tiramisu cupcakes from Baby Cakes. In the middle of the blanket sat the birthday gift I’d gotten her alongside a small blue vase holding yellow wildflowers.
Once she’d finished taking it all in, she spun around and wrapped her arms around me. “Oh, Zander, it’s beautiful! Thank you so much.” She reached up and kissed me, her tongue teasing my lips. I kissed her back, pulling her closer. I ran my hands up her back, feeling the warmth of her skin through her thin nightshirt until she pushed back and led me to the picnic while I tried to regain my breath.
“Do I get to open this now?” she asked, running a finger over her gift and making me think about how my skin felt when she ran her finger along it like that. I wanted to reach out and grab her again, and I wondered if it was anywhere near as difficult for her to keep her hands off me as it was for me to keep mine off her. I highly doubted it.
“Not yet.” We sat down on the blanket, and I leaned forward and kissed her nose. “But soon.” I lifted a bottle of sparkling lemonade out of a small cooler and poured us each a glass.
“So, how does it feel to be eighteen?”
Her mouth twisted up as she thought about it, tapping the end of her braid against her wrist. “It feels… the same, only better.”
I laughed. “Oh, sure. Of course.”
She stuck her tongue out at me. “I feel the same. I don’t feel older than I did yesterday or anything. But things are better. All of this.” She waved her arm around the clearing. “This is amazing. And, it’s hard to explain, I guess. But—” She sighed, struggling to say whatever was on her mind. “This feels real. It doesn’t feel like puppy love or anything. It feels like something that can last.” Her cheeks turned pink, and slowly she looked up at me. Her big blue eyes shone, making me feel like the king of the world. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve her, but I knew I’d do anything to keep her. To keep her with me, keep her happy. This was most definitely real.
“I think so, too.”
Anya
My heart expanded in my chest, growing too big and flowing into our clearing like rain overflowing a creek. I stared at Zander, his dark eyes dancing mischievously in the moonlight. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too.” He slid closer to me on the bl
anket and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I leaned my head onto his shoulder and made a decision. I would tell my mom. I would figure it out.
He picked up the gift and handed it to me. “Happy birthday.” It was crookedly wrapped in yellow paper, with a big white bow on top and a little white tag that read, To Anya with Love. I slipped my finger under the tape, ripped the paper off, and lifted the lid off a dark green box. Inside was a bracelet. A wide yellow leather cuff. I picked it up and turned it over; a bronze plate had the words to “You Are My Sunshine” etched into it.
“Do you like it? When I saw it, I knew I had to get it for you, because you are my sunshine. You make everything in my life brighter. I had to special order it to make it yellow, but it had to be yellow. I hope you like it.” Zander rambled into my ear. The words blurred a bit as tears filled my eyes.
“I love it.” I looked up him, at his huge smile, his whole face beaming. He helped me fasten it onto my wrist, then we cleared the picnic away and snuggled up together on the blanket. I laid my head on his chest, his arms wrapped around me, and listened to his heart beating. I snuggled closer to him, lifting my face to his, and kissed his neck. My hand slid across his chest and up to the side of his face. I pulled his lips to mine. He rolled onto his side, so we were pressed together.
His hands on my back were warm through my thin nightshirt, his lips hot on mine. My heart raced and for a second I thought about when I was a kid, running down the sidewalk ahead of my mother. She’d call after me, “Slow down! Don’t fall!” Eventually I learned to slow my pace and walk in stride with her, where it was safe.
I could hear her voice in my head again. Slow down. Don’t fall. But it was too late. I had already fallen for Zander. I wanted to race ahead, to keep falling.
We were pressed together, and still it wasn’t close enough. I wanted to melt into him, become one in the darkness and never be torn apart.
He whispered into the summer air, “Are you sure?”
I kissed the soft skin of his neck, just below his ear, and whispered back, “Yes.”
It was slow and frightening and careful and awkward and exciting and wonderful. And then it was over, and we wrapped the blanket around ourselves, regaining our breath as the darkness lifted around us, hinting of morning.
As the first light of day started to chase away the mist, we reluctantly separated and got dressed. He held my hand as we carefully made our way back down the path to my house. I felt like I was leaving behind a fantasy world to rejoin civilization. I kissed him, pressing as close to him as I could, and said goodbye before climbing the ladder and slipping back through the window into my room. I untied it from the windowsill and it fell to the grass, where Zander scooped it up. He waved then hurried out of the yard.
Shannon rolled over in my bed and looked up at me. I’m sure I was a mess, leaves in my hair and a giant smile I couldn’t tame.
“Good night?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“A perfect night.” I sighed and plopped down on my over-sized chair, closing my eyes and letting the night unfold again behind my eyes.
Chapter Nineteen
Zander
I struggled to hold in my excitement on the way home. I wanted to jump up and down and fist pump the air. Somehow I managed to contain myself enough to sneak back into my house without waking my parents. Although they probably wouldn’t have cared that I’d been out all night.
They were anxiously waiting for me to get my own place so the house could be only theirs again. My dad made barely concealed references to being able to walk around naked again. It was enough to make me run from the room, which was maybe the whole point. It wouldn’t be long now. Only two more weeks until I moved into my own apartment.
Once I got to my room, I fell backward onto my bed and closed my eyes. I knew I should be tired, but sleep was the furthest thing from my mind. Thankfully it was a Tuesday, and I would get to see Anya again later that morning at the library.
Images of her filled my brain. The curve of her body, the feel of her skin against mine. Her breath on my neck, her laughter in my ears. Things had gone further than I’d expected, but I sure wasn’t complaining. She was amazing. I fell asleep and dreamed of her.
Several hours later when I woke and looked at the clock, I was torn between running to the library to see her, or taking the time to shower and make myself presentable first. When I stood and stretched the right decision became clear. I stunk.
I showered quickly. I couldn’t wait to see her again, although I wished we could meet somewhere more private than the library. I threw on my clothes, accidently grabbing mismatched socks. I didn’t bother to fix them. I grabbed the cologne Anya liked, sprayed it on, and ran out the door.
She beat me there, of course, and sat at a desk in the corner. Her hair was back in its crown of braids, circling her head. I preferred it loose and full of leaves, her face flushed and her lips ready for mine.
She saw me staring, jumped up, and skipped over. “My mom was gone already when I woke up, so I haven’t talked to her yet, but I will. Today, when she gets home. Okay?” Her eyes were questioning, checking to see if I’d be angry.
I pulled her to me. An older guy looking through the gardening section coughed loudly and gave us a disapproving glare. I didn’t let her go, but I resisted the urge to kiss her.
“It’s fine,” I told her. “I know you’ll talk to her.” Although, really, I didn’t. She’d told me before she would, and she’d chickened out over and over again. But I didn’t want to think about it.
“Does this mean you’ll come meet my friends soon, too?” I asked as we headed to the back of the library and sat on the couch.
She bit her bottom lip and crinkled her nose. “Do I have to?”
“Why don’t you want to meet my friends?”
“What if they hate me?”
“They won’t hate you. They’ll think you’re amazing, and they’ll all be jealous of me. Which is going to be great after two months of hearing that I’ve been making you up.”
“They think you made me up?”
“Blake calls you my imaginary girlfriend.”
Her mouth formed a perfect “o” before she quickly snapped it shut again. “I’m sorry, that’s awful,” she said, clearly trying to hold back a laugh. “Okay. Yes.” She sat up and put on her serious face. “I will meet your friends. But you are going to have to meet my mom.”
Somehow I hadn’t thought of that, and I was suddenly terrified. I ran my hand down my face and gulped. “She’ll hate me.”
Anya, always so helpful, laughed. It did nothing to alleviate my concerns. When I’d thought of things changing, I’d always thought of Anya in my world. Meeting my friends, my parents. I’d forgotten about having to enter hers.
Anya
Two minutes after I stepped through the door, I got a text from Zander.
Zander: I miss you already.
I laughed, standing in the open entryway.
Me: I miss you, too, silly.
It only took a second for the phone to start buzzing and chirping in my hand.
Zander: I’m silly? Know what you are?
Me: What am I?
Zander: Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
“Who is that?” my mother asked. She stood in the doorway, her eyebrows drawn together, looking down at me.
“I didn’t know you were home.”
“I came home early. Who is on the phone?”
“It’s no one,” I said, far too quickly. “I mean, it’s Shannon.” My voice shook with the weight of the lie, but the truth could be the end of everything.
Mom took a step closer to me, suspicion written on her face like a billboard. I started to slip the phone into my pocket, but she reached out and grabbed my wrist. “Let me see it.” Her other hand grabbed the phone; she released me and opened the text.
“She was telling me about this book she’s reading at the library. Some love story. She was just texting me about the ending.” Wi
th each word my voice became steadier.
I willed my hands not to fidget, my lips not to twitch. I needed her to believe me, to not question it. To not read the rest of my texts.
I always deleted my texts from Zander, emails too. I hated to, especially when he wrote “I love you.” But I knew they couldn’t stay. They were evidence.
I didn’t erase them text by text; I deleted the whole conversation once we were done, so that one was still on there.
I was so worried about her reading the most recent messages I didn’t even think about him texting again while my cell was still in her hand. My ringtone seemed extra loud in the silence between us. She lifted the phone to her face, her expression unreadable. I tried to make mine match.
“Get ready for dinner,” she said, handing the phone back to me. I nodded, my eyes on her instead of my cell. As soon as she turned around, I read it.
Zander: See you later.
I hurried into the bathroom and texted back.
Me: Close call. Don’t text again. See you tonight.
I deleted the whole conversation, washed my hands, and headed to the dining room.
Mom seemed fine during dinner, and my nerves settled. She told me about a new artist she’d found. I told her about the book I was reading. Everything seemed normal. Dull.
I went to bed early. Around ten, Mom stuck her head in, and I pretended to be asleep. At midnight, I got up, listened for any sound of her, then sneaked downstairs and out the kitchen door.
I could barely make out Zander’s form in the dark at the edge of the woods. I ran to him. With my lips pressed to his, I heard her scream.
“What the hell is going on here?”
I spun around. I couldn’t think of the last time I’d heard my mother swear. Even in the dark I could see her eyes were on fire and her whole face was red from the flames. I stumbled backward into Zander’s chest. He put an arm around me, protectively, but I quickly pulled away.
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